I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: silverhead on September 21, 2010, 07:49:22 PM

Title: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: silverhead on September 21, 2010, 07:49:22 PM
I had to call the ambulance last Thursday morning after Sharon experienced about three days of vomiting and not eating, the bottom line was that she has so much scar tissue from previous abdominal surgeries that it has caused a complete blockage of her intestines and the only possibility is for invasive surgery, today the surgeons finally came and laid out what can be done, they feel she would probably survive the surgery but would have to go into intensive care afterward and be on a ventilator and that the prognosis of survival was not good at all, Sharon was lucid enough that she understood what they were saying and told them clearly that she did not want any more intervention medically, she wants to stop dialysis and let nature take it's course. It's painful as hell, but I have to respect her wish's, her quality of life is just too poor to ask her to continue......
Tom
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: boswife on September 21, 2010, 07:54:55 PM
oh my Tom, im so awful awful sorry.... This breaks my heart.. I was so hoping that this wasnt what i was going to be reading..  Bless your heart dear husband for respecting her wishes.  Im just so sad right now..  You are doing the right thing, bless you, but it's what no one wishes we had to do..  I pray for comfort and peace through this.  bless you
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: cariad on September 21, 2010, 08:13:56 PM
Oh, Tom. I just had no idea. Of course it's devastatingly painful. I am so sorry to hear this.

You both are in my thoughts.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: jbeany on September 21, 2010, 09:12:04 PM
 :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: RichardMEL on September 21, 2010, 09:13:50 PM
 :grouphug;

my best wishes at this difficult time.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: thegrammalady on September 21, 2010, 09:35:01 PM
 :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug; not an easy decision
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: okarol on September 21, 2010, 09:44:45 PM

I am so sorry. When we love someone we want them with us, but not if life is without joy and comfort. My heart breaks for you both. Sending love and hugs  :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Dianejt on September 21, 2010, 09:53:54 PM
 :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: cloud393 on September 21, 2010, 09:57:46 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this and glad that you are strong enough to grant her wishes.  My prayers are with you both. :pray;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: looneytunes on September 21, 2010, 10:34:17 PM
Tom:  I am so sorry that you both are going through this.  It is a difficult decision for her to make and for you to agree to.  Bless you for caring enough for her to allow her to do things her way.  And bless you for being the man you have been for her.  My heart aches for you both and my prayers will include you daily.   :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Sunny on September 21, 2010, 10:57:19 PM
This must be so hard for you but standing by Sharon in her time of need is a wonderful expression of your love for her.
I am sorry things worked out this way. She must be having a lot of difficulties and I hope the medical people will make things easy for her.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Jean on September 21, 2010, 11:24:46 PM
Oh Tom, that is just awful. I do understand tho, Sharon has been thru a lot and I would not want to go thru that either. God Bless you for allowing her to make this decision.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Mimi on September 22, 2010, 12:40:06 AM
What a shame Tom.  First Frank and now Sharon.  But there comes a time when the quality of our life is so bad that it is not worth it to fight on.  I pray that the medical team will help it be as easy on Sharon as they can.  Please know that our prayers and thoughts will be with you and Sharon.  And I pray that God will make this time as easy as possible. 
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Poppylicious on September 22, 2010, 02:38:20 AM
Many, many *huggles*.  Thinking of you both.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: monrein on September 22, 2010, 05:00:09 AM
 :grouphug;  for you both.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: natnnnat on September 22, 2010, 05:27:02 AM
 :'(  :( :(
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: paul.karen on September 22, 2010, 05:47:52 AM
God bless you both.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: lola on September 22, 2010, 08:35:03 AM
 :grouphug; :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: gothiclovemonkey on September 22, 2010, 11:32:16 AM
Im sorry to hear this, and i cant imagine what u both must be going thru
 :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: MooseMom on September 22, 2010, 12:23:36 PM
What a terribly sad thing.  Hold her close and comfort her heart.   :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Meinuk on September 22, 2010, 12:54:33 PM
Tom, my heart breaks for both of you.  I hope that you both find peace and comfort in the next days.  You and Sharon have been an amazing inspiration for me (and so many others) you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Anna Bennett
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Darthvadar on September 22, 2010, 01:20:22 PM
Tom, I'm very sorry to hear this.....

