I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: Adam_W on April 12, 2012, 08:33:27 PM
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As many know here, the last several months have seemed like one problem after another for me. Well, I'm not doing too bad now, and I've made it over a week without being in a hospital! My breathing problem seems to be improving, and my pneumonia is gone. They thought I was going to have to go on home oxygen but I didn't have to. My stomach still gives me occasional pain, but its tolerable and it seems to be improving as well. I'm finishing my third week of in-centre dialysis, and I'm doing ok there. My doctor said in another month to month and a half, I can go back to HHD. In-centre is more tolerable than I was afraid it would be because I'm still in charge of most of my dialysis. I manage my needles and the tech barely touches the machine once I'm on it. The staff there encourage patients to learn their machines, and almost all patients in the unit have their machines facing their chairs. A couple weeks ago, however my emotions got the best of me. I was being seen in the ER for horrible and sudden stomach pains, and I had a really bad panic attack and mentioned how I had tried stopping dialysis before, and I wanted to do it again, or hurt myself in a different way. The dr. ordered me to be sent to a mental institution! I was there for five days and it felt like I was a prisoner in jail. All my possessions were taken from me and I had no privacy. I did learn a lot of effective ways of controlling my depression and anxiety, and I'm now under the care of a good, caring psychiatrist. I have had no panic attacks or suicidal thoughts since then, and I can't even believe that I ever had any. I want to live my life, and do however much dialysis it takes for me to live my life. I don't like it obviously, but I no longer miss treatments just because I don't feel like doing them. I pray that I can keep that attitude toward my treatment. One thing that's not improving much is the strength of my legs. I have to use a cane to walk, and that makes living in an upstairs apartment very difficult. I may be able to get an order from my dr. to be able to move to the bottom floor without having to pay the transfer fee which I can not afford. I can still drive my motor scooter just fine, but its getting a little more awkward getting on and off of it. Please keep me in your prayers that I can continue to improve.
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So good to hear from you, Adam. You've been through so much, one problem after another. It's very heartening to know that things are getting better for you. You CAN handle six weeks or so of in-center hemodialysis and after that you'll be in charge of your own treatment again. This disease is such a struggle and yet life is worth living all the same. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers--I've been doing so all along. All the best to you, as always.
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Good to hear that things are on the improve, Adam.
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Good to hear you're getting the necessary care and I like the sound of your in center dialysis situation. :cuddle;
Why aren't you wait listed yet?
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Good to hear Adam! Keep it up :thumbup; :thumbup;!!!!
In my prayers,
lmunchkin
:kickstart;
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keep up the good works Adam
love Cas
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:grouphug; Good to see your post Adam, good to hear from you.
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glad you got the emotional support you needed as well as the physical. I need to see a psychologist - things in my head are really bad. I have an appointment in two weeks. I want to call to get in sooner but I'm afraid I'll sound so desperate that they will admit me.... Oh what a fine line we walk!
Glad you seem to be moving in the right direction!
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glad to hear things are looking up Adam. it takes courage to seek help for mental health problems.
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Hang in there, dude. Your ordeal sounds like my September of last year. I went to the ER because my potassium level was critical, and wound up catching a nasty fever. I woke up three weeks later 30 lbs lighter with tubes in my mouth. Then, for a week, they kept sticking these vapor guns into my mouth every 15 minutes. I was tripping, hard, and when I say I was tripping hard, I know what I'm talking about, being an old hippie. I saw ghosts, Jesus on the cross, all kinds of things that weren't there. Finally, after getting on dialysis, and adapting, I'm doing pretty good. Hang in, there, I am praying for you to get better. :pray; :pray; :pray; :pray;
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How are you doing Adam? Thinking of you! :flower;
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Wow Im so sorry you have gone through so much. I really know what it is like to be in your shoes and not wanting to do dialysis anymore. I hate it with the passion. and you are so young, about my age. Im 29.
:grouphug; :grouphug;
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Thanks for the encouragement. One thing I'm going to be doing that will help me improve, especially mentally, is volunteering at the dialysis centre in my town (I actually go to a different one out of town) or possibly the local hospital. Since I've temporarily switched to in-centre dialysis, I've had way more human contact, and that has helped my mental health a lot. When I go back to HHD, I want to continue to have that social interaction. I can't be a patient at the centre in my town without losing my doctor (and my self-care ability), but I would love volunteering there. I volunteered at my old home dialysis centre several years ago and loved it. So, Lord willing, I think things are going to continue to improve for me.
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I think that's a marvelous idea. Just yesterday I was thinking of the same idea, to do when I start HHD with Nxstage. Could be a while yet, but .... Keep strong Adam, you sound well good.
love Cas