I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: hephziba on May 19, 2006, 01:56:31 PM
-
I am getting rather tired of capd and considering giving up dialysis. Has anyone else done this and what was there experiance, did they have any trouble getting the drs to leave them alone ??
Id Apreciate anyones input.
I know they say youll die but isnt that simply a fear tactic?
:)
-
Unfortunately its not a fear tactic. You WILL die if you dont dialyse. That is why we do it, of course. Unless you want to die, I would keep dialysing :)
If CAPD is keeping your bloods in order then I say stick at it. If not then perhaps consider hemo. However, CAPD gives you alot more freedom.
-
I am getting rather tired of capd and considering giving up dialysis. Has anyone else done this and what was there experiance, did they have any trouble getting the drs to leave them alone ??
Id Apreciate anyones input.
I know they say youll die but isnt that simply a fear tactic?
:)
>:D >:( YOU WANT MY INPUT? YOU GOT IT! >:( >:D sorry to say this and it might piss you off, but here is a qoute from you when you introduced yourself:
I have been on dialysis for almost a year now, I am 25 years old and I was rushed into Hospital just in time for my first wedding aniversary
So not only are you a coward but you're selfish ::) ::) ::) >:( >:( >:( You have been on almost a year! ??? WTF??? PLUS you have a new spouse? ::) I hope this is a joke because you have not earned the right to want to give up (yet). Your only 25, I was 21, (now 33) I too thought my life was over but never did I ever consider stopping dialysis. Not for myself but for my to new bride (married LESS than a year, now going on 13+ years). Don't you think your spouse loves you and will miss you? what about your family? Friends? Yeah dialysis sucks donkey balls, but be strong and take what life gives you. You never know what life has instore for you. I'm talking to you like this to get you MAD, and want to fight. Don't lose your will. You know what you need? you need a child, a child CHANGED my life, I live for my son, in fact I live through my son. He is my top priority and my "Will" to live.
IF you ALREADY have a child then you really are a selfish person and you REALLY suck HARD, so please stop dialysis NOW! >:( LOSER!
If not, STOP feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit in order and hold on because it's going to be a long hard road ahead, but along the way you will have some good times. 8)
But getting back to your post, If you tell your doctors you wish to stop dialysis, they legally have to leave you alone, dialysis is a treatment option, NOT a life requirement. You will live maybe 2-3 weeks and eventually the toxins will cause you to go into a coma and you will die. Some say it's a peaceful way to go but I don't buy that. I feel like shit sometimes by Monday with no dialysis over the weekend, I can only imagine after 2 weeks. :o
So I hope you don't get mad at me for this post, I just want you to LIVE! You have so much to look forward to, you just don't know it yet. ;)
- Epoman
Owner/Admin
-
Heph: I understand your feelings. I was just married and then my kidneys failed. I hated to see my husband (now ex) slow down life for me. I hated to see the way he looked at me with tubes hanging out me. I wanted to die so he could be free.
Then I got a transplant and he got a girlfriend. Don't give up life to make someone happy (if that is going on).
Yes, you will die without dialysis. You will die someday anyway. The thought crosses my mind everyday especially when I'm having access problems. I swore for 17 years that if my transplant failed that was IT I would NOT go back on the machine.
Well, here I am. I hate dialysis, but there is an innate "will to live" that God gave us. It is God's plan not mine.
That's what this site is for. To vent and let your feelings out. But, if you are asking if any of us have quit dialysis and have lived to tell about it..... NaOOO! :o
-
Let me also add, I ALWAYS hated dialysis, and I have hated my life, and I had wish I was DEAD! BUT I never stopped fighting. I've been on HEMO 13 years straight, NO transplant. And believe me I have had my moments where I just broke down. I hate the WAY I have to live, but what gets me through is there are people far worse off then me, There is ALWAYS someone worse off then you. If you don't believe me go to a children's hospital and take a walk down the pediatric BURN unit. OR go ask a person who has MD, and can't even wipe their own butt, and see if they will trade you their kidneys for your problems.
Don't get me wrong THIS DISEASE SUCKS! but don't let "IT" beat you. I want to see you post HERE instead of www.dialysisbeatme.com
Stay strong and remember we are here for you, brother.
- Epoman
-
Hey hephziba, I feel you trust me I do.. lately I to have been considering giving up and letting nature take its course. I have been back on dialysis for almost 6 years now following a failed transplant. I am alone, have no friends, live in my parents house, just got fired "laid off as they put it" from a job I loved because of dialysis and other complications from dialysis, have no money and bad credit from hospital bills and my access has been giving me problems much like Rerun. Last Monday it clotted and I was going to make the decision to not get another cath or access and just die. I have the same depression you feel I am fairly young too 36 and my life is nothing like I planned or wanted. I hate relying on machines to keep me alive, I hate what this has done to my body, self image and self esteem. Everyday I feel alone and think that I have nothing to contribute to this world yet for some reason I get my ass up and go to treatment. i don't know why, I can't explain it. For the last month or more i have been medicating myself with xanax and sleeping pills just to sleep or not feel. I am up to about 4 or 5 2mg xanax and 2-3 30mg restril a day now and it is not helping. I think I am going to seek some kind of counseling and maybe you should consider it too. Who knows maybe it will help maybe it won't but it sure can't hurt at this point. I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your feelings. This is an emotional and physical situation and it is terrifying to deal with. If you wish to talk chat or e-mail I will send you a personal message with contact information, who knows maybe we can figure a way out of the cycle that I know I am in and it seems you are too. Lets see what we can do, ok I understand... Geoff
-
I know that not going through this whole experience myself, I can never relate to you, but speaking as a wife, please keep on fighting. If you are seriously thinking about stopping, think about how devastated your wife and family and friends would be. IMO, you have a lot more to live for than you realize.
-
No yelling here in this post. Just a gentle reminder that there are lives you have touched just by being here and by being you.
-
Heph,
Sorry you feel so tired of CAPD, not sure I wouldn't feel the same way if I were doing CAPD. I have been doing PD for almost 2yrs using the cycler at night. It is less intrusive of your time than CAPD. It is just hooked up at night while you sleep and disconnect in the morning and forget about PD for the day. Very easy to do and you still have your days to live your life. Without dialysis you will die! I agree with Epoman. You are very young and still have a lot to live for. Do you talk with anyone? That includes your wife and family. Don't you think they care what happens to you? I saw your post on the Global Dialysis board too. Get the help you need and why not try the cycler for a change and see how it goes. There are always options with dialysis. Without dialysis there are no options! Ginger
-
Heph, Please let me tell you first hand what near death is like (without dialysis) i was told in January that my kidneys were failing and i ignored it. Well, right before i started dialysis, this is what happend... My legs were swollen to the point where i couldnt bend them, therefore moving was nearly impossible, i threw up EVERYTHING even water, i was very delirious most of the time, didn't know what day it was or if it was day or night cuz all i did was sleep in a very dark room, in the extreme heat of summer i was covered with blankets, i got sores on my legs from being on them so much, i got extremely out of breath if i just got out of bed, i missed out on weddings, birthday parties, family get togethers, i lost that much time of my life, thank God my mom threatened me when she did, i wouldn't be here today if she hadn't. And yes, it was tough, it still is (3 years later for me) and NOW i am loving and cherishing life every minute and every second of the day. Not a day goes by that i dont wake up and thank God for giving me another chance, another day, for giving me this disease INSTEAD of taking me home. It gives me that much more time to watch the little ones grow, to smell more flowers, to be around my family and make more fond memories for them to remember me for when i do go. Everything happens for a reason and most times we just dont know what that reason is, we just need to accept it and trust that God has His plans. I feel that there have been people in worse situations that i have helped due to my illness. I let them look at me and see that they dont have it so bad and yet, i look at others (like the little ones that have ESRD and cancer) and think, i dont have it so bad either. So please my friend, think about it long and hard, listen to what these people on this site are saying, AREN'T THEY AWESOME, I applaud all of you. The way you all come together and give such great words of encouragement just touches me. Epoman, i hope you are sitting back and admiring what you have created, you should be damn proud, you better be, i know i am damn proud of you!!! LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!
-
I have no fear of death, been there 3 times. Seen nothing :-\ Has I say in my Signature for the site: Renal Patients Never Give Up!!!! On the 26th May this year I have been back on dialysis for 18years, 12 of which I was on CAPD 4 exchanges a day. The last 6 on haemo. We all think of ending all the pain and misery of dialysis. If we did not we would not be human. But to do it by ending treatment. Is the cowards way out. You have a life, a husband. Think of the positive things in your life and not the negative things. That is all I can say for now.
