I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: texasstyle on January 09, 2011, 05:32:02 PM
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Well, once again he's decieded not to take any of his meds for a week. I just found this out yesterday. Blood pressure, diaretics (even though he doesn't pee) I would imagine are the most concerneing to miss. I have seen him take his phos-binders at least. He looks crappy if you ask me. He takes so many a day. You guys know what I'm saying... *****sigh****. Just had to get that out.
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:cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle;
*tight hugs*
what more can we say????
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He's just so naughty. It must be really worrying for you. :cuddle;
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I can empathize with you, it's so hard to take care of someone who is basically sabotaging their health.
On the other hand, it's not uncommon for patients to try to make up for the lack of control that is CKD - and they control what they can, maybe even rebel against taking meds.
It's like an alcoholic. Until they want help, you can beg and curse and nag, but if they aren't on board with improving their situation, all your words fall on deaf ears.
???
I hope you can take care of yourself and get out and spend time with other folks. There's no point staying home and glaring at him. Make time for fun stuff. If nothing else you'll feel better when you get home. :cuddle;
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I am planning my stop in texas to drag TS out to have some fun!!!!! >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D
:beer1; :cuddle; :beer1; :cuddle; :yahoo;
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Aaarrghh.
What Karol said sounds right on the money to me.
:cuddle;
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I am still bogged down with worry but yes!, I DO find time for myself. Last year or so I was so wrapped up in worry but I have come to terms that there is not much I can do about it. I have gottten back into my music and am having fun! Most days I spend with my Telecastor and my little keyboard (the Hammond is too big to drag around lol). I have been singing out lately and having fun. It is like an alcoholic. Maybe like a "dry" drunk. Hmmm...? Somedays I just can't believe the stupidity of it. We have a major snow storm coming in which might effect for the first time the day he goes to dialysis. I'm going to fill the prescription for potassium binder today "just in case". But...not taking meds & missing a dialysis session ossibly due to weather is not a good combonation. His "report card" of blood work came up great this time although he eats chocolate everyday and other bad things. Cheese, cheese, cheese and more cheese. More than me. I did read something about in regard to potassuim build up that about 98% stays in your cells and about 2% is actually in the blood stream. So, with blood work there is not way to tell how much is actually in the cells. Been in critcial shape 2x recently because of potassium. Is what Iwas reading accurate? If so that's kinda scary. Richard, you can drag me out anytime. Hope your doing well today! He says the meds make him tired and feel crappy and when he doesn'ttake them he feels better and more energetic. It's just so dangerous. I can only imagine what a dialysis patient or someone with kidney disease goes through. Thanks for being there everyone!
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oh TS you and me are going to drink some high quality coffee and celebrate LIFE. :-*
Yeah I think something is screwey (or hubby is VERY lucky) that his labs seem so good if he's a chocoholic and cheese addict - wow the two P's in overload!! That can't be good in any way.
Still as you say what can you do? You're doing everything you can to support him (ie: filling the script just in case) which is really all you can do, and some might argue above and beyond the call (I want a partner as devoted as you!). I know you want to pull your hair out, but really... focusing on your music and singing is probably one of the best things you can do to reclaim/steady your own sanity.
We are all behind you, alas awaiting for the next disaster. I had really thought with that last massive K scare he had that he'd turned the corner....So difficult for you to watch and deal with. We love you.
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Aw TS...What CAN he be thinking? And, bless you for caring enough to take pre-emptive action on the binder RX. As you know from the past, I have one of these guys too. The analogy of an Alcoholic is so apropo... Some days he is overzealous in his attention to the "rules" and then he goes on "binges" for days where he does everything he shouldn't. And the emotional roller coaster that puts us on....WOW! But, I'm so glad you have taken up the music again. It's really important to have some interest of your own to focus on. I'm sending you my BIGGEST cyberhug and hope to hear things are better soon! :grouphug;
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Oh Texie, what a horrid situation. Here, have some *huggles* ...
