I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: Tinah1968 on May 19, 2009, 02:36:24 PM

Title: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 19, 2009, 02:36:24 PM
Not sure if this is considered a rant or just getting things off my chest.  :rant;
I did lab work last week and yesterday i get a call from the nurse that my creatnine is bad (5.5) So  they tell me to come get a shot. The shot was actually for my Iron which was 9.2 Okay I am not sure what the iron was supposed to be. the last time i went it was 15 so i am confused.      Well the nurse calls me again today and asks me to come in at 2:00 the dr. wants to talk to me and give me another shot. I assumed i was going for a shot and he asks if my sister is with me? No i am alone i was at work. He said I think we need to registar you and get you in the hospital to start Dialysis if we can not get you in at the Dialysis Center. So i freaked out started crying.(why didn't they tell me to bring someone a family member a friend anyone??) For 2 months they said i was going to start and i had not started I thought i was beating the odds. I was at the dr's office for 2 1/2 hours waiting for a decision. The Dialysis center called and they are taking me in Friday at 2:00. I'm very scared but I know in my heart that it is the only way doesn't mean that the what if's are not lurking around from every corner. But I guess Dialysis here i come..
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: kitkatz on May 19, 2009, 02:39:32 PM
Oh Babe! What a way to get the news.  I am sorry it has happened so quick for you.  Just remember ask questions and do not let them do anything they have not explained fully to you. Good luck and have some chocolate!  :basket:
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: paris on May 19, 2009, 02:46:22 PM
Oh Tinah, I wish you had someone with you.  I am sorry.   :cuddle;  I think we all are full of "what if's" in this whole kidney journey.  We will be here for you and I'll be saying lots of prayers on Friday.    :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Sunny on May 19, 2009, 02:46:34 PM
You are starting a new journey in life starting dialysis, but everything will work out fine. Maybe you can have someone with you next time so you won't feel so overwhelmed. Hang in there, ask questions to ease your worries. We are here for you.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: willowtreewren on May 19, 2009, 02:49:37 PM
Tinah, Tinah,
We are here for you. Of course you are scared. But look at all the positive, wonderful people here who have gone through this and are pulling for you.

Kitkatz is right. Keep asking until you KNOW that you understand everything they are telling you. If something doesn't make sense, tell them to slow down.

Keeping you right up at the top of my thoughts, right along with Chris.

 :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;

Aleta
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: G-Ma on May 19, 2009, 02:53:42 PM
I'm so sorry Tinah...that unfortunately is how many of us heard we had to start NOW.  You will be ok, just lean on us.   


 :grouphug;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: monrein on May 19, 2009, 03:14:55 PM
I'm so sorry that they weren't more sensitive to how this would feel to you Tinah and the whole starting thing is always hard.  Know however that we are here to go through it with you and will be always wishing for you to have the easiest time possible each step of the way.  If there are bumps in the road we'll be there for those too with suggestions, advice, support and a list of the crucial questions to ask.   I will be thinking of you all day Friday and waiting to hear how it went.   :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Hanify on May 19, 2009, 03:18:08 PM
Sorry you had to get that news on your own.  Very thoughtless of them.  However, just think of how much better you'll start feeling once you get going with the dialysis.  We're all thinking of you, and sending positive thoughts your way.  Once you get started, it's not so scary.  Honest.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: staceyand joe92 on May 19, 2009, 04:08:49 PM
I found out the same way and it was awful.  I'm sorry this happened to you.  Dialysis can be stressful in the beginning. I spent the first few dialysis treatments in tears , but it gets better and you feel better and you realize that it isn't that bad.  Hang in there and keep a positive outlook and you'll be fine. 
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 04:19:35 PM
Tinah, trust me... it isn't nearly so bad as I had imagined.  Mainly, it is just a hassle.  Since you already have your fistala there will be little or no pain.  The need might hurt a little but get a really good tech or nurse and it will be almost painless.  It is boring.  I just made friends with the staff and that helps a lot.  If you treat them with respect you will get anything you need.  Stay warm, get comfortable and think positive thoughts.  I made so many plans as to what to do and really all i needed was my ipod.  I promise.  Not to worry.  The trip down, sitting there four hours is not  much fun.  It's kind of like attending a very long seminar or a long winded sermon where you day dream a lot.  And with your cooking abilities you will come up with some terrific recipes.  Be brave my  friend.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: David13 on May 19, 2009, 04:23:50 PM
Tinah, I am very sorry about how this situation was handled by your health care team.  It does not appear that they do a very good job of educating their patients.

Fortunately, you have IHD!  We are all here for you and you have so many examples of people who have been in similar situations and are doing well.  You will do well, too!

Ask a lot of questions and don't let them do anything unless they explain it to you and you understand why they are doing it.  Bring your blanket and something to do while you are there. 

:grouphug;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 04:27:07 PM
Tinah, I send you a message with my phone number.  If you want to talk about it tonight, feel free to call.  Of course I didn't want to put my number in here because there are some real weirdos on here (you know who I mean --David13).  Just joking David.

Really, really... I promise you its not as bad as you expect.  Four weeks (almost) later and I even have a new group of friends from the center.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: twirl on May 19, 2009, 04:59:37 PM
I think it is hard to stay in the chair for 4 hours but you get used to it -
ask me about the cream I use on my arm -
you will be alright -
it is not fun but it is life -
 and you are young - you have many years left
I know you are afraid -
that is normal -
but the fear will pass -
it is not an easy life but it is life
twirl
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 05:01:38 PM
I need to know about the cream.  I start with needles in four more weeks.  Is it prescription?  Is it expensive?  Will insurance cover it?
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: willowtreewren on May 19, 2009, 05:05:37 PM
Quote
I need to know about the cream.  I start with needles in four more weeks.  Is it prescription?  Is it expensive?  Will insurance cover it?

