I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: okarol on February 03, 2008, 03:36:06 PM

Title: job application
Post by: okarol on February 03, 2008, 03:36:06 PM

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.

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NAME:  Kenneth Way

SEX:  Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION:  Company President or Vice President.  But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:  Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target of middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:  A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:  If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:  Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:  Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE:  7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  Oh yes, absolutely.

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***Old People Rock!***   :2thumbsup;

Title: Re: job application
Post by: boxman55 on February 03, 2008, 08:39:15 PM

can I use it ...Boxman

Title: Re: job application
Post by: CW on February 03, 2008, 09:42:15 PM

:rofl;

Title: Re: job application
Post by: Bajanne on February 04, 2008, 04:58:19 AM

 :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;  :clap;

Title: Re: job application
Post by: Katonsdad on February 04, 2008, 05:01:24 PM

Sorry can not resist ....

This can not be true. He's from Arkansas and said he has an education ?

Title: Re: job application
Post by: st789 on February 28, 2008, 10:35:49 AM

 :2thumbsup;

Title: Re: job application
Post by: rose1999 on February 28, 2008, 10:38:29 AM

Love it  :clap; :rofl; :rofl;

Title: Re: job application
Post by: willieandwinnie on February 28, 2008, 10:41:41 AM

 :rofl; Good one okarol. Len and I have been talking about updating his resume. I think I'll slip this in.