I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: gothiclovemonkey on February 29, 2012, 08:45:45 AM
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Forgive me if I posted this in the wrong area, but it seemed most relevant here.
a quick backstory...
When I first started dialysis, I was alone. I was asked, a few years later, to move back "home" and live with my brother and his family. Well, that went horribly, ended up with my brother getting a divorce (other things caused it, but me being there was the straw) and me ending up moving into my fathers home.
I have been living with my father since june of 2011. He wants us here, probably mostly to have his grandson :) and I like having my dad finally step up and be there for me, but, As some of you may know, he is married to a psychotic something that sounds like witch. I bite my tongue around her, walking on eggshells constantly. I try to keep the peace in here. She hates that we are here, and constantly says and does things you would not even believe. You have NO idea how nuts this woman is, and some days i honestly worry if shes a danger... She is truly insane, and I made the decision to move out, I am looking into options today!
Now, today, I am disscussing this with my brother, and he points out that, I am, for lack of a better word, a burden on everyone. Actually, his words were somthing to the tune of, "The circumstances surrounding you are a burden that we cant handle"
Yes, I do know it is a pain for anyone to have to take on my dialysis issues, and my son when im there. I can understand that completely. But, it isnt like I caused myself to be sick? I did not ask for this, nor do I want it.
My father seems to understand and care very much, and he has been great. Considering he has to deal with psycho lady, and watch his daughter go thru this, he has done so much for me. I feel like I must leave at this point, because she is making him miserably just because I am here.
I am scared to get on my own, mostly because I have my son to worry about. I want what is best for him, and I dont know what that is. Stay here, where stress is becoming tooo much for me, and she is very obviously insane, and I do have fear of what she may do.
Or move out, possibly get really ill, and not have anyone there for my son.... Or worse! Some days I can barely stand without my bp dropping out, usually dialysis days im pretty well useless... He is 7, so thankfully he is getting old enough if something were to happen, he could probably call 911, but hes still so young, i dont want him to go thru any of that, ever.
I have no idea what to do. I know that, for my own sanity, I have to get out of this house.... No matter what, I cant be here much longer. But what can I do?
Any suggestions, or know of any 'help' out there for people in this situation?
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stress is not good at all, she sounds like my ex wife. i truly believe she was the cause of my hyper-tension (that killed my kidneys)
i think you're just making your health decline even more being there. get out if at all possible. i keep thinking i should move in with my mom or sister, but i just think about all the hassles and think being on my own is the best thing for me
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My heart aches for you, goth. Painful as it is to have your own brother say such a horrible thing to you, more intolerable is for your son to be exposed to the psychotic behavior of your father's wife. I'd move out without delay and risk the uncertainty of being on my own, rather have him continue to be around such a toxic person. Perhaps you could find a place nearby enough that your FATHER could help in an emergency. I wish I had more practical suggestions for you, but I don't know what help is available in your state. All the best to you, gothiclovemonkey.
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This is a horrible situation cause it is not only you but your precious young boy. You definately need to get out for his sake. You I know can handle yourself. Are you D in-center? Ask your SW for some help on this.
I know that me & my daughter lived in Section 8 apartments for many years (16) before I remarried. It was our home (apt) and I got to tell you, it was rough living there on the outside, but we stayed inside most time and what was inside, was what we made it. Yea, it was in a rough area, but where we resided it was totally safe. People who lived around us at that time, knew not to bother me or my child cause I would not play around when it came to family!
Try looking into a place like that! It may not be the best in the world, but you wouldnt have to put up with "SHE-EVIL" and expose your little man to her wrath! If your Dad was smart, he would tell her to hit the road, especially if she is "nasty". Go online too, to see if there is anyone renting cheap homes. You can get some really good caring owners who rent out their homes for little to nothing.
I hate this GLM. You touch us all with your posts, just wish I could help in some way!
God Bless,
lmunchkin
:kickstart;
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Well, I discussed my idea of moving, with my boyfriend. He said he definitely agrees that I need to move out. I may move closer to him, he said he would be around to help me as much as he can, and eventually he will move in with me, when the time is right. I think that sounds like my best option. Its pretty far away though, and it would be a change of school for my son. So now I wonder if I should wait until the end of the school year, or leave now?
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I am in center D... I have mentioned it to my SW but.... she seems a bit too busy or something? I had asked her over a month ago to look into home hemo for me, since they dont offer it at my clinic she was going to find one nearby, it took her over a month to get that... because she "kept forgetting" understandable, yet... frustrating.
I am thinking about looking at low income places, at this point ANYTHING would be better than being here. she is SICK.
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Would a temporary roommate situation be feasible? Maybe scan craigslist and see if anyone has a room to rent, or a MIL apartment, something like that? Sometimes it can be easier to get in a rental situation with a private party rather than an apartment complex. Just be sure to do your due diligence before moving in!
