I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: ryosaki on October 23, 2009, 09:38:06 AM
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Hi everyone,
I have noticed something that bothers me recently. I am losing focus on many things mentally! For example, before dia I use to read alot and study very hard, but now I find that I can't get through reading a book! I have started a short course, it's online, but I find that I can't even keep up with the work. This is stuff I know i can do, but for some reason I can't stay focused long enough to complete the work. Also, my reading speed has dropped alot!! i don't know how to explain it fully, but has anyone come across this? Is it Dialysis or something else? It's surprising because I like to work, and I am not a lazy person. The best way I can describe it is after reading a few paragraphs (slowly) my mind will start to wander, even if I force myself to keep reading!! AAhhh it's so frustrating! I also play the guitar alot, I use ot be in a band, and use to be able to play the guitar for hours! it's my passion, but now, when trying to learn a new song, reading the tablitures and music sheets becomes to hard, and again, these are things I should knoww how to do!! Am I getting dumber? because it sure feels like it.... :stressed;
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I'm pre-ESRD, but this is one of my biggest complaints. I used to be really on top of things. I could recall conversations almost word-for-word days later. I never forgot to do things people asked me to do. I'm still highly regarded at work, but I know my skills have slipped a lot and I feel like I spend a lot of time apologizing for forgetting to do things, or for stupid mistakes. I hate it! It seems like it takes a lot of effort to stay focused. My mind wanders. I want to do a good job, I try to do a good job, but as soon as I start a task, it seems I get distracted.
I'm no better at home. There are several projects I want to start. I want to tear out the carpet in my house and paint the sub-floors until I can afford to replace the flooring. I have a few copper tubing projects that I can't wait to start. I want to prepare my garden for veggies next spring. Instead, I go home and sit after I tend to the critters' needs. I want to :Kit n Stik; myself!
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So what do you think it might be? DO you think it may be a side effect of our meds? It's gott abe somehting, because it's just not me. My wife is getting angry at me more often now, for things I can't remember either!! haha, I now it sounds funny, but it's no laughing matter!! I'm going to the specialist on the 2nd, I wondr, should I ask, or is she just gonna call me lazy!
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No, High Uremia and lack of good sleep can cause these issues. I notice them as well. Better dialysis and better sleep are the things that help me with this issue.
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Oh yeah? Well I get about 8 house of sleep everyday and dialyse for four and a half hours, three times a week. I ruled sleep out right away because i sleep very well now.
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Even with dialysis, unless you're getting it long and often, you can still have uremic symptoms and confusion is one of these. How are your monthly labs?
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I've had the same problem ever since my kidneys started declining. I've found that I have the clearest concentration and less mind-wandering in the morning. I bet that's because that's when my body's the "cleanest". Right now, that's when I've finish dialysis but haven't put anything new into my body to turn into waste. Before I started dialysis, the same was true, but my kidneys were effective enough to clear me out overnight.
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Symptoms of uremia:
"As kidney failure progresses, patients often become drowsy or sleepy. They may sleep more, and it may become difficult to arouse them from sleep. The ability to think clearly or accomplish mental tasks may become impaired, memory may become imprecise and personality can change. Some patients develop muscle cramps or restless legs. A strange or burning sensation of the legs or feet is called “peripheral neuropathy.” As the kidney failure becomes worse, patients can become disoriented or confused, develop slurred speech, suffer from seizures and eventually fall into a coma."
http://www.aakp.org/aakp-library/symptoms-of-uremic-poisoning/
If you're getting adequate dialysis, the uremia will gradually clear from your brain over a period of a few months. After my brain cleared out, I felt ten times smarter!
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Speaking of getting drowsy and falling asleep, before I got on the cycler, my constant companion when driving was a Starbucks iced coffee. I couldn't drive more than 20-30 minutes, especially on the freeway, without starting to nod off. As soon as I got on the cycler and my dialysis became actually adequate, that went away entirely.
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That's interesting about the driving thing. I thought about a trip to the beach this summer, but decided not to go because the drive always puts me to sleep. It's about a 90 minute drive and by the time I get out of the car, I'm too tired to enjoy myself. I just want to take a nap. I'm still considering a road trip next summer -- Oregon to Minnesota. I'll have to stop to nap frequently if I do it.
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Ryosaki,
This happened to me...started when my kidney began to fail, it was a slow decline, and I feel like I did get dumber! I have not noticed an improvement with dialysis, and my numbers are ok. I think I get enough sleep too. I can totally relate to what Deanne is saying about work, and I finally had to stop working because I could not keep up. It is one of my biggest frustrations and makes me very sad.
