I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: angela515 on October 07, 2007, 08:49:17 PM
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Anyone going through child custody/support? I have some questions, and need some advice... I am sure anyone could offer the advice, but I first wanted to see if anyone is going through it also?
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Not going through it now, but have been through the ringer for sure what questions do you have?
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OK. To make a long story short:
Our agreement we had made through the courts in 2006 states that I am primary caregiver and he is allowed visitations during the summer (to return them 2 weeks prior to school starting), during winter break, and every other spring break. So basically anytime they are not in school, he is allowed to have them if he wants them or is able to afford to bring them and support them while he has them.
Also, he is $13,000+ behind in child support, and I have not been going to court demanding it as I understand his situation right now (at least from what he tells me) and I know he don't make enough to barely pay his rent let alone pay child support, so I sit back and let the courts do their own thing with it and I am trying not to be the bad guy.
As for our agreement with the transportation costs for the children to get to him, we are to split that 50/50. Again, I have been trying to be the good guy and not be a bitch. In June 2006 we split the cost 50/50 for them to get to Vegas, then in Aug when it was time for them to return, he didn't have his half yet he said he was waiting for a paycheck... so of course I am going to pay the 100% to get them home in time for school, so I did. Then in June this year, we split the ost for our daughter to go, again, in Aug, he didn't have his half and again I paid 100% for her to get home in time for school. SO now he owes $400.00 in transportation costs.
The problem. He starts a job at Allegiant today, training, for a customer service position. He has informed me that he gets to fly free on stand-by flights, and so does immediate family, meaning the kids. So, he wants to fly them that way, on stand-by flights, so he don't have to pay. The issue I have with this, is there will be no guaranteed dates on when the kids will return, and I will not allow this.. they have school and such to attend and can't just not attend because there waiting in Vegas for a stand-by flight or *I* have to pay 100% to fly them back on a last minute notice where it costs more than I can afford. Now I can't just say "no, I will not send the kids unless you split round-trip tickets with me" because he could take that as me not allowing him to see the kids, and take me back to court. However if he did, the court would see why and agree with me, but I do not have the money to fly to Vegas to attend court... which is why I can't just oppose in court right now before this problem even happens.
What can or should I do?
(I hope that all made sense)
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Perhaps he could have the kids fly TO him on standby and you can pay for the return flight. It won't cost you any more than before and you have total control over when and how they return to you.
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Perhaps he could have the kids fly TO him on standby and you can pay for the return flight. It won't cost you any more than before and you have total control over when and how they return to you.
You mean for us to pay 50/50 on the return flight? 'Cause that's how it's supposed to be, and like him, I can't afford to pay the tickets by myself... which is why it infuriates me that I have had to twice already.
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I'm no attorney, but if I were you I would have to have set dates for the children's return. As you said, stand by is no guarantee of when they will be coming home. You are not being a bitch if he cant do this, it sounds like you've gone out of your way to let him see his children. I would get in touch with the court and let them know of the stand-by flight situation & let them know you cant keep footing the bill to get them home :twocents;
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Him being late with child support will catch up to him, dont they hold his driver license if he needs to renew it? Or if he gets pulled over dont they take him in? (i think that is if you have reported it to the D.A.) :twocents;
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Perhaps he could have the kids fly TO him on standby and you can pay for the return flight. It won't cost you any more than before and you have total control over when and how they return to you.
You mean for us to pay 50/50 on the return flight? 'Cause that's how it's supposed to be, and like him, I can't afford to pay the tickets by myself... which is why it infuriates me that I have had to twice already.
No, he covers his 50% by having them fly for free on stand-by, and you cover what would have been your cost anyway, which is 50% - a one way trip.
I don't blame you for being mad - it's not fair, he owes you money. But that's unfortunately a separate issue from visitation in the courts.
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Well he recieved a letter from the child support division last month stating he had 30 days to either A) Pay in full or B) write a response to the courts for a court date and he had 30 days to do it or his DL would of been suspended and a warrant for his arrest put out. I know he responded, so I guess now it's just he's waiting for a court date. I know his employer just receieved a letter from the courts saying they are going to garnish his paychecks, but he just quit that job now and got a new one with the airlines, so it will be months before they find out and send a letter to his new employer.
Karol- Uhhh.. no. Him flying them for free isnt paying 1 penny. How is that paying for them? It isnt. He gets that free with his job...
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Karol- Uhhh.. no. Him flying them for free isnt paying 1 penny. How is that paying for them? It isnt. He gets that free with his job...
You are both required to pay one way - if he has a job that has a benefit of free flights then it's a perk for working. He is providing half their travel, doesn't matter how he provides it.
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we went through a lot when my husband kids were little- it sounds like you are being really nice.
Maybe if you forced him to pay what he owes he would stop trying to take advantage of you. He may not make much money, but frankly he should have two jobs if thats what it takes to both see his kids,return them AND pay child support. He will never be able to 'afford' child support if he isn't forced to pay-otherwise he would have already been paying because he was responsible. Your trying not to be the 'bad guy' which is commendable, but YOU can't pay your bills and be self-sufficent if he doesn't do his part. He has already demonstrated he is not willing to be responsible getting them home. I would tell him too bad- either the tickets are pre-paid before they come- or they do not come. save your money now knowing he may take you back to court.you will prevail, you can prove you had to get them home yourself twice already, and you can ask the court why he can pay to drag you back to court, yet cannot get his kids home per the agreement.
