I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: KICKSTART on May 21, 2009, 07:53:39 AM
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I didnt really want to add to that thread as im not really depressed ..just VERY bored!
What can you do on your own? (bearing in mind safety ) I live on my own and dont see anyone or talk to anyone for weeks on end , only the hospital staff. My friends have dropped me cause i cant go out and party and as for my family ..well they havent been in touch with me for ages now, they never have taken my illness seriously and i was just left to get on with it.
I dont feel depressed just very bored , i havent been out of the house for 2 weeks now , ive no where to go and no one to go with. I dont have a fantastic amount of energy at the moment. I was up till a few weeks ago going to the stables everyday, horses are my love! but it proved to much for me , so ive had to stop. Now i just dont do anything , im not artistic , im not an arty/crafty sort of person and my budget is very limited.
Any suggestions would be most welcome because im very lonely.
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Well........I'll use my Dad as an example because he is for me.
He's 78. Had a triple heart bipass 15 years ago, back fusion from a highschool football injury, knee and shoulder surgery this past year, and takes drugs that make every muscle in his body ache.
He is divorced and lives alone some of the time (when he's not visiting any number of friends or relatives).
He forces himself to be physically active every single day. The other day for example, he got up and played golf in the morning and tennis in the afternoon. He searched for and found an indoor tennis center and signed up to play with anyone that wanted to. Now he plays 2 - 3 times a week. After he played tennis, he came back and spread the rest of the bark on our landscaping - about 5 yards. Today he's going for a bike ride. He likes to ride 10-20 miles along a bike trail that we have in the neighboring town. He is reading a "Seattle" magazine as we speak for ideas of things to do around here. He searches online for things to do. He maintains many friendships. At his suggestion we went to Victoria BC overnight a few weeks ago. He also suggested that we go to a festival in Seattle last weekend. He wants all of us to go hiking this weekend along a trail a few miles from here. He is talking about going fishing with my husband and son for a couple of days. He also goes to the gym several times a week. WHEW!
Oh I forgot to mention, he lives to ski. He is a national and international downhill champion every year in the slalom, giant slalom, super giant slalom and downhill in his age group. He races all over the country as well as in Canada and Europe. 10 months out of the year he is traveling for racing.
He's an inspiration to me. He forcefully, purposefully makes himself stay physically and mentally active. He's not 100% physically able like he used to be but it doesn't matter.
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Have you thought of a hobby that you could perhaps make a littel money at? Maybe making something, jewelery is quite easy, well simple earrings and stuff like that to start with, you could sell them on ebay or give them as gifts.
Another idea is perhaps a pen friend, maybe someone in the forces or another lonely housebound person.
I study with the Open University, they do some 10 point courses that are not too expensive and are interesting. You don't have to be clever or academically minded, just find something that 'looks interesting', that's what I did about 8 years ago and I'm still at it!
Can you fix a bird table within sight? Get a bird book and keep a log of what you see,the RSPB often ask people to let them know what birds are in their garden.
There's the obvious, reading, knitting, jigsaws, puzzles and PC games but you will have thought of those no doubt. If I think of anything else I'll add it.
Rose xx
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To Ramsay: Your father makes me tired and I'm only 68. However, he would have made me tired when I was 28. More power to him! I think I'll get up and do something.
To Kickstart: I had the same problem with being bored. When I told friends about dialysis coming I felt they kind of ignored me but I made the effort to get back into their lives. My only close relative is my brother who lives in town but they totally ignore me. At the insistence on a niece, I joined Facebook and have been making contact with relatives I have seen or heard from in 20 or more years. It is really nice. I also communicate with friends over e-mail a lot.
Having been a musician in my previous life, I start working on the piano again. Also I've started to listen to the music I never had time to do when I was working. I don't play tennis but I take a long walk when the weather permits (even go to a mall at times and walk and window shop -- dangerous because you tend to stop and buy stuff.
Actually I have made lots if friends on here but one really good special friend that I communicate with on e-mail regularly. We talk about everything but dialysis.
I do like puzzles (crossword and sudoku) and work two each day online. (Well, I can't always do the Sunday ones to be truthful. I know puzzles are not everyone's thing though. I know my mom loved zigsaw puzzles (I hated them). It was my job to find ones so difficult that she'd never be able to work. I never did.
When I was really bored and in a clinical depression a few years back, one guy in a group I was attending made this comment: Just do something! It doesn't matter what! Doing one thing will help you do the next. He should have been the group leader instead of a participant as it was the best thing I ever learned about boredom (which leads to depression I guess). Also, they say do something new (something you have never done). I took a class in chess (It was too hard). I took a class in gardening. (I love it and still am into it.)
Hey: Start by making a list of anything that would interest you. Don't be too realistic. If in doubt write it down. Then go back and edit.
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Hi, Kickstart.
There are some wonderful suggestions here, but I want to add another layer. One of the important things is getting together with other folks. Dan mentioned the classes he took. Most areas have classes through the agricultural extension or other civic groups. I think it might be important for you to get involved in something like that for the human contact. Another thought is to do some volunteer work. Schools and nursing homes always need volunteers.
