I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: bleija on April 19, 2012, 08:53:14 PM
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I didnt know where to post this but needed some feedback from somewhere. today my husband tells me hes donehe thinks that we werent meant to be happy, and he feels like our marrige is going nowhere, he doesnt want to work it out. he says he just want to quit and said he will leave me everything, and move in with his parents. he said he would keep helping me. he doesnt know what else to do. he assures me it has nothing to do with my dialysis....
ever since we have been together he has never felt hes deserved to be happy. when his ex before me left him, he weent and saw a therapist and was actually on medcication. oi really beleive hes bipolar, bc he will be happy as can be and then the next min totally pissed off. but i have begged him to talk to somebody, his work offers it free, i have3 asked him to go to marriage counseling. i dnt want to lose him becausre he has been a rock as far as all my issues go. i cant imagine facing all this alone. monday would have been our 2 year anniversary... we planned a weekend getaway since we never had a honeymoon... but he says hes not going and its too late to cancel, so he told me to go, he would drop me off sat and pick me up on tues. i dnt wanna go by myself but i dnt wanna vbe here either.
he was saying all this and asxked if it was okay, and i was like no its not... and when he asked, i told hime i want him to talk to somebody about everything befoer he makes a descision this big. I love him i do, but i dnt play the back and forth thing, if he chooses to go then that it.
I dnt know what to do... ??? :'( :banghead;
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ever since we have been together he has never felt hes deserved to be happy.
I don't know for sure, but I suspect this is the source of the problem. As long as he feels this way, I'm not sure he will ever be happy with anyone.
He says that he feels like your marriage is going nowhere. Well, what does that mean? Where does he think marriage is supposed to "go"?
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my question exactly, and i told him that, and about if u dnt let urself be happy u wont be happyu with or without me... i finallyh got the truth out of him tonight tho, i do rely heavily on him for a lot of things, he told me he was getting over whelmed, and wants me to be able to take care of myself, which ican, but its easier to rely on him for everything thzt i do... so at leasat i got him to tlka to me. i think we can work it out
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Oh, that's good to hear. At least now you have a better definition of the problem. I do hope you can work things out. I can understand him feeling overwhelmed, particularly if he might have some issues of his own. Good luck to you both. :cuddle;
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Without being a nag, keep at him, until you can find out the real reason he wants out. It may be the dumbest thing you have ever heard of. As for me, I would want to know. Depends I guess on how you feel about it. Best of luck to you.
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I can understand the overwhelming-ness of being a partner to someone on dialysis, particularly as I suffer from mood swings and anxiety as well. Now he's been able to explain to you how he feels this gives you something to work with. He needs to find an outlet so that those overwhelming feelings don't consume him (again) and perhaps you need to take the pressure off him by not relying on him so much. I'd even suggest that maybe a break from each other would do you both good, even just a night or two. Having said that, it's a shame you can't go away on this trip together. It may have been the perfect opportunity for you to talk and have fun, being in a neutral environment away from home.
I hope you can work it out.
*huggles*
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a good friend of ours talked some sense into him. We are gonna go and have a good time... he seems to be acting better, less on the moody side... just venting and talking to sweemed to be the trick. I still want him to talk to a professional, and he knows that, and i hope he will on his time. I just got so used to being able to rely on him, ad just did, more and more, but im taking some prressure off. i dnt want him to feel overwhelmed, but i understand it, this past year he found out he was type 2 diabetic, and a coupkle weekends ago spent the weekend in the hospital, he thinks he was trying to have a ministroke... and that was kinda the thing that pushed him... thx everyone tho, i really just needed a third party nuetral to vent to. at this point i am sure we will be ok... as far as some space, he talked about gpoing to his moms for a few days but his sis and her husband and their 6 kids from 3 months old to 13 years old are over there so idk how relaxing that would be
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Good luck and God bless with everything. I dated a guy who was bipolar, and my hospitalizations and surgeries were rough to take for him, when he was depressed. He didn't have insurance at the time, so it was hard to get meds. I actually didn't even have kidney problems at the time, just surgeries and infections, this was years ago.
If your husband gets his diabetes and mood disorder under supervised control, perhaps he will handle life better in general? The "I don't deserve nice things" statement is sadly familiar, but sometimes a cop-out. I'm glad he opened up more and talked about feeling overwhelmed. Try to get more help from friends and family, to take the pressure off. Also it might be good if you could go to counseling for yourself alone. I know I vent a lot to my husband, but if I could afford the time and money, I would see a counselor to give my husband a break from the emotional talk.. I almost got denied psych clearance from the transplant team because I said I couldn't go see a counselor, but I have a psychiatrist for ADD meds and the social worker thought that was ok.
Everyone needs support, and we have to remember that and keep an eye on our caretakers for fatigue! Especially when they already have emotional problems. Looks like you're heading in the right direction! I'm so sorry this happened , though, it's a devastating conversation to have. Vent here anytime, girlie, and good luck!
And remember, you each deserve someone who can support you. Everyone has a bad time once in a while, but it should be the goal of each of you to be able to be physically and mentally as fit as possible to be there for each other. Bipolar people can be supportive and loving, but not without medication, it's really out of their control, they're brains are going wonky and that's not their fault, but it really needs to be watched and for bipolar, meds and counseling are so important to maintain some stability. I wish you the best!
:pray;
:bestwishes;