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Thanks glitter. That's exactly how I feel. :)
Karol, sorry, I guess I didn't clarify the 50/50 thing better, and that's my fault. We are supposed to be paying 50/50 on EACH trip, like if we bought round trip tickets, then we split it 50/50 upfront, but neither of can afford to do that, so the agreement states when we buy the one-way ticket, we split it 50/50 so its affordable for both of us. So if he's going to fly them free, then he needs to do it both ways, which he can't do and have a return flight date.
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The way it looks in my opinion, you should get it all sorted. The amount he owes you for child support is only going to grow, therefore be harder for him to pay. I say hit it on the head now :boxing; . I know how hard it can be from both sides of the fence, one of my friends is struggling due to paying child support. But hey it's a responsibilty that must be paid, and while it's not I see it as the kids suffering when they shouldn't be. It's their money they are missing out on, maybe if he had been paying it all this time,these travel problems you have been experiencing would be insignificant, afterall look at the money he owes you, that could make a difference in your kid's lives.
My :twocents; :grouphug;
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Thanks glitter. That's exactly how I feel. :)
Karol, sorry, I guess I didn't clarify the 50/50 thing better, and that's my fault. We are supposed to be paying 50/50 on EACH trip, like if we bought round trip tickets, then we split it 50/50 upfront, but neither of can afford to do that, so the agreement states when we buy the one-way ticket, we split it 50/50 so its affordable for both of us. So if he's going to fly them free, then he needs to do it both ways, which he can't do and have a return flight date.
i dont get this- if you pay 50/50- and he flys them there-thats 50%. And if he gets that free- that is a perk for him-not you. Your 50% would be flying them home.
Unless your divorce degree awards YOU the perks from his new job.
you are saying its 50-50 both ways...so could he charge you the dollar amount of 50% of his benefit?
Don't get me wrong- he is already wrong just because he has been a deadbeat in paying child support, I hope you help child support enforcement find his new job.
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Well umber 1, we were never married, this is just an agreement we made with the courts, not a divorce thingie.
Example: Let's say we fly the kids out tomorrow, and the one-way ticket is $350.00, we each pay $175.00 as soon as the ticket is bought. This is how our agreement is wrriten, b/c neither him, nor I, can afford to come up with $350.00 to pay for the whole thing 100% and make the other person pay the whole thing 100%. So were supposed to split it 50/50 like this, until we are financially able to do otherwise and change the agreement.
Make sense?
Actually, after speaking to him yesterday, I am calling my case worker today to find out how to not let them go thsi winter break. He told me yesterday on the food he was very hungry b/c he hasn't eaten in 2 days, I asked him why, he said he didn't have any food in the house nor money to buy food. I then made a comment like "do you plan to have food for the kids when they come" and he hung up on me. I will not send my kids if this is how I think it will be.. Ugh.
As for his job, he didn't go to his first day of training.. he said they didn't have his drug results back yet.
Tamara: As far as the child support he owes, the ourt see's oweing child support (no matter the amount) and visitations, 2 different things and therefore you can't use them together in court.
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Angela, I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know I'm sorry you're going through this. I have the exact opposite problem from you - my ex pays child support (he's in the military and it's taken out of his pay before he sees it), but hasn't seen my son in over two and a half years. The ex has been in Iraq for about six months, and my son has tried writing to him at least twice, but there has not been a single letter in return. I tried for years not to be the bad guy, but I finally figured out that it's not being the bad guy, it's protecting my child. I don't blame you at all for not sending them to a home where there's no food and no money to buy food, and possibly no job.
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yeah thats tough situation. I wouldn't want them to go to a situation that wasn't stable-hopefully you do not have to. You could deny him visitation and make him take you back to court. (which can he do without money?
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My suggestion is to find yourself a pro bono lawyer. It will save your sanity. Based on experience from when my parents divorced, I see this getting ugly, real fast.
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So far from the legal advice I have received the past few months, I need to just sit still and document everything since everything is already in the court and put to a court order. So I shall sit and write and wait.
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Sorry your having to deal with this Angela. I am sure laws in the US are different than in Canada. My youngest is almost 24 and it was only just 2 years ago that my ex finished paying his arrears. In 20 years of dealing with Maintenance Enforcement he lost his license 3 times. And each time he did the money magically appeared. He got really cleaver the last 10 years and got a Holding Company license which allowed his employer to pay the company instead of him. Made it real hard to garnishee anything. I say he puts the airfare ticket money upfront before the kids go. Your not being mean, it's just your insurance that he will hold up his end of the bargain. To many non-custodial parents forget how much it does cost to raise kids and that it would be costing them a whole hell of a lot more money each month if you were still together and he was helping raise them. Unfortunately it's always the kids that suffer. Money comes and goes but the memories he will be missing with the kids and them with him can never come again. Be assertive with him, there is nothing wrong with that. Keeping in mind there is a difference with between being assertive and being a bitch. :twocents;
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We have a court date tomorrow, which I will not be attending, neither in person nor over the phone. Only reason I would need to attend is to cancel the order, which I won't be doing. My ex sent me a txt message earlier today saying he called the child support office and they told him they will be suspending his DL in court tomorrow, among other things maybe jail. Unless he pays 1300 tomorrow, or 700 a month for 4 months, because he has not paid 1 penny since the order went rhough on 11/2006.
I don't really agree with the suspending the DL, some people need it to actually get to work, however in my ex's case, he don't own a vehicle, he takes the bus to work.