I also have friends and family who get annoyed because of my poor memory or at my "slowness".
I have learned to compensate for the changes but definitely still feel a loss.
I hope things get better for you...I know how hard it must be to not do the things you love.
Recently though I have felt like a veil has been lifted. I am feeling more clear and a little more focused, and more engaged in conversations or tasks at hand. I still have a poor memory and do not articulate things as clearly as I used to, but there is definitely something going on. Six weeks ago I had my failed kidney removed, and, while it may be a coincidence, I am pretty convinced getting rid of that diseased organ had something to do it.
Also, my hospital is doing a study on the change in cognitive skills in dialysis patients and I am definitely going to participate. I am surprised that I can not find more information about this already!
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Cognitive impairement was part of my being on dialysis -- it was like whole parts of my conciousness were closed off to me. And it all cleared when I had my transplant -- I mean instantly, literally in recovery for the brief time I was awake I was clear headed enough to call my Dad. I have spoken to some specialists about it since and they told me that doing long sessions of home dialysis would have helped clear my head. (My biggest fear was that the transplant would not improve the situation, and it remains the most compelling reason for my being the most compliant transplant patient EVER!)
I speak of my time of dialysis with all due respect to the folks that have been doing it allot longer than I did.
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From the sound of it, it seems like that impaired thinking goes hand in hand with ESRD. I have the same problems. Its very depressing. You start to wonder if it's really the kidney disease or "just me". I, like Deanna, also find myself apologizing for my mistakes at work. I try not to do that any more because its been going on for so long that I think people are beginning to just think I'm using the kidney thing as an excuse. I've gotten quite good at "covering up" my mistakes!
I too have the same problem with driving. I really get scared because I can't control it sometimes. And I think to myself that if I caused an accident and hurt or killed someone, I don't think I could live with that on my conscience. I often pull over to close my eyes for just a few minutes on my way home from work. I only live 18 miles from my job and its about a 40 minute ride.
I often worry that I'm going to loose my job because my thinking is impaired. I also worry what if I had to go on disability? I need my job. I couldn't live on that alone. I want to work and I want to live my life as normal as possible. Well, I guess we all do!
At least I hear some encouraging words here! Perhaps when I start dialysis, I'll find my memory again!!
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Encouraging words indeed, thanks for your replies. It's really starting to get to me now though, I can't seem to get calm about it and accept it. What bothers me the most is my wife and anyone that's close around me think that i am getting lazy and just giving up, or as mentioned in one of your replies, using my kidney failure as an excuse for not doing anything or not trying hard enough. It has been the cause of many fights with my family lately, especially the short term memory loss. I don't know what I'm going to do. My monthly labs are normal, so it's like I have no proof of it. Very upset.
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I understand when you say that you "have no proof". People see us and we look "normal". They don't realize how it is inside our bodies. Sometimes I just wish for one minute they could be in our shoes. Its too hard for them to comprehend although we look well, our bodies are not work at their full potential.
I've even given people articles to show how ESRD can effect your energy level, memory and your comprehension but to them its just words. This is why we need each other, here in this forum. We all understand and can relate to how you feel. You are not alone!
I don't have the magic answer but I've come to the conclusion that whether I can convince someone or not that impaired thinking is just part of this disease, I know it and there is no way to make people believe me. When I get really down on myself for thinking people think I'm just "stupid" I tell myself that one day they may be in my shoes and then they will understand. Right now that's all I can do for myself to keep my sanity!
Its taken me a long time to get to the "place" in my mind. I guess its something you just have to keep working on.
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i felt the same way before dialysis. It's gotten a little better but not 100%. I agree, it goes with the ESRD.
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After years of slowly losing my ability to focus and driving my family nuts, my husband and two children have finally come to accept it.
I only wish I could accept it.
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When I started Dialysis, I was going to school. I was in my third year. The walk to class was too far, so I decided to take online classes. I could read the books, and do the exercises, but I couldn't make sense of the website. I was lost. I care, but I don't care. The freedom to admit defeat for me, is OK. I'm sure that there are people with bigger brains or whatever that can't admit defeat. That's them. If you are one of those people, more power to you. All I'm saying is I couldn't do it. I'm not going to be that great scholar that I thought I would be. Oh well. . .
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I teach 6th graders and found I had to have my lesson plans in order to know what I was doing each day.