I reported his bad behavior to his doctors

[greco02]

So after thinking about this for at least a week I decided to take the leap and report my husbands bad bad bad compliance to this nephrologist and his shrink (who he is supposed to see tomorrow).  He has stopped nearly all his meds (including his antidepressants) and he is angry as hell.   I can't do anything right whether it be making a left turn instead of a right turn or forgetting to wash the dishes so he can wash the dog.  Did I hear someone say 'walking on eggshells' somewhere on these wonderful pages?  When I left the message for the shink I told him to try to keep me out of the conversation but if there was no other way to address the issue then go ahead and mention me.   Then I can just move out if I reach my boiling point.  Which on any given day is soooo close to the top of my head I think I am going to implode.

We see the nephrologist next week and he already knows what hubby is up to and I was told many of his patients decide being alive isn't worth it if they can't really live.   I was told by my psychcologist to take care of myself (first and foremost).  I even have a massage scheduled for the same day as the nephrologist appt.  I am going to try to keep that treat up at least once a month.   thanks for listening!!!

[glitter]

I know what your going through a bit- my husband struggled with compliance and his will to live was affected greatly by ESRD. All I can offer is keep your chin up- his struggle is a very hard one. He needs your love and understanding even when he has none left for you. I am sorry you have to go through this, it is hard to watch someone you love so much suffer. Try not to be angry with him, he may not be able to help the way he feels. 

I do know if I would have 'reported' my husband to his doctors, he would have been really angry, and it would not have changed anything. I did discuss those same issues with his neph., but only with him right there.

[G-Ma]

 

[mcmkids]

I think that you were right on! My husband di the very same thing. He has ESRD from his kidneys being damaged by chemotherapy and dehydration. He was so depressed and angry that he felt that all of his control was taken away. So, his way of taking control back was to stop all of his meds (including his antidepressants). It was awful! I would find him just staring at the floor! I put my foot down and made him see our family doctor who he trusts, and he is now back on antidepressants and taking his meds regularly. I just made sure I called the dialysis center and informed them of the med changes. He is in a much better mood and it is made such a difference! He is working part-time, golfing and taking walks with me. Sometimes you just have to step in and be the bad guy!!

[G-Ma]

I know the feeling well....I feel like I have no control many days and then I pray.

[RichardMEL]

wow this is a tough situation but I think you've done the right thing - clearly you care about your husband greatly and it's frustrating and so difficult to see him abuse his own health more by not being compliant. That would be tough. However I would caution you at some point you have to realise that his life is his decision and if HE wants to make (stupid) decisions for himself - not take meds etc - that is his call and if you hassle him about not doing this or that, it will only inflame things more for you. I agree with the psych who said you should look after yourself first and foremost - afterall you can't look after hubby if you're down yourself... and you also have to remember that your own sanity and well being is important too... It doesn't sound like a good situation to constantly be on eggshells with someone you love.

I wish I knew what else to suggest at this point except that we understand you have done what you have out of concern and love... and I hope hubby can understand and apprieciate that.

 

[greco02]

I know the ultimate decision to treat or not to treat is his.  It just didn't make any sense to me to stop the meds that made him feel better.  I told him I supported his decision to stop the meds that are supposed to make him get better or slow down the progression.  But geez....at least take the ones that help you get through the day.  PLUS....if you suddenly stop your blood pressure meds and stroke out, just how much control do you think you will have at that point.   If that were to happen then all the decisions would be mine and I don't guess that would be any better.   As of last night he started taking his meds.   Since he just left for his volunteer shift I can sneak a peak at his meds container and see if he took his meds for today. 

Day by day, minute by minute....thanks everyone.

[paul.karen]

Sorry your both going through this situation.
Sometimes it is harder for the caretakers/loved ones then the patient.....

[monrein]

My thoughts go out to all you caretakers who choose to stay and put up with all that you do from us patients.  You are all very special people.

[Sunny]

I'm glad to know he's taking his meds today. I hope he at least continues to take the high blood pressure meds. This must be very hard for you because you care about him so much. Maybe he will start feeling better taking the meds so he'll stick to it.