I don't know if he will attend the court hearing, as he hasn't been to the last 4 so I guess I shall find out more tomorrow.
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Good luck! I hope this gets worked out!
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Good luck! I hope this gets worked out!
Same from me...good luck. 8)
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I will be thinking of you tomorrow. My daughter goes through this same routine. He does pay his child support, begrudgingly, always complains it is too much while he lives in the house they bought and drives the car they bought. My daughter lives in a 2 bedroom apt. with a 6 and 4 year old and stretches ever penny she has. He is a police officer and you would think he would understand what his responsibilities are. She pays for everything for the kids--all school expenses, child care, doctor visits and he thinks his little child support covers all that with lots left over. He never pays on time--his response "do you want me to pay my bills late?" YES ! Pay the stupid bills late,your kids need food on the table!!!! Grrrrrrr. Sorry, got a little carried away! So I will be sending lots of good vibes for your court date. :cuddle;
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Thanks everyone.
Aww, paris.. at least I know you know what I feel like and going through.. it sucks anyone has to go through it though! :cuddle;
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I hope things go in your favor - I know you don't want to be the "bad guy" but the court has a process to get the attention of parent's that aren't taking care of their responsibilities.
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I talked to m y case worker, and he told me what happened in court last week.
My ex did attend court for once. He told the judge he did not have any money to pay towards child support. The judge told him he needed to provide his employers info or go to jail. He gave his employer's info to the judge, and the judge will send out the garnishment info to his employer to start the income garnishment process.
I asked what employer he gave to the judge, my case worker said he is not allowed to tell me, but if I say the name he would say yes or no. So I said the name, and he said yes, so at least he didn't lie to the court and give the wrong info.
Now hopefully his employer will pay to garnish his checks and not fire him. (NV's law states the employer must pay to garnish the employee's check, however, most companys dont like to pay to garnish checks so they find other reasons to fire the person.. so, hopefully they'll keep him!)
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wow thats a dumb law- hopefully he won't get fired and you will get some of that child support he owes- it sucks raising kids without help. I was a single mom with a non-paying father when my girls were little, the excuses just killed me...'you don't know how hard it is to give up ALL you extra money' was one--like as a single mom with two kids I ever HAD any extra money..lol Good luck- your kids deserve it.
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:lol; glitter.. their excuses are amazing... thanks hun! :)
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(alene writing)
Angela,
BE THE BAD GUY!!! you and your children are entitled to and need child support. Perhaps their dad is a sympathetic figure and makes you inclined to be nice, but you are being burned in other ways - he comes up with half of the airfare to get the kids to him (proving that he can, if necessary) BUT, he can't do it when it's time to get them home - KNOWING that you will pay whatever to get your kids back. This is TRANSPARENT!
Go after that child support. The fact that you don't will come back to haunt you. If it is an option, have him send child support directly to the courts and let them then pass it on to you. That way, they know immediately if he is slacking on his responsibility and can proceed against him. Is the man healthy? If so, why is he having trouble working? Is he too picky? NOT ACCEPTABLE, he has kids to support! Let the courts force him to work or face the consequences.
As far as the flight to and from their dad, be prepared to pay for one flight (easy to say, but when you insist upon receiving child support, that will help to pay for that ticket.) You already have to pay 50% going and 50% coming back and you have already had to do far worse than that at 50% going and 100% return. What you need is a confirmed return and that means buying a ticket - purge it from your mind that the flight to their dad is free. When you do the math, factor in what the flight is worth, not what the dad had to pay and look at what you will be saving relative to the previous years when you've paid 75% of the value of the flights. (Hopefully that, along with child support money, will make it easier to bear.)
(15 years ago, my sister was the nice guy and wrote protections for him into the divorce decree, back when he (the X) was being a responsible father. Things changed in his attitude and every nicety was used against my sister creating significant financial hardship for her.)
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(alene writing)
Angela,
BE THE BAD GUY!!! you and your children are entitled to and need child support. Perhaps their dad is a sympathetic figure and makes you inclined to be nice, but you are being burned in other ways - he comes up with half of the airfare to get the kids to him (proving that he can, if necessary) BUT, he can't do it when it's time to get them home - KNOWING that you will pay whatever to get your kids back. This is TRANSPARENT!
Go after that child support. The fact that you don't will come back to haunt you. If it is an option, have him send child support directly to the courts and let them then pass it on to you. That way, they know immediately if he is slacking on his responsibility and can proceed against him. Is the man healthy? If so, why is he having trouble working? Is he too picky? NOT ACCEPTABLE, he has kids to support! Let the courts force him to work or face the consequences.
As far as the flight to and from their dad, be prepared to pay for one flight (easy to say, but when you insist upon receiving child support, that will help to pay for that ticket.) You already have to pay 50% going and 50% coming back and you have already had to do far worse than that at 50% going and 100% return. What you need is a confirmed return and that means buying a ticket - purge it from your mind that the flight to their dad is free. When you do the math, factor in what the flight is worth, not what the dad had to pay and look at what you will be saving relative to the previous years when you've paid 75% of the value of the flights. (Hopefully that, along with child support money, will make it easier to bear.)
(15 years ago, my sister was the nice guy and wrote protections for him into the divorce decree, back when he (the X) was being a responsible father. Things changed in his attitude and every nicety was used against my sister creating significant financial hardship for her.)