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so...due to the snow the ctr. shuffled the sessions around. Wed. group is mostly coming today (Tues.). Hubby's dr. approved it but I know this is one of those snow emergency situations not normal sessions. Well.......he isn't going. He called dialysis and told them he wasn't coming when I wasn't home. They were calling and he wouldn't let me answer. They left a message and I heard it say that his not coming in was very dangerous and he needed to call to find out how much potassium binder to take. He never called back. They called here several times.(I know this through caller ID). He is planning on taking the minimum dose (because he's knows what's best for him right? *sarcasticlly*) I might think with the way way he can tend to get hyperkalemic they might want that dose increased. Hmm..I am soooooo peed'd off at him right now! I'm going to the store with my daughter so I don't have to look at him. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh but I am maaaaaddd. If something happens this time, I will just walk over him and leave him there. Everytime which has been a lot lately there's a major traumatic crisis, he has brought it on himself. Am I dreaming? Is this really happeneing? Does this kinda thing go on with other people?What am I doing wrong? Am I over reacting? Urggghh jfiosdfuiewurijfjdsjfufjfsdkfjfhsdhfdjsf....what ever that means lol. that's how my head feels right now! lol
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:banghead;
Wow that's frustrating. Tell him you've put 911 on speed dial and give him the phone before you leave.
I am sorry, but I think you are right to step over him. Missing treatments is foolish and he's not just hurting himself, but his family too. So selfish!
Hugs!! xoxoxox :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle; :cuddle;
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Oh, TS, this is so hard to read! You've been such a good partner to your husband and he just doesn't appreciate it!
He sounds depressed but I am not sure what you do with that information if it's true. If he doesn't want to help himself, you will be fighting a losing battle trying to do it for him. I don't think you're doing anything wrong nor overreacting, I think he has not accepted that this is his life right now and he has to just do what needs to be done to live. Yes, rebelling against the meds is a way to prove to himself that he really is the one who calls the shots with this disease. The disease will eventually prove otherwise if he doesn't find a healthier way to feel empowered soon.
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Sure cant blame you for being mad. As Cariad said, I think he is just depressed and wants to take control of his life again. But, that is the way with CKD, so he just has to suck it up, buttercup. Try to stay calm, or next thing you know, you will have high blood pressure and kidney disease too. Dont want that to happen to you. Keep singing!!!
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TS nobody here would blame you for being mad. I'm mad reading it!!! It's like watching someone doing everything they can to jump off the edge of the cliff.. and for what? Is he really THAT unhappy with his life? Does he not value his time with you, daughter, family etc? I mean.. REALLY/ Yes, he must be depressed, and I can't blame anyone for that when dealing with dialysis, but this bloke adds a whole new dimension to it because he brings much of his woes on himself through stupid and selfish decisions.
I think it is the best thing you could do for YOu to get out of there and get out with your daughter and spend some time away from watching him kill himself. I am sorry to be so blunt, but that's how it seems to me, and I can't imagine your pain and that thought and what you've had to witness over so long now - again and again and again.
*shakes head in disbelief*
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TS...you have every reason and right to be mad. Who picks up the pieces of your lives when he goes into the self destruct mode? You. So...walking away and getting some time away from it is a good thing. Having "practiced" this for a while, I know it is easy advice to give and hard to do. Sometimes I struggle to restrain myself from kicking him as I walk over him because I am so angry. :rofl; As much as we love them, it's so hard to watch them do everything possible to sabotage themselves. Mine has been on a chocolate/sugar/salt/fluid binge now for about 2 weeks. And no healthy meals at all. And then comlains that he feels bad. HUH? Wonder why?
My mom, who was a very wise lady, said to me one time.... "you have to learn to mind your own business and leave others to make their own decisions about their own lives.. You can't save them from themselves". How true!
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this all go away for you. :grouphug;
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I beleieve I've read that chocolate has about as much potassium as a bananna ounce for ounce. It is down right SCARY the way they eat sometimes like there is not a care in the world. I was just
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I think he is playing on your sympathy and knows that you worry. I know it is hard, but tell him to get on with it because you are so tired of it, what he is doing is going to kill him. Lots of hugs.
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:cuddle;
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How is Mike doing now?
