I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Wheelchair Discussions => Topic started by: Epoman on August 11, 2005, 08:34:08 PM
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I'm in a wheelchair as you know and man everywhere I go people stare, I'm not talking a look or a glance I'm talking turning heads and almost breaking necks. I not some handsome stud but I'm not a ugly freak either. I'm not disfiqured either but why is it that people stare at people in a wheelchair. And no I don't have a complex people really will stare for like minutes. or follow me with there eyes as I roll by. And it's not that I am staring at them so they are staring back, I will see them staring and I will look away and then look back and they are still staring! WTF?
So if your in a wheelchair let me know is it just me or do people stare at you!
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I am not in a wheelchair, but whenever I see a person in one I watch them for awhile to see if I can help them open a door or anything.
We have a lot of patients in wheelchairs, so I'm probably more aware of the manuvering problems than other people.
Have you tried saying, Hey! Take a picture! to the people who stare? :)
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I am not in a wheelchair, but whenever I see a person in one I watch them for awhile to see if I can help them open a door or anything.
We have a lot of patients in wheelchairs, so I'm probably more aware of the manuvering problems than other people.
Have you tried saying, Hey! Take a picture! to the people who stare? :)
Well ususally I will just stare back untill they look away. It's nice of you to watch to see if they need help or anything but the people I'm talking about stare when I'm in a mall or something and I have my wife pushing me or my son so they know I have them to help me. So these people are just either rude or ignorant.
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I understand; I've also been stared at by ignorant people. The kids are curious and want to know what that thing is in my arm, and I have no problem with that-- but the adults! Man!
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I understand; I've also been stared at by ignorant people. The kids are curious and want to know what that thing is in my arm, and I have no problem with that-- but the adults! Man!
Yeah I don't mine kids, there just curious but I could kill some of these ignorant people. If there curious just why don't they just ask.
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What's so odd about a person being in a wheelchair. They are so common that I would have thought that they were just as much part of the scenery as a pederast...sorry!, pedestrian. I've never seen anyone stare at a wheelchair user and can think of no reason why they should.
At the age of 80 and getting more stiff and more slow in my movements day by day I have just graduated to a mobility scooter. Nobody stares at me and in fact I get so little attention that people don't get out of my way even when I bleat my inadaquate horn just centimetres away from them but when they do eventually notice they usually smile widely in a friendly way. I went to a locall theatre the other day to see a play about Ozzies sharing a flat in London and there was a big queue [what you Americans call a line] of young people waiting to go in and sprawling alll over the pavement They greeted my arrival, horn bleating furiously, with wide friendly smiles and cheery greetings and,without waiting to be asked, opened the doors of the playhouse for me
But when people don't notice and dpn't hear my horn I usually call out in a loud voice "make way for Mad Max, the demon motorist" and trundle past them at all of 2 mph.
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My daughter and I both have lazy eye in our right eyes and droopy eyelids. Geez people are rude. They stare then have the audacity to ask what is wrong with your eyes? Even nurses will do it to me. Can you see out of that eye?
See even people without wheelchairs can get stared at. I hate it for my daughter!
Katherine
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Katherine, could you do me a favour. Please post your picture in a message in a larger form so I can understand it. It looks interesting, but I can't make it out.
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The pic is of a cat who is all tangled up in toilet paper. No caption needed. It's the way I feel between work and dialysis about paperwork.
For those of you who just got to the site I changed the pic to my siamese cat shortly after this was written.
Katherine
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I used to wear short sleeve shirts, in the summer. But you can sense when some one is staring at you, both my arms are badly scarred because of fistulas. I never mind kids looking, but it is when an adults just keep staring and saying look at his arms. I know, if you do say something back to them they win, but now I alway wear long sleeves. So they have won :-\
The only time I ever stare at a wheelchair is on the unit, when the so called driver is heading towards me. and i have to jump out of the way. Had my toes run over a couple of times. Did not even get a apology. I am not looking at the person in the wheelchair, just which way they are zig zagging, so I can get out of the bloody way :o
Kevno
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I get alot of people staring at my fistula scars. I dont really give a sh*t if they stare, its natural to want to look at something out of the ordinary. I admit I have a glance at things, but I make sure they are looking the other way first.
