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Author Topic: A dog asks God  (Read 1764 times)
paul.karen
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« on: December 19, 2008, 05:59:38 AM »
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?




>


> Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell


> one another?




>


> Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it


> still the same old story?




>


>


> Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the


> mustang, the c


> olt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for


> a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice


> ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler


> Beagle'?




>


>


> Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears


> him, is he still a bad Dog?


>


>


>


> Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand


> signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,


> electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do


> humans understand?




>


> Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.


>




>


> Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to


> apologize?


>




>


> Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must


> remember to be a good Dog.




>


> 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw


> it up.


>


> 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.., just because


> I like the way they smell.


>


> 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.


>


> 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.


>


> 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.


>


> 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the


> toilet.


>


> 7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of


> saying 'hello'.


>


> 8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee


> table .


>


> 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -


> not after.


>


> 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.


>


> 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.


>


> 12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he


> makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


>


> P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?


>




> Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened'


>
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Curiosity killed the cat
Satisfaction brought it back

Operation for PD placement 7-14-09
Training for cycler 7-28-09

Started home dialysis using Baxter homechoice
8-7-09
mikey07840
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Her royal highness Queen Ruth on her throne, RIP
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2008, 07:10:58 AM »
 :thx; You made me laugh!
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06/85 Diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes
10/04 Radical Nephrectomy (Kidney Cancer or renal cell carcinoma)
02/08 Started Hemodialysis
04/08 Started Peritoneal Dialysis (CAPD)
05/08 Started CCPD (my cycler: The little box of alarms)
07/09 AV Fistula and Permacath added, PD catheter removed. PD discontinued and Hemodialysis resumed
08/09 AV Fistula redone higher up on arm, first one did not work
07/11 Mass found on remaining kidney
08/11 Radical Nephrectomy, confirmed that mass was renal cell carcinoma
12/12 Whipple, mass on pancreas confirmed as renal cell carcinoma

• Don't Knock on Death's door; Ring the bell and run away. Death hates that.

• I'm not a complete Idiot -- some parts are missing.
nursewratchet
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"Either do it, or don't do it, don't try"
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2008, 07:17:26 AM »
That is the funniest thing I ever heard... :rofl;
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RN, Facility Administrator 2002 to present
RN, Staff Nurse 1996-2002
Vicki
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« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2008, 08:55:44 AM »
 :cheer:
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monrein
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Might as well smile
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2008, 11:09:34 AM »
 :rofl;
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Pyelonephritis (began at 8 mos old)
Home haemo 1980-1985 (self-cannulated with 15 gauge sharps)
Cadaveric transplant 1985
New upper-arm fistula April 2008
Uldall-Cook catheter inserted May 2008
Haemo-dialysis, self care unit June 2008
(2 1/2 hours X 5 weekly)
Self-cannulated, 15 gauge blunts, buttonholes.
Living donor transplant (sister-in law Kathy) Feb. 2009
First failed kidney transplant removed Apr.  2009
Second trx doing great so far...all lab values in normal ranges
Chris
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WWW
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2008, 12:53:43 PM »
 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

 :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Diabetes -  age 7

Neuropathy in legs age 10

Eye impairments and blindness in one eye began in 95, major one during visit to the Indy 500 race of that year
   -glaucoma and surgery for that
     -cataract surgery twice on same eye (2000 - 2002). another one growing in good eye
     - vitrectomy in good eye post tx November 2003, totally blind for 4 months due to complications with meds and infection

Diagnosed with ESRD June 29, 1999
1st Dialysis - July 4, 1999
Last Dialysis - December 2, 2000

Kidney and Pancreas Transplant - December 3, 2000

Cataract Surgery on good eye - June 24, 2009
Knee Surgery 2010
2011/2012 in process of getting a guide dog
Guide Dog Training begins July 2, 2012 in NY
Guide Dog by end of July 2012
Next eye surgery late 2012 or 2013 if I feel like it
Home with Guide dog - July 27, 2012
Knee Surgery #2 - Oct 15, 2012
Eye Surgery - Nov 2012
Lifes Adventures -  Priceless

No two day's are the same, are they?
David13
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A meow massages the heart.
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2008, 06:17:09 AM »
So funny!   :clap;
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“The first human being who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization” - Sigmund Freud
kimcanada
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« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2008, 07:16:46 AM »
Quote
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;


Funny stuff.. I will have to pass this one on  ;D
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