Alene is 1000% correct, yes that is 1000%. I have been on the other side of this and I never once complained about paying my support, I worked til it hurt I had two jobs at times but I made it happen even though I went years unable to see my boys. Now I have placement of one of them because her ways caught up with her, so push for that support it is your Children's right. You say how hard your financial situation is, well maybe it would improve if the Father paid support. You have been way to kind to him and as long as you are he will not change.
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you are getting some good advice here !! My husband always paid his child support to his two kids from a previous marriage, she made seeing them extraordinarily difficult however- no matter he still always paid. She got paid FIRST out of his check, and even though I may have, at times, wished she didn't, I was always grateful he loved those kids enough to put them first. (My ex really never paid, and couldn't sign the kids over to be adopted by my husband fast enough to keep from paying)
You DESERVE help. Your kids DESREVE help. Tell him to get two jobs if he has to- maybe he will care enough to keep his own butt out of jail.
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Thank you Alene, and Sluff. However, I am already going after the child support.. and there is nothing left for me to do but wait. I went to the courts, did my part, requested child support AND back child support... got awarded $7,819.00 back child support and $630.00/mo child support, even got an order for income garnishment, which went into affect on 11/2006. However, I have not received one single penny as of yet. He is now $13,000-$14,000 behind in child support which includes his back child support. I cannot do anything else at this point except wait.... since he attended the review in court last week, and gave his employer's info, the court let him leave without putting him in jail or suspending his DL, so that he may go to his job and work, while they send them the order for them to garnish his paycheck. So, *I* am doing my part with the courts, he is not... he just works somewhere for so long (or little) and quits and works somewhere else... for whatever reason, however I personally think it's so he won't get garnished and have his money go to his children.
He has another review in May, which if at that time he is still doing this, they will actually do something because he would be $18,000 behind by then.
As for the visitations, I have decided to be the bad guy finally, and I will NOT send the children to him until he has paid the $400.00 he owes in back transportation costs AND upfront round-trip tickets for the current visitation he would want. Which I can do legally and it's not going against our court agreement.
I just hope the courts will push him harder and threaten him more because if not.. I don't see him paying the child support he owes anytime soon. :thumbdown;
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My hubby always paid his child support to the ex every month no matter what, even when he got taken back to court he paid the increase. Every little bit helps.
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Well thats a good move on your part Angela. He is being a fool because he can only ignore it for so long and they will put out a National warrant and pick him up eventually.
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I have to send my kids to my ex for winter break (dec 25th-jan 2nd) :'( Makes me very sad... and what hurts worse is my kids do NOT want to go. Breaks my heart.
I found out all this tonight, from his WIFE, b/c he couldn't call himself... which pissed me off, b/c I told her, she is not involved in this, they aren't her kids, and she needs to just tell him to call me himself.. but no.. she wants to play little games and say they are her step kids now, and she is involved... sorry for her, but she is NOT involved... they are my kids, not hers.. and this agreement was before she was ever married to him... ugh!!!
All in all.... the only thing i'm pissed about... is MY KIDS DONT WANT TO GO, THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEIR DAD... why does he feel the need to do this to them????? :banghead; :banghead; :banghead;
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If I were you I would try to enjoy Christmas with your kids and make the best of it. Poor kids, they don't get to choose.
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Thank you pinkrose, your right, I need to enjoy Christmas with my babies.
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I found out all this tonight, from his WIFE, b/c he couldn't call himself... which pissed me off, b/c I told her, she is not involved in this, they aren't her kids, and she needs to just tell him to call me himself..
His wife has absolutely no rights at all.
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Yes, I know this, try telling that to her Sluff. :banghead;
I told my kids this morning about going to their dad's for winter break, and sat down and explained all the fun things, like flying on the airplane and getting to see daddy and his new baby, and that they would only be there 7 days and then come back to mommy. They took that pretty well since they will be going together instead of one without the other like during this last summer visit, so I am feeling a little better about them going.
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Yes, I know this, try telling that to her Sluff. :banghead;
Oh I know exactly where you are coming from, been there. However I would just tell her that her calls mean nothing to you or your kids and if he wants contact then it needs to be him on the other end of the phone. Hang up. I learned from experience Angela and I'm not chastising you in fact I think you are doing a pretty good job.
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Thanks Sluff :)
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Can your lawyer notify him all communication is between the two of you- not you and his next wife?
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I have to send my kids to my ex for winter break (dec 25th-jan 2nd) :'( Makes me very sad... and what hurts worse is my kids do NOT want to go. Breaks my heart.
I found out all this tonight, from his WIFE, b/c he couldn't call himself... which pissed me off, b/c I told her, she is not involved in this, they aren't her kids, and she needs to just tell him to call me himself.. but no.. she wants to play little games and say they are her step kids now, and she is involved... sorry for her, but she is NOT involved... they are my kids, not hers.. and this agreement was before she was ever married to him... ugh!!!
All in all.... the only thing i'm pissed about... is MY KIDS DONT WANT TO GO, THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEIR DAD... why does he feel the need to do this to them????? :banghead; :banghead; :banghead;
I thought you had decided not to send them to see their Dad and that legally you didn't have to--
As for the visitations, I have decided to be the bad guy finally, and I will NOT send the children to him until he has paid the $400.00 he owes in back transportation costs AND upfront round-trip tickets for the current visitation he would want. Which I can do legally and it's not going against our court agreement.
I would stand your ground on this one. If she keeps pushing, threaten to take HER to court!