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People stare at me all the time, all I do is smile back to them and say Howdy! :D
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Yeah I've got a problem with people staring at me...especially the girls. Seems wherever I go, they're always staring at me, and whispering to their friends "look at how hot that guy is!"...and then they come up to me and ask me for my phone number. And then they phone me at all hours of the night. And they find out where I live and stand in front of my house just waiting to get a glimpse of me....its neverending! 8)
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Hyperlite, you really need to talk to your Physician about these hallucinations. >:D
Maybe he can give you a "reality" pill!
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I tried talking to my nephrologist about it, but she just stood there drooling, nodding her head with a mesmerized look on her face...
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:-X ::) >:D
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Hubby and I have entered the wonderful world of getting stared at. Him with the leg amputated and me being with him. Plus people do NOT get out of the way of a wheelchair. What is with them? Do they not see you coming towards them????
Katherine
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Hubby and I have entered the wonderful world of getting stared at. Him with the leg amputated and me being with him. Plus people do NOT get out of the way of a wheelchair. What is with them? Do they not see you coming towards them????
Katherine
THANK YOU!!!! Now you understand what I'm talking about. Some people are just oblivious.
- Epoman
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I have come across a few people in wheelchairs who have been quite rude, when clearly you havent seen them there. I always get out of the way if I see them coming, but I do at least expect an excuse me if I dont see them.
You dont see many wheelchairs around this area, its mainly pushy women with massive prams who dont say excuse me, or they stand in the middle of the walkway and expect the hoards people to dodge them. A lady run up my leg with her pram not so long ago, and didnt even appologise.
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You know I don't mind the kids staring, but the adults could be less obtrusive about it. I think they do not know what to do or say. Kids at least will come up and ask questions and get answers. Adults just seem to be rude about it. I figure, go ahead stare all you want...we are beautiful people anyway! >:D
Katherine
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I grew up with freckles on my face and glasses for a lazy eye and bad vision. I'm use to being stared at. But, I usually stare back and I usually win. :o
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Why am I totally not surprised at that?? ::)
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I stare ... I stare at fistulas because I just got mine this year and the first one failed but the 2nd one seems to be working and it will be used soon. I stare because I am insecure about how big the fistula might get big. One guy has a huge one and I already felt insecure enough about my stretchmarks I got all over from my last transplant from when I was only 16.
I stare because no one will give me answers. Well, not the dialysis nurses anyway. They all say it is not that bad. But I WANT TO KNOW firsthand. Only way I can know that is by looking. I am scared of the unknown.
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I get stared at too! Since my right foot is a little smaller I have a little limp when I walk.
Staring fine but people go as far as copying it behind me. Makes me so mad sometimes.
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I told the kids at school about my hubby's accident. One kid got up and limped across the room in front of me. The accident had just happened so I had absolutely no idea what to say to the kid. How incredibly rude!!!
Katherine
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OMG Kit, i dont know how i would of handled that being a teacher and all. Some kids can be so rude and its those kids I thank God i dont have to live with, just feel sorry for their parents...
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I told the kids at school about my hubby's accident. One kid got up and limped across the room in front of me. The accident had just happened so I had absolutely no idea what to say to the kid. How incredibly rude!!!
Katherine
OMG! that's why I could not be a teacher, I would have killed the little prick.
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Pity you cant touch your students, I would of slapped him >:(
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I remember how cruel kids were to me growing up sick all the time. Some kids because of all the meds I had to take said I was a druggy. Others said because I was so slow and weak that I was mentally retarded. I was terrible at sports and no one wanted to be my friend..
infact, it just occured to me .. this is the ONLY place I could SAY this without getting laughed at :-[
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I was in a wheel chair for 2 1/2 years when I had both my feet partially amputated. Due to a staph infection. Boy was I pissed. People stared yes. But every child I saw in the waiting rooms loved me, cause I would give them a ride around in circles. It was a Jazzy. I was determined to fight all odds of not walking and prove everyone wrong. A lot of work, but finally accomplished it. Rid myself of the chair. Infact, saw a commercial on TV where an automobile dealer said they would accept anything as a trade in..guess who got my chair? LOL... When in public in my chair I smiled. When alone with my chair, we had our own issues. LOL.. I am a believer in private pity parties as long as you return immediately unharmed. And it happens only on occassion. Sassy
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Okay, I have just have to add this story. A few years ago my family took went on a vacation to Yellowstone National Park. My mom, who has since passed away, had rheumatoid arthritis and was in a wheelchair. I was pushing her on one of the boardwalks in the park. You're correct, people definitely do stare at you. But, then, I tried to turn the wheelchair and the front wheel slipped in between two cracks in the boardwalk and I couldn't get it out. All of the sudden, not only was no one staring at us any longer, they all acted like they couldn't see us at all! I'm struggling valiantly to lift the wheel out of the crack and no one will even look at us, let alone offer to assist. Finally, I had to ask a couple of guys to help me (which they very willingly did) and we were able to get the chair out.