Kevno
-
the sites full of real people and its good to know other people go through this stuff,
I hadnt had a holiday for the whole time I was on Hemo, and my wife and I really needed one, everytime I tried to arrange a holiday on Hemo, there was no beds for the dates we had booked, so we changed to capd to get a holiday and get some life back.
But I had put loads of hope in a holiday somehow making me feel normal again, somehow meeting a need, yeah it was good, while we were doing stuff and visiting places and tourist atractions, but in the evening when we slowed down I felt really depressed and like whats the point, just like a prisoner.
it seems holiday far from showing me how free I was made me realise how hard it is for your family to have to wait for you while you exchange in the car, and folks stairing at me while I do my exchange bugs me, not my family just random strangers.
anyway Thanks for your input, It would be good to get some more english folk on here theyre all really miserable and It would be good if they knew the site exists.
thanks for all your input, in a much better space right now and apreciate peoples advice, and Epomans advice made me chuckle, like a slap in the face :-X
-
English folk on here they're all really miserable >:( :(
Look who's talking :o I hope I do not come across to miserable (keep quiet, Rerun and Kitkatz >:D just before you two say anything :-X)
I am from Manchester UK, Nice and warm indoors, raining nonstop outside >:(
Anyway I am now going, for you have made me feel Miserable ;)
Kevno
Think I might kick the Cat to cheer myself up a bit >:D
-
First of all, let me say that I really thank God for this message board (Epoman, you too!) I came upon it when I was fearful, and totally ignorant concerning what was going to soon happen to me. With the help of this board, I started dialysis with lots of advice (I even printed some of it) to help me make it through.
Secondly, let me say that I watched my father die of kidney failure. He was never on dialysis. In my country, the nephrologists act as Divine beings who say if you should get it at a certain age. My father was 89, but a lively 89 with all of his faculties and in excellent health, except for his kidneys. He never seemed to be in pain, but he got slower and slower. He seemed to retreat from us. He began to act as if we were not there. There were times when someone new would visit and for that visit, he would be animated and be back to the person we knew, but if they came again, he would just blank them out as he did us.
I cannot say it was hard for him, but it was awful for us. You would have to know the kind of person my father was to understand what it meant. He was a larger than life person with an infectious laugh. Though he had been a high school principal, he would become a child with his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Seeing like that was extremely painful.
I asked my doctor here how long I could last without dialysis. I was trying to see if I could travel for more than a weekend (which is all I can do now without spending a lot of money for dialysis overseas), but he refused to tell me. They don't want to encourage me in leaving out any sessions.
We are here for you. That is what this board is all about. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
-
the sites full of real people and its good to know other people go through this stuff,
I hadnt had a holiday for the whole time I was on Hemo, and my wife and I really needed one, everytime I tried to arrange a holiday on Hemo, there was no beds for the dates we had booked, so we changed to capd to get a holiday and get some life back.
But I had put loads of hope in a holiday somehow making me feel normal again, somehow meeting a need, yeah it was good, while we were doing stuff and visiting places and tourist atractions, but in the evening when we slowed down I felt really depressed and like whats the point, just like a prisoner.
it seems holiday far from showing me how free I was made me realise how hard it is for your family to have to wait for you while you exchange in the car, and folks stairing at me while I do my exchange bugs me, not my family just random strangers.
anyway Thanks for your input, It would be good to get some more english folk on here theyre all really miserable and It would be good if they knew the site exists.
thanks for all your input, in a much better space right now and apreciate peoples advice, and Epomans advice made me chuckle, like a slap in the face :-X
But I hope it was a slap in the face that made you think "hey my life isn't over" ;)
Check out this post of mine: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=252.msg3988#msg3988
-
Hi, I started haemodialysis in 1972 when I was 21, now 34 years later after a full life and career I am delighted to be able to watch my grandchildren grow (6,8 and 9 yrs old). I have had lots of problems over the years including a couple of failed transplants (one did last for a good few years) open heart surgery for a quadruple bypass and replacement aortic valve. These have been a small price to pay to experience the love of my wife and children (and cat, Lucy) and there's no way I would give up unless I lost my mental faculties. Life is the most precious thing, many people don't have the opportunity to choose (cancer patients etc.) those of us who have been given a second chance must make the most of it. There is still plenty to enjoy despite dialysis. Good Luck and keep your chin up! ;)
-
Hi Scarth55, I am so happy to hear that inspite of your ailments you still have such a positive attitude, I think it's a positive attitude that helps us each and every day, if we start getting negative, then negative things happen. Your Grandchildren and your cat, Lucy, are very lucky to have you, i am sure you make a difference in their lives and will even beyond your time, they will know that even though you were going through these ordeals, YOU always kept YOUR chin up. Great words of encouragement. Hope to hear more about your grandkids and yourself as you live this wonderful life.
Susie (Goofynina)
-
So very well said scarth!!! I had a moment yesterday where I just wanted to chuck it all in. And when I'm in that mood I just think of how much I want to live, and all my family and loved ones. It soon gets me out of that state of mind. Being on nocturnal helps too, as you know if you chuck it all in, you have to go back in-centre. And for me, 4hrsx3 isnt enough Dx for me.
Chin up, and take care of yourself
-
I don't go for that BS about attitude. If you think "positive" thoughts "positive" things happen to you. What a crock! We hang on for some reason, but it is not because we have a good attitude about dialysis. Scratch said he is glad he is alive. I did NOT read that he Loves dialysis. This thread was started because Heph was dealing with his feelings. I would hate it if all of us told him "not to feel that way" or "you need to adjust your attitude."
We all have our days and that is what this site is for. If you want to feel all warm and fuzzy go elsewhere.
-
I don't go for that BS about attitude. If you think "positive" thoughts "positive" things happen to you. What a crock! We hang on for some reason, but it is not because we have a good attitude about dialysis. Scratch said he is glad he is alive. I did NOT read that he Loves dialysis. This thread was started because Heph was dealing with his feelings. I would hate it if all of us told him "not to feel that way" or "you need to adjust your attitude."
We all have our days and that is what this site is for. If you want to feel all warm and fuzzy go elsewhere.
You and "goofynina" are not going to get along. >:D
-
Warm and fuzzy??? Warm and fuzzy!!!! LMAO... Maaaaan, don't hate just cuz i see my glass as half full. I just get the feeling that you just do not like me Rerun, which is cool, it is just sooooo obvious, guess you called this one Epoman. I feel sad for you.
-
Warm and fuzzy??? Warm and fuzzy!!!! LMAO... Maaaaan, don't hate just cuz i see my glass as half full. I just get the feeling that you just do not like me Rerun, which is cool, it is just sooooo obvious, guess you called this one Epoman. I feel sad for you.
No it's not you, Rerun doesn't like anyone. :o >:D ;)
But seriously "Rerun" is just a "V.M.A.I.R." (Virtual Member Artificial Intellignece Robot) she is a programmed "Bot" and she is programmed to talk crap to current/new members who are to happy or as you say "see the glass as half full".
You mean you thought "Rerun" was a real person? :o
- Epoman
-
That might be the way you feel rerun, but some of us might think that your attitude is bullshit. Being negative will get you know where. I think ranting is good to let things out, but it doesnt have to be negative. I dont see the point in being negative, its just going to be a horrible miserable life if thats all you know how to be. I most certainly do not love dialysis, but for god sake it is keeping us alive, there has to be something good in that!
If this forum is just for negatvitity, then I think I would rather not be a part of it, if we are going to be slammed for being positive. Since I joined this forum, and have read most of it, it has mostly just depressed me because of all the negative attitudes. While I do like to have a rant, I dont wanna be depressed.
-
That might be the way you feel rerun, but some of us might think that your attitude is bullshit. Being negative will get you know where. I think ranting is good to let things out, but it doesnt have to be negative. I dont see the point in being negative, its just going to be a horrible miserable life if thats all you know how to be. I most certainly do not love dialysis, but for god sake it is keeping us alive, there has to be something good in that!