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Angela, as I have said before, my daughter is going through similar things. It is easy to say "take him to court' but she has to pay a lawyer and everytime ends up still waiting for the money due her. And her ex is a police officer. If you don't comply with the agreement, then he can withhold monies from her. It is so compliated and the courts are so slow. My daughter is still waiting for thousands of dollars that is due. In the meantime, she continues to struggle and he is married again and living no differently than before. It is a very hard situation to be in and you have to walk a fine line. I cringe everytime I hear her little ones talk about their "stepmom"----I have a few other names for her! But, I never let them know my anger. You are doing a terrific job. You have so much to handle right now. You will get through the holidays and your babies will be back again. Don't think too far ahead--just get through one week at a time. Your babies will always know where home truly is that Mom is the one they can always count on. I was raised by a single Mom and knew she was who I owed everything to. Hang in there. :cuddle;
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I thought you had decided not to send them to see their Dad and that legally you didn't have to--
Correct. However, I found out the one thing I forgot to put in the agreement, and therefore, legally, I cannot withhold the children from his visitation or he can take me back to court and go for Primary custody, and I will not have that so I need to follow the book. :thumbdown;
As for the visitations, I have decided to be the bad guy finally, and I will NOT send the children to him until he has paid the $400.00 he owes in back transportation costs AND upfront round-trip tickets for the current visitation he would want. Which I can do legally and it's not going against our court agreement.
I would stand your ground on this one. If she keeps pushing, threaten to take HER to court!
This is where the flaw comes in to play. It seems that the part about being behind on transportation costs and being able to withhold visitations until that is paid, was not put into our agreement, and therefore cannot be done. However, since he is behind, that shows he has not paid his half the last 2 times they went, and I can file contempt on that, and when I do we will have a court date sometime in the next 6 months, so they still have to go to their scheduled visitations until the court date and if anything is changed at that time.
He is going to be paying their trip out there this time, and I am paying nothing, so since it's not even costing me a penny this time, I have to send them. Now, if he was wanting to buy round-trip tickets and us both pay 50/50 and he couldn't get his half, then I wouldn't have to send them unless he came up with his half.
Sucks.
Yes,
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Well I got a call from my ex last night. He called to inform me that he put the children on his insurance through his employer, so when they are in NV with him, they will be under his insurance and while here in Iowa, they will remain under their current insurance, which is how I want it.
I do have a concern though. I emailed him instructions on how to give Jonathan his medications, and I already knew from previous discussion's about it over 6 months ago that he does not want our son on medicines, and he reply email was "What are these medicines for?", so I told him, and his reply to that was "Well, I don't know how I feel about that, we'll talk about that later". I'm just concerned he won't give Jonathan his meds while he is there, and even though it's only 6 days, your not supposed to just stop taking the medication, your supposed to step it down, so he could have bad side effects if his dad don't give him his meds while there, plus not giving him his meds for 6 days will allow it to all come out of his system and when I start to give it to him again at home it can take up to a week to 2 weeks for it to have full effect again.
I don't know what I can or can't do legally, but I do know that if I find out from Jonathan when he returns that he didn't get his medications, I sure am going to file something with the courts, I have NO idea what, because that's not right.
I also don't know how to explain it to my ex the importance of his meds to try and make him understand he needs them. I was going to explain it like this:
If your son needed a life substaining medication, you wouldn't deny him it, b/c the alternative would be death. This medication he is on is not life substaining, but it's just as important in other ways. Without it, he cannot function at school, and he cannot learn. I am not just saying this to say it, I'm saying it from experience and times he went to school with no medication. He cannot concentrate and learn his math, he can't learn to read, he was unable to sit still and even do the simplest of tasks such as coloring. He was falling literally a grade behind all because he could not concentrate enough to comprehend what was being taught. With the medicine, he can conncentrate, and he excels in math and reading, and is able to participate in every class activity now. So to deny him his medication, he like denying him a normal life and education. I am totally on your side about getting him off the medicine when possible, but at this age and at this time, he cannot. Once he's a little older and understands how to block things out to better concentrate on the one thing he's supposed to be doing, we can then ween him off the medication.
What do you think? Is that a good explanation to give my ex to where he should understand the importance of it but yet I don't sound as thought I'm not taking his thoughts into consideration? I would like your opinions.
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angela, what airline is he working for. my ex worked for united for years, we flew all over the place, lovely perk. heres how it works. (most airlings are the same) you decide you want to go somewhere, you look for a flight, book an employee reservation, you fill out a voucher, show up at the airport, if there is room on the plane you use the voucher as a ticket, fly to your destination and they take the fee out of your paycheck. if the flight you want is full they list you on the next flight that day, you keep waiting at the airport till you get on a flight or need to return the next day. no flight benefits are free, but they are exceptionally cheap. (example, i used to fly between denver and san francisco, round trip, first class for $18.00) its really not that difficult, in all the years my kids were growing up we only didn't make 1 flight and had to stay in chicago till the next day. there are ways to insure a flight. book direct flights, travel mid week, travel on the holiday not prior, avoid spring break etc. flying standby is not all that hard, you just have to work it a little bit. quite frankly if he has flight benefits, he can fly the kids both ways!!! you can reimburse him the fees for one leg of the trip. i doubt the courts would find any fault with that.