I thought then, I hope that I can be the type of person who wouldn't have been staring in the first place ( I mean, it's a WHEELCHAIR, not a UFO!) and I also hope that I will be aware if someone needs assistance, and I'll at least offer to assist. Maybe they won't want or need my help, but at least I'll know I tried.
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Okay, I have just have to add this story. A few years ago my family took went on a vacation to Yellowstone National Park. My mom, who has since passed away, had rheumatoid arthritis and was in a wheelchair. I was pushing her on one of the boardwalks in the park. You're correct, people definitely do stare at you. But, then, I tried to turn the wheelchair and the front wheel slipped in between two cracks in the boardwalk and I couldn't get it out. All of the sudden, not only was no one staring at us any longer, they all acted like they couldn't see us at all! I'm struggling valiantly to lift the wheel out of the crack and no one will even look at us, let alone offer to assist. Finally, I had to ask a couple of guys to help me (which they very willingly did) and we were able to get the chair out.
I thought then, I hope that I can be the type of person who wouldn't have been staring in the first place ( I mean, it's a WHEELCHAIR, not a UFO!) and I also hope that I will be aware if someone needs assistance, and I'll at least offer to assist. Maybe they won't want or need my help, but at least I'll know I tried.
Wow that is terrible that people look the other way just when you DO need help but when you don't they can't help but GAWK at you :(
I always help. I am always nice. I always ask if they need help and NEVER assume because a wheelchair does NOT make a person an invalid! Anyway, since I have never been in a wheelchair I don't know if my feelings are valid but I thought I would just put my 2 cents worth in as I have already been told that my chances of ending up in a wheelchair when I am older are almost guaranteed with how young I have started on this renal failure journey..
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Angie, I can tell from your posts that you're a caring person who would always help anyone if you could. You were just exactly correct. I always used to wish when I was with my mom that people wouldn't assume that she was an invalid just because she was in a wheelchair. You can't believe how many of her friends would walk up to us and ask me "How is your mom doing?" I mean, she's sitting right there! Ask her, not me!
But, then when you do occasionally need help, it is nice to have someone step up and offer to help, but then people seem uncomfortable and don't know how to react. I think it's just an difficult situation for them, but it is hard.
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I learned to deal with the staring young. My brother has CP. He spends some time in a wheelchair and at other times walks with a cain and two full leg braces. When we went to the same school I got asked lots of questions. Now he is in a scooter and gets around his city pretty well. I always watch people in a scooter, because they remind me of my brother, and I watch for the problems that he has told me about him having.
I was in a wheelchair for about six months at one time because I was very sick with an infection in my bone after a pin and bone graph in my foot. The worst part of that was when I started back to work as a teacher. At the time I had a little foster son. ONe thing that made me so mad was when a coworker asked my why my son couldn't push me wherever I needed to go. My heck! he was a small nine year old Foster kid who figured out how to load and unload my wheelchair one day when I needed to go to the doctor. He was great but he did not need to spend the day pushing me around.
My boss at the time marked me real low on an evaluation because I was limited in how effeiciently I could move around the classroom. That made me mad!!! He was just a jerk anyway.
I have been very sick recently and have used those electric scooters at the stores. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Some people of course are rude but most were quite respectful.
Loretta
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Hi Everyone! Now as some of you know, I was born with Spina Bifida- I am very fortunate to have the ability to walk with only a slight limp, and I also wear baces. I used to be so self-conscious around other people because of the way I walk. I know ppl stare at me mostly because they wonder 'what's wrong' with me, and that is OK, but some ppl are still rude to me and then I either pretend I don't hear or I say something extremely rude back which I know is wrong but sometimes I cannot help myself! Now that I am older I am starting to accept myself and be proud of who I am. I was born this way and cannot change it. My advice to anyone who is still self-conscious is to just be proud of who you are and live your life for you and nobody else! Don't be ashamed of something you cannot control.
