I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Introduction => Introduce Yourself => Topic started by: Rachel7 on January 09, 2011, 04:31:33 PM
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Hello
I've arrived here because my husband is having dialysis and I know nothing of what to expect and have no idea how to assist him...to be honest we are living apart and I want to make this time apart seem worthwhile and educate myself in the hope that he will come back and I can be of support to him. Instead of drowning in despair. At the moment he is suffering with deep depression and wants nothing to do with me only the children. Sorry to begin like this, but I am find this place very positive inspite of the struggles you all face, I hope to learn from you all...
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You came to a great place... Welcome from :canadaflag;
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Wow, thats a tough place to be. I hope he comes to value life more than the dispair of dialysis. We do the home cycler peritoneal dialysis and I can tell you its a two person job! My husband will do anything to stay off hemo dialysis which makes him feel very weak and sick. None of it is easy and sure needs a support system. Good luck and I hope he comes around.
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G'day Rachel and welcome to IHD.
First of all *big hugs* for you - I can't imagine how you must be feeling in this situation. It's horrible that when we become down wrapped up in our own condition and depression that we push away those most important to us. I am glad, at least, that he is still spending time with the kids - which would be important for both parties I think - but you're clearly hurting.
I can't say I ever got that down/depressed during my time on dialysis, but I am usually a pretty positive person, and I couldn't imagine not wanting to be with my wife or gf (if I had one! :rofl;) since I'd want that support and closeness more than ever - but everyone's different.
I think it shows how much you care that you want to be educated and find out more. I think your biggest challenge though is that he doesn't seem to want you involved - maybe because he doesn't want to burden you?? (of course pushing you away isn't exactly not burdening you!). Maybe he is one of those proud men that doesn't want to be seen to be "weak" or whatever? I don't know. If he's just started D (you didn't say how long he's been doing it for) there can be a fair amount of adjustment, both physically and emotionally, to the new lifestyle dialysis can impose... and maybe as he gets stable and more used to it things will hopefully change between you.
Anyway it's great you're here - feel free to ask questions of us and hopefully we can share our experiences and help you better understand what may be going on with your husband. In the meantime all I can suggest is to be there for him. Remind him you love him and care about him, and want to be there for him (ARE there for him) and not going anywhere. He may feel he's at the end of the line or something but dialysis does NOT have to be like that.
Hoping things improve for you both!
RichardMEL, Moderator
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Thankyou guys so much and ladies...I really appreciate your support and kind words. I do hope that he will come around. My husband has been on dialysis for about 5months but he has also been dealing with loss of work, his fathers passing and other difficult health issues brought on by diabetes. thank you all very much and Richard your post was really a great help.
R :grouphug;
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You're most welcome miss R.
You know the more the pop psychologist in me thinks about it hubby is dealing with a great deal of life adjustment and a sense of loss - of relative freedom, his job, energy and whatever else. He's probably still in some kind of form of grief as well as depression trying to deal with all that is happening to him. That can't be easy.
You didn't say how old he is and/or what sort of work he was doing, but obviously for anyone losing their job as well as main source of income is a big ego deflator, specially if he saw himself as a main provider for his family. Luckily I was able to work pretty much full time while on D so I didn't have that, so I can't really imagine how that would feel exept that it's a major thing he's lost, with diabetes and now dialysis affecting everything from his energy level to his emotional state it's no wonder his feeling depressed.
Have you suggested some form of counselling, or maybe if he talks to his renal social worker about some resources he could use? How come he had to stop work? Was there no alternative for him to do dialysis and do some kind of work? Could there be an option to look for some kind of part time position to make him feel more positive and productive in life (one thing I found when I was able to work was that it was an absolute godsend to not only have the social interaction with my workmates but to actually do something positive and focus on that rather than sit at home and focus on the medical stuff). If work isn't an option, maybe volunteering in some way that would be easy for him to manage, or a hobby he can focus on to help him stay positive.
I find attitude can have a lot of bearing on how you adjust and deal with stuff like dialysis. Not saying it's easy at all, but I found looking for the positives I had and focusing on those made it easier to handle with other things didn't go so well.
Please keep us informed.
:grouphug;
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Welcome to our community, Rachel! Sorry to hear what your husband is going through, but it is great that you are there for him. This is just the place for you to receive information, support and encouragement (and I see you have got that already). There is lots to read. Please continue to post and let us know how your husband is doing (and how you are doing too!) This is more than just a website - it is a genuine family :grouphug; caring and sharing. Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Bajanne, Moderator
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Hi Rachel and I also want to welcome you to IHD. I am a caregiver to my hubby who is diabetic and has been on dialysis since 12-2007. This forum has been a lifesaver to me. It's a great place to learn from others, ask questions all you want, there is always someone there to listen, answer, give support or just send you a hug.
Your husband is blessed to have a wife such as you. :grouphug;
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Welcome to the group. There are tons of information and friends here. Glad you joined.
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:welcomesign;
Your hubby is blessed to have such a fabulous and supportive wife and he will realise that one day (hopefully soon). I'm a wife of someone (my Blokey) on dialysis too and I love it here; you'll find it an incredibly supportive community.
*huggles*