Our human brains are not designed to go without contact with others. IHD is great, but we also need to be in the same room with others. It keeps us young.
Swarmey's dad is truly an inspiration, but probably more than you could begin to imagine. But is there a walking club near you? Many folks get together to stroll around the Malls so they don't have to worry about weather. And you can stop at any point without worrying about getting back to your starting point.
You have taken a really important first step. That's great. Keep us infomred of where you go from here.
Aleta :waving;
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I totally agree with Aleta. Get people in your life. Do what you need to. Join things, go to the museums and hang around (there's always some wanting to talk plus you'll learn about art, etc.). Go to church if you're so inclined. Stand on the street corners... I mean anything that's legalish? Do you have community colleges in the UK? Always a good source of classes.
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kickstart,
Everyone here had great ideas and they are right!! You need to take control of your life don't let it control you.
I myself have started Crocheting,I walk around the block, I Love my vegetable Garden, I do crosswords, I read alot and I like to go to the Book Store and i don't always have to buy something, I grab a cup of coffee and walk around and write down the Books and the authors that I want to read and buy when I have the money. Sure my list of wants is way bigger than what i can afford but around Christmas when People ask me what I want I am able to tell them the Book I was not able to geton my own.
I have met lots of people just sitting at the coffee shop, and when I see them again I just say hello and you just start talking. You don't have energy all the time, But when you do if you get up and do something I bet that you will find the more you do the more energy you will have and the more you will want to do. MAKE YOURSELF do it. that is the most important thing to me. I have a Loving Family that hates this diesase and Wonderful Friends but sometimes I need to just be me and by myself so that I can figure out my wants and needs.
I had a friend that slept all the time she was always tired always in her house. And one day i told her when you wake up open the Blinds/Curtains, and the windows get some freshair let the natural light in. If you keep youself in the dark you will always be bored not wanting to do anything, and i really believe that.
You will always have IHD to talk to we will always have something to say... :-)
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Oh thankyou everyone there are some really inspiring ideas there , its so easy to get into a rut! I think alot of what Tina said about her friend is so true , and thats the way im going . I know lots of things are free , its just having the courage to do them on my own . Im quite an outgoing person but also shy if that makes sense. We have some lovely villages round near me with lovely little village pubs and i would so like to go get some lunch or something , partly so i dont have to cook and partly to get out! but i dont have the confidence to dine alone ..im sure people would think it strange ! Im not really near the city and shops wise well .. i do go window shopping from time to time but its meeting people i need!
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The pubs sound wonderful. We have a british pub here call Black Labrador. I love it. I've never been to a smaller village in the UK, but I've been to small neighbor hood pubs in London.
Free stuff sounds good too. I'm sure you can find a list of local free things on the web. Yes, I understand "outgoing and shy" in the same sentence. It's just the first move isn't it? Some weekends I follow the invitations to the art gallery open houses. You don't have to understand art. Just grab a couple of standard phrases and soak up their free hor d'ourves and wine.
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wow..ok...swramsay..I read your post at noon and had to go take a nap...I really don't know any 20 year olds that can do that much.
Anyway..this is a good thread for me today...oops...yes ...maybe bored...bordering on that depr...word...I refuse. I think the disability stress of the last 2 months wore me out and I crashed...so today I'm resting and will move on...great ideas...I think there is an art gallery with classes in a town about 5 miles from here..I'm going to check it out and I have signed up for an embroidery type class in June, so it's a start.
It also took me a long while to go out to lunch alone but I can do it now. Take a book, get a small glass of something and order lunch.
Let us know what you are trying and what's working.
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Go G-Ma! Something I used to try, but it got to be too difficult for such a lazy person, was to do one thing each week that was beyond my comfort zone. Maybe I'll start that again.
Embroidry (you'll be creating beautiful things too)
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Coffeeshops are a great way to meet people and are easy to go to alone. The trick is to go at the same time of day (I used to have breakfast in one every day) so you meet the regular crowd and next thing you know, you're a regular too. I stopped doing that a while back but I'm still in contact with some of the people I met during the years I went.
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Monrein's idea of coffee shops is a good one. Also is there any sort of lunch club near you? Either one you could join - we have a ladies lunch group in our nearest Town, and it's not full of stuffy old women either! Or one you could help out with through the WRVS or something similar. Try your local weekly paper for ideas. You could also think about joining the WI - again it's not like it used to be. Hope you get something sorted - do let us know.
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could you get a pet -
I get so bored and I have plenty to do -
I miss teaching -
I have not been bored in a few days b/c Bubba is home -
he talks non-stop -
we had to tow his truck from Cleveland yesterday and we both prayed the whole trip -
it was a lot harder than we thought -
but it was cool -
and I have been cooking up a storm -
I get depresed - empty nests suck - I miss bossing students and children around -
and my husband can only take so much --
tonight he has to help with physicals and then there is the Spring Game at Conroe High School -
Allen will go to that too -
nothing much on television -
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Great idea Monrein...yes George (my 2nd hubby) did that and he had great friends..turned into a coffee bunch..I was ""even"" invited on my day off..did that once...no more..strange group...ROFLOL..they were much like this group..just in person..10 to 12 guys..2 amputees and none of them noticed and woe betide an outsider who noticed. But he had fun and it helped his days go faster..he also had mmm 9 birdfeeders in our yard, cleaned and filled each one every day, sat on the deck with his binoculars and watched the mountains, saw bears once in awhile, fed all the stray cats and dogs, up to his last day at home.
