Scream & Cry

[Hephs-little-lady]

Anyone ever just have days where you want to scream and cry?

Well, I'm having one.......

It makes no sense. Especially as Heph is really well and settled at the moment, he's getting on really well on the cycler, sleeping good, happy, eating well, you know, all the things I worry about as a wife. I find all the change unsettling and haven't slept since Boris (the cycler) came home. I'm really happy that Heph is doing so well, I think it is just taking some time for my emotions to catch up. 

So, I guess I'll just have to have a good scream and cry! 

[goofynina]

Awwww H-L-L,  i sure hope you are feeling better.  You know we are here for you.  I can only imagine what you are going through, maaan, makes me think about what i am putting my hubby through.  Is there anyway you can get away for an hour or two, alone, collect your thoughts.  It is going to be allright, we need you and most importantly Heph needs you too.  Take care girlfriend,  it WILL get better....

[angieskidney]

awww I hope you feel better now after venting. You can't keep it in. I hope you are able to start getting good sleep because that does make all the difference in how you feel

[Bajanne]

This is so normal.  It is because you have had to put your emotions aside as you coped with what he was going through.  Now it is time for you.   Go right ahead, scream and cry!
I will give you a case.  A brother (in the church) had a wife who had a horrendous accident.  He went through stuff with her for about a month.  She lost about 2 weeks of her life.  She didn't even remember the accident.  Everyone admired how he went through it.  Just a tower of strength.  Then when everything was fine with her, he just crashed for a while.
I think it is your system which had to be in turbodrive as you dealt with what concerned him, now having a chance to take care of itself.
We are most definitely here for you.  And it will most definitely get better.

[Black]

I agree with the others -- it's probably that the aftermath has finally hit.  You held it all together when you had to -- now it's OK to fall apart for a day or two.

When frustration finally gets to be too much, I've learned to close my eyes and mentally go through a china shop with a basball bat and that usually works to deplete the adrenalin.  The last time I had a real meltdown I threw the phone across the room and hit the wall so hard the batteries flew out and it took me two days to find the belt clip.      I hadn't done that in years, but I had gotten one too many phone calls after a really hard day and a really demanding week.  I was in my grooming shop, the dogs had all gone home, and it didn't hurt a thing -- well, there is a small dent in the wall  -- but it sure made me feel better.  A long shower, a few hugs for my dogs, a good night's sleep, and I was ready to go.

We all have to find ways to cope, and if crying and screaming does it for you, then do it as loud and long as you have to in order to get it all out.

[Epoman]

Yeah, I have been down that road a number of times. But now I can look back at some of those things and say damn, I can't believe I made it, and I laugh. 

[kitkatz]

H-L-L:   I know how you feel!  Like the ocean waves have rolled over your head and you drowned, but by luck you find yourself still breathing and mad as heck that the damned waves got you again! Been there, done that!  Hate it!  That is when you have to let it go.  I mean let it all go for awhile and go take care of you for half an hour at the least.  Make it an hour if you can.  Get away from it all even if it is the den at home by yourself.  Send Heph on an errand or to nap and just unwind.  I have thrown things, cried, sat there and wrote how I felt down.  Treat yourself to a haircut.  That was nice when I did that.  Letting someone else wash your hair feels wonderful.

Remember to take care of you.  We are here if you need us!

Katherine

[Hephs-little-lady]

Thank you all so much for your concern and advice. I really appreciate you all. 

Heph went out for a bit of a walk last night and came back with all my favourite goodies; pringles and dips, nuts, chocolate, beer!  All the things I don't even normally buy because they tempt Heph too much. I felt some better for a bit of a binge and the half hour I had while he was gone just to relax and gather myself and have a cry. 

I even managed to get a couple of hours sleep last night. 

This is so normal. It is because you have had to put your emotions aside as you coped with what he was going through. Now it is time for you. Go right ahead, scream and cry!
I will give you a case. A brother (in the church) had a wife who had a horrendous accident. He went through stuff with her for about a month. She lost about 2 weeks of her life. She didn't even remember the accident. Everyone admired how he went through it. Just a tower of strength. Then when everything was fine with her, he just crashed for a while.
I think it is your system which had to be in turbodrive as you dealt with what concerned him, now having a chance to take care of itself.
We are most definitely here for you. And it will most definitely get better.

Thank you! You know I've been told a few times since Heph got sick, "I don't know why you are so upset, it's not happening to you!" Sometimes it's good to know it's OK to feel this way.  That I'm normal and well, normal

H-L-L: I know how you feel! Like the ocean waves have rolled over your head and you drowned, but by luck you find yourself still breathing and mad as heck that the damned waves got you again!    Been there, done that! Hate it! That is when you have to let it go. I mean let it all go for awhile and go take care of you for half an hour at the least. Make it an hour if you can. Get away from it all even if it is the den at home by yourself. Send Heph on an errand or to nap and just unwind. I have thrown things, cried, sat there and wrote how I felt down. Treat yourself to a haircut. That was nice when I did that. Letting someone else wash your hair feels wonderful.

Remember to take care of you. We are here if you need us!

Katherine

Kitkatz, you describe things so well. On saturday I was thinking, woohoo, I've survived all this change again and I'm still in one piece, then yesterday, the waves rolled in and over my head. But thank God I'm still alive and those darn waves didn't kill me.

Yeah, I have been down that road a number of times. But now I can look back at some of those things and say damn, I can't believe I made it, and I laugh.

I've been down a few already too, I guess this is just another road to add to my map! 

Thank you all for telling me it's OK.

H-L-L 

[Sara]

What a wonderful husband!  I agree with all the others, this is normal, you have probably put off your feelings for so long they are just catching up to you.  I'm glad you were able to get a little sleep, that will definitely help.  Is it the noise from the machine that's bothering you?  You will get used to it soon.  Joe has sleep apnea and that machine makes a fair bit of noise but within a week or so I was used to it and can tune it out.  Now if he's gone traveling or something it feels odd to not hear it any more! 

You need to try to find something that you really enjoy, to treat yourself.  We get so busy taking care of our spouses we neglect ourselves.  I'm still in the process in figuring out what is right for me.  I said in the other thread I like getting manicures.  You could try something like that, or getting a facial or something else every so often.  I'm becoming a believer in pampering ourselves!  It's only taken 25 years to get to this point LOL.

[Hephs-little-lady]

What a wonderful husband! 

I completely agree! 

Yeah, sleep was good, I had an hour this afternoon too. The cycler is a bit noisy, it kind of hums. I'm sure like you said Sara, I will get used to it. We sleep with the fan on, which makes more noise than the cycler, yet I can sleep through that normally. I guess it's just getting used to something new again. 

I often think I should take time out to pamper myself a bit, but can never decide what to do. I don't really like other people poking at me so facials, manicures, pedicures, massage etc. are all out. I often think it would be nice to take off into the country side and just walk or paint or something, but never get around to it, there always seems to be something that needs doing! I heard someone say once that if we really want to do something bad enough we make time. Suppose a little bit of time making might be in order!

[kitkatz]

I am glad you are feeling better.  Victor and I have often cried together through all of this mayhem.  After we go to bed we will lie there and talk the day over.  It is the quiet time of the night and we are unwinding.  It helps to put us back together again when we have had a wild day or week.