Have you noticed???

[kitkatz]

Has anyone else just gone quiet around other people?  I noticed the other day I was the quiet one in the staff room. I used to join in and make comments.  Now I just listen and laugh.  I do not have much to say anymore. Our principal came into the staff room and talked to everyone.  I had nothing to say.  I did enjoy the talk around me.  I find I can talk about work concerns, but personally I have clammed up.
 
Maybe I just have too much on my plate right now. I do not know how to answer the How is your husband questions.  I only answer with he is doing okay or better.  They do not really want to know how things are going.  They are being polite.

Maybe I am changing. Maybe being on dialysis is making me more thoughtful.  Maybe it is just the toxins talking. Maybe it is our situation we are caught in right now.  Or maybe I am just losing my mind slowly over time and pretty soon I will be completely nuts!

I have also noticed I have nothing to talk to people about except my hubby's situation, dialysis, or the pets.  Geez! Who wants to hear that and it does not change everyday. 

Maybe this thread needs to go to another area int he forum. Mods move it if it needs to be moved.

[angieskidney]

I think this is a great discussion. I mean, day after day, this is our lives but when we need to talk to someone .. I have found they get tired .. and think to themselves, "geeze! Tell us about something else that goes on in your life!" and I am thinking, "Ya like I have time right now or the energy for anything else! Thanks for your consideration in letting me know you are NOT one I can talk to". Maybe I am just being cynical but come on! We are people just like anyone else. But you know .. there was a poem I once read by William Blake (I think it was him) where he said something along the lines of another thing I have heard which is "if you are happy the world loves you but if you are troubled the world deserts you." (Who was it that said that??)

[Rerun]

ANGIE...... it goes "Laugh and the world laughs with you... FART and you stand alone"   

I can't remember who wrote that.....I think it was Kevno!

[anja]

This brought to mind ;"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone..."  Somewhat the same sentiment.  BUT... here on IHD that is not the case.  We are all here for one another.  You gals have been through more in your lifetimes than most people could ever imagine and the fact that you both still maintain a goodly amount of optimism and joy speaks volumes.  I can only hope to display such character under the adversities that you have endured.  So glad that you did not choose the road of bitterness and chose instead to lead by example and share your vast stores of knowledge that have come from direct experience - encouraging us with your particular slant on this unpredictable life.  Thank you for your frequent contributions that make this a better place.

[goofynina]

oh come on guys, it aint that bad *turns the fans on*       Rerun, i guess it is true....

[sandman]

Well, I don't think your going nuts.  Everyone goes through changes, it's just very rarely that any two people change in the same manner.  I usually just clam up because I feel that no one would be interested in what I have to say.  I say "hello, how are you?" to just about everyone and it is generally out of politeness but if it is someone I know ( and like ), I would like to hear about what is really going on in their lives, even if it is the same old thing.   But just like what happens with you, 99 out of 100 people just reply with "I am okay" or "I feel fine".  

I know I usually answer like that just because #1) I know they don't care.  #2) have enough problems of their own or #3) just won't understand.  And I don't like having to explain my problems to someone who just doesn't give a shit anyway.  So I have to pick very carefully with people who I can open up with.  I have noticed so many people try very hard just to be polite but otherwise, couldn't give a damn if you lived or died.  It's a lonely place out there and yet it's so amazing how quickly people can judge you by who you associate with or what you wear or even what you know.  But that's another story.

[MelissaJean]

Kitkatz,
I was just going to post something similar the other day.  I have also noticed that I have become really withdrawn.  I am at a loss to why this has happened. 
Usually when I go through big changes I love to go out and get my mind off of it.  I haven't clammed up like this since I was really young. 
Hope you feel better!   

[kevno]

I have noticed I am very quiet with the other patients on the renal unit. But that is my choice. Not quiet with the Nurses or Doctors. Plus NOT quiet when I go out, more often than not I get told to shut up   Never talk about my renal problems with my friends. Never talk about my renal problems with my family   That is the only thing I am quiet about my renal problem. How can I have a renal problem No Kidneys to have a problem with Just something I say

You quiet Kitkatz 

[Ohio Buckeye]

I feel like sometimes when people ask How are you, they really don't want to know.
They are just being polite.  Sometimes a statment made passing by and don't even stop
to hear answer.  I only discuss my health problems with my closest friends.
I don't want to discuss it or be treated differently.  Most people really do not want to
hear about or get involved with someone else's problems.
 

