I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: Simon Dog on February 14, 2019, 12:10:15 PM

Title: One Liners
Post by: Simon Dog on February 14, 2019, 12:10:15 PM
Ok, I need some good one-liners for when people ask about the fistula bump.   I got bored having all the extra time post-transplant with all the time used for D freed up so I got a job.    I'm still amazed I was able to run the gauntlet of 7 different interviewers and get hired for a software developer job at age 60.

I already have my one-liner for the mask in public - "I set up a solar array at an Ebola clinic in the Belgian Congo and my doc wants me to wear this for a few weeks just to be on the safe side".  And yes, I know it has not been the Belgian Congo since 1960 - that just adds to the absurdity of the one-liner.

If I am asked what the gun bulge under my shirt is, I answer "colostomy bag" (hint: do not use in dating situations).

But, I am at a loss for a one-liner for the fistula bump.
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: kickingandscreaming on February 14, 2019, 02:03:08 PM
Long sleeves?
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: Michael Murphy on February 14, 2019, 11:00:50 PM
Iíve told this before and itís predicated by the fact if you raise a fistula arm above your head the blood drains out and it sort of pulses.  So I was in a store waiting in line and some obnoxious woman says ď ooh whatís those bumps on your armĒ so instead of telling her my ob.  I told her I was back from an extended stay in the Caribbean and I was bitten by a bug, and I was waiting to see what was going to emerge from my skin.  Then I raised my arm and said itís about due to emerge.  She stared at my pulsating fistula and left the store at a dead run while screaming the whole way. 

SP Mod Cas
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: kitkatz on February 16, 2019, 11:08:43 AM
It's your pet worm or snake.
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: Blake nighsonger on February 16, 2019, 08:51:42 PM
Mine is not to noticeable, (upper arm). But i do have fun with "my Thrill", inside of elbow,
 mainly with nurse after telling why BP cuff has to go on other arm.

 Alot of different reactions when i ask if they've ever felt one before.   
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: Riki on February 19, 2019, 09:54:09 AM
I tell people it's my conjoined twin.  Most don't see it though, since it's an upper arm fistula, and my shirts usually cover it

I freaked out a pediatrician once, though.  She knew what it was, but she'd never seen a fistula for herself.  At that time, I had a fistula in my wrist, so it was clearly visable to her.  I stretched out my arm and told her to go ahead and touch it.  When she did, she near jumped out of her skin.  I thought it was hilarious
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: KatieV on February 19, 2019, 11:12:28 AM
Someone told me I look like I got attacked by a shark!  Mainly because of the scar running the length of my upper arm due to my fistula revision.

And yes, if people show interest in it, I invite them to feel my thrill.  I enjoy seeing them jump!
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: kitkatz on February 19, 2019, 09:16:59 PM
Hubby with his artificial leg and me with my fistula scar on my upper left arms have made up a story.

We were vacationing on the Great Barrier Reef, snorkeling, looking at all the fish, enjoying ourselves.
We were both attacked by sharks.  One bit his leg and one bit me on my left arm.
Luckily we were close the medical aide and taken to hospitals.
But we do not talk about this vacation.  The memories are bad.

 :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
Title: Re: One Liners
Post by: Alexysis on March 02, 2019, 07:32:31 AM
I have about a half-dozen large elbow compression sleeves I found on Amazon (and several others I tried but were either too tight, too loose, or fell apart) which I wear pretty much all the time. Makes it possible to wear short sleeves, and protects my fairly noticeable aneurysms.

I also have a fairly noticeable birthmark, which I always tell people came from a fiery racing wreck in my youth....