I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: PatDowns on June 05, 2011, 03:13:22 PM
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Are You a Control Freak?
Take thus quiz and see how you rate:
1) Do you feel uncomfortable about acknowledging that someone else's opinion or way of doing something may be better than your own?
2) Being so wise, do you believe you know what is best for other people, your friends and family?
3) Do you like to share your wisdom often - offering advice whether it's asked for or not?
4) Do you worry that something is going to go wrong unless you keep an eye on it and have some control over events?
5) Do you feel threatened by other people's opposing opinions or attitudes?
6) Do you have an obsession about checking and re-checking the work you do, and the work others do?
7)Do you have to do everything yourself, because nobody else can do it as well as you... only you know how to do it properly?
8 ) What partners do you choose? Do you feel stressed or out of control in your relationships where give and take is required?
9) Have you lost previous partners because you want everything your way?
10) Is Bossy your middle name?
YOUR SCORE:
Mostly Yeses: You're probably a really nice person, and if everyone else understood that your need to control stemmed from your insecurities and fears, they'd cut you a little slack, yes? The problem is, with understanding or not, other people are going to become alienated unless you learn to "control" yourself! Stop trying to take over... practice being more flexible in your attitudes.
Mostly No's: What a confident soul you are! You know that despite what is going on around you, you realize that sometimes things will go wrong, this is life, and you are comfortable with trusting others to do their bit and comfortable with yourself knowing you have what it takes to deal with whatever comes your way.
So what is a control freak?
A control freak is somebody whose own insecurities and fears cause problems for those who have to work or live with them. Nobody likes to be stifled and told what to do by an "I know better" person.
Do you tell your partner who his or her friends should be? Are you comfortable about letting them go places on their own, and be with their friends - without you - or does this make you worry or feel jealous?M
Do you criticize your partner frequently? Always finding faults? Do you get upset if your partner disagrees with you, having a totally different opinion on something important to you?
If you do, you are trying to control the relationship and your partner and this is unhealthy. This behavior will lose you many wonderful relationships unless you learn to deal with your insecurities, loosen up, and let go of the reins!
Are you the Boss from Hell?
So you're a Boss... do you insist everything be done your way, because after all, you're the boss, you're supposed to know best?
Are you short-tempered and lose your temper easily when mistakes are made? Do you suffer high levels of anxiety about the performance of your department, and feel the need to keep looking over everyone's shoulder to make sure they are doing it right (and probably doing it your way)?
If so, you are the Boss from Hell. Sorry, there is no nice way of putting it. You may be a very nice person, with many wonderful qualities, but again, it is your own lack of confidence, your own insecurities that cause you to be this way.
Seek help. Learn how to empower your employees, trust in them to know what to do, allow for mistakes - these are part of life - and like the controlling partner, learn to loosen the reins a little before you find nobody will work for you!
Chances are your employees cannot work under the conditions you impose upon them - loosen up and watch your department bloom!
And what if you're the victim?
And what if you are the partner of a control freak, or an employee of a control freak? How do you handle that?
Well first, keep in mind it is not personal! They do NOT have it in for you. They may even have the highest admiration for you.
But deep inside, they are a well of insecurity and fear, and when their anxiety levels rise, the only way they know how to deal with this is to take control to ensure everything remains smooth sailing... this is their thinking.
Don't despair - get help!
For many control freaks, their need to pretend that everything is "right" with their world and their way of doing things, and their need to give everyone the wisdom of their ways and opinions is a way of validating themselves... this stems from their insecurity.
If you are a control freak, don't despair, help is available. Seek it. By acknowledging that other people's ways of doing things, of being, of living, etc. is okay; you are not making yourself "less" in any way.
You are still okay. You will always be okay. You don't need to try to organize and control everything and everyone around you. Why don't you relax a little, try it and see.
If anything, you will find your live improves - let the proof that controlling others and every situation is not necessary for your success and happiness be the validation you need that everything is fine and so are you!
Copyright, Terri Levine
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Terri Levine, MCC, PCC, MS, CCC-SLP is the the President of Comprehensive Coaching U – The Professional's Coach Training Program, a a popular Master Certified personal and business Coach, a sought after public speaker, and author of bestsellers Stop Managing, Start Coaching, Work Yourself Happy, Coaching for an Extraordinary Life and Create Your Ideal Body. She can be contacted via the web site http://www.ComprehensiveCoachingU.com or by telephone: 215-699-4949.
