I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: PrimeTimer on February 04, 2018, 01:10:16 PM
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Some people sing in the shower. I don't. I come out in a bad mood. Sometimes it is so bad that my husband asks what the heck I do in there because something definitely transpires. I don't know why but I do a lot of thinking when I am in the shower. I suppose it's because there aren't any distractions. The water is running and I can hear myself think. Actually, more like worry. That seems to be when I over-think things and do the most worrying. I need to stop. I need to find a way to enjoy a shower without thinking about dialysis problems, illnesses, finances, relatives, politics, chores or saving the world. Using some nice scented soap has helped a little but it's not enough. Should I indulge in some bubble bath, light some candles and buy a little rubber ducky? I don't know. I need to escape my own thoughts. A coping mechanism. I thought nice long hot showers or bubble baths did that. Nope. Not enough. I need to learn new coping skills. I need to learn how to live in the moment.
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:grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
It can all get so overwhelming, can't it.
I think you're right. Showers equal a bit of peace and quiet equal room for nasty worries to creep in.
Learning to live in the moment is of great value, but it IS hard. Still, it is worth trying. I know it's something that I need to learn to do.
You probably DO need to learn new coping skills, and if you are successful, would you let me know? I could use some help in this regard. I read a lot and just try to keep busy, both physically and mentally. That helps a lot, but it doesn't help ALL of the time. Maybe we need to learn several new coping skills to use in different types of situations.
Good luck, and truly, if you DO find something that helps, I know we would all be grateful if you could share it.
I'm sure you'll get many suggestions from other members.
Another :grouphug;
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My vote is for the bubbles and the rubber ducky.
Repeat after me.
Rubber Ducky you're the one.
You make my bath time so much fun.
Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of you.
Do do Be Do
Repeat as many times as necessary till you feel better.
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You need to train yourself to go to your happy place and defend it against the unhappy worries that attempt to take over. Your happy place could be your favorite beach,book,event,movie,picnic, the list is endless. Effectively it is daydreaming and if you practice you can stay in your happy place.
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One idea. Maybe I will get a waterproof radio or small CD player and listen to music in the shower to tune out everything. I know I feel re-energized after listening to Celine Dion. Or even some Aerosmith. Anything to turn my mind off from the problems of the day. So far nice scented soap helps bring me down a notch (relaxing).
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I am told that Lavender is supposed to have 'calming' effects.
I much rather prefer the Wife's Neutogena in their original scent. It doesn't smell so Gay.
And I'll 'Second' that radio thing.
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I'd like to share something I have learned along the way. I have been a Foster Parent since 94. I had the opportunity to attend a 27 hr training with a child in my care for, "Managing Powerful Emotions".
This is where I was first introducted to, "Mindfulness"
Mindfulness continues to be a powerful training tool for supporting mental health. Prevention magazine recently put out a mindfulness book/magazine. This is a very good tool for learning mindfulness.
Kristen Neff Phd has a Self Care (self compassion) book out and dvd set that is also along the mindfulness line.
I once heard something that I thought was really useful, which was to allow yourself 15 minutes a day to address all your fears and worries and then, "pack that file away" till the next day during your allotted, "worry time" Then if/when your mind wanders to something that is worrisome redirect your attention to the present reminding yourself there is an alloted time to worry.
My little guy has an acquired brain injury. I was told he doesn't know yesterday....doesn't think about tomorrow. He just lives in the present. I said "So, That makes him my perfect little buddah!"
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Mindfulness and meditation! I use an app called Insight Timer that has thousands of meditations that you can use to focus on slowing your breathing, which lowers your stress hormones, etc etc. studies show 9 or more minutes a day can change pathways in your brain, etc. I would probably start with short, guided meditations right before the shower. It's not at all hokey; well, some have gongs that are a little annoying.
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I am going to try the advice about Mindfulness and Meditation. As I was reading about Mindfulness I came across an article about how we end up not enjoying some of the things we use to because of the stress and business we have going on. Somehow along the way we stop partaking in activities we use to enjoy and put it all on the backburner or worse, leave it completely behind. There were little things I use to do for fun, for instance, crafts, that I thoroughly enjoyed doing but for some reason had stopped doing. Just yesterday I was telling my husband that I think I need to go back to doing crafts or have some sort of simple hobby. He suggested that maybe I'd like to do volunteer work. Well, while volunteer work would be fulfilling I think I'd look at it like a commitment. And I don't want any more "commitments" in my life. I don't want to feel obligated. That is why I think I should try doing crafts again. And I am going to read more on Mindfulness and Meditation. Here's that article I read. Or at least I hope the link works. It's called "The Invisible Habits Hurting Our Happiness" .