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Perhaps a letter from your doctor, explaining the importance of your son's meds, and the correct dosage information, would be better than you trying to explain it. He may think because your son is going to be on vacation he won't need to concentrate on school tasks, but if your doctor says that interrupting the prescription will set him back, maybe he will understand. It would be helpful too, if you do have to go to court, to show that you gave the kid's father all the info directly from the prescribing physician, and that he chose to ignore it.
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Perhaps a letter from your doctor, explaining the importance of your son's meds, and the correct dosage information, would be better than you trying to explain it. He may think because your son is going to be on vacation he won't need to concentrate on school tasks, but if your doctor says that interrupting the prescription will set him back, maybe he will understand. It would be helpful too, if you do have to go to court, to show that you gave the kid's father all the info directly from the prescribing physician, and that he chose to ignore it.
What she said. :thumbup;
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angela, what airline is he working for. my ex worked for united for years, we flew all over the place, lovely perk. heres how it works. (most airlings are the same) you decide you want to go somewhere, you look for a flight, book an employee reservation, you fill out a voucher, show up at the airport, if there is room on the plane you use the voucher as a ticket, fly to your destination and they take the fee out of your paycheck. if the flight you want is full they list you on the next flight that day, you keep waiting at the airport till you get on a flight or need to return the next day. no flight benefits are free, but they are exceptionally cheap. (example, i used to fly between denver and san francisco, round trip, first class for $18.00) its really not that difficult, in all the years my kids were growing up we only didn't make 1 flight and had to stay in chicago till the next day. there are ways to insure a flight. book direct flights, travel mid week, travel on the holiday not prior, avoid spring break etc. flying standby is not all that hard, you just have to work it a little bit. quite frankly if he has flight benefits, he can fly the kids both ways!!! you can reimburse him the fees for one leg of the trip. i doubt the courts would find any fault with that.
He booked both ways of the trip standby, the trip out there and the return trip are standby. From what I have heard though, unaccompanied minors never miss a flight, if its full, they take off passengers so the children flying alone get on the flight.
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Perhaps a letter from your doctor, explaining the importance of your son's meds, and the correct dosage information, would be better than you trying to explain it. He may think because your son is going to be on vacation he won't need to concentrate on school tasks, but if your doctor says that interrupting the prescription will set him back, maybe he will understand. It would be helpful too, if you do have to go to court, to show that you gave the kid's father all the info directly from the prescribing physician, and that he chose to ignore it.
Thank you, I will do this. :thumbup;
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you could ask the Dr. to authorize labs for when your child comes back also to check his medication levels. If he refuses to give him the medication he needs, he could be held accountable for that- possibly even arrested for negect, but if not arrested-at least some good ammo for you should you need it.
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angela, what airline is he working for. my ex worked for united for years, we flew all over the place, lovely perk. heres how it works. (most airlings are the same) you decide you want to go somewhere, you look for a flight, book an employee reservation, you fill out a voucher, show up at the airport, if there is room on the plane you use the voucher as a ticket, fly to your destination and they take the fee out of your paycheck. if the flight you want is full they list you on the next flight that day, you keep waiting at the airport till you get on a flight or need to return the next day. no flight benefits are free, but they are exceptionally cheap. (example, i used to fly between denver and san francisco, round trip, first class for $18.00) its really not that difficult, in all the years my kids were growing up we only didn't make 1 flight and had to stay in chicago till the next day. there are ways to insure a flight. book direct flights, travel mid week, travel on the holiday not prior, avoid spring break etc. flying standby is not all that hard, you just have to work it a little bit. quite frankly if he has flight benefits, he can fly the kids both ways!!! you can reimburse him the fees for one leg of the trip. i doubt the courts would find any fault with that.
He booked both ways of the trip standby, the trip out there and the return trip are standby. From what I have heard though, unaccompanied minors never miss a flight, if its full, they take off passengers so the children flying alone get on the flight.
I don't know about that. but I do know the watch unaccompanied minors like a mother hawk, full fare or standby.
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Angela,
I go through this all the time with my ex (every day I find another reason that he is an ex). My ex doesn't want to give my younger two their meds while they visit him, nor does he pay his childsupport. Call your local department of family and children services. If he is refusing to give the medications you maybe within your legal rights to with hold visitation. Here in Georgia I can with hold visitation if I find out that he is not giving them their meds (even though they are for ADDHD). After a couple of complaints to the dept of family and children about the meds they may even check to see if he is fit to have the kids. Nothing may happen but give him a headache. At this point in dealing with my ex, he deserves a few headaches.
Here's a little insight into what I deal with I asked him if he could get the older two to their practices on Tues and Thursday this week, they are at the same school at the same time (about 2 miles away from where we live, he lives less than a mile from me) and he told me that I would have to give him $20 for gas to do this. I had to work and my husband had my youngest daughter at her reherseal for her Christmas show, her school is private and an hour away from our home. Thank God for my new husband!!! He has been a blessing in our
lives. My ex is behind by 2 mos. and normally stays at least 2 mos. behind. Right now he is not working and says that he won't work for
$15-16/hr. I thought that any job is better than no job? Guess I'm just not as smart as him. Guess that's why I've worked 2 & 3 jobs
at a time to feed the kids and keep a roof over their heads.
My joke is that I went to the shallow end of the gene pool when I found him. Wish I could be the lifeguard at the gene pool, there are a few people I would put out.
Just know that you are not alone. There are quite a few of us out there going through the same thing.
I am begining to believe that if it weren't for mothers their would be a lot of naked hungry children running around that never saw a doctor.