Edited: Moved to proper section from Dialysis: General Discussion - okarol/admin
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thanks! as a recovering control freak I found this helpful!!!!! Is there a 12 step program?
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I didn't take the "quiz", but I can relate to more than 1/2 of those. :( I'm afraid to take the quiz... ;)
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If you read the rules, it goes in off-topic except when it is dialysis related.
If you feel I am so inept, try starting your own forum. It is not easy to please everyone.
My issues?
Wow, one or two members do not speak for our whole forum.
Abusing my privilege of being an administrator? Are you kidding?? I took this job because 2 of our admins died. And I have done most of it alone the last year as my co-admin's work keeps him away from a computer a lot. That really hurts.
okarol/admin
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This subject doesn't mention dialysis does it?
Okarol does a fine job.
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This is an off topic comment in a thread that is correctly in the off-topic section. Okarol, thank you for the job you do keeping order on this board.
Off-topic is not disrespectful in any way. It's not saying that the thing posted isn't of interest to kidney patients...just that it's not dialysis or transplant related. MM's post concerned trust about going to a dialysis unit and entrusting her medical care to the folks there I think...no? What the heck am I missing? And transplant games seems kinda connected to renal patients if you need a transplant to qualify.
I truly believe that we ALL have issues...we're human. However as a member of this forum I've never felt that Okarol's "issues" (I have no actual knowledge of what these might be, other than the usual suspects) get in the way of anything and her job is to try to maintain order on the site. As for closed minded, now I'm really confused. This has definitely not been my experience and I've been around here a while now. I've experienced her as caring, compassionate and understanding of people's circumstances as different as those can be.
She is also one of the best advocates for kidney patients, their voices and the "issues" that affect them, the renal community is richer for having her in it although I sure wish that she had not had the experience of having her daughter be one of us.
So, that's my :twocents; and if anyone wants to disagree, that's fine by me, we'll agree to disagree. Keep your head up Okarol and here's a big hug from me. :cuddle;
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you have moved it to an out of the way location where someone who could actually benefit from the info probably will never see.
noah, if you want to see all new posts, regardless of section, just hit the Show unread posts options above. Every new post or post with a new response shows up in one list. Then you never miss anything.
I'm in total agreement with monrein. Noah, the fastest way to have no one to do a thankless job is to tell everyone they can't do it right. Umm, and you might want to read and actually take the quiz, too.
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keep up the fantastic work you do/have done OKAROL :2thumbsup; :yahoo; :thumbup; :thx;
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@ OKarol - Relocated to "Off Topic?" This has nothing to do with kidney patients? In a short period, two members have already found this topic to be helpful. Yet, because of your own issues, you have moved it to an out of the way location where someone who could actually benefit from the info probably will never see. How sad and petty of you - not to mention abusing the privilege of being an administrator. Just my opinion.
If one has settings correct, they will still get notifications of a thread that has been moved and it will still be displayed in Unread post at the top of the screen next to avatar.
I would also say it is ludacris to say that Okarol has issues, abusing privledges, especially coming from such a new member who hasn't been here very long. It seems more like you have control issues with questioning many issues from post I have seen. Before you start critisizing, learn forum rules and read some old post to get to know how things work around here before jumping in the deep end and complain.
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Running a forum is a lot more work than most of us realize.
And keeping it organized has always been a thankless job.
I remember Epoman was given a hard time by some members who objected to his moving threads to their proper location. He was also criticized by a few when he urged members to take the time to proof their posts.
But without such rules and organization a forum can become a nightmare for users.
Perhaps we need a thread "For people who feel personally hurt when threads are moved ..."
8)
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@ OKarol - Relocated to "Off Topic?" This has nothing to do with kidney patients? In a short period, two members have already found this topic to be helpful. Yet, because of your own issues, you have moved it to an out of the way location where someone who could actually benefit from the info probably will never see. How sad and petty of you - not to mention abusing the privilege of being an administrator. Just my opinion.