Thankfully Sharon was in a position to make this decision herself... That's really important.... This way you're absolutely certain that this is how she wants it....

Thinking of, and praying for you both....

May God bless and protect you...

Love...

Darth....
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Mizar on September 22, 2010, 02:13:33 PM

 This is Difficult and I'm Sorry, your Family is going through it. Peace and Courage, to both of You.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: carol1987 on September 23, 2010, 04:52:34 AM
Thinking of you....... so sorry.... :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Hazmat35 on September 23, 2010, 04:57:26 AM
 :pray; I pray that God will give you and your family, as well as your wife, the strength to get through this awful time. 

God be with you! 
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: billybags on September 23, 2010, 06:12:34 AM
Tom, my heart goes out to you both. Stay strong for her.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: del on September 23, 2010, 06:37:31 AM
 :cuddle; :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: silverhead on September 23, 2010, 11:10:13 AM
I want to thank everyone for the kind replies and PM's, I had to come home to take care of her very lonely cat "Sabrina", poor thing misses her so much and now I am at the hospital full time.
Sharon is still with me, but is slipping more almost by the hour, I have to get back and meet with the Hospice folks so will try to update as time allows. Again, thanks, it means a lot to me......
Tom
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: looneytunes on September 23, 2010, 01:15:55 PM
We're here for you.   :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Marina on September 23, 2010, 01:25:25 PM
 :grouphug; 

My thoughts  and  prayers  for  Sharon,  you  and  the  family!!!!!!!   :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: boswife on September 23, 2010, 04:05:36 PM
your a dear man and husband to Sharon.  Bless you..
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: okarol on September 23, 2010, 04:12:59 PM
Dear Tom,
I have been thinking about you both. Thank you for the update. I know you two have been together nearly 45 years and I am sorry about this damn kidney disease that you and Sharon have been dealing with for so long. Sending you lots od strength and {{HUGS}}  :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: silverhead on September 24, 2010, 01:43:29 PM
Back again for another Cat feeding, last night Sharon was resting comfortably and our son Randy and his wife came down from Alaska and brought their 3 month old baby to meet her Grandma, I told Sharon that Randy was here and here is the new baby, She opened her eyes and had the biggest smile you have ever seen and spoke out "Baby" and held out her arms, we laid the baby on her chest and she was able to touch it and feel her (her eyesight is failing somewhat, she says she can see shapes, but is not upset about it).
So it was a really uplifting moment, this morning hospice sent in a lady who plays the Harp very professionally and she played for a half and hour and the big smile returned, afterwords the lady gave us a CD of her music and even provided a player to have on in the background, I know she hears it and it is comforting..........
Tom
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: texasstyle on September 24, 2010, 01:54:43 PM
What great support you have here! I see everyone is "by your side" from IHD. How beautiful that harp playing must be. Restful and serene. Not only for Sharon, but your family as well. It's so hard to lose a loved one. Staying by her side and respecting her wishes shows  what a great person you are.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: cloud393 on September 24, 2010, 01:57:09 PM
So glad she got to meet her new Grandbaby.  I'm sure she just loved it.  I'll keep you both in my prayers.  Give her a hug and well wishes from her IHD family. 
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Lisa on September 24, 2010, 04:18:22 PM
I am hoping all the family is able to see her as much as often as possible and she emains in good spirits!
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: natnnnat on September 24, 2010, 05:55:58 PM
That'a a beautiful moment Silverhead. 
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: okarol on September 24, 2010, 06:17:51 PM
Sweet - Grandma smiling - love you guys.  :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: boswife on September 24, 2010, 08:29:44 PM
what a beautiful site to behold.  one of my favorite pictures of my sister days before she passed (she died of liver failure) is that of her holding her grandbaby with their eyes on eachother.  Precious.  You are giving her the world right now and i know it's breaking your heart.  What a selfless thing your doing.  It's hard to be with, and hard to tear yourself away.  Bless your heart.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: ChickenLittle56 on September 25, 2010, 04:12:30 AM
That is so very touching that Sharon is able to hold her grandchild. I am glad that you are able to make as comfortable as much as possible for her. May God bless you both in the coming  difficult days. :grouphug; :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: looneytunes on September 25, 2010, 04:55:14 PM
Being able to see and hold that new grandbaby was the most precious gift anyone could have imagined for Sharon.  How beautiful a memory for all of you. 
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: carol1987 on September 25, 2010, 08:19:56 PM
Such special, truly precious moments...........
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: silverhead on September 25, 2010, 09:37:45 PM
Sharon finally passed at about 6:30 this evening, The Doctors and Nurses that are part of the Hospice care team were all fantastic in her care and I know she was comfortable throughout it.
Of course our Daughter Sherri who lives nearby was with me throughout, but it was so nice that our 2 sons, Randy from Alaska and Steve from Chicago were able to spend some time with her while she was still able to respond to their presence,  last evening she became pretty much unmoving until this evening when she had a short period of slightly labored breathing and all of a sudden just stopped and it was over, it was very, very peaceful and she looked completely relaxed.
She fought many battle's for the last 5 years and she won every one of them, but this one was just to much and I understand her choice this time and that it was pretty quick and relatively painless for her.
Thank you my friends for your concern and support.....
Tom
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: MooseMom on September 25, 2010, 09:42:09 PM
Oh...Oh....Oh....I don't know what to say.  It is so very sad, but I am so grateful that her suffering has ended and that it was all relatively painless.  I'm sure the world looks and feels very different for you and your family right now.  Such loss is so profound, and I am so very sorry that this has happened.  You have my very deepest condolences.  We are all here for you. :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: boswife on September 25, 2010, 09:46:55 PM
My heart hurts deeply for you.  I can say from my heart too that im glad she is comfortable now and at peace finally.  Theres a certain comfort for those who have our faith, that truly, she has done her time, and now gets her rewards.  Bless you dear husband, take comfort in how you carred for her.  with prayers for comfort and peace ..jill  aka boswife
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: breezysummerday on September 25, 2010, 11:16:35 PM
   