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Is there a "friendly visitors" program in your area. They volunteer to daily call the same old of disabled person each day to make sure they survied the night (or just to say hi to them). My dad used the program and because really good friends with his caller. Toward the end they because visitors. Sometimes I helps just to do something outside of your own needs. Do you have "meals on wheels" over there? They always need volunteers if you drive.
Do you have too many suggestions now?????
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Nope..I think all of us could use more suggestions.
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I think some of the suggestions are possible , some not . Probably a difference in cultures re the 'coffee shops' us Brits are more reserved ! The only coffee shop near me is attached to a supermarket , so i wouldnt expect 'regulars' , also another thing although i would like to do the 'pub lunch' thing eating out over here is not cheap (neither is just a coffee!) I dont know if i have done the right thing but i have accepted an 'old flames' invite out on saturday night . We have always remained friends so i guess it will be nice to catch up. I dont think i would have done it though without the IHD family giving me that push to get off my backside and get out into the world , i was getting to used to staying home , safe n cosy but VERY VERY bored ! Anyway i must go now because it will take me till saturday to decide what to wear , its soooooooo long since i dressed up !!! :rofl;
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Ohhhhh....let us know what you wear and how it goes.............yes I have a boring existance and live through all of you :rofl;
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:thumbup; that's great, hope it goes well.
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Have fun KS.
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Does anyone believe in destiny/fate? .Since i wrote this thread i have had an invite out , the first in years. Then i got a flyer through the door tonight for an advert for a little tea room thats opened in the village ! Even more weird i got an email from someone i went to school with (and im talking many many years ago!) who has tracked me down , they are not in my part of the country but it was so nice to hear from them again ...........maybe someone up there is watching over me ?
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Spooky :2thumbsup;
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That is so great, Kickstart!
Mysterious, but great! :2thumbsup;
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It's all the vibes from your IHD family! :2thumbsup; :yahoo;
Wonderful news. :cuddle;
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If you like to read, what about joining a book club? It's a low-energy activity but gets you out there with people who have a common interest. Then take that book of the month / week / whatever with you and go hang out in that tea room to read for a while, or take it to a park and sit in the sun with it.
Or do you have extension classes in your area? I used to sign up for inexpensive classes for a variety of things --- anything that sounds interesting. It's just for fun.
I sometimes have to force myself to get out because I'm not a very social person. It's always been worth the effort. I come home with a bigger bounce in my step for doing it.
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OH Kickstart, I think you were just jerking us around. Here you are with a date and I'm going to sit outside at the bar.
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Isn't life strange? Serendipity! Perfect timing! You asked and now things are just happening! How lovely :2thumbsup; Let us know how the "old flame" night goes. So many good suggestions from everyone. :thumbup;
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Here's another vote for fate. I was starting to sink into depression a bit today, and I read this post and I kind of perked me up, I know that I have alot to do around the house, but I find the chores very boring and there are some great ideas from you guys. Thanks
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I didnt really want to add to that thread as im not really depressed ..just VERY bored!
What can you do on your own? (bearing in mind safety ) I live on my own and dont see anyone or talk to anyone for weeks on end , only the hospital staff. My friends have dropped me cause i cant go out and party and as for my family ..well they havent been in touch with me for ages now, they never have taken my illness seriously and i was just left to get on with it.
I dont feel depressed just very bored , i havent been out of the house for 2 weeks now , ive no where to go and no one to go with. I dont have a fantastic amount of energy at the moment. I was up till a few weeks ago going to the stables everyday, horses are my love! but it proved to much for me , so ive had to stop. Now i just dont do anything , im not artistic , im not an arty/crafty sort of person and my budget is very limited.
Any suggestions would be most welcome because im very lonely.
Well, You got US to talk to! One of the things I remember, most always (though not often enough) is to be "you" centered. How are YOU today, what are YOU doing, YOU look very nice today. I mean I know that you are alone, but the easiest way to not be alone is When asked "How are you today?" is to reply "OK" I always say "Not horrible" (Correct English would be not horribly) The way not to become the perfect partner is to say; I gotta headache, I hafta' go to dialysis 3 times a week, Or I feel lousy, so Not horrible always makes for a conversation piece, or is cause for a little giggle. Keep your sadness to yourself. It's your choice. Be happy or be miserable. I feel lousy all the time, but I keep it to myself. Even with being alone, not in a relationship, if you stay at home, do nothing, there will be no chance of meeting someone to be friends with. It's kinda' like hoping to win the lottery and not getting a lottery ticket. Don't worry, be happy.