If I had seen this post in the general topics discussion area I would have moved it as a moderator. As for arguing with the admin, not a good idea. Epoman ruled this forum with an iron hand. HE did not put up with anyone questioning what he did as an admin here. Be warned. Here is a link to the forums rules. Please go acquaint yourself with them http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=540.0
kitkatz,Moderator
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I'm amazed that noahvale should get so upset by such a trivial issue. I hesitate to think what he'd have in mind had Okarol deleted the post. Death row? :laugh:
FFS it's just an amusing quiz such as would be dreamed up by any second rate journalist to help fill the local newspaper. I score one yes and nine noes, which is supposed to mean that I'm a nice person. :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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@ OKarol - Relocated to "Off Topic?" This has nothing to do with kidney patients? In a short period, two members have already found this topic to be helpful. Yet, because of your own issues, you have moved it to an out of the way location where someone who could actually benefit from the info probably will never see. How sad and petty of you - not to mention abusing the privilege of being an administrator. Just my opinion.
If I had seen this post in the general topics discussion area I would have moved it as a moderator. As for arguing with the admin, not a good idea. Epoman ruled this forum with an iron hand. HE did not put up with anyone questioning what he did as an admin here. Be warned. Here is a link to the forums rules. Please go acquaint yourself with them http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=540.0
kitkatz,Moderator
KITKATZ!!! :clap; :clap; :clap;
Okarol, as a long time member of this forum I thank you for the extraordinary dedication you have shown in keeping Epoman's dream alive. With all that you have on your plate you still volunteer the time needed to keep this site up and running smoothly, not to mention being a very active participant in the forums.
In the face of unwarranted and inappropriate criticism, okarol, you have exhibited amazing restraint! This is for you :cuddle;
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This board is called "I hate Dialysis" and clearly announces itself as a forum to vent criticism, frustration, pain, disappointment. In fact, that's its only reason for being. If people want to talk about the positives of being on dialysis, there are other boards.
So when newbies complain that people posting negatives about dialysis providers are disturbing to them, I personally am concerned. I come here wanting to have open discussion about the negatives of the economics of dialysis and particularly how it impacts patients. But I do not want to add to the insecurity and anxiety of dialysis patients. What to do?
When the thread was shut down before this VERY core issue could be processed by the group, it was obvious these are personal issues of the moderators, who have lost sight of the mission and development of thought in the forum. I think it's sad, but this is what happens on every board on the internet that is moderated by people who have good intentions but no experience really dealing with world views and thought systems unlike their own. I have seen it.
Thank you Pat and Noah for having the integrity to respect the strength and intelligence of patients to confront these unsettling issues.
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noahvale
I think you are having problems with control issues and need to find intervention. The last time I looked Okarol had 26743 posts on this forum and has spent 167 days, 6 hours and 24 minutes as a moderator and then appointed Admin by me, so that ungrateful, rude and egotystical people can come to this forum and think they are going to change the way things are done around here in less than 200 posts. I will not allow this to happen. This site is here for people who need it, not for those who already know everything such as yourself. I suggest you stay on the topic of ESRD and dialysis. I will not ask again. All the hours and days on this site by our moderators and admins are strictly donated, nobody gets paid to do this thankless job. So to make it easy, this site was created by Epoman, and I was invited to become an admin and then I asked Okarol to be an admin. This is the number 1 dialysis site in the world, so we must be doing something right. I really don't care if you are a member or not, but IHD is here if you need it in the form and manner you see. Take it or leave it.
Reality Check, Seeing how you have a whopping 30 post count I guess that makes you the authority of what is best for IHD. I got news for you. It doesn't.
Sluff/Admin
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I am happy to report that I do not feel personally criticized/offended that someone thinks my "trust issues" thread perhaps should be moved (I did wonder that myself before I posted). Any mod is welcome to move any of my blather to whichever corner of IHD they please!
I'm grateful to all of the mods for their hard work behind the scenes. I'm also grateful for anyone who takes the time to post on IHD and to share their support and experience. I'm particularly thankful to those who do this with respect and care.
I cannot count the times I have read something here on IHD that has upset me or frightened me, but that is not the fault of this forum. Dialysis is a frightening proposition; it takes real courage to face this on a day to day basis. Just as hard is this pre-dialysis waiting game...this process of being able to do so very little while your renal function slowly comes to a halt. I also don't want to contribute to anyone's anxiety, and realitycheck is correct; it is hard to know if what you have to say is educating someone or is merely scaring them. But we all take that chance when we either read or post on the internet. We can't know the inner terrors of everyone we communicate with. All we can do is try to be gentle with each other, to show each other some small mercy, to be kind and to refrain from taking offense when possible. We all share a common horror. The least we can do is care for one another as best we can.