If this forum is just for negatvitity, then I think I would rather not be a part of it, if we are going to be slammed for being positive. Since I joined this forum, and have read most of it, it has mostly just depressed me because of all the negative attitudes. While I do like to have a rant, I dont wanna be depressed.
aMbEr,
Yes this site is for ranting and venting, but you need to understand that every member has had their own battles to fight, and some members have suffered much more than others. I don't believe you have read MOST of the posts here all 4,100+ and are still able to say "all of the negative attitudes" There are many positive people on this site. But honestly what did you expect when you joined a site named I Hate Dialysis? The reason this site depresses you is because dialysis is depressing. No matter how positive you are, we can't control our fate. The only good thing about staying positive is that when the bad things happen we are more emotionally able to cope and some how find the inner strength to go on. I mean think about it for a second, no matter how positive we are we can't stop a fistula or graft from clotting, sure we can do things to help prevent it from clotting but that's not being positive that's being pro-active. And yes dialysis is keeping us alive and that is good, but death really isn't that bad, but I guess that depends on your religious beliefs. I hope you stay with us, you are a valuable member even after you said this to me:
"but I find you Epoman, to be very rude and focus on the negative." in this thread http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=252.0
In which I replied to you here: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=252.msg3988#msg3988 Which you never bothered to reply too. ::)
But anyway did that post in the last link sound negative to you? We all have our moments of rage, and we have our happy moments. And on this site you WILL see BOTH sides.
- Epoman
-
Goofina - Epoman is right. I don't like anybody, so don't feel singled out. (Ask Kevno) ;D
I think ranting is good to let things out, but it doesnt have to be negative.
Amber - Please give me an example of a "Positive Rant"........Please! :-*
I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist. I call things how I see them. I think flowers are pretty, but they always die. That isn't negative, that is just the truth. I hate dialysis.......period. I mean put me in a torture chamber......I'm still alive. I would NOT have made it in the consentration camps. I would not have made it on a wagon train out west. I like things to be good and when they are not I say so.
Are you two the ones that go "skipping and bouncing out of the dialysis clinic"?
-
Rerun, you are too much, "skipping and bouncing" LMFFAO.... NO, i may not skip and bounce out of the clinic but one thing i do on my way out, whether it be walking, in a wheelchair or help from the techs, i smile, i wave goodbye, i thank the techs (even the ones that didnt work on me) and i tell everyone to have a nice day, patients, staff, visitors and i thank God for getting me through another day. Now you tell me, must you "try" and shoot down everyone who has a positive attitude here??? I was always taught, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all. you should try it too, if someone has a positive attitude here, SO WHAT, just move on to the next one, maybe there are members here that need to hear that it isnt so bad, maybe they need to see that it is possible to still be happy, but when someone like you posts something negative about the person who just posts something with a little positivity, i think it is plain wrong!!!
-
Are you two the ones that go "skipping and bouncing out of the dialysis clinic"?
As long as I keep my fluid gains down, Im usually skipping and bouncing out of the clinic. In the winter, I had a hockey game after every wednesday night treatment. So for some people, the whole "skipping and bouncing" thing isn't so far-fetched.
-
YOU GO HYPERLITE.... You "skip and bounce" all you can and all you want until you cant skip and bounce anymore. I am glad to see other people "enjoying" their lives no matter what it deals us.
-
YOU GO HYPERLITE.... You "skip and bounce" all you can and all you want until you cant skip and bounce anymore. I am glad to see other people "enjoying" their lives no matter what it deals us.
"goofynina" and "hyperlite" the main difference between you two and "Rerun" is that "Rerun" has been on dialysis ALOT longer than both of you. Much, much longer. Your body has not had the kick shit out of it like she has. You both are fairly new to new dialysis.
When I was new to dialysis, let's say the first 5 years I was feeling pretty good too, sure I had problems but I was at least able to walk still, being able to talk with BOTH of my vocal chords, my bones were not like an 80 year olds, Am I was able to get on the floor and play with my son. But now here I am with almost 13 years of straight dialysis, I can't "skip and bounce" out of dialysis, I would fall out of my wheelchair, and break every GOD-Damn bone in my body. >:(
so "goofynina" do me a personal favor and cut "Rerun" and anyone else who is a little or lot "negative" some slack. Remember that old saying "Do not judge a man until you have walked in that mans shoes" ;)
This site is NOT here to make the negative become positive, it is here to learn from each other and take that information and make decisions, oh and to rant and vent of course. ;D
- Epoman
-
Skipping and bouncing out off the unit :-\ Think I was about ten years old last time I did that, could not get out of the unit quick enough.
Hyperlite, goofynina you are still in the honeymoon part of dialysis, It usually lasts for the first few years. But unfortunately the dialysis always catches up with you. That is if you do not get a transplant first that works. I do remember when I felt the way you do.
I do agree dialysis keeps us alive. After a while you will realize, that is all it does.
Maybe a bit negative, but the truth :( A positive, I have been back on dialysis for 18 years and still here ;)
Kevno
-
haha yeah I'm not saying that everyone should be "skipping and bouncing" afterwards, im just saying that for some people, dialysis isn't as hard on their body as others. And yeah i know im "new" (haha if you hadve told me when i started that 2 years of dialysis was "nothing" i would have thought you were crazy!), but there are people in my unit that have been on dialysis for 10+ years who havent really been affected by dialysis (to the extremes that some people here have). So I'm not trying to say you guys should be skipping and bouncing after dialysis, im just saying that there are some people out there who do. And as for waiting another 5 years of being on dialysis to see if my outlook has changed, forget that! If i don't get a transplant soon, there will be a lot of people waking up in bathtubs full of ice, with a kidney missing! >:D hahaha
and rerun, be as negative as you want! its a free country! and goofynina be as positive as you want...just dont try to force your negativity, or positivity on others...
-
I haven't been on dialysis that long. Nine months back in 1987 and then a transplant for 17 years and back on dialysis for 8 months and counting. But during that "short" time, I had 3 fistulas, been on CAPD, Hemo, 3 catheters in my neck, 5 blood transfusions, etc...
The difference between me and Goofy and Hyper is I was at the TOP and then my kidney failed on me. I was a grade 12 working for the United States Department of Agriculture traveling all over the United States for National Meetings, Compliance Specialist for California. When you are use to living at $70,000+ a year and then all of a sudden you are looking at disability you tend to have a different attitude then if you were working at K-Mart and lost your job and lifestyle. Or let's say you have never worked; then it is not that hard when you hit the ground. When you are at the TOP of your career and then you are told your kidney is failing and you KNOW what it is like to be on dialysis, you pretty much lose your positive attitude.
The saying goes "If you don't have anything nice to say......sit by me."
Goofina: FOYRHOL!
-
haha yeah I'm not saying that everyone should be "skipping and bouncing" afterwards, im just saying that for some people, dialysis isn't as hard on their body as others. And yeah i know im "new" (haha if you hadve told me when i started that 2 years of dialysis was "nothing" i would have thought you were crazy!), but there are people in my unit that have been on dialysis for 10+ years who havent really been affected by dialysis (to the extremes that some people here have). So I'm not trying to say you guys should be skipping and bouncing after dialysis, im just saying that there are some people out there who do. And as for waiting another 5 years of being on dialysis to see if my outlook has changed, forget that! If i don't get a transplant soon, there will be a lot of people waking up in bathtubs full of ice, with a kidney missing! >:D hahaha
and rerun, be as negative as you want! its a free country! and goofynina be as positive as you want...just dont try to force your negativity, or positivity on others...
Very well said hyperlite. :)
- Epoman
-
Rerun, i am really sorry for all that has happend to you, really i am, BUT, i am not going to worry about how i feel about dialysis in 10 years or maybe 2 years for that matter, what i am trying to say is that i am alive NOW, and i am living what life i have NOW. Yes, i would love to have my life back the way it was, i did Daycare for 13 years and it was the best and most rewarding job i ever had, (and paid almost as much as yours did) but SHIT happens and you deal with it, everyone deals with it, whether it be ESRD, cancer, liver disease, whatever it may be. If you dont like me being so positive or you dont like my posts being so positive, isnt there a way you can ignore them?
Epoman, I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway, i just want people to know how i look at my disease and how i deal with it. Sure, i can bitch and complain just as much as the next person but i really dont see any reason in it. It aint going to get me anywhere but if thats what you want, i am sorry but i cant deliver. I am not saying i have it so good, i've been bedridden, been confined to a wheelchair, used the walker, had the fistulas in my arms, clotted serveral times in fact, had the ones in my neck 3 times, numerous blood transfusions, lost use of my limbs due to high potassium, more than i would like to have, and i am the champion cramper and crasher on the machine, i too lost my job, my house, my kids (daycare) the only ones i had to call my own, had to get rid of my dog, BUT, i still have my Faith. I think that is a good thing, dont you? well, for me that is. I know this is all about ranting and all but cant those who are on dialysis with a GOOD story to tell for once be welcomed here too and not be bashed for thinking or posting something positive? I know, maybe you should make a section for only positive people to go to, is that possible, we tell each other uplifting stories and when someone needs to hear it (or read it) then they can go in there, but it would be their choice. It's just a thought.
