I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: Jamie on December 03, 2005, 08:36:25 PM
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Hello fellow renal readers,
I'm not really sure were I'm comming from with this post maybe to see if anyone here on this site can relate to me. I have noticed since I lost my transplant (4 or 5 years now) that some times every thing can bother me. When I get in this faze I'm out right nasty. This includes family, friends who ever seems to cross my path.
It dose not happen often and thank God for that but I'm not really sure what sets it off. When I had my transplant it never ever happened. I use to share this with my so called normal family and friends but it always ended up thinking I'm totally nuts.
Just wondering others thoughts.......Jamie-G
www.jamiegmagic.com
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Have you asked your social worker about getting some counseling? After all you've been through, how could you NOT be depressed? ;)
When I first started dialysis, I went to counseling for about three years. The talking therapy was helpful, but they also decided I needed medication. I was on Zoloft for awhile-- it helped with the depression, but it had one bad side effect: I couldn't write anymore! (I need to be a little melancholy to do any serious writing, and when the Zoloft got rid of that, my writing ability went out the window!)
So when I told my nephrologist that I was going to quit taking Zoloft, he said that not being able to write wasn't a 'big deal.' Well, SCREW HIM! Dialysis has taken away almost everything I enjoy-- it wasn't going to take my writing, too! It took about three months for my writing ability to come back, and in fact writing has been more therapeutic than the drug-- I post my dialysis-related stories online and people comment on them.
I had the same short temper you describe, but I had it while I had my transplant. The prednisone made me psychotic, and I always felt one step away from punching people in the face. This was very scary for me, because I was very timid as a kid, and never stood up for myself-- I was like an entirely different person when I had that kidney, and it was hell.
The transplant doctors swore up and down that my personality would return to normal once I got the prednisone out of my system... well, it's been 13 years, and I still am more aggressive, my voice changed, and I still have the male-pattern hair growth that they claimed would go away! That's why I took my name off of the transplant list-- I can't trust a damned thing they say. You're a male, so the male-hormone effects of prednisone probably weren't noticeable, but in a female, they're life-altering!
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Treatment yes too much treatment here in my city there is a place called Brentwood "www.brentwoodrecovery.com" I spent over 14 years there. I met many good people there but I have moved on since then.
You talk about your hair and things like that as I look at the photo of you (if thats you) you look like a woman too me.
But I understand were you are comming from when I was recovering from my transplant I needed a stright jacket. But the hospital knew that wouldn't help either because I get out of them from my show (i'm not joking) but the prisone make me crazy but as the drug was weened down I did get better. But I do have a explosive side........Jamie-G
www.jamiegmagic.com
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That's not a picture of me-- the first picture was of Dido, the picture I have up there now is a drawing I did about twelve years ago.
I just read some articles online about how there is more psychosis in the dialysis population than in the general population-- how could there not be, when you are living your life on the schedule and convenience of everyone BUT yourself? (The stupid-assed studies these people do!)
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That's not a picture of me-- the first picture was of Dido, the picture I have up there now is a drawing I did about twelve years ago.
I just read some articles online about how there is more psychosis in the dialysis population than in the general population-- how could there not be, when you are living your life on the schedule and convenience of everyone BUT yourself? (The stupid-assed studies these people do!)
Damn "Lifeonhold" that picture scares me. ;)
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You've been through dialysis and a picture scares you? :D (Actually, you're not alone... my friend Pat was so bothered by it that she wouldn't go in my room!)
He's sort of a mascot... everywhere I live, that picture always hangs where I can see it in my bedroom.