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This board is called "I hate Dialysis" and clearly announces itself as a forum to vent criticism, frustration, pain, disappointment. In fact, that's its only reason for being. If people want to talk about the positives of being on dialysis, there are other boards.
Actually, when Epoman founded this discussion board, he was interested in all points of view about dialysis --whether it be good, bad or indifferent.
Otherwise we wouldn't have such important threads about recipes, exercise, home hemo, and other things to improve our lives while on dialysis. IHD is in many ways about 'let's rant together, and then try to solve our different problems with the help of this community.'
And yes, every so often we even have threads that address the positives one can see from being on dialysis.
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Although I've never posted there, I do like the fact that there is a "dialysis humor" thread. If I ever find anything funny about all of this, I will know that I've turned a big psychological corner.
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And yes I guess I am a control freak, but it was good enough for Epoman so it's good enough for me.
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And yes I guess I am a control freak, but it was good enough for Epoman so it's good enough for me.
:beer1; :beer1; :beer1;
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I think that this whole issue has escalated to a point where battle lines are being drawn, and that is not a good thing. We need variety in this forum, but we also need respect. I joined IHD just before Epoman died and I know he loved a good battle and debate. But I have also been reading this board long enough to see people bait others as well, and couch their words with "constructive criticism". Why don't we all take a break and remember that there are people at each end of the keyboard.
Sluff summed it all up pretty clearly. My take is that the only agenda for this site is for ANYONE affected by kidney disease can come, learn, vent and be entertained.
I thought Andrew was a plant as well, but I have learned enough over the years of reading almost daily, that plants usually tip their hand, and if you give someone enough rope, they'll hang themselves - the sadistic side of me actually likes watching that... and every once in a while, I'll be the bully. (Hello HDSW, I miss you!) - but even when I decide to deliver a smackdown, I choose my words carefully and think about who I am writing to and why I am writing it. What could be their perspective in this? What are they getting out of it, and why do I want to smack them? And then I let loose. I was always told that if you are going to get angry, stop and think "Will it matter in five years" if it won't, let it go, and if it will, go for it - full steam ahead.
Even if Andrew wasn't a shill, he was sharing HIS experience (actually, it is kind of fun to watch them either evolve or hit the trail) - either he was naive and defending his clinic, or he was a shill without very good manipulation skills. Either way, we need newbies to keep this site alive and timely. My contribution to the site has changed in the four years since I joined the forum, because my journey is in a different place. We were ALL newbies once.
Realty Check, your agenda has been clear since your first post. Hey, it is an agenda that I agree with, so you'll get no beef from me. But you were aggressive with Andrew. NoahVale, I respect your opinion, but there are no sides in this. We do not need to score points off each other.
And as far as OKarol goes? As far as I am concerned, she can lock or move any damn thread that she wants (except mine, then I'll take it personally ;)). Karol, Sluff and the whole admin team are people who have taken on the responsibility of keeping this site alive. It isn't journalism, they aren't getting paid for this. And the fact that they are even making the effort to keep this place organized has earned them my eternal gratitude and respect - they are doing a job that I could never do. And I love them for it. (well, actually Sluff, you had me with the boa and tiara....)
Everyone has something to offer here, let's put egos and agendas aside and put our efforts into trying to understand and not "educate" all of the time. We are people here, and we each get something different from our participation, but to be a fairly "new" participant and to be so blatantly critical of the administration is not taking into account or respecting the history that exists here. Step back and try to look at the big picture.
Oh, and as far as the original subject of this post? Am I a control freak? HAH I have evolved, and I let my freak flag fly. I was a control freak, then I joined the club, wore the t-shirt and got the secret club tattoo. I am now crown goddess of control freaks - it is a good place to be.
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noah you can always go and start your own webpage and forum if all you want to do is complain about how a website is run not the way you like it. See how far you can take it. .
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This board is called "I hate Dialysis" and clearly announces itself as a forum to vent criticism, frustration, pain, disappointment. In fact, that's its only reason for being. If people want to talk about the positives of being on dialysis, there are other boards.
IHD's mission statement from the first page -
Welcome to a site for patients by patients. Epoman started ihatedialysis.com to stop having his posts censored or deleted by corporate run or sponsored dialysis sites. He created the site so others could have a voice on the internet free from censorship. Do not let the sites name fool you, we are not about being negative, we just hate dialysis.