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I'm thinking he needs a hard lesson to learn from if that is possible. Also if he ever planned to go on the transplant list, his actions are frowned upon and could deny him from being accepted unless he changes his ways.
Either way, you need a break and maybe make him start doing things for himself like go out and get his prescriptions, go to the grocery store or something to make him have control of something.
Hope things get better and improve T.S.
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Funny I read this right now lol. Actually he's had his head cold, clammy, & sweaty all day long and feels "off". Again this week, it looked as if his pill box was empty for the week. He filled it up earlier this evening. This means he did not take his BP meds again. 2 weeks missed out of three. (1 week off, one on, one off..)The mornings of dialysis he says his BP is good. 2x this week he came home with very low BP. Dizzy etc... but I don't how low. Oh Geez, he's just such a mess my God. He's lying in front of the fireplace on the floor sacked out right now with the dog. I took his BP an hour ago, 160/88. Not too bad right?, because the bottom number is more important than the top? Yesterday, a family died after a long battle with cancer with my daughter and myself (other members) at his side. I don't know if he even knew we were there but I talked to him because you're supposed to be able to hear. He fought SO hard. He was 52.
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sorry for your lost....
xo,
R
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Sorry for your lost and I wish someone could shake some sense into that hubby of yours.
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tex, sorry about your loss and so young too. What are you to do about that errant husband of yours? I want to come and give him a good rollicking
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I'm so sorry for your loss :grouphug;
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What is it with the men on here? Do they think they are invincible or something? Geesh!! Lee is extremely religious in taking his meds (and after this last bout of 'dementia' a bit over zealous!) and making ALL doctor apts, but not so religious as to follow all the guidelines on eating and 'exercising' his maturing fistula!
I finally got me a notepad I keep in my purse and I keep details on his meds and doctor apts. This way, I KNOW what is coming up in case Lee goes off the deep end again.
I understand the frustration and I can't believe him not going into dialysis for his session! I would be having purple dragons flying out my....ummm...well think on it everyone! :P
Anyway, one minute at a time and go from there Texasstyle. I am there rooting for you.
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whoa! :) not all men are created equal. Many are giants compared to me!!! :rofl;
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Speaking from a female dialysis patient's point of view, when I was on Haemo, I often sat in the waiting room at the local centre listening to the men talk about how much they had drunk the previous weekend, how few of their tablets they had taken, and how much junk they had eaten, and I'm sorry Richard it was usually ONLY men who talked like this.
The selfishness of this never ceases to amaze me. Not only are your family worried about you because you are ill, but you then put extra stress and strain in their lives by not stepping up and dealing with that illness. I have no idea what you can do about this texasstyle, especially as you are grieving right now. I feel so deeply for you and can only guess at your frustration and helplessness.
sending hugs, it's not practical help, but hopefully the support you receive on here alleviates it a little...
xx
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Carla - it's OK - in one of the few threads about various "wayward" males I commented that it did seem to only be the males that acted this way (at least that we've heard of on here anyway - I am sure there are the odd women who are similar, but maybe we don't hear about them because mostly it's female partners/caregivers/spouses that post on here... indeed come to think of it is anyone on here a male caregiver for a female on dialysis?).
I too find it puzzling as to why there would be these people who so blatantly abuse themselves, and affect not only them badly, but those that they love. Since I'm not in that boat myself, it's just an attitude I can't fathom.
I have thought maybe it is something to do with a bit of rebelling against the rules and restrictions imposed on you by CKD/dialysis - sort of "I'm frustrated/depressed/angry with my life.. so screw you!" sort of thing, or maybe it's part of that general male stereotype that some think they're invincible or something and CAN do what they like despite all evidence to the contrary, or maybe it's something as relatively understandable as "my life is so difficult I want to at least treat myself with chocolate and enjoy SOMETHING" - taken to an extreme.
Maybe it's a combination of all of these things.
I'm sure there's a psychology paper in there somewhere!!