KarenInWA
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nooo, my experiences say NO! Last few roommates ive had have been horrrrrible!!!
If I didnt have a son, it would be another story, but no lol
im sure everything will work out, especially since my bf is behind me, and i mentioned it to dad as well, and he said if anything went south he could come "rescue" my son lol
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Like KIW said be very careful. But I think you can get in to some low income housing especially with your disability and your child.. They may have a waiting list, but if you put in for it now, who knows, you could be in there in a month to a year! It will all be based on your income. Most low income housing I know of, you pay monthly and that includes electric , water ect....
Of course that was over 20 years ago, but I don't think it has changed very much since then. Like you, I tried the room-mate deal and when you have a kid, it never seems to work.
Keep searching, something will come up! Im praying that it will!
lmunchkin
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:cuddle; Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm really glad that your bf is supportive; good for him! :cuddle;
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yes hes been so amazing. hes supportive and said hed help me as much as he can. hes too good to me, im not used to it! i am loving it, but its scary (in a good way!)
I have hope that i can do this, ive been feeling better than i was this time last year, so i think as long as i dont end up having any more surgeries for a while, unless its transplant, ill be fine!
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I've had luck with Craigslist. All kinds of situations there: including reasonable apts. for rent. A lot of it depends on the town you're in. Good luck to you! You are one strong lady. Your son will be well regardless because of that. But yeah, you don't want him around that nut. Best to you.
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Call your local Housing Authority. I think it is County. They can use their influence to get you into safer and affordable housing sooner. Your living situation is not good for your son. Far better that he has to grow up a little sooner than you wanted him to than to live with that evil woman.
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You have a brilliant boyfriend and a great dad ... with both of them behind you, you'll be fine. I don't know how housing works in the States (over here I'd suggest you get yourself on a council house waiting list, and because you have a small son and an illness you'd have priority when a place became available) but I think it will be lovely if you and your son can find a lovely little home which is just yours. No more walking on eggshells, or having to listen to b!tchy comments, or worrying about how this is affecting your little one.
Good luck!
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The ideal thing would be for Dad to rid of her! She is Manic, and that is not a good situation for even your father to be in. Maybe once you and your son get a place, you can offer him (Dad) a way out of his situation, LOL!
Good luck and you can do this GLM!!!
lmunchkin
:kickstart;
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yes that would be ideal, but beinmg that my father is a good man, he believes in "til death do us part" he is miserable... i was mainly staying for him, i dont know i want to leave him alone with the crazy! but i cant do this anymore.
ive called a few places while at dialysis today, but nothing available as of yet.
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Thnking of you, Gothie. :grouphug;
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I made a crucial decision to move us asap tonight, tomorrow i am going to find a place for us ANYWHERE!
I thought we would be ok to take our time, but when the psycho step mother's OWN DAUGHTER is afraid to go to sleep for fear her mom will do something, then thats when I start to really worry!
I will not put my son at risk to get hurt or worse!
I should have believed my other step sister when she told me all this, but she isnt a very honest person and I thought she was just trying to start drama. But now the other one is telling me basically the same thing... and it is not good. Its still almost too wacko to believe, but trust me when i say this woman is crazy!
:stressed;
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I take care of my mother-in-law who lives a couple of blocks down the street from us. When we decided we needed more help taking care of her, we found some AWESOME people on Craigslist. Maybe you could find a nursing student or a CNA who would like to share a nice apt. where she has her own room at a discounted price in exchange for the peace of mind of having an adult in the house that would know how to handle an emergent situation. I can totally relate to the bad experiences with roommates though....I have had some real doozies in my life, too!
As far as WHEN to move, I'd actually suggest moving BEFORE the school year ends! I'm a Realtor and over the years I have seen people do it both ways and ultimately, most people say that if they had it to do over again, they would not have coordinated their move with the end of the school year. By having your child start at least a month or more before the end of the school year, it gives him an opportunity to meet new friends so you have some resources for him to call for play dates in the summer. Plus, from the sounds of it, the sooner you get away from the Step-Monster, the better!
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Thought I would update
I am looking at a place tomorrow. If it isnt too nasty we will be moving on the 1st. Idk, the outside looks a bit questionable, bu that doesnt mean anything...
If nothing else, I know on May 1, there will be a lovely place available, but im really hoping to get away from the crazy before then. This week has been baaaaad..
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Try not to make any rash decisions just because you need to get away from your stepmum. If this place is awful, don't take it and get tied into a rental contract. Do you have anywhere else you could stay for six weeks before the nice place becomes available? Friends, other family, neighbours, a tent? Can you get emergency housing due to the situation (or does she have to do something before they believe you need to get your son away from there?)
Do you have locks on your bedroom doors?