Love ya,
kruep (Kristi)
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angela, what airline is he working for. my ex worked for united for years, we flew all over the place, lovely perk. heres how it works. (most airlings are the same) you decide you want to go somewhere, you look for a flight, book an employee reservation, you fill out a voucher, show up at the airport, if there is room on the plane you use the voucher as a ticket, fly to your destination and they take the fee out of your paycheck. if the flight you want is full they list you on the next flight that day, you keep waiting at the airport till you get on a flight or need to return the next day. no flight benefits are free, but they are exceptionally cheap. (example, i used to fly between denver and san francisco, round trip, first class for $18.00) its really not that difficult, in all the years my kids were growing up we only didn't make 1 flight and had to stay in chicago till the next day. there are ways to insure a flight. book direct flights, travel mid week, travel on the holiday not prior, avoid spring break etc. flying standby is not all that hard, you just have to work it a little bit. quite frankly if he has flight benefits, he can fly the kids both ways!!! you can reimburse him the fees for one leg of the trip. i doubt the courts would find any fault with that.
He booked both ways of the trip standby, the trip out there and the return trip are standby. From what I have heard though, unaccompanied minors never miss a flight, if its full, they take off passengers so the children flying alone get on the flight.
I don't know about that. but I do know the watch unaccompanied minors like a mother hawk, full fare or standby.
Yes, they do. :) My kids have flown as unacommpanied minors before, on a full fare flight, they have a blast because they get to pick anything from the menu to have free, and the flight attendant in charge of them plays games with them and so on. :)
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I am begining to believe that if it weren't for mothers their would be a lot of naked hungry children running around that never saw a doctor.
Love ya,
kruep (Kristi)
I agree, :lol; It's a sad truth, but it is a truth.
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I was figuring out bills today, so I logged into my bank account as I was going to double check my balance before I started, and boy was I happily shocked today. I had child support direct deposited into my account this morning!!!! After over a year of waiting, the courts are finally garnishing and I finally feel as if the system may just work afterall.
:grouphug;
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Yahoo! Miracles do happen!
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:clap; Good news! Merry Christmas to youuuuu! ;musicalnote;
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My husband was with the airlines for 38 years and we fly stand-by all the time for no cost. Double check about the status of non-revenue minors being put on a flight before a paying passenger. My kids never got on a flight before someone with a paid ticket. Non-revs (flying employess and dependents) always are standby and get on after everyone else. We always check the flights and pick ones we know have empty seats. It also goes by senority(years employed), so someone with 20 years service will get on before someone with 3 years. Each airline does things a little different, but paying passengers are their bottom line especially during the holidays. Soooo glad about the child support! What a great surprise and just in time for the holidays! None of this is easy,but you are doing a great job of dealing with everything! :thumbup;
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Oh Angela, I'm so happy for you!! :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :bandance; :bandance; :bandance;
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Just in time for the holidays... :bandance;
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My husband was with the airlines for 38 years and we fly stand-by all the time for no cost. Double check about the status of non-revenue minors being put on a flight before a paying passenger. My kids never got on a flight before someone with a paid ticket. Non-revs (flying employess and dependents) always are standby and get on after everyone else. We always check the flights and pick ones we know have empty seats. It also goes by senority(years employed), so someone with 20 years service will get on before someone with 3 years. Each airline does things a little different, but paying passengers are their bottom line especially during the holidays. Soooo glad about the child support! What a great surprise and just in time for the holidays! None of this is easy,but you are doing a great job of dealing with everything! :thumbup;
Thank you paris. I have already download contempt papers for if they do not make their flight on standby. I will then be able to file contempt and say they have to be paid for to guarantee arrival and departing on time. Which means i'll have to pay my half as well, but at least I won't be home worrying and wondering did they make their flights. :grouphug;
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Update: My kids will not be going to their dads for winter break, they will be staying home now. Due to him being garnished he said he cannot afford to see them, so.. they will be staying home this visitation.
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YEAH!!! Your babies will be with you for the break! You got a support payment AND they don't have to leave! I am very happy for you today. It certainly has been a good day for you. :thumbup;
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Awww, you are going to have a very Merry Christmas afterall :santahat;, that is awesome news Angela :clap;
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Update: My kids will not be going to their dads for winter break, they will be staying home now. Due to him being garnished he said he cannot afford to see them, so.. they will be staying home this visitation.
Well, it's sad for the kids because I think you had them prepared to go. Anyway, if he can't fly them for free and just spend time with them, he is the one that will lose out. I hope you have fun over Christmas.
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Its good you are FINALLY getting the money your children deserve. Its sad they wont get to visit their dad, but now he will see how it is to live on a limited income, as you have had to do the whole time he wasn't paying his support. Another good thought is you will not have to worry about their medication, truly a very nice early Christmas present :christmastree;
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The kids are very happy about not going, they loved the news, especially my son since he only remembers his dad one way and hasn't seen him in over a year and 3 months. However, before being garnished he was thinking of just flying out here to see them for a weekend since he *can* fly free. So therefore, he truly wants to see his kids then he can still do that. However, right now I just don't really see him doing that anytime soon not just right now but anytime in the future either, based on his past. We lived blocks from him for 5 years and he went months and months without talking to or seeing his kids, and to me this whole court visitation and so forth was to stop him from having to pay child support and still be able to control me by taking from me the one thing I love the most, our kids.
