I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: our last breath on February 02, 2011, 01:03:54 PM
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sometimes you just feel all alone.. People will say they understand but unless you been here..NO YOU DONT.... I hate false promises. I am scared and feel I am the only one with these selffish feelings....
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You are not having selfish feelings. These are very real feelings.
People on this board do understand what you are going through. We all go through it. I have had to deal with all of what you're feeling every single time my husband goes into the hospital and even when he's home. The fear is very real. He just came home but may have to go back.
Please don't feel alone, we are here for you. Every one of us. If you need to vent, just to talk, ask questions, whatever it is...you can always say it all here.
:grouphug;
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i think mean things a lot. it is something i work on everyday...some days are better then others! hang tough!
xo,
R
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this is a place where you don't need to feel alone. sometimes just a place to rant is all you need, as often as you need it. now i'm lucky, even if my family doesn't completely understand gramma lady gets whatever she needs. not everyone on the board is as fortunate. cyber hugs actually do help. some of us have met and become friends, that helps too. we're glad you're and will try to give whatever we can.
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:grouphug;
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OLB...you hit it right on the head. Unless someone has been in our shoes (speaking as a caregiver myself) they can't POSSIBLY understand all of the emotions, thoughts, and stress we live with daily. When my husband was diagnosed with ESRD, I was scared witless. ( I still am at times. ) And I have also felt very alone. Then I found IHD and became a part of something bigger than myself and bigger than renal disease. It's a group of folks who DO understand and who have helped me get through each day. I hope you will come to know us as your friends and learn to lean on us like we all lean on each other. More than one cyber hug or just a cute comment has turned my entire day around. Let us do that for you too. :cuddle;
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thank each of you for reaching out to me. I AM VERY GRATEFUL. He still hasn't went back to treatment and we both know each day is our gift. It has been 36 days no treatment. He says he feels better then he has in years. Until last night... he said his side is hurting. I can see him getting slower and well there is Little different in his mood today. I still have hope....After all everything I have been told and read has either happened already and went away....or just not there...VERY CONFUSSED. .Its hard to put life (mine) on pause. It is very emotional. GLAD TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM FULL TIME well I guess you already know... THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.
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Sending you a hug. :grouphug;
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You have good days and bad days. A year and a half of therapy did us a world of good. I also found a very inexpensive place to get massages.
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OLB...I am sending you a huge cyberhug. :grouphug;
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OLB, my heart really breaks for you, and right now I really can't begin to understand just how very painful, emotional and draining this situation is for you.
Sending you the biggest *huggles* I have ...
You are not selfish for feeling the way you do. We all feel alone sometimes, even when we're surrounded by those who love us and think they know how we're feeling. You are an amazingly courageous woman.
I found another massive *huggle* for you ... :grouphug;
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As you say we all feel alone and frustrated and guilty for feeling like this. It is not easy to be a care giver, it is frigging hard work but we do it because we love that person. This last week my husband has been suffering really bad with his arthritis ( not his dialysis) in his knees which is really crippling his walking, I feel so guilty because he is always on about the pain and I can not do any thing about it. It is doing my head in, all we talk about is dialysis and pain. I feel like running away to-day, do you want to come with me? We could have a cyber run away day. Who's with me.
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Billybags...I'm WITH you! Where should we go? I'm thinking someplace warm with fruity drinks and little umbrellas in them. Maybe Bajanne will let us come visit her. Or maybe you already have a place in mind....
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Well looneytunes, that is 2 of us. I fancy a nice 5* hotel fully inclusive, in the country so I can walk for miles, I also want a beach near by so I can swim in the sea. Wine is my tippler, so plenty of that. I think the English weather is getting to me. Get those running shoes ready.
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BB...Wine is good with me....and my running shoes have been ready for quite a while.
OLB....how are things going with you. Thinking of you. :grouphug;
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:grouphug; I've been checking back regularly looking for updates. Your feelings are not selfish, they are yours and that is the way you feel, plain and simple, can't change how you feel.
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You are not selfish at all. Kidney disease effects everyone in the family. It changes life drastically. I am sorry for what you are going through. Keep posting here-- you will always find someone who understands.
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thank you and yes lets run away... we are getting another snow storm here so lets go somewhere warm.. THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE SMILE I GOT JUST FROM HEARING IM NOT ALONE.. :shy; I do pray each of you and your family-- care takers are having a wonderful and safe day.
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OLB...so glad to see you post. And we are also getting snow here in the Ozarks. So...I'm with you. Someplace warm and tropical where we can sit and bake in the sun!
Has your hubby gone back to treatment yet? Is he doing ok?
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:grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
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oh, what i have missed.. Im so sorry OLB for your pains. It sounds like you have gotton some good comfort from others who truly do understand, and hopfully, your not feeling alone in this anymore. It's a scarry place to be, and i hope that your life has smoothed out a bit?? Blessings to you, and i hope that we all can take a 'get away' trip. Im sorry i missed out on the other one you guys got to go on :'( But i DO hope it was fun :p Hugs to all our caregiving friends.. Blessings to all
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still no.. he hasn't been to treatment for 42 days.....he says he is feeling better then he has in along time.. He looks good..and not throwing up..He was ALL the time he was doing treatment...i know what is happening but we are trying to live as normal as we can...He used the bathroom once today so he still is urinating. Little......Very cold here today sunny high of 12.... Spring is March 20Th......Thanks again
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OLB, thinking of you both daily and keeping you in my prayers. Not one of us knows what tomorrow brings so we try to make the most of each day we are given. :grouphug;
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:grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
OLB, you've been on my mind today. Hope you're ok and hubby is comfortable.