Kevno, yes, dialysis keeps us alive and isnt that all that matters? you said "thats all it does" well, thats all i want it to do for me. I dont see a transplant in the near future for me, even though i have a donor that matches and i have the resource to pay for the donors portion, i am finding it hard to lose the weight so i am just taking it one day at a time and living in the NOW, i am not going to let this beat me and make my last days, weeks, months, years, (who knows) i am not going to waste them with being miserable and angry. Nope, not me.
-
What I mean by that is all it does, is that here in the UK you only get Dialysis 3 x a week for four hours. That is not enough for every renal patient. I can only get pump speeds of 200 - 250 never over 250 so my URRs are at 62% they should be around 75%. Plus it catches up with you not being dialyzed properly. For me, I was a lot better on CAPD. Which you get dialyzed every day. So many people feel a lot better, as long as you get no infections. Which is one of the down sides with CAPD. A lot of people seem to get a lot of infections. I only got two in twelve years. Both times I was in hospital when I got the infections. To feel very well after being on Haemo for 10+ is very rare. I know of only one patient. But he does dialysis 3 x week for 6 hours on a F10 kidney. I know just now I am not as positive as I usually am. Just now I have a decision to make, which I am finding very hard to make.
Kevno
-
Kevno, I am in my first week of PD and i am not too sure if i feel better than when i was on Hemo. My body is still sore, they say that is normal, it just doesnt feel normal, AND, i think i keep getting air in me when i fill, i know how to get the air out of the lines (but i am afraid of how i am supposed to get it out of me, lol, ohhhhh, my poor hubby), but every once in a while i see little ones and by that time, whooop, they are up in me, lol, BUT, one good thing is i sure dont eat like i used to, i dont think there is any room, when i do eat, i get so full so fast and then i am totally stuffed the rest of the night, i am talking to the point where i just cant move, and i know i am not overloaded with fluids cuz i am afraid of drinking them cuz they dont seem to be coming off as much as they should be. how is that possible if nothing is in my stomach? I really hope i get the hang of this soon. And, not only do i hope you are able to make your decision, i hope it is the right one and everything goes well for you. Hang in there, seems like that is pretty much all we can do at this point right? right! ;) And i am sure you know this by now but there are some pretty awesome people in here that i am sure are willing and able to help with your decision if needed. Take Care.....
-
Rerun, i am really sorry for all that has happend to you, really i am, BUT, i am not going to worry about how i feel about dialysis in 10 years or maybe 2 years for that matter, what i am trying to say is that i am alive NOW, and i am living what life i have NOW. Yes, i would love to have my life back the way it was, i did Daycare for 13 years and it was the best and most rewarding job i ever had, (and paid almost as much as yours did) but SHIT happens and you deal with it, everyone deals with it, whether it be ESRD, cancer, liver disease, whatever it may be. If you dont like me being so positive or you dont like my posts being so positive, isnt there a way you can ignore them?
Epoman, I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway, i just want people to know how i look at my disease and how i deal with it. Sure, i can bitch and complain just as much as the next person but i really dont see any reason in it. It aint going to get me anywhere but if thats what you want, i am sorry but i cant deliver. I am not saying i have it so good, i've been bedridden, been confined to a wheelchair, used the walker, had the fistulas in my arms, clotted serveral times in fact, had the ones in my neck 3 times, numerous blood transfusions, lost use of my limbs due to high potassium, more than i would like to have, and i am the champion cramper and crasher on the machine, i too lost my job, my house, my kids (daycare) the only ones i had to call my own, had to get rid of my dog, BUT, i still have my Faith. I think that is a good thing, dont you? well, for me that is. I know this is all about ranting and all but cant those who are on dialysis with a GOOD story to tell for once be welcomed here too and not be bashed for thinking or posting something positive? I know, maybe you should make a section for only positive people to go to, is that possible, we tell each other uplifting stories and when someone needs to hear it (or read it) then they can go in there, but it would be their choice. It's just a thought.
Kevno, yes, dialysis keeps us alive and isnt that all that matters? you said "thats all it does" well, thats all i want it to do for me. I dont see a transplant in the near future for me, even though i have a donor that matches and i have the resource to pay for the donors portion, i am finding it hard to lose the weight so i am just taking it one day at a time and living in the NOW, i am not going to let this beat me and make my last days, weeks, months, years, (who knows) i am not going to waste them with being miserable and angry. Nope, not me.
I can't believe you think this place is all about ranting and venting. Have you read even half the posts? There are MANY positive posts here and many helpful posts. I guess you just don't get the whole purpose of this site. I can't believe you even think we need a so-called positive section. If you have an inspirational story then please by all means, post it in "General Discussion".
OK Nina you are super-duper positive, GOOD! Others are NOT. I myself am NOT, but I do have many things in my life I love and I am positive about some things. I promise you this though the time WILL come when you lose your elitist positive attitude.
Let me ask you this, don't you think spending my personal money (this site isn't free you know, bandwidth costs money) and many hours working on this site to give dialysis patients a voice and a community, a positive thing? I think it is.
You said: but if that's what you want, i am sorry but i cant deliver. When did I ever ask you to be negative or not to post "positive" threads. You are positive good for you, we understand that. But do not EVER try to force me or other members here to be positive. Bottom line is don't worry about the members here, do not try to "save" them. You can help them, encourage them, give them advice, be their friend, but don't EVER look down on them for their negativity.
Now if you will excuse me I need to go throw up some more blood, I am feeling sick (all weekend) and when I feel sick in my stomach, throwing up makes me feel better, and I throw up blood because I have tears in my esophagus, that's what happens when you throw up for 13 years because of kidney failure. One time I bled so much from my throat I had to be given transfusions because my Hematocrit got to about 10, I was in the hospital for a 6 days. Oh, but sorry it that sounded to negative to you. It's just a story from MY LIFE! Let me add this I can tell you some stories about some of the things I have gone through that would make you cry.
And just for the record, to make sure you understand, you are indeed welcome here and I value you as a member.
- Epoman
-
I feel that nearly ever renal patient have gone through a lot in there lives. More some than others, we have no choice and have to get on with living.
Kevno
-
Okay, okay. I think we all need to lighten up just a little. It sounds like children squabbling over who has it worst around here. It's okay to be positive and it's okay to be negative. The coin has two sides folks. I for one, will try not to holler at positive posts when I am feeling negative and down. It's okay. I know we are all at different stages in the process. I tell and make up morbid jokes about dialysis to cope with it. (You know like diet is die with a T at the end, think what dialysis is...) Oh boy the BS around here goes on forever doesn't it. I like the different view points. Sometimes it is refreshing to see someone enjoying life despite dialysis. That is great! Keep going! I, for one, am just putting one foot in front of the other.
One the other hand who cares what I think! Just keep posting.
Katherine
-
Epoman, I am sorry for all the things this dialysis has put you through, It just seems everytime i post anything positive, someone, not mentioning any names, has something negative to say about what i post. I know people are going through their depressions, their griefs and so on and I am sure the day will come when i do feel the same BUT until it does, i am going to enjoy life no matter what i am going through, it's too short and i am not going to waste it nor will i sit here and wallow in my sorrows and i am glad i can come here and read the posts just as much as i was glad i could come here and add my posts BUT it just hurts that when i do, there is always something someone has to say to bash it, then i have to defend myself. I am a lover, not a fighter, lol, I guess what it comes down to is that I am just not going to post anymore, i'll just read (if you dont mind) I do enjoy some of the jokes on here, and you have an awesome gameroom, they make me laugh, (jokes) (some of them do) When have i ever tried to "force" anyone to be positive? I dont think i have other than saying "hang in there" or "keep your chin up" I believe all this started when I followed Kitkatz post about asking God those questions, well, i used that to remind "ME" how good "I" have it. Sorry if it offended you, Kitkatz or anybody else, that was not my intention at all. And I cant even imagine how much it costs to run a website such as this one but if it costs too much, why dont you ask for a small membership fee, i would pay, any little bit will help you keep this going and i am sure there are and will be many that will need this site, today, tomorrow or whenever. Maybe like a annual fee of $20.00 or something, i definetly think it is worth at least that much for all the info you provide other than the giving us the ability to vent, rant, be positive, meet others, tell jokes, ask questions and so on. This is a great thing you have created and i, for one, look forward to coming here everyday.