So, at this point in time, I have no sympathy for him not being able to see them this visiation until he proves otherwise. He had 2 years to get a place he could afford with or without paying child support as he knew it was coming all this time. So, his bad..
This does not mean I keep the children from knowing their dad. I do not say negative things about him to them, and I make sure to tell them everyday their dad loves them and says goodnight and wishes he could be here... so in no way should they have any negative thought about their dad other than what he showed them.
Just had to clear that out, as i'm not trying to stop him from seeing them. I didn't know they weren't going even after he was being garnished until he just emailed me and said how his wife is leaving him and so on. Like I said, he should of already been prepared for a garnishment or been paying.
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Angela you have such a healthy attitude. You truly want what is best for your kids. Enjoy the holidays! :cuddle;
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Hope you have a great Christmas with your kids. :snowman;
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I do too- you deserve it!!!
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UPDATE:
My ex finally got fired from his job a few weeks ago, so after 7 month's of some child support, I return to getting none. Also, a week or two ago he moved out of the state of NV, and moved to Chicago, IL with his wife and new son, which are staying with her family. He has no job, she has no job.
He emails me after 2 month's of no contact with me and tells me he has moved out of state and now that he lives 5 hours away he wants joint custody and wants the children more.
I have MAJOR problems with this because:
1) He has not even attempted to write or call his children since they left NV in 2005. That shows me he don't want to be a dad, because anytime I am away from my kids, wether it's in the hospital or when they went to their dad's, I don't even go 1 day without talking to them.
2) He has not seen/talked to his son in OVER 2 years.
3) He has not seen/talked to his daughter in over 1 year.
My children don't want to be sent to their dad's because of their age, they don't know him hardly due to the lack of him talking to them or seeing them, and as a mother it's painful for me to have to say if your dad decides to want you, the court's are forcing me to send you. :(
Also, I am concerned because last time my daughter had to go she would tell me how she is hungry and daddy don't have much food. And then for the last 6+ month's anytime I talk to him he would complain about not having a place to stay, not eating for days at a time because of no money. Why would I want to send my kids to such a doubtful situation? It's not something new, he is constantly moving an avg of every 3 month's for the last 2 years. He is very unstable.
Now that he is out of the state of NV and I can change the venue to IA, even though jurisdiction is still in NV, I want to go to court and try to change the visitation order to make it that he has to come here for visitations, since for the last 1+ year he has shown no effort and taken them during his visitation periods.
It just sucks, I can't just go afford a lawyer and file, I have to apply for Pro-Bono, and then both states are confused on where I need to file, they aren't sure if I have to file in NV and go there for court and get a lawyer there, or if I can file here in NV... so I applied for Pro-Bono assistance in both states, but there not even sure I will be approved due to making too much from SSDI. Geesh!!
I am so frustrated! As a mother, all I want to do is protect my kids and make them happy. If they don't want to see their dad, they should not have to. I won't deny him from seeing them (yet), but I will fight my a$$ off trying to get it to make him come here as there is just way too many doubts I have that he can afford to take care of the children while he did have them.
UGH. I just needed to vent.
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I hope you can limit the contact. He doesn't seem he to wants to be a Dad. :grouphug;
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Angela, how stressful this all must be on top of everything else. I'm thinking of you and the kids and I hope things settle into a more peaceful space very soon.
:big hug:
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I am sorry Angela. Document everything as it happens. Make hard copies of emails. This will help you prove his inability to provide child support and have continuous contact with the children. It has been 5 years for my daughter, and she still has problems with her ex. He wanted joint custody but had not paid child support according to the court papers. Melissa kept a detailed calender of when he saw the kids and when he called them. He didn't have a chance, but she was scared to death. And he is a police officer! You are dealing with so much. Too much and I am sorry. I'll keep you in my prayers. You certainly could use some angels in your life and a rainbow to brighten your day. Sending you love :grouphug;
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I can only agree with Paris, document everything. Are the children old enough to tell the courts what they want? They would certainly get chance here in the UK if old enough but I don't know how your system works. You are quite right to ask that he comes to them and not the other way round. I can only send you love and good wishes, hope that helps make you feel a little comforted. :grouphug;
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Yes, Paris is right. Document. The judges love documentation. I have seen parents come in with several years worth of calendars with exactly when the other parent had the child.
Here in CA, the children cannot nominate who with whom they want to live until they are 12; not sure of the age in other states.
Good luck, Ang. We are all in your corner.
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Ang take it from me i pay child support for my youngest two I'll b da 1st to admit dat for about 18months i was a DEAD BEAT DAD but i came to understand dat my kids didn't ask to be here and it was my responseability to do right by them and dat da judge was going to lock my ass up i made excuse after excuse i thought dat since i was now paying support dat i could get joint custody to but da judge basically laughed in my face
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That was a very honest post Keith and you deserve a lot of respect for the way you have come to understand what your kids need from you. I think that with the issue of support, of course the money itself is important and necessary but it's also a sign of caring and love for your children and shows them that they are way more important than any differences, big or small, between you and their mother.
It also shows maturity and manliness. Anyone can make babies, it takes adults to raise them. Good on you Keith.
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Thanks everyone.
It's age 12 here too, and in NV, and in pretty much every state I know, but I don't know them all... lol
keith: Good for you, glad you have turned it around. Unfortunately my ex don't see things that way and never will, and that's ok, better for my case to go my way.
:grouphug;
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Ang 515 what an awesome mom your children are blessed with