I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: pagandialysis on November 21, 2012, 03:02:53 PM
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I have been following along with this project since Nov. 2nd, I have just been keeping it in a private journal. Two years ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed in an empty two patient room. My fellow patient had just vomited blood and was rushed to the O.R., I never saw him again. It was well past visiting hours, so I laid there with nothing to do but think as the T.V. was broken. I anxiously awaited the next day, the day that I would have a kidney biopsy. At that time the doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. My blood pressure was at the edge of lethal levels, they spent almost a week trying to keep it in a normal range. I was to scared to go to sleep, every doctor I had seen had warned me about the critical situation I was in. I felt as though I would die if I went to sleep, and actually it was very well possible. The next day, Thanksgiving, I left the hospital and went to my grand-mother in-law's house. I tried to act happy, like I was fine, but it all felt fake, like I was sitting in another room watching people from a distance. For two years I have felt that way, watching life from outside through a window. The doctors call it disassociation and major depression. It's not as bad as it was, I seem to float in and out of it these days. But, back then, laying in that hospital all I could possibly think about was "I'm going to die and there's not a damn thing I can do about it." So today I am thankful to be alive. I know that may sound corny but once you get to that edge, when you brush death, when a doctor tells you "We aren't sure if we can get this under control" and then goes as far as to ask if you have a Will, then you will start to appreciate every day after that. It doesn't matter if its as my wife would put it "A Nasty, Horrible, No Good Day", it's still a day that you got to live through.
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My older sister keeps celebrating the anniversary of her 29th birthday. I just turned 42. Hey, when you aren't sure you are going to get any more, you get happier to admit to them, don't you? I also no longer have bad hair days since it fell out in the hospital. It grew back; it's attached to my head and staying there now? Looks like a good hair day to me.
I find plenty to be thankful for - and strive to remember them when I need them most.
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I agree. I guess as long as we are on this side of the grass it is a good day. But, I have to say, the otherside looks good from here too. I am thankful I have my faith.
:flower;
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I'm very, very happy to still be a live. Nearly 30 yrs after they told my parents I would probably have another 2,5 yrs left. I have never forgiven them for that. My mum went in a very deep depression. I've been very lucky to get out of that hospital, and then receiving my dad's kidney, for which I am and was very gratefull. I've lost his kidney years ago, but now I'm happy to be on Nxstage. Lots of things still to do though.
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I was suppose to die at birth. I was 3 months premature and spent 2 months in the hospital. Since Iwas 2 I spent it in and out of the hospital but my parents next treated me differently. I am thankful that i grew up into a "normal" women of 29. I am thankful I got to move out on my own at 18 to another city for university and experience life like a "normal" person.
I am thankful for the job I have and how i have succeeded in life. I don't like dialysis hold me back.