-
Who cares if a member of the site is positive or negative. It is up to that individual person how they feel. What they want to say. Plus how they want to say it. Over the last few days, I do not know what as happened. But it seems the site as gone way of the course. It is not the same site I joined in December. All that is happening on a few of the threads is a lot of arguing. We used to just put our point across, and that was that. The advise was taken or not. But we never argued, it was a lot happier site. Yes we do still torment each over, but now I am not sure if that is being taken the wrong way.
The way I saw the site at first: It was just a place to come, maybe have a rant about dialysis. Try to find out about something to do with dialysis that you are not sure about. Ask advise about dialysis. Have a joke and a laugh with other patients/carers. That is the way I understood, Epoman wanted the site to be like.
What has happened :-\
Kevno
-
Well Kevno, I think "Goofynina" happend, me and my positive and argumentive self. I posted a reply and it started it, SORRY PEOPLE FOR BEING SO FREAKEN POSITIVE, UGH, WHAT A BIYOTCH HUH? LMAO.... And here i told Epoman i wasnt going to post anymore, sorry again, i guess i just cant stay away from this place. I understand if ya kick me out, lol,
-
In most families people fight and argue, but still love each other. That is how this site is. I have to put up a front all day and so this is my refuge to be a smart alic and let my true feelings out. Just keep posting and be honest.
I have one positive thing about dialysis. I went from a size 12 to a 4. I've always wanted to be thin! ;D
-
The difference between me and Goofy and Hyper is I was at the TOP and then my kidney failed on me.
hahaha if the difference between you and me is that you were on the TOP when your kidneys failed, does that mean that I was at the bottom?
-
The difference between me and Goofy and Hyper is I was at the TOP and then my kidney failed on me.
hahaha if the difference between you and me is that you were on the TOP when your kidneys failed, does that mean that I was at the bottom?
Rerun means she was well established well into her career, and you Hyperlite are young and still in college. So yeah you are at the bottom. ;D
- Epoman
-
Geezzzzz! Mea culpa to anyone I might have offended with any comments back and forth. I thought we had a free exchange of ideas here. If a post is here, then we have put it out to the world to be commented upon. That means if we do not like it, then we can say so. I was not particularly offended at your posting a positive prayer to my rant I posted. I figured it was your right to say anything you wanted about it. However, expect an answer back, no matter what form it takes whether positive or negative.
Goofynina: I keep telling you, you are just in a different phase of progress than I am. And it is okay. I am okay with that! You are probably miles ahead of me in figuring out how to stay healthy on dialysis. If the positive attitude is good for you, great! I am happy for you and do not want you to stop posting on the site just because we are a bunch of grumpy old dialysis patients! Your bits of positiveness brighten what can be a very dark and dreary world. Like I said to everyone Lighten up. I figured you had a right to answer my rant any way you wanted to. I answered back and we had a good discussion over it. Great! See something positive. (Oh no, it's catching!)
Trying not to scream too loudly over here in Hell land!
Katherine
-
Epoman, I am sorry for all the things this dialysis has put you through, It just seems everytime i post anything positive, someone, not mentioning any names, has something negative to say about what i post. I know people are going through their depressions, their griefs and so on and I am sure the day will come when i do feel the same BUT until it does, i am going to enjoy life no matter what i am going through, it's too short and i am not going to waste it nor will i sit here and wallow in my sorrows and i am glad i can come here and read the posts just as much as i was glad i could come here and add my posts BUT it just hurts that when i do, there is always something someone has to say to bash it, then i have to defend myself. I am a lover, not a fighter, lol, I guess what it comes down to is that I am just not going to post anymore, i'll just read (if you dont mind) I do enjoy some of the jokes on here, and you have an awesome gameroom, they make me laugh, (jokes) (some of them do) When have i ever tried to "force" anyone to be positive? I dont think i have other than saying "hang in there" or "keep your chin up" I believe all this started when I followed Kitkatz post about asking God those questions, well, i used that to remind "ME" how good "I" have it. Sorry if it offended you, Kitkatz or anybody else, that was not my intention at all. And I cant even imagine how much it costs to run a website such as this one but if it costs too much, why dont you ask for a small membership fee, i would pay, any little bit will help you keep this going and i am sure there are and will be many that will need this site, today, tomorrow or whenever. Maybe like a annual fee of $20.00 or something, i definetly think it is worth at least that much for all the info you provide other than the giving us the ability to vent, rant, be positive, meet others, tell jokes, ask questions and so on. This is a great thing you have created and i, for one, look forward to coming here everyday.
If you wish not to post anymore, that is your choice. I myself hope you continue to post, there is nothing wrong with your posts, you have done nothing wrong, no one has. I made this site so dialysis patients can speak their mind. You do not have to defend yourself if someone tells you something you don't like, you can reply or don't reply, it's your choice. It's good to have positive people here, if we didn't have positive people, this place would be grim. You haven't offended me except for you not understanding the main purpose of the site, it is not about being negative. Thank you for the kind words about the site, it makes all my work worth it.
Also about the "money" issue, soon members will have a way to help in the running/maintaining of the site, but it will be 100% optional, not a requirement. This site will ALWAYS be free to dialysis patients.
- Epoman
-
I have one positive thing about dialysis. I went from a size 12 to a 4. I've always wanted to be thin! ;D
I agree with that one!!! I have lost almost 30kgs since starting Dx. Mostly caused by having my head in a bucket day in day out, but its got me on the road to getting a transplant quicker.
-
What drives me daily is the need to overcome this diesease which took my grandfather, Uncle and put me on Dialysis... the only proof I need is to look at my Da, uncle and aunt all of whom have a transplant, my father with the longest at 14 years.
Not only will I dominate this "Bump in the road" but I will also work endlessly to raise money and awareness for the cause... the only thing that gets me down is the absurdity of not signing a donor card... why are we forced endure what we do when the answer is within our grasp. HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO SELFISH????
DRIVEN BY SPITE >:(
-
I think some people are "superstitious" about signing the donor cards. Think about that a minute, that means thinking of dying, a thought none of us want to do EVER, but since this disease, is something you cannot help but to think about once in a while.
Also, at least in Pennsylvania, the only time the chance comes along to sign the card, is when you receive, or renew your drivers license, or if you have a living will, again that brings up the thought of death. I doubt many think of the gift of life they can give others, like all of us, but again, thank God for the ones who do.
-
The answer is "Presumed Consent". That is where you are "Presumed" a donor unless there is proof elsewhere or someone steps up and says "he/she did not want to be a donor." I think people would just rather have it "done" and not talked about.
It may never happen, but if it did, the list would disappear.
-
Hepzibah...your life isn't over. Start working on getting yourself a new kidney. You can get your life back with a good transplant. Dialysis sucks bigtime but there is another option, the one that will make the badness go away. If I lived in England I could tell you more but my experience is here in the U.S. Ask your doctors how to go about it there. You have a healthy young wife...there may be a kidney already available to you. Don't wait on this, get the ball rolling.
-
The answer is "Presumed Consent". That is where you are "Presumed" a donor unless there is proof elsewhere or someone steps up and says "he/she did not want to be a donor." I think people would just rather have it "done" and not talked about.
It may never happen, but if it did, the list would disappear.
They were going over that in my Canadian Province but then the bill was voted against and didn't go through :( I thought that would have been GREAT because here .. you only do it when it is time to do your drivers license or your health card (O.H.I.P.) but people are too lazy or too scared.
-
The answer is "Presumed Consent". That is where you are "Presumed" a donor unless there is proof elsewhere or someone steps up and says "he/she did not want to be a donor." I think people would just rather have it "done" and not talked about.
It may never happen, but if it did, the list would disappear.
IMO I believe that is the answer also. I think most people are willing to donate but lack of a better term they are just lazy about it. They just do not find the time to sign a donor card or inform others of their wishes. Seems something like this is one of the very last things most have time to do with the pace of society today.
-
Some people avoid becoming donors as they have seen the way the dead are treated when there body parts are donated. my wifes dad used to work in theatre and had first hand experiance of how badly and without respect bodies of the donors were treated while the organs were removed. I would definatley be on the donor list if It wasn't for the fact my organs are faulty.
-
I think most people aren't donors because they think that if they get in to a major accident they wont be saved they will be chopped up instead. I have heard that basic excuse from people many times.
-
What are the top ten (http://angieskidney.com/AK/Info.html) myths regarding organ donation?
Myth: My body will be mutilated when my organs are harvested.
Fact: Donated organs are removed surgically, in a routine operation similar to gallbladder or appendix
removal. Normal funeral arrangements are possible.
