I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Humor, Pictures, Stories and Poems => Topic started by: Kitsune on September 28, 2008, 11:10:55 AM
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I have gotten tired of people asking when I am going to have my transplant, since no one knows when they are going to get the call or if they will, so here is a list of comebacks to those knuckleheads who ask THE BIG QUESTION repeatedly.
Comeback one: "Well, they wanted to do it next Monday, but seeing that I have tickets to the Children Of Bodom concert, I asked if they could reschedule it to the week after the Edguy concert, so I'm waiting for them to get back to me."
Comeback two: "Why? Are you offering?"
Comeback three: "That's really nice of you to offer, but I don't accept kidneys from idiots. I heard it's contagious."
Comeback four: "Oh, then you HAVE signed your donor card! Wonderful, you're a hero!" (Usually makes people feel stupid and they walk away, speechless.)
Comeback five: "I wasn't aware that was any of your business."
Comeback six: "The doctor says the typical wait is 3-5 years. Could be less, could be more, could be not at all, but you can help by becoming an altruistic donor!!" (Smile like a moron as you say the second sentence)
Comeback seven: "What are you talking about, I already had it! Where have YOU been?" (Best said to so-called "medical professionals" at dialysis who should know how long the list REALLY is.)
Comeback eight: "Are you taking a survey for UNOS or something because DAMN are you nosy!"
Comeback nine : "Well, the wizard was fresh out of kidneys, so I have to settle for dialysis until he gets more. But I still pee! Wanna see? (For people who still urinate, make a motion like you're going to pull down your pants)
Comeback ten: "When they find a match, dumb :sir ken;!"
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Those are clever and I got a good laugh out of them. :rofl;
On a serious note though, people I barely know have offered me a kidney (my dentist's receptionist is one, a close friend's cousin is another, an artist whose work I collect is another) so I usually do the funny line in my head and grab the opportunity to do a little public education about the shortage and the need and the donor card signing is a really smart move thing. One of my gym friends told me last week that she lurks here cuz she doesn't want to be insensitive and ask dumb questions but is curious. I said she could always ask, if I don't answer then we'll talk. :rofl;
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"I would get it next month if you would donate one of yours."
8)
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"I would get it next month if you would donate one of yours."
8)
or "As soon as more people donate! You do know donated kidneys are as rare as dragons, don't you?"
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Reminds me of one of the tee shirts I saw on a website:
If you feel as sorry for me as you say you do, please sign your donor card.
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There's just not enough dead people to go around.
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You may be interested in supporting my new Advocacy group TCAMML.
Transplant candidates against mandatory motorcycle helmet laws.
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If one more person asks me why I can't get a transplant I am going to :Kit n Stik; them!
Here are a few of my more sane comebacks.
List, what list? There is a list?
No, I really don't want one. I love dialysis!
Needles every other night are awesome!
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I figured my life wasn't busy enough, so I added 12 hours of dialysis a week.
I'm on the list of the waiting list's list.
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List?
We don't need no stinkin' list!
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List?
We don't need no stinkin' list!
Or:
"I really didn't like my kidneys anyway, they weighed too much so I went on dialysis. They're making me be on the list or I won't get cookies!"
"Next week,, and guess who's the donor?" (Smile evilly and reach ino your pocket)
"So nice of you to ask! So, when are you starting the testing again?"
"Yeah, about that....Your husband, I mean my boyfriend started the testing last month. He wanted it to be a surprise when he divorces you next week." (said to a woman by a woman)
"Do I get paid for answering this dumb survey? If not, I'm out of here!" (and run away)
"No idea, but while we're talking, I have to tell you, I ran over your dog....oops."
"Why do you ask? Were you wanting to be tested?"
"Do I win a prize for this?"
"Aren't you a nosy little bugger?"
"What's it to you? Planning to test then?"
"So, when is the Wizard getting back to you about that brain anyway?"
"Like YOU care."
"I tried to test to give myself a kidney, but the doctor said my kidneys didn't work, so I'm still waiting three years later!"