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-insight/201802/the-invisible-habits-hurting-our-happiness
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Hi PT thanx for the article. Also when you find Mindfulness for the Frazzled by Ruby Wax, read it. I passed it on to two friends (not an ebook ;D ) who keep saying how they read 'it' just at the right time.
I'm now seriously enjoying the most gorgeous sunshine in...like... Months
Love, luck, strength and enjoy the day, Cas
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Sunshine?
Proof you're nowhere near mid-Missouri.
We've been living within the clouds for over a week already, and barely and end in site. I might as well be living back in Seattle. (I really wish I was).
And they claim if you don't like the weather here just wait ten minutes, it will change. HA!
Winter ain't done with us yet.
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Thanks, Cas. I found some Ruby Wax youtubes. Might be a good day for me to get started....hubby is in the hospital again. This time with a fever and coming out at both ends. :puke;
Definitely not going to start on any crafts. No, I think I'll sit here and watch Ruby and try to keep from losing my mind. The flu epidemic is so bad that they are telling people that if they don't need to actually be in the hospital then not to be there. So hubby is on his own this time. That place is a germ fest and I just cannot do it. I have acute asthma and if I catch the flu I know it will be the death of me. A painful death. I don't want to go out on a machine and neither does hubby. So I sit and wait to hear what they say.
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Sad to hear of Hubby's flu. Pray he gets quality care and gets better soon.
Flu is no fun for anyone.
I tke a Vit C daily. It seems to help me a lot. (fingers crossed).
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Oh, PT, that is very troubling news. I hope you both can weather this particular battle. You take good care of yourself, OK?
I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to make commitments. I know is not the time for you to taking up crafts nor for making commitments to volunteering, but once things settle down, I still don't think you should be making commitments. I'm doing well and am not in the sort of situation as you are in, yet I STILL am loathe to make commitments. Don't do it. Still to something you can do whenever you feel the desire or need.
Please let us know how you are both doing. :grouphug;
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They are keeping him in the hospital and because he is still very anemic (hemoglobin at 8.4) they have him isolated. They ruled out the flu. They are waiting for culture results tomorrow but did more tests today and may know something by this evening. They don't want to give him antibiotics because they do not want to cause C-Diff. As many of you unfortunately know, C-Diff is pretty darn bad. They are trying to avoid that. His fever has come down with some Tylenol but he's still got it coming out at both ends.
I remembered something last nite and had him tell the doctor...about a week ago he had some tiny scratches or bites on his lower leg that itched. He had just been outdoors when he got them. I did some reading up and feared a meningitis rash but no, the doctor checked his leg and said that wasn't it. I bring this up because I think it's important that your doctor know any little detail or clue. My husband is not a big "talker" and kind of on the shy side so I feared he wouldn't tell the doctor. So I called him and he told the doctor what I said. Thank goodness the doc checked out his leg. Meanwhile, I can't be there because they ask that people who are not sick not go into the hospital because they are overwhelmed with flu cases and do not want more people catching it. So it's hard for me to be here at home and not there with him but they want him isolated and besides, the hospital is right, people need to avoid the hospital during this flu epidemic. It is scary. But if I have to be, I will go there and wear gloves and a scarf over my mouth and nose to not breath in germs. Not being able to be there with him is getting hard.
Don't know what time I went to bed last nite. I do remember seeing the clock at 3:30am. Before that I remember looking up from the couch and seeing some pretty weird scenes from a movie. I think it was called Velvet Goldmine. I guess I'm a prude but what I saw was something no none should see. Turned off the tv but don't remember going to bed. I think I ate a stale bagel at some point. With jelly on it. Guess I had better go to the store and get some real food. Or at least a drivethru somewhere. I am tempted to drive over to the hospital but no, better not do that. Need to stay healthy for hubby. They (and him) are probably glad I'm not there driving them nuts. I have a bad habit of doing that when hubby is in the hospital. Comes from the days when I had to speak on my mother's behalf whenever she was hospitalized. Only she wasn't shy like my husband is. In fact, I'd get calls at my office from the hospital begging me to get over there because my mother was going AMA or yelling at them. At least hubby isn't like that. Nonetheless, hospitals suck for all in involved. Even when you're not in one.