We've got entire posts about dialysis humor, dialysis cartoons, helpful suggestions for diets, ideas for things to do while you are stuck in the chair, and thousands of posts trying to help people with every phase and strange symptom of dialysis. There is plenty of positivity on here. One of the pluses, as Epo designed it, was that you could talk about the minuses without getting erased, but that doesn't make this an entirely negative board.
So when newbies complain that people posting negatives about dialysis providers are disturbing to them, I personally am concerned. I come here wanting to have open discussion about the negatives of the economics of dialysis and particularly how it impacts patients. But I do not want to add to the insecurity and anxiety of dialysis patients. What to do?
We've had this discussion with a lot of activist newbies. They come on here very fired up about wanting dialysis patients to stand up and fight the system. Someone at one point even insisted we all needed to go on strike together and stop going to dialysis until the care improved, of all things! How we were going to change things when we were dead was not answered.
See, the problem is that too many dialysis patients are fighting to stay alive, even the ones in good centers. It's very hard to go full on and fight a system that you need in order to keep living - especially when the process is exhausting and your health and energy are poor. I've heard plenty of negatives about dialysis providers, and I do find them disturbing, but not surprising. It's a system run by a combination of big business and government - of course it's totally f***ed up.
So RC, while I can understand that the economics of the system both fascinate you and aggravate you, you have to understand that not everyone can handle dealing with one more problem. Dialysis patients need to control their diet, their fluid, their weight, their own finances, their family issues, and their own lives before they can work on the bigger, nationwide issues. It seems like an impossible problem to most, so they focus on what they can handle and don't bother with the rest. I read, and answered, a number of your posts, RC. Like Meinuk, I support your efforts and wish to change the system - I'm just not able to devote my energy to it. You have to give room for that viewpoint as well.
When the thread was shut down before this VERY core issue could be processed by the group,
Oh, I'd say most of us have processed the issue. We've just put it on the bottom of the list of things we need to panic about. Little details like figuring out how much potassium we can eat before our heart stops beating tend to get bumped to the top of the list instead.
it was obvious these are personal issues of the moderators, who have lost sight of the mission and development of thought in the forum. I think it's sad, but this is what happens on every board on the internet that is moderated by people who have good intentions but no experience really dealing with world views and thought systems unlike their own. I have seen it.
So the huge group of people who come on here and manage every day to have discussions about religion, politics and dozens of other topics from vastly divided viewpoints without being rude or getting locked down by the moderators don't have any experience really dealing with world views and thought systems unlike their own either? We had a large discussion about religion between an atheist, a humanist, and a number of born-again Christians, and yet no one was rude during the entire conversation about Harold Camping and his end of the world announcements. If we can do it over a hot button issue such as religion, no doubt we can about government and big-business spending as well - but EVERYONE has to be respectful - including the original poster. The moderators only lock threads that are becoming horribly mean and rude. When they sink to a certain level, there's rarely any going back. Do they ever lock things that might have cleared themselves up on their own? Probably. But they have to make a judgment call at some point. If you stick around long enough, you can ask to join the moderators yourself, and try making some of those calls with them. Sluff, Karol, Kitkat and the rest have been around since the member count was in the hundreds, and the posts were just beginning - those who have been here the longest have seen how Epo wanted it to work and have done their best to keep it up.
Having watched Epo in action myself, Kit's right - he'd have kicked some butt on some of these threads. With Nina right behind, ready to poke someone in the eye with that tiara and choke 'em with the boa as well!
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Okarol
You do a great job and I appreciate it. The only advice I might have to those who object to your moderation is "If you don't liike it, move on"
Personally, I detest the rants on IHD but I know they are of value to some people, so I never contribute to them...I just walk away.
The only reason I'm on this thread is because I want to support Okaral, we need her a lot more than some of the whingers in this place.
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wow. just wow.
I am going to post this with my moderator hat on, just so we're all clear, but I only speak for myself and not sluff, karol or any of the other mods.
There seem to be some complaints that IHD admins are "censoring" users by either locking threads, moving them (?!) or something like that. THIS IS NOT THE CASE!!!!!!!
As others have said, Epoman was all about ALL views and opinions, and I know that as a moderator of this forum myself I am more than happy to see any and all views and opinions expressed.
*BUT*
(yes there's always a but!)
These discussions need to be civil and not drag down into the personal. Noah, for example, crossed the line in my view by his declaration of karol's supposed "issues" which was a horrible thing for me to read. That is NOT acceptable!! By all means, disagree that a topic, which is clearly not related to dialysis, was moved to the off-topic section (which is where it belongs!) is OK, but calling someone out on a personal level is not cool.
