I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: Everlasting on October 04, 2009, 09:29:19 AM
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My partner has been home on a weekend pass and the issue of frustration has become overwhelming for both of us. In the roll of careprovider I am trying to work around the elements that a stroke leaves and at the same time trying to address my own health needs. The stroke has left him with cognitive limitations - memory, sequencing, calculation, inability to be aware of his level of fatigue, word finding, speech difficulties -- all which causes frustration and anger. He continually speaks to the fact that he is "stupid" --- all of this is very difficult for me as I am a brain injured individual and have gone through all of this. Victor will not acknowledge that I can possibly imagine what his experienes are at this point. He will look at me and say "what do you know".
Victor's frustration brings about a hurtful reaction as he physically brushes away my hand in an attempt to solve a problem (a problem that he has asked help in). He shuts down and refuses to speak or listen to any words of assistance I can provide.
I fear this response to frustration is mimicing what I will face when he begins dialysis or receives a transplant.
People have asked me if Victor's character has changed......I dread hearing this as it is more easy to deny. Unfortunately, in reality, he has changed. I feel I have lost my buddy, best friend and lover.
Everlasting
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Everlasting, I dont really know what to say to you, it seems you have alot on your plate. Victor is taking his frustrations out on you, your the only person he can do this to. He is a man, who in his eyes has lost his manlyness.My husband too says some hurtful things and I know he dos'nt mean them, but they still hurt. I pray for you both, you will come through this.
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Do try not to take this personally. He is just hung up on his own frustrations. Do the Drs. say he is going to recover more from the stroke, in time? If so, then it is worth hanging on for. When my late husband was ill, he also had no one else to take it out on, but me. So, I took it, but only because they said he was going to die. And then he didnt, that time. So, I was happy that he was back. Do the Drs. think he could have another stroke? Just, whatever, dont let it hurt you. He is not being like this because he wants to.
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Oh Everlasting...my heart goes out to you both.... The "character" change is pretty normal for stroke victims and so is the frustration for both of you. Give it some time, it can get better. Has his swallow reflex come back yet? As he becomes more able to do things on his own, the frustration he feels should diminish.
I'll be thinking of you both.
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:cuddle; :cuddle; He is probably so overwhelmed with frustration that he doesn't evn realize he is hurting you. I'll be thinking of you.
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Thank you Del for your input. Your perception of the subject is absolutely correct. Now that a day has gone by and I have had some time to reflect on the weekend past and feel much more grounded and beginning to think about this up-coming weekend when he will be with me again. I have learned alot this past weekend and have had time and space to find some creative ways to overcome the obstacles that this stroke has presented.
Much appreciated.
In Wellness
Melanie (Everlasting)
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Everlasting how are things going with you now?
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And how is Victor doing?
:cuddle;