 
Mom's Song

I remember the sweet things in my life
The joy of my childhood, even the strife
The sweetness of our time, forever
The sweet voices of my children, laughing together
Their voices carry me higher then I've ever known
They hand me into the arms of those gone before
They hand me into the arms of those who have loved me
They hand me into the arms of my sweet welcome home




For Miss Sharon and you, your sons and daughter,

With love and condolences, your alaska friend 



Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Jean on September 26, 2010, 12:42:26 AM
Tom, so very sorry she is gone now. RIP Sharon. Tom, we are here for you and feel your pain.   :cuddle;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: natnnnat on September 26, 2010, 03:06:38 AM
Oh.  I guess you know that we are all thinking of you and your family.  :grouphug;  :'(
Sometimes I laugh aloud at the things I read on IHD, you lot can be so funny.
And other times like this, its so so sad to get the sad news.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Bruno on September 26, 2010, 03:26:25 AM
My thoughts are with you both. Feel everyones' support and courage.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Dianejt on September 26, 2010, 03:48:46 AM
 :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: gothiclovemonkey on September 26, 2010, 06:09:53 AM
I didnt know you, but im very sorry for your loss.. I know first hand those words really are no comfort, but still nice to hear, i think.
I cant imagine how hard it has been for you, but its wonderful that ur outlook on it, is somewhat positive. she is no longer sufffering so i think that makes it easier. (thats how i felt when my mom died)
Thank you, also, for sharing this with us...

Something i wrote, seems relevant here

Hiding pains and smiling face,
stronger now, winning the race,
holding out for all that love,
wondering now whats up above,
praying now that i can fake,
feeling good, for my families sake.
smiles, and grins, show no pain,
happy memories to fill the lane,
Happy friends and loving son,
not regretting what ive done,
making sure its all alright,
even when days arent that bright,
living now day to day
holding out until they say... Its ok...
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Meinuk on September 26, 2010, 08:21:46 AM
 :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: okarol on September 26, 2010, 09:33:47 AM
Godspeed Sharon.
Sending warm hugs and love to you Tom, and your family.
Thank you for all you did for her. You're a wonderful husband.  :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: vcarmody on September 26, 2010, 10:09:32 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  Your were a great husband. May Sharon RIP and hopefully she knows how much she has touched may of our lives even though we didn't know her personally.   :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Darthvadar on September 26, 2010, 12:07:30 PM
Tom, I'm very sorry to hear of Sharon's death... May she rest in peace.....