Take care of yourself and little J.
*huggles*
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i definitely wont get this place if it is too nasty, looks on the outside could be decieving, we are checking it out, because the price is really low, and that will be handy as i am limited income. We look at it today... so who knows.
I honestly would rather wait but at the same time i am getting to paranoid to evenn eat anything she prepares. (its probably paranoia, but last night she made tacos but she didnt eat them, and made a very bizarre remark about the left overs she chose to eat, so I stopped eating, fearing she may have done something... we all seem fine, but it was very odd)
No locks on bedrooms unfortunately, but im a fairly light sleeper, and i havent been sleeping hardly at all.
Part of me thinks IM being too paranoid, but when your own daughter says something could potentially happen, its a bit scary...
And to top that off, now im also kind of wondering if its a good idea to move so far away, with a man ive only been dating since november... seems too fast... and i fear he doesnt quite grasp that some days i feel like total crap and pretty useless on dialysis days... what if he decides he doesnt want to deal with me? with my son...
he kind of confuses me sometimes, and i cant tell when hes joking or serious. I told him that, we DO communicate really well, im not used to having a bf who is willing to discuss issues LOL but i still have these fears... BAH!
why does life have to be so damn difficult? :stressed;
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Aw Gothie...it just isn't fair! Life can be a real b#$@h at times. Paranoid or not...if you don't feel safe where you are, you need to get out of there. Thinking of you. :cuddle;
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well son of a b....
We went and looked at the apartment, upon walking in, the smell was enough to knock you on ur feet, and the carpet up the steps was all ripped with nails hanging out, but I kept an open mind, that maaaybe the inside of the place wouldnt be so nasty... we waited, and wait, some people who lived there walked by, and they smelled really bad, and they looked like preditors lol and finally the dude comes and says Oh,its on the 4th floor... Well, that wont work because i am not only afraid of regular steps, but these looked deadly and infectious death trap steps, but on dialysis days i wouldnt feel like climing 4 stories, especially a smelly.scary, and potentially dangerous 4 stories.... so we passed.
There is a beautiful place coming available on may 1st... was hoping to be out before then, but my bro said if things get too weird around here, since hes been staying at his ex wifes house, we could go over there.
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Goth, sorry about the rat trap apt.! :( Hope that next prospect is better. I've lived in plenty of rat holes myself, and always made the best of it. But sometimes too much is too much. Still hoping everything turns around for you.
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ive lived in some crap holes myself, but i could not possibly put my son in that place... seriously would rather be living in my car than to have him live there! it was THAT bad...
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if i knew i could handle the stairs, id so be there TODAY!
CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I really cant believe how nuts my step mother is!
shes accusing me of stealing her 'sexy panties'
1. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY would i want them??? ew!
2. WHO THE HELL STEALS PANTIES? ok let me rephrase that, who steals their step moms panties/? thats sick.
I cant take much more of this.
Maybe I should cash in on this, call up Jerry Springer, he would have a freakin orgasm over this family.
ive never met anyone more insane.
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Keep looking, GLM! Don't stop & be deligent. Something will come your way.
lmunchkin
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:yahoo; :yahoo; :yahoo; :yahoo;
WE FOUND A PLACE!!!!!!!!
It is an adorable home, 2 bed room, 1 bath, living, kitchen, and dining room... its a house, which is great location, right next to the elementary school. And, its only 400 a month, because its also right next to a railroad, but that railroad is rarely used!!
we move in friday, but now im wondering though, if i shouldnt just keep jareth here until may, since school gets out on may 18th....?? tough choice there
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Oh, I am so glad you found a place!!! It sounds perfect for you both. I don't know what to tell you about WHEN to move, but I'm just glad you found somewhere. Here's hoping that life is looking up for the two of you. You deserve a break. :cuddle;
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im very nervous, but i think i found myself a wonderful man.
When we got the place, the second thing out of his mouth was, We have to take jareth shopping to pick out stuff for his room, and get us fishing poles, because Im taking him fishin!! :)
Isnt that so sweet?????
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What is the school schedule, is it 12 weeks off for summer? Jareth might make some friends if he's at the new school for a month, before summer starts.
I hope all works out for you! :cheer:
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Yay! for your new home. I would take your little one and get him settled into the new school before the summer. He'll make new friends in time for the hols and won't spend the entire summer thinking about having to start a new school. Wishing you lots of happiness (and if you're happy pm-ing me your new address, please do so ...) SO happy for you!!