Myth: My family would be expected to pay for donating my organs.
Fact: A donor's family is not charged for donation. If a family believes it has been billed incorrectly,
the family immediately should contact its local organ procurement organization.
Myth: I might want to donate one organ, but I do not want to donate everything.
Fact: You may specify what organs you want donated. Your wishes will be followed.
Myth: If I am in an accident and the hospital knows that I want to be a donor, the doctors will
not try to save my life.
Fact: The medical team treating you is separate from the transplant team. HOPE is not notified until all lifesaving efforts have failed and death has been
determined. HOPE does not notify the transplant team until your family has consented to
donation.
Myth: I am not the right age for donation.
Fact: Organs may be donated from someone as young as a newborn. Age limits for organ donation
no longer exist; however, the general age limit for tissue donation is 70.
Myth: If I donate, I would worry that the recipient and/or the recipient's family would discover
my identity and cause more grief for my family.
Fact: Information about the donor is released by HOPE to the recipients only if the family that
donated requests that it be provided.
Myth: My religion does not support donation.
Fact: All organized religions support donation, typically considering it a generous act that is the
individual's choice.
Myth: Only heart, liver and kidneys can be transplanted.
Fact: The pancreas, lungs, small and large intestines, and the stomach also can be transplanted.
Myth: Wealthy people are the only people who receive transplants.
Fact: Anyone requiring a transplant is eligible for one. Arrangements can be made with the transplant
hospital for individuals requiring financial assistance.
Myth: I have a history of medical illness. You would not want my organs or tissues.
Fact: At the time of death, HOPE (Human Organ Procurement and Exchange program) will review medical and social histories to determine donor
suitability on a case-by-case basis.
-
I got to thinking about the title to this thread.
You know I would give up dialysis in a heartbeat if I knew my family would be okay without me.
If I knew my husband could pay the bills and live a happy life without me I would let go and move on. If I knew my girls could make it on their own I would let it all go.
If I knew I was DONE with everything I had to learn here on the plane of existence and would not be penalized in my next life for leaving early, I would let go.
If the angels came down here and told me it was okay to go, I would let it all go in a second.
I know that one day I will have had enough and I WILL let it all go.
I will make that choice when the time comes. I know I will.
-
You nasty p*cker, Epoman. What gives you the right to think you can speak to someone like that? Just because you run this website doesn't mean you can speak to people as if they are something you just stepped in. I think this person requires support, not condemnation.
And by the way, Rerun, there is no 'plan'. I don't buy into this idea that God lets people suffer for his sake. It is nonsense. Surely, God is NOT like that. My dad wouldn't allow me to suffer because of some 'plan' so I don't think God would either.
(...apologies to all atheists for discussing religion but I didn't bring it up)
-
Umm...Padster...This issue was resolved months ago. Goofynina is one of our Moderators now. I think Epoman did a good job of getting her to stay on the site. She is great moderator. An apology is due from you I think.
-
Padster, though this website is about frank speech, one of the things forbidden here is profanity, especially when it is personally directed. You have offended me personally with your filthy language. And we have at least one 9 year old who posts here. If you feel so strongly about the administrator and owner of this website, the way is clear. Just leave and you would never have to deal with him. For one who claims to know the Lord, that outburst is shocking.
I don't understand why people would stick around a place that offends them.
-
*gulp* Bajanne has spoken ::)
-
I don't understand why people would stick around a place that offends them.
Probably because the pros outway the cons.
-
I am truly sorry if I am out of place here but I have something I must say.
Since when does a thread like this one, where a fellow patient is so distraught, that he was considering suicide and was obviously coming here looking for compassion and guidance, turn in to a free for all flame war amongst this forums other patients? Epoman brought up a very good point where as Hephziba may have very well been thinking selfishly thinking about letting himself die and not considering any repercussions of his actions and I commend those of you that tried to make him think it over. But some of you appear to be more selfish then him with the arguments amongst yourselves. Have some of you completely lost sight of what the thread was all about? A fellow patient came to IHD ( of all places ) in dire straits, asking for your help at a very critical point of his life and this is how you end up treating him? And some of you dare to call yourselves Christians? I am ashamed. :-X
I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone with this post. I just couldn't stand to sit idly by and watch this mockery continue any longer.
-
You nasty p*cker, Epoman. What gives you the right to think you can speak to someone like that? Just because you run this website doesn't mean you can speak to people as if they are something you just stepped in. I think this person requires support, not condemnation.
And by the way, Rerun, there is no 'plan'. I don't buy into this idea that God lets people suffer for his sake. It is nonsense. Surely, God is NOT like that. My dad wouldn't allow me to suffer because of some 'plan' so I don't think God would either.
(...apologies to all atheists for discussing religion but I didn't bring it up)
I don't even know what you are taking about since you didn't "quote" anyone, but hey have your day buddy. ;D
God does have a "plan" for your life. You don't have to believe me. We all have our opinions, but to salm Epoman for his opinion?! WTF's with that?
-
You nasty p*cker, Epoman. What gives you the right to think you can speak to someone like that? Just because you run this website doesn't mean you can speak to people as if they are something you just stepped in. I think this person requires support, not condemnation.
And by the way, Rerun, there is no 'plan'. I don't buy into this idea that God lets people suffer for his sake. It is nonsense. Surely, God is NOT like that. My dad wouldn't allow me to suffer because of some 'plan' so I don't think God would either.
(...apologies to all atheists for discussing religion but I didn't bring it up)
Padster, you have 48 hours for a public apology TO ME!, not because you spoke your mind but because you used profanity toward a member and that is NOT allowed. Especially to a member of the admin team (myself) who runs this site and puts in many hours a day for YOUR benefit. If you do not you will be BANNED, bottom line. Any member who defends Padsters actions will be given a 2 week vacation (temp-ban) themselves. No if ands or buts, I AM DEAD SERIOUS, I don't care who the member is, Padster crossed the line. END OF STORY. Do NOT test me!
- Epoman
Owner/Admin
(I will be sending this post to Padsters email address and via PM, to make sure he receives it.)
By the way "MEMBERS" what the HELL is he talking about. Which post made me a "NASTY p*ckER"?
Also for your information members, any member who uses profanity directed to YOU personally, PM me or a MOD as soon as possible. So the situation may be resolved. It just takes one member to start, then others will think it's OK to call each other names and that WILL NOT be tolerated.
-
Wow this thread has definitely changed since I went to sleep ...
Padster, just because you don't feel like God exist because you suffer does not mean God exists, but that is just how I feel. God never promised an easy time. You obviously feel a lot of pain. I don't want to turn this into a religious debate as there is a thread for that. So don't answer on this. But realize this is a place to speak the truth and express feelings about what you are going through even if others feelings don't agree. You can't make everyone happy (I have learned that long ago) and if others feel differently it should not bring out anger. Just appreciate how different others are. As for every positive thing you have said being met with negativity, a lot of people are still getting adjusted to their dialysis life and can't be as positive as you. But they shouldn't have to hold back as this site is for truth not necessarily encouragement. (Am I right? Correct me if I am wrong) .. but I would rather have truth any day as people are always shielding me from the truth and then I get hurt.
And Epoman, I think he was referring to this post (http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=553.msg4216#msg4216).
Edit: Oh cool I just noticed the discussion Sandman has started just has branched off to a new section here (http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=1113.0) ;) I have taken out what I said about suicide here and pasted it there instead ;)
-
I think there are so many factors involved in a persons decision to give up dialysis. I agree that it could be veiwed as suicide in some cases, but it depends on why that person has chosen to stop treatment. Anyone on dialysis could have suicidal tendancies, and giving up dialysis for no apparent reason could be classed as suicide, as it is a way of letting yourself die. I think most people who choose to give it up probably have a good excuse, every case is different. Things come up that we think there is no way we could deal with it, and giving up dialysis seems to be the easy way out of it. Its a bloody tough thing to go through, and I would say most people at one point have wanted to give up, but its our will for living that keeps us going.
-
OK I apologise unreservedly for the use of the F word. I don't like swearing usually because it shows a lack of vocabulary skills, but it really annoyed me what Epoman said at the top of this post and I still stand by the rest of my comments. Epoman was being very nasty in my opinion.
Trust me Rerun. There is no grand plan. God is not like that. He does not require human suffering for his own ends. The only thing I do believe God imposes is the date we cash in our chips. All the rest is about learning. Earth is a giant classroom. Sadly, people with mortal bodies get ill. It isn't pre-planned.
