I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: statesidela on September 18, 2011, 10:02:12 PM
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Monday's D day:
i see you across the room plugged into your machine i don't know you but i worry about you...and i think about you a lot! I wonder what you were in your hay day...i wonder where you come from and how you came to be...and i wonder what you would be doing if you were not plugged into that bitter/sweet machine...i don't communicate with you other than when our eyes meet i follow that glance with a simple smile to say hey how are u doing! i just want you to know that i acknowledge you but by the time the smile is there you have looked away....for a moment i wonder why...is it ignorance or is it that you just don't care but then i realize that like me you just don't want to be here.
I tell myself that next time i come to dialysis i am going to make a point to get to know you maybe then you won't be across the room but rather you will be in my section
Wedensday's D day:
I am late today per usual the techs don't even bother fussing me like a 5 year old no more...they just joke with me about it and i laugh just so we can get passed that subject get hooked up and get on with it but inside i really don't give too shits whatever they think about me i know most of them like me but there is one that i know that hates me...never the less i am hooked up and watching my TV show and out the corner of my eye i see the you again your not in my section again.
I ponder how i can get to know you being way across the room from you...if i was not stuck in this chair i would just get up walk over there and say hey how are you doing today i think to myself maybe we will get off at the same time and i will meet up with you at the weight station...as i am sitting there not really watching my TV show but just thinking about you and praying time could speed up...my butt and legs hurt i cannot get comfortable and i am freezing...our eyes meet...i throw that cheeky smile out there again and you see me...this make me smile even more...you throw your hand up in a slight waving gesture i smile and wave back to you...the techs are rinsing you back it must be near time to go for me too i think...i look at my machine and see i have another 15 minutes left oh no...i think i am going to miss you at the weight station...i see u flinch a little as they pull the needles out...i see you holding that gauze leaning forward and swing your legs you sure are raring to get out of here...i smile at you again letting you know i understand that your ready to get out of here you smile back at me
The tech tapes you up and they transfer you to your wheel chair and off you go to the weight station i think to myself goodbye for now and there is always tomorrow to get to know you more.
Friday's D day:
I am late again no suprise there but never the less they hook me up and off i go counting the miniutes till time is up i tell myself i will not look at my watch but that fails and i always end up checking the time it seams and feels like every 5 minutes i am checking...i catch your eye you are the one watching me today i see you and smile and wave again but you don't really make much effort to wave back but i see a slight smile i think to my self hmmmm that seams strange come to think of it you don't look like your have a great day today!
i get into a show on TV and i glance over at you every so often i hear your machine beeping and the red light going the techs just stop the alarm and make sure you are ok i see you sleeping alot today i think to myself you must be feeling bad i am worried about you...i think to myself its better to sleep while you are feeling bad i don't really think no more about it just keep my eye on you and i holler at the techs everytime i see and hear your machine going off.
I am really into this show on TV i vagly hear noise and rushing around something alerts me to look up as i loook up i hear one of the tech scream out "code Blue" i look to check on you and my heart sinks its you i see the tech coming running with a screen to go around you they put yourr chair all the way back and begin to resusitae you..the tech never got the whole screen around you i could seeing your lifeless head and face bouncing up and down as they work on you i feel a overwellming feeling come over me fearing the worst nobody really seams to conserned one of the veterians tell me they have seen this many times over...he says you better get used to it son! i think too myself how heartless can you be sir? but i continue to try check on you hoping and praying that you come back around the ambulance services comes in and takes over for only a few minutes then they wheel you out while still trying to resusitate you i know in my heart you are gone i asked one of the techs about the situation she tells me you were gone before the screen was around you and continues to tell me its procdure that they have to keep working on you as they leave with your lifeless body on an ambulance stretcher.
Thats the last time i ever saw you i shed many tears that day...i never got to talk to you i wanted to hear your story i wanted to get to know you i guess i never will i do not even know your name but i will always remember that smile and wave you gave me...attually i have not thought about you in a long time but today i did i may not think of you everyday but you will always be in my heart and thoughts and i hope by putting our story out there it will somehow be a tribute to you...my friend that i never got to know
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Don't ever hesitate to reach out to someone.
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This is simply heartbreaking. I have tears in my eyes.
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Very well written. Is it a true story? made me cry too.
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So sad!! :cuddle;
I hope it's just a story you wrote while you were so bored looking at the time every 5 minutes.
Very well written, by the way!
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Gosh! That's so poignant it has to be true. It happens the world over where we never get to just say Hi to people. i wonder why that is? When hubby starts his haemo I will remember your story every time we enter the unit. Thank you for opening our eyes.
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i have no reply good enough to post..except that i hung onto every word..
bless you my friend :cuddle;
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:'( :'(
Thank you for sharing. Even though you never talked, you still connected. :grouphug;
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A very touching, moving story. Thank you for sharing it. :2thumbsup;
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hi there guys
just to fill you all in a little more...yes it is a true story...the point i was trying to make was....don't ever not take at least one minute to get so know someone hear there history every single one of us has a story to tell and i know i want to hear it...i never knew this lady but like willowtreewren said we did connect i just wish i had got to hear her story
perisama also said this happens the world over.....what is wrong with this picture? if we as dialysis patients cannot take the time to get know each other then i think its low of us....next time y'all go to your clinic look around and guess what you will see?...eyes looking back at you some will catch your eye and look away as if the never made contact with you at all this is the person i make the most effort to get to know
anyways that is my story/tribute to my friend in never knew....its is one of my regrets in life take from it what you will as long as its positive :)
bren
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One thing I picked up from IHD is that I want to now everyone's story. I used to just sit in the waiting room with my nose in a book waiting for my name to be called. Now I make a special effort to talk to patients and family alike.
That was a great story and very well written. I felt like I was the one experiencing it not just reading it! :thx;
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bren :cuddle;
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WOW......that was very well written. I took it in a positive way and will continue to say Hi to everyone I run across at the center. I have thus far and will continue. That choked me up!!
Thanks Bren :cuddle;
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the receptionist at the clinic had a wall done of the D patients. their baby pics and then a pic of them sitting in the dialysis chair. suggested to her that maybe these fine folks would like a picture of them in their hey-day, not the dreaded chair. don't think they want to be thought of that way, but rather a time in their lives when they were doing something they loved.
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Bren like every one else who read your story, I had tears in my eyes.Yes we did have lives before D, we all had our dreams that will not be fulfilled. I agree it does not cost any thing to smile at some one, say hello, even a little wave. I think hemo wards are so isolating, my husband was on one for about 6 months while his peritoneum recovered after peritonitis.He said you met people while waiting for a chair but all they did was complain about the wait. No proper conversation. I am dreading the time that he has to go back onto hemo because his heart is not strong enough to take it. There were quite a few heart attacks whilst he was there. It is another scary thing about dialysis.I am so glad you smiled at this lady.
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My unit is small, only 9 chairs, so the only people I don't know are the ones who aren't on my day. I know most of their stories, not all, though. I've helped some of the newer people decide on PD or HD. We even get close to the nurses. One of them came out of the treatment room into the waiting room yesterday specifically to show me a picture of the ultrasound of her baby. She's due in February.
I understand the whole thing, though. The unit I was in in New York, the chairs are so far apart from each other, there's no chance for any type of conversation. One woman had heard them talking about me, and heard that I was from Canada. She yelled across the room at me, wanting to know which part of Canada. When I told her PEI, she beamed. She said that she knew it well. It was a shame that we didn't get much of a chance to talk, simply because she was on the other side of the room. It's not what I'm used to.