In a similar vein the fast-becoming-old-chestnut of the Andrew/PatDown "saga" regarding that dialysis unit it was also suggested that we (as in IHD admins) did not want a discussion on the various topics brought up there - eg: Andrew likes his unit, PD suggesting the stats say otherwise because DaVita is bad mkay, and so on - well that is just not true. What we objected to, or at least *I* did in my reading of it after the fact, was that it had gotten personal on BOTH sides, and then posts were edited that it was unclear what had really been written in public view previously. All of this has been covered in other threads.
There are pleny of less-moderated forums out there that allow flame wars to be fired back and forth endlessly - if that's the look you like - feel free to head on over.
I'm all for robust debate, but not when it becomes personal and the argument is no longer about the message, but the messenger. Accusing people of being "plants" or "DaVita haters" - or whatever - doesn't help anything and certainly doesn't add to the debate.
And just as this thread, which of course has gone off-topic from the original topic, though I can't help but wonder if the original post by PD was perhaps directed at certain other users as a comment rather than a "fun quiz." but be that as it may, that's just my thought. Anyway this thread has gone off the topic of the quiz and is all about the gripes with the administration of this site. It's OK in my book to discuss rationally(if possible?) concerns or even criticisms of the way things are handled, but it should be done without the need to resort to personal attacks like suggesting someone has "issues" or anything else.
Some may even argue that resorting to such comments actually reveals more about the writer than the target.
I wonder if the admin team just left IHD alone for a week, a month, however long and let the weeds grow and don't perform any of the many tasks that go on in the background how it would look. Further if there are users out there that feel they could do a better job, why not put in an application?! We can always use more help!
by the way, for those that think karol, or sluff, or any other mod has "abused" the administration priviges ... clearly you weren't members during Epo's time (RIP). This thread wouldn't even exist if he was still around, because quite a few would have been out on their ears long ago. The current team do a very good job of putting up with a lot. The mere fact that I can write this post in response to several open attacks should be proof enough tha there's hardly any abuse of powers going on - if users were kicked off, threads locked because an admin didn't like what was said about them.. then yes, I would argue that could be an abuse.. but nobody's done that and this has been allowed to go on.
then of course there's the other argument to "just don't feed the trolls" - well guess I didn't listen to that one.
RichardMEL, Moderator
EDITED: To correct my feel/feed typo :)
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OK RM, I'm getting personal here! I think you're not supposed to "feed" the trolls but you being you, of course it comes out that you're not going to "feel" them. :rofl;
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ROFL :rofl;
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Someone posted and said, I love my clnic. Someone else said, Well, take a look at the quality index of statistics collected on the company providing your care by an independent news source. The person who liked his clinic became vituperative. He used insulting language. Others tried to step around the inappropriate attacks [because they are from a patient responding from an understandable vulnerability who feels threatened and angry] and talk about the issues raised by Pat. The moderator shut the thread down for the second time. Now it has moved here.
The question of whether it is possible to discuss the Propublic information Pat introduced without upsetting someone like the poster who became angry, and what to do when they do use childlike insults--which I forgive them for doing under the circumstances, is not answered. Probably this thread will be shut down for criticizing the moderators when it should actually address this question.
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Ok, now I am amused.
For anyone who want a recap, this is what we are talking about:
My Clinic is great: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=23211.0
To OKarol RE: My Clinic is great: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=23225.0
Conversation is NOT CENSORED here. Threads may be locked, but they are still available to be read.
IHD is Pro "Pro Publica".
We are all here to learn.
To even suggest that there is abuse in moderation is laughable.
People got their "panties in a twist" (to quote Big Sky), and now we just need to shake our heads and ask WTF.
Richard was right, don't "feel" the trolls. And Monrien was right, don't feed them either.
Let's move on, stop suggesting that there are hidden agendas and go forward to make the world of renal replacement a better place for ALL of us.
Get over it people.
In lieu of beating a thoroughly dead horse, right now, I wish that I could lock a thread.
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Well, now that dialysis has been mentioned, it is time to move this thread again (yes, we do that!)
But for today I will let it lie.
Have a good day all!
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Yes, a good day to all :grouphug;
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LOVE IHD and all the hard work the Mods do!!