;D
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$400 a month!! Where I live you couldn't ANYTHING for under $750. Then you would wonder what's wrong with the place to be so cheap. IT sounds like you got a great deal on a nice home. Whatever you decide to do I wish you well. God Bless, Bill
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Well, its so cheap probably due to the outward appearance of the place... Its an old home, and the siding is that old ugly green stuff, looks like roofing! But they said they planned on replacing it this summer sometime... Also, because it is right next to a rail road, but its an old rail, hardly used. But the inside is darling, it is really small but not tooo small, and its just perfect!
im so excited, and i asked Jareth what he thought, he said hes ready now, but he also doesnt want to miss his end of year party and family fun night....
its such a tough decision! I agree about making friends, though...
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I'm so glad for you, Goth! Keeping in mind WHY you're moving, I think you're best off moving right away. There'll be time for your son to make new friends before the school year ends and that's definitely a plus. No doubt there'll be an end of year party at his new school too. All the best to you, as always.
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I had a home across the street from a pretty busy railroad- and we got used to it to the point when we were home, we didn't notice it from inside. Now the odd horn at 3am did wake me up- but I liked watching the trains go by.
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I hope it becomes a really happy home for you.
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im sure it will, of course, im sure anything will be better than current living situation...
but im sure it will be "perfect" I put this in quotes because nothing is perfect,and im suuuure there will be moments ill wanna pull my hair out or something but for the most part, i think it will be great.
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Is there any reason why it couldn't be arranged for him to attend the end of year party if he does move schools now? And you'll be able to have your own family fun nights in your new home (would grandpa be able to come too sometimes?)
You're a brilliant mum ... whatever decision you make will be the best one for J.
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Here is my plan:
I went to the school today, to see if they had any insight... ha...
well, from talking to the princpal ive decided that he will move before the end of year, but not right away, we will ween him kind of.
This weekend I will go start the moving process, keeping jareth with gpa, get his and my rooms set up, and he will go to his orginal school during this time, the next weekend him and i both will go stay the night at the new place, and that monday go check out the new school, but the rest of that week he will go to the orginal school, and they want to throw him a going away bash, since his princapal said "He will be greatly missed, hes such a great kid" *grins from ear to ear*
So, by the end of 3 weeks, we will be completely moved and this is also good because his new school goes longer than this school by about 2 weeks!
This has been the hardest decision ive ever had to make, by far!!!
My poor dad doesnt want us to leave though. :(
I think everything is going to be alright! :)
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Good idea about the school. Get him used to the idea of moving gradually. At least he will get the chance to make some new friends before the end of the year. You will still be close enough to your Dad to visit.
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its about an hr, hr and a half, depending on which way you take...
and ill be doing my dialysis about... half way between, so i figure on my saturdays, he could ride with me and spend the day with gpa occationally.
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This is great GLM! Things will be fine once you get settled in with your little man. You are such a good mother to him. I think you are doing right by taking it slow.
I feel sad for your father because of what he is left with, but I bet he is happy for you!
Good Job, GLM!
God Bless,
lmunchkin
:kickstart;
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Hes afraid that i wont have the help he gives me, and also afraid that i will stop treatment again...
When i lived alone before, i was going to a davita, and gave up on life for a moment... it was mostly because ofthe clinic i was going to, i felt that death would be far better than to suffer, it was dumb, but at the time it made sense to me lol I wont let myself get that down again.
jareth is a great kid, im very blessed, hes ready to move he said.
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The master plan, revised:
So, we will be starting the moving this friday!!! Literally moving our crap from storage into the house. But I wont be physically moving in yet.
This monday, My sons school is out for spring break, and Im hoping to take him to the new school to check it out.
I spoke to his principal to find out what would be best for him, and she does think he would benefit from starting the new school before summer, so we may do this, but I havent made my final decision as to when this will be. Our school system is getting out a few weeks early anyway, which I know he would benefit from the extra weeks....
So friday begins the crappy part about moving haha but it will be well worth it.
Ive already set up with my new clinic, i just need to tell them a date... i keep putting that off because I will miss my techs at the current clinic. Thats been really hard.
I fear change but im excited to be starting my new life with the man i love. My son and he are both very excited too. My son asked me this morning if we could move today LOL
I might not have the net right away of course, but ill attempt a check in from my phone? not sure if it will work, my service isnt that great.
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This may be the Best thing for you GLM and Jareth! So happy for you and hope J really takes to his new school and viseversa! Sometimes its hard going to new schools, but he will adjust! He sounds like a little Trooper!
God Bless,
lmunchkin :kickstart;
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A little update!
We have made a final decision to go ahead and wait out the school year here, because they are set up completely different there! So technically we wont be officially moved until the last day of school. Which is also kind of handy, because I can take my time unpacking!!
I went ahead and switched clinics, and i have to say I love this new place! And so far Im loving the techs, nurses, and doctors!!!
I hate packings, and moving, but this is going to be great!
I cant wait this last month is going by way to slow!!!
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You say that now but I expect you to come back to this thread in a month and grumble about how you just haven't had the time to unpack everything and still need this, that and the other ...
;D
*huggles*