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OLB, hope everything is ok.
*huggles*
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:grouphug; :grouphug; to you
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OLB...how are you holding up? I'm thinking of you two. :grouphug;
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I am not currently employed outside the house but at home, I am working ALL the time. It's soooo hard (like the others have said) being a caregiver. My best friend sometimes makes me remarks about me not working (which I am able to do) and sometimes I get a little hurt. If they only knew. His siter kinda gets it but his daughter doesn't. She's just not around enough to see how it is. She has children and I understand she is busy. It's all up to me. 3 days ago he injured his back and who is there w/ him? Me. We are there when they are sick, when they are weak, when they are cranky, when they don't feel like dialysis, when they need their special meals. We are there when (and if) they're congestive heart failure starts taking it's toll. We are there through all the medications, the medical bills, the paper work, the medical phone calls, everytime they are in ER, ICU, or regular hosp. We clean up when they throw up, when they have diarrahea, when they are occassionall dizzy after dialysis. We are there to pick up slack because they are not able to do exactly what they could before. We are there to constantly worry about them. e are there to check to see "if they breathing" at night or evrytime they're napping. And my friend thinks I sit around doing nothing all day lol. I know you feel alone but you're not. You may not have much support where you are but you have it here. It can be draining on the caregiver and you need to let a little loose too. Most importantly: take care of YOURSELF.
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texasstyle, could not have said it better. Hubby has been in hospital with a heart attack since Friday, scared the shit out of me. So it has been stressful, tiring going backwards and forwards to hospital but the good thing is they have sorted him and I got him home to-day. Remember to say this to your self every morning, I get a laugh with it. Say GOOD MORNING, LET THE STRESS BEGIN and it frigging does. Thinking of you both.
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I am not currently employed outside the house but at home, I am working ALL the time. It's soooo hard (like the others have said) being a caregiver. My best friend sometimes makes me remarks about me not working (which I am able to do) and sometimes I get a little hurt. If they only knew. His siter kinda gets it but his daughter doesn't. She's just not around enough to see how it is. She has children and I understand she is busy. It's all up to me. 3 days ago he injured his back and who is there w/ him? Me. We are there when they are sick, when they are weak, when they are cranky, when they don't feel like dialysis, when they need their special meals. We are there when (and if) they're congestive heart failure starts taking it's toll. We are there through all the medications, the medical bills, the paper work, the medical phone calls, everytime they are in ER, ICU, or regular hosp. We clean up when they throw up, when they have diarrahea, when they are occassionall dizzy after dialysis. We are there to pick up slack because they are not able to do exactly what they could before. We are there to constantly worry about them. e are there to check to see "if they breathing" at night or evrytime they're napping. And my friend thinks I sit around doing nothing all day lol. I know you feel alone but you're not. You may not have much support where you are but you have it here. It can be draining on the caregiver and you need to let a little loose too. Most importantly: take care of YOURSELF.
Damn it tx! This made me cry. I spend so much time insisting that I'm not a 'caregiver' that I don't think I truly realise that actually I am.
*sigh*
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Good post TS. Well written. It is not an easy lot to bear for the caregiver - specially when you also feel so helpless to do much more for the patient than what you already to, and probably also feel unappreciated half the time for what you DO do which often goes taken for granted or unnoticed.
We appreciate all that you, and all the other wonderful caregivers, do.
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Texasstyle, I think I Love you, Happy Valentines Day!. I read your post and each and every item was exactly what I experienced with Sharon, especially stopping by her bed in the middle of the night to make sure she was still breathing......
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Yes TS you said it true... Dont think it could be more clear.. kinda in a loss for words, just want to knod and say 'yes'.
And to OLB, i send prayers for comfort.
And to all of us, patients, and caregivers, i wish for peace, and content in what we do have. whew,,,
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OLB, keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
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See how NOT alone you are? I know it still feels like it probably. It's darn frustrating when there's no one to talk too either. VENT out your stuff! It's not good to keep it in. One day at time is what we do.
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Well said texasstyle. OLB, I have been thinking about you everyday, wish there was something I could do to make it easier... were here to support you in anyway we can. :grouphug;
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OLB...wondering how you both are....please let us hear from you. Lots of prayers and good thoughts going out for you two. :grouphug;
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:grouphug;
Hang in there. Believe me there is silver linings...you just have to wait until the clouds thin out a bit! Here is a cute joke for you:
What do you call a burglar in armor?
A thief in a knight! lol
Sorry, but I have to have some humor or I would go insane.
karrye
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OLB...still thinking of you two and praying for you. :grouphug;
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OLB..haven't heard from you. Hoping things are still ok there. :pray;
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There's is no way a person can say they understand how it is to be alone unless they have been for a length of time. I wish I could understand how my mom feels being alone so I can help do things and say things that might make it easier. She has always had people around. Six kids, plus babysitting, then working and grandkids. We all have our times to be with her. Mine is every Wednesday and every other Saturday. Of course, I see her more often due to parties and just wanting to see her.
I also know that mom sometimes gets complacent and wants to reach out and call someone, but is too tired. I've never been alone and when I find myself alone in my house, I know it doesn't compare to what someone who is truly alone feels because I know it won't last.
Being alone at any age, healthy or not, by your choice or not, is difficult. I know when my son went to PA for a job, he was alone for 3 months. He didn't know anyone and came home every weekend. I know he "grew into himself" during that time. You do have lots of time to think that's for sure.
:cuddle;