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I went to the mall for the first time in my chair. People seemed to be real courteous an didn't stare long if they did at all. The big starers where the little kids. They never saw a footless guy...Boxman
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Hey Boxman. We had a kid stare so long at Victor he damn near ran into a pillar in the mall. It was hilarious!
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ya it is funny they are walking along and then they start staring and lose their mom for a second. Very curious are the little ones...Boxman
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We would rather have them come up and ask questions than stare at it and get hurt.
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I know this is kind of an old thread but I just had to throw my thoughts in on this issue of people staring. I know I have told you all that I am a little person but I also have dislocated hips and one leg shorter than the other which makes me walk with a limp. Kids and adults do stare but it is more kids than adults that stare at me. I think it puzzles kids because they can't figure out if I am a "big person" or a kid because I am little but I have "boobs" and make-up on! :rofl; I have had some heart breaking experiences but I have also had some heart warming experiences too. I remember one time in a grocery store, this little girl, about 3 years old, just came into the grocery store & she said, "look Mommy, SHE is wearing make-up!" :rofl; It was said in a way that they had just been arguing about the child wearing make-up it was cute! I don't remember doing this but I was told by family members that when I was younger and kids would ask, "why you little" or "why do you walk like that" that I would just stand up & say, "cause Jesus made me this way!" :clap; Apparently, my dear Mama taught me to say that. One last thing, it did use to hurt my feelings when kids would mock me & walk like me but a co-worker once told me that "imitation is the best form of flattery" and that has helped me at times. I still do get my feelings hurt but now it is mainly because men sometimes act like I have something contagious! *rolling my eyes*
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Not in a wheelchair, and the only folks I've seen staring at me are kids, even when I did my PD in the coach section of the Amtrak!
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Hello I don't know why you are in a wheelchair. I lost my leg and have people stare at my stump or my fake leg :o but truthfully it doesn't bother me. I just think how sad that they are so ignorant they must stare with such lack of understanding. What has happened to me could happen to them in an instant and they will be the one stared at. I find that smiling and nodding at people when they are staring clues them in to how rude they are being and children are special I take time to explain what happened to me and that I had to have a replacement made just for me. I wonder when my own brother made a silly comment about using a wheelchair. He broke his leg in a skydiving accident but refused to use a wheelchair to go to work that it would belittle him in the eyes of his fellow workers (he's a mechanical engineer) I asked what did being in a wheelchair have to do with his ability to do his job, which is at a desk sitting down anyway? If a job doesn't require physical effort like construction etc but uses brain power why would being in a wheelchair cause others to belittle one? Obviously he thought less of people in wheelchairs and I had a long discussion with him over it. Wow such prejudice and ignorance in my own brother was eyeopening. Truthfully though it is their lack of understanding and their problem not mine. If they ever find themselves having to face the adversity of physical impairment I feel they will not adjust well. So chin up and don't think to badly of them you are the stronger not them...... Melinoir
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I like the way you handle it with children. I think contact should be made with them when they are looking. There's a lot they can be taught.
One thing that really irks me is when Rolando (in his wheelchair) and I are together and there is a question for him yet they address it to me. He is only missing a leg, not a brain - you have a question for him, ASK HIM!
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My second husband had his foot amputated, walked with a walker while it healed and if people stared "which they do" would look down and say...oh no...my foot is gone and look back at the people. Good for him...I still miss him so much...he had his major heart attack on 12/26/96, then congestive heart failure until 9/25/02. Merry Christmas George.
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One time in Wal-Mart my daughter, Sarah wanted to get out of the wheelchair for a little bit and walk (This was before her renal osteoporosis got too bad). I decided to sit in the wheelchair and wheel myself around. It sure is a different perspective in a wheelchair. You can't reach the items on the shelves that are out of arms reach, some people do stare at you and sometimes people won't move their shopping carts so you can get through. When Sarah got back in the wheelchair she said, " Now you know what I mean about being in a wheelchair". I will never forget that experience...maybe more people should try shopping in a wheelchair to see what it is like.
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I have to laugh atthe kids who stare of my husband's fake leg. One kid was no into staring at it, he ran into a pillar at the mall. :rofl; I lost it. :rofl;
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Even though I usually walk, when I'm very anemic, my mom pushes me around Wal-Mart or the mall in a wheelchair so we can spend more time shopping (without me having to find a bench to rest on every two seconds!) People stare all the time. Maybe it's because I'm young and appear healthy. ???