-
Padister, I agree, God does not require suffering, but he does allow it. AND we do "learn" from it do we not?? ;)
-
OK I apologise unreservedly for the use of the F word. I don't like swearing usually because it shows a lack of vocabulary skills, but it really annoyed me what Epoman said at the top of this post and I still stand by the rest of my comments. Epoman was being very nasty in my opinion.
Trust me Rerun. There is no grand plan. God is not like that. He does not require human suffering for his own ends. The only thing I do believe God imposes is the date we cash in our chips. All the rest is about learning. Earth is a giant classroom. Sadly, people with mortal bodies get ill. It isn't pre-planned.
Padster, I believe you are talking about this post of mine (see quote below) talking to "hephziba" a few months ago. ::) In which he already replied and seems like he understood I was just giving him "tough love" you stand by your comments and I too stand by my comments 100% I meant every word I said to him, if you can't understand what I was trying to accomplish with those harsh words, then I can't help you. He was newly married less than a year, and on CAPD about a year, not even hemo, so I told him how selfish he was being to his new wife. Plus I had shared my experience with him and told him how having a child gave me a will to live. As he put it in his own words "I gave him a slap in the face" and I would do it again. If he was single and had been on dialysis for years and had a lot of complications then, whatever he wanted to do I would support him, but he is too young, newly married, and new to dialysis to give up now.
But now getting back to YOU, I will accept that half-assed apology, I say that because you apologized to using profanity instead of apologizing to me directly, I will let that slide this time because it is your right to think I was being "very nasty" that is your opinion, and what I said was the TRUTH! And I was trying my best to knock some sense back into him. Because I know what can be accomplished in life even living hooked to a machine.
This is your one and only warning Padster. This goes to ALL members, this site will NOT allow verbal abuse of one member to another, especially a member of the admin team If you think being a mod or admin is easy you are quite mistaken. You want to have debates and "flame" wars that is fine, but be respectful of each other. Want to use a "curse" word now and then? that too is fine but keep it civil.
- Epoman
Owner/Admin
>:D >:( YOU WANT MY INPUT? YOU GOT IT! >:( >:D sorry to say this and it might piss you off, but here is a qoute from you when you introduced yourself:
I have been on dialysis for almost a year now, I am 25 years old and I was rushed into Hospital just in time for my first wedding aniversary
So not only are you a coward but you're selfish ::) ::) ::) >:( >:( >:( You have been on almost a year! ??? WTF??? PLUS you have a new spouse? ::) I hope this is a joke because you have not earned the right to want to give up (yet). Your only 25, I was 21, (now 33) I too thought my life was over but never did I ever consider stopping dialysis. Not for myself but for my to new bride (married LESS than a year, now going on 13+ years). Don't you think your spouse loves you and will miss you? what about your family? Friends? Yeah dialysis sucks donkey balls, but be strong and take what life gives you. You never know what life has instore for you. I'm talking to you like this to get you MAD, and want to fight. Don't lose your will. You know what you need? you need a child, a child CHANGED my life, I live for my son, in fact I live through my son. He is my top priority and my "Will" to live.
IF you ALREADY have a child then you really are a selfish person and you REALLY suck HARD, so please stop dialysis NOW! >:( LOSER!
If not, STOP feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit in order and hold on because it's going to be a long hard road ahead, but along the way you will have some good times.
8)
But getting back to your post, If you tell your doctors you wish to stop dialysis, they legally have to leave you alone, dialysis is a treatment option, NOT a life requirement. You will live maybe 2-3 weeks and eventually the toxins will cause you to go into a coma and you will die. Some say it's a peaceful way to go but I don't buy that. I feel like shit sometimes by Monday with no dialysis over the weekend, I can only imagine after 2 weeks. :o
So I hope you don't get mad at me for this post, I just want you to LIVE! You have so much to look forward to, you just don't know it yet. ;)
- Epoman
Owner/Admin
-
it really annoyed me what Epoman said at the top of this post and I still stand by the rest of my comments. Epoman was being very nasty in my opinion.
Padster, are you referring to this post (http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=553.msg3883#msg3883)? I would have to agree that Epoman was a bit harsh but his intentions were sound and I will not question them. That my friend is what is know as tough love. And contrary to popular belief, it DOES work.
@ Rerun. I didn't want to point fingers at anyone in particular. I feel that this is not that time or place to do so. Besides, taking in a full read of every post in this thread with a clear and objective mind, will show where this thread went off course.
@ Hephzibe, don't ever give up your fight man. I realize that sometimes, things in your life will go wrong but no matter how bad things seem to get, just remember that there is always someone out there that does love you and will miss you when your gone. Never forget that as it may be your saving grace.
-
How about everyone stop the bitch fighting and get back to the original topic
-
And just so you all know, that 'tough love slap in the face' achieved it's purpose. Heph was just having a rough time during the transition from hemo to CAPD and it was a nightmare.
We all have bad days right! >:D
Sometimes we all need a good hard slap in the face to bring us back to reality and I don't think Heph was at all offended that Epoman took the hard line. ;)
I appreciated it too. :D
-
And just so you all know, that 'tough love slap in the face' achieved it's purpose. Heph was just having a rough time during the transition from hemo to CAPD and it was a nightmare.
We all have bad days right! >:D
Sometimes we all need a good hard slap in the face to bring us back to reality and I don't think Heph was at all offended that Epoman took the hard line. ;)
I appreciated it too. :D
Thank you very much! ;) I am glad you saw what I was trying to do. :) Sometimes we all need a "slap in the face". See Padster they understood, and so did everyone else, why couldn't you see what I learned in "Psych 102" ;)
-
OK Epoman, some pointers for you.
I won't apologise to you because I found your comments offensive and confrontational. I accept that this might be your 'style' of communicating with people, but really, it doesn't work in the real world. Its kind of like those people who state: "I say what I want and to hell with what anyone thinks. If they can't take the truth, then tough"
"So not only are you a coward but you're selfish"
Ooh, how awful. The poor guy mustn't think about himself must he? No, he must be the 'brave little soldier' and put his feelings on hold lest they upset someone. Yeah, bottle it up. After all, only HE is going through all this stuff.
"IF you ALREADY have a child then you really are a selfish person and you REALLY suck HARD, so please stop dialysis NOW! LOSER"
Not content with calling the guy selfish and accusing him of cowardice, you now add insult to injury by calling him a loser. Ooh, big tough Epoman. We must all be wimps compared to you. Is it so bad not to want to go through all this crap? After all, there are people out there hurting other people and causing pain and distress yet they are in perfect health (and don't bring up that God-plan crap again please...let it die)
"If not, STOP feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit in order"
Nice. And you tell ME I have a filthy mouth....
No Epo, I wil NOT apologise to you personally. And you can ban me if it gives you pleasure.
Best wishes,
Padster
-
OK Epoman, some pointers for you.
I won't apologise to you because I found your comments offensive and confrontational. I accept that this might be your 'style' of communicating with people, but really, it doesn't work in the real world. Its kind of like those people who state: "I say what I want and to hell with what anyone thinks. If they can't take the truth, then tough"
"So not only are you a coward but you're selfish"
Ooh, how awful. The poor guy mustn't think about himself must he? No, he must be the 'brave little soldier' and put his feelings on hold lest they upset someone. Yeah, bottle it up. After all, only HE is going through all this stuff.
"IF you ALREADY have a child then you really are a selfish person and you REALLY suck HARD, so please stop dialysis NOW! LOSER"
Not content with calling the guy selfish and accusing him of cowardice, you now add insult to injury by calling him a loser. Ooh, big tough Epoman. We must all be wimps compared to you. Is it so bad not to want to go through all this crap? After all, there are people out there hurting other people and causing pain and distress yet they are in perfect health (and don't bring up that God-plan crap again please...let it die)
"If not, STOP feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit in order"
Nice. And you tell ME I have a filthy mouth....
No Epo, I wil NOT apologise to you personally. And you can ban me if it gives you pleasure.
Best wishes,
Padster
You just don't get it, EVEN after his wife comes in this thread and defends my actions. It is not my "Style" but tough love has been proven to work.
Ooh, how awful. The poor guy mustn't think about himself must he? No, he must be the 'brave little soldier' and put his feelings on hold lest they upset someone. Yeah, bottle it up. After all, only HE is going through all this stuff.
That's right he is newly married and when you get married you become one emotionally with that person, there is a bond. So NO he can't just think of himself and be selfish his actions NOW affect his wife plus others.