[kitkatz]

I have realized that people at work just do not give a shit what happens to you.  No one called me over the six week break to ask how I was doing or ask me how my husband was after his accident.  I get back to school and it is How are things?  Where in the hell were those people when I needed people to call me to check up on me and give me encouragement?  It was a very difficult summer break getting things done for the hubby after his accident.  I had one teacher friend who called me and emailed me a few times over the break.  She, I consider my friend now. The others just express concern, then it is out of sight out of mind. 

But then not to too judgemental I do not know about their problems either. They could be going through some kind of hell and I would never know it.  I am pretty oblivious right now to anything but my own misery.  And you know misery loves company!  We have all had some problems over the last few years.  One teacher had a couple of heart attacks and an angiogram done.  He is back with us and doing okay.  One teacher has had breast cancer and had mastectomy. Another had a heart defibrillator put into her chest.  Then I am on dialysis. And this is just the special education department of seven teachers.  I guess we are a mess and all have our own concerns to worry about.   I think maybe they think ESRD or any kind of illness is catching.  Well you ain't gonna catch the hubby's amputation.  Nor our they going to catch ESRD.  I have it and really do not want it either!

I thought I had made some good friends there on campus, but maybe not.  Maybe it is just a world unto itself and the friendships I find there are only campus friendships and are not going to become outside of work friendships at all.  That is okay with me I can handle it.  I just will not talk about my problems or hubby's problems with them.  Too real for this kind of friendship.

So you poor people get it. And you really do not know me except through these posts and pictures. So....

[goofynina]

I do know one thing Kit,  and that is WE LOVE YA GIRLFRIEND   and we are here for you always, dont you forget it!!!   

[angieskidney]

I have learned awhile ago that I couldn't talk about health around my mom to OTHER people as she would say to me "they don't care Angie!" but I have found a lot of people are curious. But I have noticed it is usually only the elderly (as they are shocked someone as young as I am (they usually think I am only 22 even though I am 32) has the health I do) or people who have known what I have went through recently like the people I work with. But it is true, only 1 of them have kept in contact with me through email (even if it is just to forward jokes most of the time she is really a very nice lady who is always wasking how I am). My mom recently has become more interested in my health (she most likely was all along but now I know for sure she is and the feeling is so nice) so 3 times a week I send her an update after dialysis.

I think really you just have to know who are the ones who are sincerely interested and who don't give a flying crap. But you know we all care especially since we can all relate right?

And ya .. those farts do smell Good thing I have these masks since I was on PD before

[redheadedangel]

I have always been a talker. Even to strangers. When I first started to dialysis I was scared. I for the first time in my life was quite, well for a short time. I realized the change in me and noticed one day me just sitting there staring into space. I felt empty. a feeling that I was dead. I immediately took control and opened my big mouth. Now I have the entire group of patients conversing. It is a good feeling. One that was needed. I notice how others are opening up and saying things that they have been holding back possibly for years. If that makes any sense at all.  NO  you are not nuts. You are a real sweatheart that thinks with her heart. Sassy




EDITED: Fixed HTML tag error - Epoman, Admin/Owner

[redheadedangel]

There is no tag here. Please explain. Linda

[sandman]

I have never really been much of a talker myself.  Mostly because every time I found a way into a conversation, I felt that everyone decided to change the conversation on me to get rid of me.  Usually to political views, a topic I don't really care to discuss.  But when I am visiting with Angie and when I take her to dialysis, everyone at her clinic seems to be comfortable enough with me to want to talk with me.  Especially one guy who sits directly across the isle from her.  My guess would be that they notice my friendly nature and willingness to just stand there and listen and being completely oblivious to the fact that they are all hooked to machines while we talk.  Also, my bringing a Tim Hortons treat for everyone doesn't hurt either.  Angie and I thought it would be a great idea to help cheer everyone up. 

I tend to walk around the floor sometimes to get or put away the bicycle for Angie or to get her a cup of ice and I usually ask everyone that I pass along the way ( if they are awake ) if they need anything because I know the nurses are usually to busy to ask themselves.