I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: MooseMom on August 04, 2010, 11:16:35 PM
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It hasn't quite sunk in yet. There is this void... She doesn't call me every day anymore. I don't sense her presence. The world feels different. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
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I'm so sorry. My Mom has been gone 15 years and I still miss her. You never get over it but you learn to live without her.
Hugs. :grouphug;
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I know, but it was just awful to see her suffer. She was skeletal at the end, and that's an image I will never forget.
My dad was 82 when he died from septicemia. He had just bought himself a new car, and he never really got to enjoy it. My mother ended up giving it to me last year.
My mom was also 82 when she died from septicemia. She had just bought herself a new car, and she never really got to enjoy it. I'm selling it as part of the estate.
History repeats itself.
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:grouphug;
A friend of mine whose parents died in the same order as yours (father, then mother) said to me quizzically the other day: "I suppose I'm a grown up now." (He's in his forties). Maybe you wont have that sensation, you have already had kids, neither he nor I have kids and I reckon kids would grow you up quick smart. ;)
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Me too, MM, I still miss my Mom and she passed away in 1962. I think of her every day and wish I could just have one more hug or one more phone call. Thats why I dont want to die yet, I know my daughter will miss me badly.
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:cuddle; I miss my Mom & it has been 15 years. I still get the "I have to call Mom for....". At least now she is not suffering & you know how well you took care of her.
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:pray;
I understand your pain as do so many of us.
My moms last words to me were she cant wait to get to heaven. Followed by I love you.
If i can try to pass a positive thought your way MM.
While you are here with the heavy heart and the wondering of many things.
Please be assured that your parents at last are again together for eternity. And one day far from now they will both be there waiting for there children when the time comes.
:cuddle;
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:cuddle;
I lost my mother when i was 12, she was only 41. She was unwell all of my life, before my life. It is hard, i do miss what i remember of her. I never really got to enjoy her. Some days it seems like a long time ago, others it seems just yesterday i was helping her with her wounds and shots and all that....
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I lost my Mom 3 months ago- I miss her too. I have had the thought that I will be thinking ' Mom would like this- or I wish I could tell her..." forever. The last couple of years she was bed-ridden, and I spent time with her every day, I used to hunt for things to be able to tell her, its a habit thats hard to break.
MooseMom I sympathize with you-and I like to hear how everyone still miss their Moms too- because I like the idea that I wont forget her, (I worry about that). I am working hard to keep my memories.
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I left home to go to university when I was 18. Then I married and moved to London; I was there for 18 years. Now I have been living in Chicago for 7 years. I've lived far from home for most of my life, but we always kept in touch. I'm an only child. What must she have felt like to have me living so far away for so long? Well, I think I know the answer to that because my own son...my only child...lives in the UK and I'm here in the US, so I do know how it feels. But she never complained or made me feel guilty for living my own life so far away. I've spent hours on airplanes, not to mention at least $100,000 in airfare over the years so that we could all spend time together. Gatwick became my second home. I'm glad I made the effort because I take comfort in the fact that I worked hard to make sure we had our time with each other.
Here's the crappy thing. When my mom got sick, I flew down to be with her. I stayed with her in ICU for 9 hours a day for 8 days. I had to get back to Chicago for my stupid neph appt; I really had to attend that appt because I had missed the last one (the only one I'd ever missed), and I'm trying to get on the transplant list, and I needed new scripts, and I needed my fistula checked, etc. I thought she was getting better, so I didn't feel too bad about leaving because I was planning to return once I had seen my neph. She died the day of my appt, and I ended not going anyway, so this stupid kidney disease robbed me of yet one more thing...the chance to be with my mom on her last day on Earth. I can't begin to tell you how angry that makes me. This disease has taken so much away from me. I couldn't be there with her.
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:grouphug;
A friend of mine whose parents died in the same order as yours (father, then mother) said to me quizzically the other day: "I suppose I'm a grown up now." (He's in his forties). Maybe you wont have that sensation, you have already had kids, neither he nor I have kids and I reckon kids would grow you up quick smart. ;)
I felt similar, but as a grown woman, I also suddenly felt like an orphan. A major part of my history was gone. When Mom died, she seemed to know when no one would be there. She was doing ok, so my sister went away for the weekend and I had a newborn grandson to visit. We were both gone for one day and Mom died. She did it her way, like always. We both thought we would be there at the end, but Mom had a different plan!! I think we always will miss our Moms. Sending a huge hug to you, MooseMom. :cuddle;
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I think a lot of people who are dying seem to know when it will be and sort of plan it like that. You know, some people want everyone around them and others want to be alone. And, somehow, they manage to know how to do it. The onew who want to be alone seem to just let go when there is no one else around. Dont understand that at all, but have seen it myself many times.
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Maybe you weren't supposed to be there when she died. Sometimes it's hard for dying people to let go, even though they are suffering, because those around them cannot accept it. I am sorry for your loss MM, but you didn't need to say good bye. Mom's know. :cuddle;
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I firmly believe if people have suffered and they are fighting to hold on they can chose to die when they are ready. My mothe asked me to spend time with her the night before she died. I was playing a game it was only like 8pm, so i didnt want to lay down yet, i didnt lay down with her.... the next morning i got up and she was all cold and wet and i tried to wake her, she didnt move i called 911, they wanted me to try cpr, but then later we had found out shed been dead probably since 4 am and it was 10 or so when i found her.