If IHD needs help moderating I am more then willing to step up!! Be a honor!
xo,
R
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What was there in what Andrew said that would suggest he is a troll? What is the difference between what a troll would do and what Andrew did? There are people who do love their clinics and don't want to hear anything bad about the system managing them.
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The subject is: Does what Pat Downs did on this post belong in a Dialysis Discussion section. I did not see the word Dialysis used so therefore, Okarol, IMO, did right by putting this in the off topic section.
The moderators are not perfect! But they do an excellent job! In regards to the "I love my Clinic" post by Andrew, I disagreed with Sluff about blocking Pat due to personal attacks. Doesnt mean I disagree all the time with him! He is generally right.
You have to have rules and guidelines to go by! Okarol does do a great job and she has personally helped me alot with her posts, but to say she is inebit, that is personal! I know that Noah is another very passionate person on this site. I learn from him too, but he really should apologize to Okarol.
Our moderators due an awesome job. Yes, this did belong in "Off Topic" section. I took the test Pat, and I was Half & Half! Does that mean Im 50% right or 50% wrong? LOL. Seriously guys, lighten up a bit!
lmunchkin :flower;
P.S. Does make for interesting reading though, huh?
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What was there in what Andrew said that would suggest he is a troll? What is the difference between what a troll would do and what Andrew did? There are people who do love their clinics and don't want to hear anything bad about the system managing them.
erm I don't believe anyone suggested Andrew was a "troll" (while one member did suggest he was a "plant" which i felt was excessive but that's just my personal view). I certainly didn't name anyone who may or may not be a troll.
Some people go to internet forums with certain agendas and like to stir up trouble for their own reasons - often not related to the specific topics at hand. Again I am not suggesting anyone in particular on IHD(or any other forum) but it often happens. I've seen it on many forums.
Anyway I like girls, so if I'm going to "feel" a troll she better be cute!! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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:o I agree with what RM said.. "wow. just wow" The Moderators do a fantastic job. :cheer: I understand that people come on here to both praise and gripe about their clinic, care, medications, llab, friends, family, etc. All posts are valuable, but every post has its place. That is something that was decided long ago. I also know that not everyone will agree, but such is life. I'm hoping the ones criticizing are just having a bad day(s) and that things get better real soon. :cuddle;
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:o I agree with what RM said.. "wow. just wow" :cuddle;
About thhe troll part at the end? :rofl; :rofl;
Well if your going o feel a cute troll, you better feed her :rofl; :rofl;
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now now. this thread is going off topic from the off topic it had changed to (does two wrongs make a right?). Wow look, I just saw the "lock/unlock thread" button..... :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
(this post is intended to be taken in jest in case the laughing emoticon wasn't clear)
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YES, Richard it is feed the troll first and then.... the other. In regard to posts villifying our Okarol, REALLY???? Have you ever met the woman?? Do you know what is going on in her life??? No, obviously you do not. Still, she works her little hind end off, all for us!!! Not for her, for us. There are no grounds for criticizing her or any of the other mods. If you dont like it, please accept our invitation to leave. And I thought you were such a smart guy!!!
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just wanted to say...
Thanks for my daily entertainment.
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Just my :twocents; I am probably a control freak -- Hi, I am Paris, and I like to be in control! I've been around here for a long time and was privileged to have joined when Epoman was still alive. That is why I feel so strongly about keeping his site true to his wishes. During those years, I have seen 2 mini mutinies. They started with language and name calling. Then it got very vicious. The members were fairly new and didn't like how things were run. They wanted to change things and figured bullying was the way to make change. You would be amazed at how many private messages moderators and administrators receive. Silly amounts some days! There is a lot of work going on behind the scenes.
A couple of points : no post is ever deleted. They may be moved to archives if necessary. This is a private owned site and we pay for all the room we use and all the support the site needs to stay up and running. Epoman started the site so there was a safe place for kidney patients to go to. There are several other kidney sights out there. I visited many and found a lot of chaos: posts in wrong sections, no order to some of them, etc. So, they are there for all who want that kind of a forum. Always read the site rules before joining to see if the site is a good choice for you. Also, don't assume you know more than the existing members --- you will be surprised how much members here have been through. All opinions are welcome, but without being nasty or insulting.
As for "plants"; believe me, the administrators go over every member's name when they join. We have seen lots of people "fishing", some organ sellers, magic healers, -- we have seen it all. By now, it is easy to spot those and it is easy to spot someone who is just here to create trouble.