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I can't fathom either how anybody can abuse their bodies and there loved ones. Hubby is almost too much the other way. He is not going to miss a dialysis treatment or not take his meds. He is going to eat the things he is supposed to eat without any encouragement from me!! I have seen males and females have the attitude that they are invincible and nobody is going to tell them what to do. In the end though they are only being destructive to themselves. My heart goes out to the caregivers who have to deal with this type of behavior. :cuddle; :flower; :cuddle; :flower;
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Well it's not the answer to all, but some family members do not step up and allow it to happen, but then complain about it, or do not educate themselves to help monitor so they can proportion and cook the right food and drink.
Or the men just droan out what they think is nagging because they were not aproached in the right way?
I just grabbing at straws, but as you know, there are so many possible reasons.
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Chris - nagging - that's one I forgot. With the best intentions a loved one/caregiver can be saying "you shouldn't do this, or that" and some people will react negatively to that.. being bossed around, on top of restrictions etc, and will rebel just because it's all too much, or they don't want to be nagged etc.
And unfortunately no matter how much you try and educate or explain you're doing it because you love them and want them to be in the best shape etc.. it just won't sink in.
That's why I usually advise here to just leave it. Let them know, and it's their decision and responsibility. Badgering someone who doesn't want to listen won't help any....
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OMG, we were "on him" for years. Then we stepped back. Then on him again. Then stepped back. I'm just 5'2. He is 6'1. I can't put him over my shoulders. I am not an enabler butthere is only so much you can do. You can lead a horse to water.... I do the best in doing my part though.
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TS, when I got married ( the first time) my Mom gifted me with a cast iron skillet. Wasnt for cooking, it was to smack him upside the head if he got out of hand. She was serious too. Have you thought of getting one, just to wave it in front of him when he gets out of control ?
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I think in general women are more nurturing. We as females have to feed and take care of an infant so it's partly instinctive of us. Men as a species gather and hunt, then lay on the couch. Haaa.. They are providers but women are the caretakers. We are the one making sure everyone else is ok. Something like that
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I'm stepping ack and away, I do not want to get :Kit n Stik; :-[
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I think in general women are more nurturing. We as females have to feed and take care of an infant so it's partly instinctive of us. Men as a species gather and hunt, then lay on the couch. Haaa.. They are providers but women are the caretakers. We are the one making sure everyone else is ok. Something like that
I have to share this evolutionary biology lesson with all of you, so gather 'round!
Do you ever wonder why your man leaves his dirty socks around, why you can pretty much see where he has been in the house? It's because men leave trails. Why do they leave trails? Because long ago when men had to travel great distances to follow herds to hunt, the compass had not yet been invented, so to be able to find their way back home, they'd leave markers along the way. The left TRAILS! AND THEY STILL DO! From my seat here in our living room, I can look around and see my husband's shoes, his tie, his scarf and his suit jacket.
Ever wonder why your man can't find the mustard even though it is right there in front of him? It's because long ago, it was the women who combed the forest floor for edibles. They had to have good eyesight and be able to discern tiny details so that they'd pick the edible mushrooms instead of the poisonous ones. The role of the man was to hunt critters, the bigger the better. They didn't need to see a lot of detail.
Want to know why the human female is at the top of the evolutionary chain? Specialization. The more specialized an organism is, the higher up they are on this chain. Humans are at the top. Males have (ahem) one orifice for defecation and one for both urination and reproduction. The human female is even more specialized in that she has three separate orifices, one for each of these bodily functions.
This is all good ammunition if you want to have a really nasty domestic tiff. :rofl;
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I love that mom! Especially about the socks and trails haaa. So true! And there are always pairs of shoes around. Put them away! You don't need 25 pair under the coffee table. I hate that...lol That was an interesting article and yes, I am going to use in time of need! lol
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Ught o, I'm different. I hate when someone leaves shoes out, leaves clothes on the floor (that's why we have clothes bins in the closet!), or makes a mess in the kitchen and doesn't clean up after themselves. Yet I take offense to that generalization of human history :rofl; :rofl;
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Uh-oh, I think I must have been a man in a previous life.... :rofl;
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:rofl;
MOOSEMOM!!!
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
ROTFLMAO!!!!!