I felt like the worst person in the world, like she knew, and she just wanted to spend time with me that night before she died, and i couldnt give her that???
I regret that every day of my life.
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gothiclovemonkey, regret is a terrible burden to bear. I hope so much that you have forgiven yourself. :cuddle;
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I firmly believe if people have suffered and they are fighting to hold on they can chose to die when they are ready. My mothe asked me to spend time with her the night before she died. I was playing a game it was only like 8pm, so i didnt want to lay down yet, i didnt lay down with her.... the next morning i got up and she was all cold and wet and i tried to wake her, she didnt move i called 911, they wanted me to try cpr, but then later we had found out shed been dead probably since 4 am and it was 10 or so when i found her.
I felt like the worst person in the world, like she knew, and she just wanted to spend time with me that night before she died, and i couldnt give her that???
I regret that every day of my life.
The last Sunday I went to my Mom"s home she had asked me for a backrub & I got busy & forgot. She went into tho hospital the next Tuesday and past 2 days later. I also regret not taking 10 minutes to rub her back & that was 15 years ago. I know she is looking down from heaven saying don't worry about it. She did say to me in the hospital the day before she past to "Take care of Dad for me". I'm happy to say he is living with us & is happy. I know I have done well on that request.
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My Mom passed in March of 2006 while I was taking care of her at my house following brain surgery (tumor removal). She kind of slipped in a state of unconsciousness and I stupidly called the doctor's office first. I then called 911. I got my shoes on and sat with her on the chair waiting for EMS. All of a sudden she said "I'm okay". I turned to her and said "I know, but I've called 911 anyway. They're on their way." I followed them to the ER, where I met my older brother, and we were both in with her while they were working on her and she died right there. I was the only one of her children to say goodbye really, as I was the only one home with her. She suffered from a pulmonary embolism following the surgery.
I miss her every second or every day. When I hear good gossip (or bad) my first thought is still to call her. It's strange. I smell her perfume in the oddest of places, but not as often as I would like. My Father passed in 1997. I was fortunate enough to be able to say goodbye to him the day he passed, and my husband was able to ask him for my hand in marriage. That made him very happy. I had only been dating my husband for four months at that time. I figured it would make him happy to hear even if I didn't end up marrying him. We married in June 1998 and celebrated 12 years this June.
I understand your pain. And I'm sorry you are going through it. :cuddle;
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Do any of you feel the "presence" of people who have passed? I guess I am not spiritual enough because I don't "feel" her. I remember her...so many little things remind me of her each and every day...but I don't "feel" her. But I was looking at the clouds the other day, and I imagined her waaaaaayyyyy up there at the edge of a cloud, looking down on me. Little teeny tiny mommy, looking down from the big cloud, and that image just makes me cry.
I have an uncle who "sees" things. He was in special ops in the military, a real gung-ho kind of guy, someone they'd make a movie about if whatever he had done wasn't so classified. But he says he sees and hears and feels things that most people don't see, hear or feel, and after my mom's funeral, he told me that he saw my mother laughing and calling all of the nice things the minister said about her "a bunch of hooey". He also said that she liked the flowers. I wonder if all of that really happened. I'd like to think so.
kellyt, :cuddle;
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I see and hear and feel things most people dont, but my doctor calls it psychosis or something like that.... IDK lol When I was younger i thought maybe it was insanity, now days, i really think maybe its a loved one or something, trying to smack me or nudge me when i need it lol who knows. Or "heard" them say something inside of me. I guess thats like "feeling" them ? I think thats more ur consciensnous than anything else though.
i barely remember her sometimes. Just random peices,nothing complete.
When I see garage sales, i really miss my mom, she loved those! And certain songs choke me up too.
:grouphug;
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I see and hear and feel things most people dont, but my doctor calls it psychosis or something like that.... IDK lol When I was younger i thought maybe it was insanity, now days, i really think maybe its a loved one or something, trying to smack me or nudge me when i need it lol who knows. Or "heard" them say something inside of me. I guess thats like "feeling" them ? I think thats more ur consciensnous than anything else though.
Labels like "psychotic" are awfully easily bandied about. Maybe we are just very aware of what our loved one would want to see us do, and that is what accounts for the "voices".
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thats what i think too, moosemom. I used to think i was nuts, but as I'm getting older i think its them... thru my own subconscience
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All this weighs on my heart as i am going through what i believe to be the last "times" with my mom. The hardest part is that i am so busy with my hubby that i only see my mom 2 or 3 times a week and it's never long enough. Im battling tears daily over my worrys over both. Im always worried something will take hubby, and now my mom is getting so tired, and im just in an awful state myself with worry. I really love what some have said here about living til you die and stuff. I feel sometimes that i live everyday dying inside just "practicing" for the real thing.. ick... im being a downer for sure, even after some very uplifting posts.. I really appreciate these stories and am going to print and read and get myself out of the low side of it all.. thanks for sharing all. amazing place this is!!
ps..i am so sorry for you having to go through this. Sure glad you have this place to "let it out" for some reliefe.