Thinking of and praying for you and your family.... May God bless and protect you all....

Love...

Darth....

 

God saw that you were getting tired
And the cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around you
And whispered, "Come with Me."

With tearful eyes we watched you suffer
And saw you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
Busy hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

It's lonesome here without you
We miss you so each day,
Our lives aren't the same
Since you went away.

When days are sad and lonely,
And everything goes wrong,
We seem to hear you whisper,
"Cheer up and carry on."

Each time we see your picture,
You seem to smile and say,
"Don't cry, I'm in God's keeping,
We'll meet again someday."
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: monrein on September 26, 2010, 01:38:13 PM
So very sorry for your loss Tom.  May Sharon rest in peace and may you and your family find comfort in knowing how many of us grieve with you.   :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: cariad on September 26, 2010, 01:56:41 PM
My condolences, Tom.  :grouphug;

Rest in peace, Sharon.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: looneytunes on September 26, 2010, 03:15:48 PM
Tom, my heart goes out to you and your family during this time.   :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: silverhead on September 26, 2010, 04:16:39 PM
My friends, I again thank you for your sentiments, I just got off the phone with my daughter, who was with me throughout the experience, she was pointing out all the little odd things that occurred all  through the day that were almost serendipity like, the fact that the weather which had been typical Seattle fall cool and rainy all week turned to a gorgeous mid seventies, clear skies day that really brightened her room, I had to take a break and retrieve something from the car and as  i exited the elevator I met a lady that was walking next to me in the long hallway, a conversation ensued and she mentioned she just talked to her daughter who had moved to Wisconsin, I asked where she lived (Sharon and I were from there originally) she said Janesville and I said "my God, I was born and raised there" and after we were outside she told me her husband had some problems, amongst them was he was facing Dialysis and she was trying to learn more about it and I pointed her to this wonderful sight to get all the facts she needs.
Returning to the room, the family sat around and talked of our lives and how Mom was such an influence on all of us, and I'm sure Sharon could her us, but could not respond,  Daughter Sherri said it's time to get something to eat besides the typical cafeteria food, She said there was a first class burger joint down the street and she made a burger run for us, now earlier that day I had run home quickly to shower and change cloth's and on my return scored a rarely open street space close to her room, when Sherri returned her run the space in front of my car was open for her to park in, I can tell you this just does not happen around that Hospital. We sat and ate our Burger and Chocolate malts and I really believe Sharon knew that we were happily fed on one of our our favorite meals and before I quite finished my malt she just slipped away.....
Tom
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: cloud393 on September 26, 2010, 04:42:31 PM
Tom, my heart breaks for you and your family.  I'm soo sorry for your loss.   :pray; :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: okarol on September 26, 2010, 05:21:02 PM
I know it had to make Sharon feel better that she had family around, and as painful as it was to know she was dying, the serenity of having you all close, and in her room as she was slipping away, seems the best way to go, in my opinion. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings through this Tom.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: paris on September 26, 2010, 06:27:33 PM
Dear Tom, thank you for sharing this heartbreaking part of your story.  You have been such an amazing husband and caregiver to Sharon.   We all want happy endings.  I think Sharon got the happy ending -- free of pain forever.    My God hold you in His loving hands as you go through this incredibly hard time.   
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: boswife on September 26, 2010, 08:24:41 PM
ya know Tom, as much as her passing hurts even me,  there is an odd blessing i feel when you speak of her, and her passing.  It was her time and she got to choose it.  How amazing is that.  I just lost my mom on the tenth of this month, and so it too is very fresh but i believe she too got to choose her time.  My biggest sadness is that i didnt know she was going to slip away, (though only a month before she said she thinks this is her last year) and only have the day befores loving conversation with her before she sliped away in her sleep.    I think it was intentional on her part though.  She always protected me from what she percieved as someting to much for me to handle bless her heart.  I thank you for sharing your experience with us.  Very much so.. 
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: RichardMEL on September 27, 2010, 12:56:38 AM
My best wishes to you Tom, your family and of course Sabrina the cat who will miss her mom as much as you all miss her. What can one really say at a time like this except that Sharon's struggle is over. She's in a happier, pain free place now and she went knowing how much you all loved her, and made the efforts to be there and spend that time.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: carol1987 on September 27, 2010, 05:03:54 AM
I am so sorry.....
 :grouphug;

Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Rerun on September 27, 2010, 02:09:31 PM
I trust she is in a better place.  May she rest in peace.  Tom, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Come here anytime to talk with friends.

God Bless you and your family.          :pray;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Mimi on September 27, 2010, 10:26:51 PM
Tom, Sharon, you and your family have been on my mind since you wrote us that Sharon had made her big decision.  I know the reason
she has been on my mind so, for my family had a A Sharon, too,
except her name was Robin.  When she was 13 they discovered a
malignant tumor on her brain stem.  They tried to get it all but it was just impossible.  Her body was ruined and she spoke with a slur, and
also could not walk.  She lived the rest of her life in that condition. Then 26 years later her kidneys gave out  They rushed her to the hospital and the Drs told my cousin and her husband that dyalisis was the only choice.  Robin said no, emphaticaly NO.  She said she had suffered enough through the years with people staring when she went out in her wheelchair and the constant running to the hospital with every little pain.  She cried and told them she was sorry but she could not face anymore of the life she had with D to top it alll.  They took her home . Ten days later her friends and family gathered in her room to bid her farewell.  Her Mother leaned down to her ear for she had stopped responding and said "Robin you have been the dearest thing to my heart.  It has been my privaledge to have you with me these 26 years.  Go cheerfully to your home with Jesus Chirst and I will join you in a short while.  She lifted her head and tears were running down Robin's cheeks.  A sign that tho she coldn't respond she could cry.  About 10 minutes later the nurse told everyone she was gone.  She was 28 years old.
So you see Tom how reading your posts about Sharon brought forth the memories and the triumph of Robin.  Off times it is better to let go of life and go home to our Fathers house.
My heart is breaking for you and your family and I know Sharon is happy and out of pain.

Mimi                 






 









Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: billybags on September 28, 2010, 01:43:21 AM
Tom, you and your family are in my thoughts, the pain is now over for Sharon, yours is just beginning, try to stay strong, remember the good times you had together.You have been a wonderful husband and carer for your lovely wife. You now need a little care your self.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Bajanne on September 28, 2010, 03:48:09 AM
I am writing this through the tears.  Goodbyes are always difficult.  But I am glad that yours was made a bit easier. What a blessing to pass with your family around you.  And those serendipitous things.  May the Lord continue to grant you peace.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: casper2636 on September 28, 2010, 10:09:58 AM
I'm a newbie... but my best wishes are with you. God bless :angel;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: glitter on September 28, 2010, 03:45:14 PM
Tom- I am so sorry for your loss, I did not see this until today. My heart goes out to you, I'm glad it was peaceful, but I know it still sucks. I have no words of consolation, I wish I could say something to help your aching heart, I wish I could help you, I am so sorry. :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Jelena on September 28, 2010, 04:43:25 PM
I am so sorry for your loss and admire you for your strength. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: kristina on September 29, 2010, 03:25:28 AM

I am so sorry to read about your tragic loss!

I know it is very hard because you were so very close.

Kristina.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: lola on September 29, 2010, 08:16:43 AM
Tom so sorry :grouphug;
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: paul.karen on September 29, 2010, 12:51:38 PM
Heaven has a new angel.
You family has a new guardian above.

Godbless to your whole family.
Title: Re: Sharon has made the BIG decision
Post by: Poppylicious on October 01, 2010, 09:58:45 AM
Sorry for your loss ... *many huggles*