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Hi PT, sending warm healing thought to you and hubby! Thank you, you alway are loved here. --- Blake n
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OMG, I remember Velvet Goldmine, not so much because I saw it but, rather, because I remember it was quite a sensation at the time. And not necessarily in a good way. If you had continued to watch it, it probably would have burned away any germs you might have! LOL!
Speaking of germs, as hard as it might be, it is a very good idea for you to stay away from the hospital, and you are right in thinking that you need to stay healthy for hubby. Can you imagine the catastrophe if he were released from the hospital, and then you came down with the flu the very next day? We can't have that! I can understand how your past experience with your mother would make it especially hard on you to stay away from your husband, but he is in good hands, there isn't really much you can do, you might get in the way of the overworked staff, and you might get sick yourself. I'd say you have permission to stay home, maybe try to get some rest, go get some groceries and think positive thoughts if at all possible. And stay away from stale bagels!
Thank you for keeping us informed about your husband's condition. I hope they can get his hemoglobin up because I know he feels rather rotten at 8.4.
Please let us know if there is anything at all we can do for you.
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Dear PT we are with the both of you. Sending healing vibes, hugs, love, Cas
:flower;
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Yay! My husband is being discharged today. He has an Astro virus (intestinal flu/food poisoning) and doc said it is kind of a rare one. Since it's a virus there are no drugs for it so he just has to ride it out. At least he can come home and rest in his own bed. He's very dehydrated. Should be better in a day or two. Doctor warned that because hubby has it that I have been exposed to it. The good news tho is that I am almost past the incubation period with no symptoms.
Where he got this virus I suppose we'll never know but given the 3-4 day incubation period, we've narrowed it down to a Subway Sandwich shop. And not one where we have eaten at before. We ordered different sandwiches. Perhaps what he ate was pre-prepared by someone other than the person who prepared my sandwich. Just figures that when I don't cook for him he gets sick. Another theory is that he has the kind of job where he meets with people everyday, shaking hands with them. Maybe after this he won't think it silly to use the "fist bump". Or keep his hands full so to not make any contact at all! That's what I'd do. Well, at least he gets to come home today. I think we should let his clinic know so that they can isolate him at dialysis in the morning just in case he's still contagious. Or if someone else is. What an ordeal. Thank god it wasn't sepsis tho.
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Ive been keeping an eye on this thread. Thats great news. The fact hes coming home.
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:shy; Just wait til he hears what I saw on TV while he's been gone. He'll think I have a fever and want to turn around and drive back over to the hospital. I know if he had been home and saw Velvet Goldmine on he would've said "What THA h-LL?! " :rofl;
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:flower;
Good news
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To keep the peace in our apartment building I am still not singing in the shower. We just rented this place and I love it so much that we are hoping to call this "home" for years to come. Would hate to get evicted all because I couldn't carry a good tune. But I do go to my "happy place". I indulge in Yardley London English Lavender bath soap, big thick soft bath towels and lots of nourishing body lotion. I pamper myself and get lost in the scents and daydream of how good it feels to be clean and smell good. To smell ladylike. I don't think of the day anymore, just myself relaxing in the misty steam and gentle water falling over my body. I day dream of filling large glass bowls with scented soaps and beads to tease and lure me to the bathtub for a much-needed silent bubbly soak. AAh! The 'ol "great escape" from yesteryear and nights gone by where weary days drove me to a hot bath filled with scents and lotions to help remove the days drudgery. Weekends spent hunting for those special bath beads and deciding which lovely scent would take me away next...thus why I kept a large bowl to be filled with everything a lady wants in her bath.
Before soaking, I sort of "meditate" with my cat. We get up on the big bed and cuddle. And he's very picky about this. He does not like to be picked up but will cuddle with side-by-side forever. It might be for only 5 minutes but I listen to him purr and he looks me in the face as if to thank me for the rubs. My blood pressure lowers. Then off I go to my bath... I relax and forget the day and anything else. I am getting a lot better at this now. Can go to bed wanting to rest instead of staying up worrying and in a bad mood. I do my best now to shut the day off by a certain hour, not thinking about it until next day's light.
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I am so glad that you've been able to indulge yourself with many aromatic and fragrant baths! I'm sure your neighbors find you much quieter now! LOL!