Not content with calling the guy selfish and accusing him of cowardice, you now add insult to injury by calling him a loser. Ooh, big tough Epoman. We must all be wimps compared to you. Is it so bad not to want to go through all this crap? After all, there are people out there hurting other people and causing pain and distress yet they are in perfect health (and don't bring up that God-plan crap again please...let it die)
That's right I would have said anything to make him think twice. The rest of your comments are just ridiculous.
Nice. And you tell ME I have a filthy mouth....
I said you had a filthy mouth? I believe those are your words.
No Epo, I wil NOT apologise to you personally. And you can ban me if it gives you pleasure.
My pleasure, You are BANNED not because of your comments but because of your lack of respect to a fellow member. Your own words "No Epo, I wil NOT apologise to you personally" and you know the rules and you were given a chance.
(Email of this reply sent to Padster at his email address since you will not be able to view it, he is BANNED)
- Epoman
Owner/Admin
-
Banned!! I agree. It is ridiculous to tell one person to not say what is on his mind when that person is doing the same thing. He must be a democrat!
-
I agree, Padster did overstep the mark. Plus deserved to be banned. What I can not understand why he did it on a old thread that had already been sorted out :-\ Crazy!
Plus I always thought you were a democrat Rerun ::)
-
Most people think I'm a liberal democrat. All my friends seem to be liberal democrats. HELP! What am I doing wrong!
I'm as consertive as they come. I listen to Rush Limbough! The man cracks me up and is right most of the time.
-
I listen to Rush Limbough!
I'm sorry. LOL
-
Well, doesn't that make me a "Conservative" Republican? GEEZ! How much more can I say! ;D
-
Well, doesn't that make me a "Conservative" Republican? GEEZ! How much more can I say! ;D
Nope that says it all.
-
I'm keeping quiet :)
-
I'm keeping quiet :)
Me too. Wow. :o
-
Id rather we talk about what we are here for, not fight like school kids
-
Well, doesn't that make me a "Conservative" Republican? GEEZ! How much more can I say! ;D
Nope that says it all.
New Topic in "Off Topic" ;)
-
You will die unless you get a transplant. If you deliberately know this and go off dialysis, you are, in essence, committing suicide. Dialysis is not fun. However, it is not the end of the world. One thing you have to remember -- unlike with liver, heart, or lung failure - kidney failure can be treated. You (and everyone who has this) will always have Chronic Kidney Disease. Transplant and Dialysis are only treatments. Do not do this to yourself. Life is too good to quit - even when 12-20 hours per weeks are used. Epoman was right with his response.
-
i've thought about stopping dialysis millions of times but then i do some paintings/drawings which helps get my emotions out alot better..the more people who see it the less it's mine.
-
i've thought about stopping dialysis millions of times but then i do some paintings/drawings which helps get my emotions out alot better..the more people who see it the less it's mine.
NICE! Do you have a digital camera? Maybe you could post some pictures of your paintings in Off-Topic and SHOW THE WORLD! :o
-
I'm with epoman on this one as well. You know my aunt was on CAPD and she stopped it, just like you want to do, she left behind a husband and two kids, not to mention her 3 grandchildren, you don't know who you will hurt until you do but by then its to late because you can't come back from the dead! If you only had yourself I would say do whatever you feel like doing, but epoman is right, your not living for just you anymore, I didn't like it when I failed, shit I was only 18. But ever since I have a lovely wife and a brand new baby girl, sure your life is different and may even suck sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's over!
-
I'm with epoman on this one as well. You know my aunt was on CAPD and she stopped it, just like you want to do, she left behind a husband and two kids, not to mention her 3 grandchildren, you don't know who you will hurt until you do but by then its to late because you can't come back from the dead! If you only had yourself I would say do whatever you feel like doing, but epoman is right, your not living for just you anymore, I didn't like it when I failed, shit I was only 18. But ever since I have a lovely wife and a brand new baby girl, sure your life is different and may even suck sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's over!
Very well said Budman!! :2thumbsup;
-
That is why I haven't remarried. I don't want to hurt anyone and really don't want to be a burdon on anyone.
I also don't want to become one giant fistula. People will go to all lengths to stay alive on dialysis. Fistulas coming out their groin or back. I won't do that. :(
-
Me neither, Rerun. The doc will have to talk long and hard to put anything anywhere else but in an arm. What are they thinking? How can you live a comfortable life with fistulas or grafts everywhere. Shheez!
-
That is why I haven't remarried. I don't want to hurt anyone and really don't want to be a burdon on anyone.
I also don't want to become one giant fistula. People will go to all lengths to stay alive on dialysis. Fistulas coming out their groin or back. I won't do that. :(
That pretty sad rerun but I can't find any real fault in your logic. What I can't help but wonder is, just how lonely you must feel?
-
I'd rather be a little lonely than a LOT rejected.
I do fine. I have lots of friends and family, but not a husband or kids to tell me what to do. My brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews know better than to try, and Mom and Dad are dead. ;)
-
I couldnt cope without my other half.
-
I couldnt cope without my other half.
QFT
(Quoted For Truth)
Seriously, I was very lucky to get married before I was struck with this disease. My wife is the most supportive person in the world.
-
I mert my other half after I found out my kidney was rejecting. I told him all about it before we even got together. I doubt he knew how much was going to be involved but he has stuck by me and I know he loves me no matter what. He was only 21 when I met him, and I was surprised it didnt scare him off, being so young. He is just as sick of it all as I am. I just want to be able to work so we can buy a house and have kids. It does put strain on your relationship though, but I love him to bits and dont regret getting involved with someone at all.
-
Being newly single with kidney failure is kind of daunting sometimes. I usually enjoy being single, but lately I have wanted some kind of love relationship. My only family is my mom who has terminal cancer, and right now my friends are so supportive, but they are also really busy with their lives, and they aren't even married yet with families.
I guess I don't worry about being a burden on someone because I know the extents I would go to for someone I love.
UUUgghh...I don't know how I would be able to work a full time job and not have someone living with me to help out on those hard days.
I would normally say that I would go to any extent to live, but lately I am not so sure. I could see myself one day, if I became a burden, or extremely sick, or unable to financially survive... I might pull the plug.
-
There's a saying "He's not heavy, He's my Brother" I believe it was a song too but In a married relationship you would not be a burden.
If you are a burden than you are not truly in love. :(
-
There's a saying "He's not heavy, He's my Brother" I believe it was a song too but In a married relationship you would not be a burden.
If you are a burden than you are not truly in love. :(
That's right. But you are still married and I don't take that lightly. I'd rather stay single than go through another divorce.
-
I think there are obviously pros and cons to having a mate when one has a disability. If it's a good marriage - then great. If not, it just adds one more burden onto an already full plate! For me, right now, I've got me to worry about. I become a raving bitch at times when I'm sick and would rather not have a mate to take it out on right now.
And whether to stay on dialysis or not. Such a personal decision should be left up to that person. Although we are a tight community, everyone's circumstances are different. No, dialysis is not the end. But if your quality of life is such that the cons outperform the pros, then you decide, on your own, what is important to you.
-
There's a saying "He's not heavy, He's my Brother" I believe it was a song too but In a married relationship you would not be a burden.
If you are a burden than you are not truly in love. :(
That's right. But you are still married and I don't take that lightly. I'd rather stay single than go through another divorce.
Your 100% correct. If I weren't married I would not even consider getting married. My wife is not the most understanding but when she doesn't feel good well lets just say no one will feel good.
When I tell her I'm having a bad day or I feel really sick, she just says she don't feel good either. Definitely no sympathy in this house. So I understand you and mmmmmdee.
Technically I am legally separated but we do share the same house. separate bedrooms also.
-
Your 100% correct. If I weren't married I would not even consider getting married. My wife is not the most understanding but when she doesn't feel good well lets just say no one will feel good.
When I tell her I'm having a bad day or I feel really sick, she just says she don't feel good either. Definitely no sympathy in this house. So I understand you and mmmmmdee.
Technically I am legally separated but we do share the same house. separate bedrooms also.
I divorced before I was diagnosed with CKD. You all are making me think twice about ever getting married again.
I imagine it's hard to live in the same house, but be separated. I'm sorry she's not supportive.
EDITED: Fixed Quote tag error - Epoman, Owner/Admin
-
It is very hard to deal with your partner's illness. When both of us, my hubby and I, both came up with something; me on dialysis and him with an amputation below the knee; our lives changed. We both have had to adapt to new changes in our lives. I look on it as we are leaning one each other and staggering through life together. It is difficult I will not lie. I have no big advice to give on relationships. I do know my hubby loves me and I love him. It works for us.