Play nice, Respect the team that gives countless volunteer hours because they believe in the vision and the members. And remember that this is a site for sick people. After a short time, it is easy to know members and spot when they are having a really bad day. Reach out, send a pm, be helpful --- it will come back to you many fold
I have spent time with Karol and Sluff. We live on different coasts and the midwest, but we found time to sit down together. I respect and love both of the administrators and would do anything for either. The same for the moderators. So read about who the are and how this disease has effected them before hurling any type of insult. Everyone here has an important story. Do some research and get to know members before blasting them. Again my :twocents; Thanks to members that pm'd me regarding this. :thumbup;
paris, Moderator
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Epoman's ball, Epoman's field, thus Epoman's rules. Don't like it, take your bat and glove and go home! :Kit n Stik;
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The Admins....... God Bless'em. I would not want their job. AKA -- the other day when we were down they fought to get us back up and running. Not something I'd want to spend my day and night doing.
This forum is not a free for all. It was at first when Epoman started and that lasted about a week. Then he regretably had to start a rules page and add to it.
Epoman took no abuse from members as owner/Administrator. You two (Sluff & Okarol) don't need to either. Ban any of us who get in your face. You do not deserve that. You are judge and jury. Done deal. :waving;
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Hi Paris
(said in my most dull Control Freaks Anonymous voice)
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Suprisingly ( :sarcasm; ) there is no responce by the two who complained so much. No surprise, we have seen it before, complain, make bad, comments, no appologies, and pretty much say leave the sight.
Takes a real person to apologize or make amends.
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I'm very sorry that I tried to feel a troll. I will stick to girls from now on - at least they only slap me!!!
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You are right about posting ------ some are too very sick to post, some are trying to still work 40 hour weeks while dialysizing, some don't have the energy to get out of bed that morning. Those are the very people who need encouragement and a good place to go for support. We have valid worries over members not posting for awhile. Some have died and their relatives didn't know how to let us know. Others are so depressed, they just can't read about another happy thing happening. There is a system in place to give your information to say "contact me after not being online for ___ weeks."
I hope all that join can find some great connections here. My husband was totally amazed when I got my transplant that he heard from IHD members all over the world and had more emails, cards, gifts from them than any other group. We do become real friends. And it is surprising how real personalities come through and when you do meet in person, it is like seeing an old friend. So, let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya ---- :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Dear Pat and Noah:
a crisis in my family, a really tragic relapse of an addict, inspired me to attend two Alanon meetings today on a day I had off work.
It was my first time at Alanon.
I loved the meetings. I've always been a supporter of 12 steps and have attended AA with friends to support them. But today the messages about realizing the importance of focusing on what we can change, versus what we can't, struck me in a very deep place. I look forward to more meetings. This is an awareness I am determined to integrate into my life.
I am grateful to the two of you for having the amazing strength to lift your eyes over personal problems and take action to address issues that are beyond the personal. I think it is very hard to do this without enormous frustration. What I am hoping more meetings can do for me is help me to channel the frustration, not give up on the kind of awareness you further with your comments here.
Thank you for what you have written.
Sincerely,
RC
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Having not been very active recently, I was a bit hurt to see how this was going. I had been breathing a sigh of relief recently that we have not been having so many confrontational threads. As one of those who was here from the beginning, you need to know that Okarol and Sluff are fairly easygoing. Epoman was always quick and ready to ban anyone who threatened the vision he had for this website.
About the name"I Hate Dialysis" , Epoman said that this name was particularly chosen for the shock value. And it works! Doesn't mean that everything has to be negative.
I am very thankful for this website. I came upon it just when I really needed it and it has been a source of information, support and encouragement.
Please let's continue to keep Epoman's tremendous vision alive.
I love my IHD family! :grouphug;
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I have no need to make amends or apologies for expressing my opinions. Your comment on the other hand is "piling on" with nothing constructive in the least added to the conversation. But if it makes you feel better, go for it.
As far as leaving here?. Over a cyberspace spat?? Don't think so. I don't give over my power that easily! Not all on here have the time to post everyday.
Suprisingly ( :sarcasm; ) there is no responce by the two who complained so much. No surprise, we have seen it before, complain, make bad, comments, no appologies, and pretty much say leave the sight.
NV think you need to read that book I'm reading at the moment
Chris ll wise you up on the title!
POWER??? What Power...
You understand nothing about Power.... :boxing;