Oh wow, I remember Yardley's Red Roses fragrance from, like, 50 years ago! I grow lavender in my front garden; I can smell it even in the winter under the snow. When we go on vacation to Northern Michigan each year, we always stop by a lavender farm in the area, and I stock up on all of my lavender goodies, like linen spray and skin cream.
Speaking of another old English fragrance company, I take a shower each night using a fragrance from Penhaligon. My nightly shower is a good way to cleanse my head, too. But it sounds like you have this "I'm not going to worry for the rest of the night" thing down better than I do. Good for you!
We deserve to treat ourselves, and I'm very glad to hear that you are doing just that! It really is not easy to be able to turn your mind off and veer away from your daily worries.
How are you feeling today, right now, as you read this?
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MM: Aside from asthma today I feel good! Thanks for asking! Your Penhaligon sounds very very tempting! I keep thinking of Tresor but don't know right now. I quit wearing anything scented because of asthma but miss it. I use to indulge in scented lotions and those didn't seem to trigger anything epic. At least not in the way of an asthma attack...
I've been reading various sites for care takers, altho I am not really a care taker, more like "care partner". Seems important to take care of one's self so that you can be there for the other. I already knew that but somewhere along the line I stopped "the practice". Boy, have I let myself go! I am not in the shape (or health) that I use to be and quite easily go to pieces when things don't go smoothly and...it's mostly my own fault. Oh, I'm not blaming myself here but I have to admit to letting some things slide and that didn't do me any good. I knew I was going downhill but didn't care. Now it's like I've woken up and decided to "right the ship" and work on getting some of my old self back. The one that worried just a little less, was a little more carefree and did what came to mind. Even whimsical. Shutting the day off while bathing is a way to be true to myself. To put a little bit towards myself. To think of just me. And now, more often than not, I come out without growling like a dog at hubby about some darned thing or another. There is a peace that goes with me into the nite. Hope you find some yourself and...thanks again...
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Girl problems.
I am SOOOOO glad that I am a 'Guy' as I can grab whatever bar of soap is in the shower and scrub away.
What bothers me is when there isn't a bar in there. Then I am forced to grab one of her 'fruity' bottles. I smell funny most of the day.
My dog looks at me funny.
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Charlie, having a bottle of fragrant and indulgent shower gel at hand is hardly a "problem". :rofl;
I am perfectly happy to grab any old bar of soap and scrub away. In my household, it is actually my husband who has a wide variety of bath products, all in stonking great bottles. He takes this oversized collection of toiletries whenever we travel. He's not happy with hotel soap and shampoo. Noooo.....he has to have his own foamy/fragranced/scrbby stuff. Last year he made the incredibly silly mistake of putting them into his carry on bag for a flight to CA, and of course he was stopped at security and had to be searched. I don't know WHAT he was thinking.
Many years ago, I worked in a major department store's cosmetics and fragrance department, most often for Clinique. The company held training sessions each year, and there we learned that they were bringing out a men's line. We also learned that all of the potions and lotions were EXACTLY THE SAME as those marketed to women. The only difference was in the packaging. The bottles were grey and stated on the label that they were "Clinique For Men".
PrimeTimer, try to remember that if you treat yourself well, you will be in a much better mindset in which you can treat your husband well and with a lighter, happier heart. You BOTH benefit when you have your luxurious catcuddle and indulgent shower!
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Only difference was the packaging.
That cracks me up.
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Best poem I've ever heard.
My vote is for the bubbles and the rubber ducky.
Repeat after me.
Rubber Ducky you're the one.
You make my bath time so much fun.
Rubber Ducky I'm awfully fond of you.
Do do Be Do
Repeat as many times as necessary till you feel better.
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A study just came out showing that the interior of rubber duckies is a breeding ground for bacteria. Yeah, I know it's only obliquely related.
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No problem, just give the ducky a bleach enema. Or grab one of my larger bore syringes, not the insulin little ones, and give him/her/it a shot of bleach once in a while. Should keep it clean and clear for months.
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A study just came out showing that the interior of rubber duckies is a breeding ground for bacteria.
When I heard that mentioned on the news, my first though was that I come from a generation where every kid had a bath toy. Plastic ducks were cheap, so even poor kids had one. So how come the entire human race did not become extinct in a generation due to rubber duck related diseases?
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It like those of us growing up in past generations were EXPOSED to more things, thus building up our immune systems to withstand much much more than the kids today that constantly stay indoors playing with their phones and video games. Seems they get sick from the slightest things.