I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: News Articles => Topic started by: okarol on June 14, 2009, 11:14:26 AM
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Published: June 13, 2009 09:28 pm
Love your children every day
Debby Schamber
The Orange Leader
I never thought I would ever write about this, but I am asking everyone to reach out to their parents or children, give them a hug and especially tell them how they are loved.
Life is often full of regrets. Mine is not telling my 21-year-old daughter, Jessica, how special she is to me before she was placed on a ventilator and went into a coma. Now, in hopes she will hear me I tell her every day before I leave the hospital. I know I told her often before all this happened and she would just smile or giggle. But it’s just not enough, and I long for another chance.
If someone had asked me a month ago if I would be making a daily trip to the intensive care unit at a local hospital, I would have said, “No way.” But, there is no denying it since it is very much a part of my life now.
This wasn’t an accident as to why she is there. She has gall stones which developed into pancreatitis. Jessica had gone to other local hospitals to have them removed, but was told her insurance was inadequate. As a result, she is undergoing organ failure in addition to the mass infection.
As a parent it’s frustrating since I want to protect her, but I realize it is not in my hands at this point.
So, now I go to the hospital where there are machines to keep her alive such as a dialysis machine, ventilator, several pumps for the IVs, a special bed for turning her and cooling blanket for when her fever rages.
I have been told to plan for her funeral and was asked if I wanted to sign papers to pull the plug. I told them I can’t since my baby is still fighting for her life. I also tell her doctors to please do all they can so she will come home.
At night when I lay down, I pray for the nurses to take care of her for me and for the doctors to have the knowledge to make her well.
Jessica is a stubborn, but sweet girl, and I wish so many times I would have spent more time with her. As she got older, she became more independent. I value my independence and understand the importance, so let her spread her wings to fly. She then moved to an apartment to have her own life.
However, she still came over for dinner on Sundays or when I was cooking her favorite meal. While at home she often teased her younger brothers who are 16 and 13 years old. Jessica who stands all of 5 foot 2 inches tall would tell her brothers who are now six foot tall or more, “I am bigger than you and I always will be.” This is something she has said since they were much younger and shorter.
For parents who don’t go to their children’s activities — please go. Make the time since it will be well worth the effort.
Jessica played softball in Groves for several years. She loved it so much and I was proud to be a part of it. Every time she crossed home plate she smiled with a sense of accomplishment. She had the same smile when she walked across the stage to collect her diploma at Port Neches-Groves High School.
I won’t say she was a perfect angel all of her 21 years. She tried my patience many, many times. But, I can’t say enough how I wish she were home right now fighting with her brothers, rolling her eyes at me, borrowing my makeup or drinking out of the milk jug. No matter what they do, they are still your child.
From the first time I saw her wrapped in that tiny pink blanket, I knew what a gift she would be in my life. I remember her laugh or think about something silly she said or did, so I smile. Being her mother also gives me a sense of pride. Her many gifts to me are priceless.
It was only yesterday she was 7 years old with big blue eyes and long, light brown, wavy, hair who loved her “little red shoes.” We had to pry them off her feet at night as she slept. She has always been the type of person who knew what she liked and that was it.
I believe it is her strong will and determination that has kept her going three weeks past the first time they told me she would not make it to another day. Sometimes it is these traits which make a person endearing and in this case will make all the difference in the world. I tell her as she lays there that I believe in her and she can fight this thing to win.
Time goes by so quickly, so don’t let another minute pass before taking the opportunity to tell the people you love how special they are. Parents love your children like there is no tomorrow— there may not be one and you may not get a second chance.
Debby Schamber is a reporter for the Orange Leader. She can be reached at 409-883-3571 ext. 2603 or at dschamber@orangeleader.com.
http://www.orangeleader.com/opinion/local_story_164222829.html
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This is why when I walk out of the house I always tell my hubby "I love you!"
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Your story broke my heart. I am so sorry for your troubles, and I will add your beautiful daughter to my daily prayers. I was 40 years old when I had my son. He is now 10, and is the absolute light of my life. I tell him every day how much I love him, and how important he is to me. It usually goes something like, if anything happens to Mommy, never forget how much i love you and how special you are. I try to spend as much time as I can with him, and admittedly, i spoil him rotten, but I don't care. More parents should take your words to heart. we never know how much time the good lord will give us, we shouldn't waste a minute of it.
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I wrote to Debby. Here's her reply:
Thanks so much for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. However, my daughter passed away on Saturday. I told the paper to go ahead and run the column since I wanted other parents to love their children before it is too late and enjoy every minute while they can.
I am glad things worked out for your daughter. I wish her many years of good health.
Debby Schamber
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Good luck to you and your daughter, I will include her in my prayers.
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This goes for husbands and wives and kids and really, anyone you love. I told my husband everyday how much I loved him, and we had all those conversations you wish you had. The girls and I have also been very fortunate to have many candid conversations. If anything were to happen to my girls- I KNOW they KNOW how much they are loved and cherished. I have had people ask me what is my biggest regret is when my husband passed....my obvious regret is not getting enough time, but I KNOW he knew he was loved totally, by all three of us. Thats the best gift you can give or receive.