Yes, yes, and yes. At least our insurance covers it. But many folks don't use it. And when we forget to put it on in time (an hour before needed), we go ahead with the sticks and they don't bother my husband too much.

Aleta
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 05:12:01 PM
If it hurts less, I want it.  So does Tinah... right?
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: twirl on May 19, 2009, 05:13:17 PM
 ;D   I am one of the weird ones and I am proud of it ---
      crawford -- so are you    and that is why you are so much fun

cream -  Lidocaine and Prilocaine Cream 2.5%/2.5%
it is by prescription -- $30.00 on my insurance for two tubes -- one tube is also $30.00 so my perscription is written for 60 grams    ( one tube is 30 grams  )  and it saves me money
some patients do not get it b/c of the cost -- get it anyway
do not rub in it
smooth in on about and hour and a half before your chair time -
wrap it in Saran wrap - tape it to keep it secure
the techs will unwrap you and wash it off
one tube will last you a long time

the little needle shots they give at dialysis burns and stings me -
they spray perscription you can get also stings-
the techs will spray it on you and it freezes the skin

I rarely feel the needles and usually that is on a new spot to be stuck

it does help
and you are not a sissy or whatever
I have hear grown men dialysis patients yell in pain with needles

take care
weirdo -- :cheer:


being called weird is a compliment

about the sticks
my nep doc does not like them b/c that is 4 needles a visit instead of two

Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: twirl on May 19, 2009, 05:14:56 PM
oh and once you get used to the cream -
you will not leave home without it

I used to put in on during one of my classes at school when I was still teaching
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 05:19:02 PM
I readily admit to being a wuz when it comes to pain and blood (expecially my blood).  My tech assured me they weren't drinking the tubes and selling the blood.

I been called a lot worse that weirdo.  Actually I don't mind it at all.

I just wish Tinah wasn't so scared. 
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: willowtreewren on May 19, 2009, 05:21:22 PM
Four weeks from now Tinah will be giving you a run for your money on giving pep talks to others, Dan.

Tinah, you go girl! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 05:24:25 PM
I know....she'll be fine...
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Lucinda on May 19, 2009, 05:33:52 PM
Hey Gorgeous... I am in to my 10th week on dialysis.  The first day was not nearly as bad as I was anticipating.  Your mind is probably doing strange things to you right now but I doubt it will be as traumatic to you on the day as you might be expecting.  I am at home now doing it at home and sometimes I think it must be really nice to sit there and have someone else do it for you and set up the machine and clean it down.  My advice is that you don't even look at the needles on the first day and gradually you will want to take a bit more interest in what they are doing.  Don't stress yourself out.  One lady at the centre that I did my training at wore a black eye mask for the first three weeks.  Now she is absolutely fine.  Just remember, your mind is playing tricks on you and the reality is not going to be nearly as daunting as you are probably thinking.  All the best and lots of love, Cindy. xx
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: petey on May 19, 2009, 05:36:33 PM
Tinah,
When I think back to the four days' warning we had that Marvin would have to start dialysis, I remember very well what you're feeling now.  We were scared -- no terrified.  We didn't know what to expect.  We were clueless and felt like we were being sucked into a dark, dark hole.  But, then we didn't have IHD back then (1995), so you are so much more informed.

The other posters here are right -- the thought of dialysis is scary, but once to go one time, the scary part eases tremendously.  Also, all the others are right again -- watch everything, question everything, ask every question you have (however silly you may be thinking it is).  You can NEVER know too much about what the nurses/techs are doing during YOUR treatments on YOUR body.  Knowledge truly is power!  Remember that.

dwcrawford is right -- Be brave.  Hold your chin up.  Take a deep breath.  Put one foot in front of the other.  Take one day (one hour, one minute, if you have to break it down more) at the time.  Say to yourself, "If so many other of my friends at IHD can do this, I can, too."

You gotta get the lidocaine cream -- Marvin uses it every treatment.  When he first started, they were using the shots, but he's been on the "cream" for about 12 years now.  We pay a $30 co-pay for four big tubes (it is prescription).  One tube will last Marvin a little over a week (that's five treatments a week).  He puts two big "blobs" on his buttonholes, wraps his arm in Saran Wrap, tapes the end, and leaves it on for 45 minutes to one hour before treatment.  Right before I cannulate, he washes his arm thoroughly to get the cream off.  He won't have a treatment without his cream.



Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 19, 2009, 07:10:16 PM
Thank you everyone for the good thoughts been a tough day. just trying to keep my head above water away from bad thoughts. I'm sure after the first day i will be alright i hope so anyway. i'm sure i will have lot's of questions for you guy. When i joined this IHD it helped me see i was not alone. Now i hope it helps me with this as well. Thanks again
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 19, 2009, 07:18:12 PM
Don't let yourself get depressed...  Hey,  I really didn't have to give up anything in the way of food or drink.  May I have to adjust some stuff but all the good stuff is still in reach.  If you can sit through a 4 hour movie, or a 4 hour sermon or a 4 house lecture (or even a trip in the car), you can make it.  I never thought I could be still that long (probably the first time in my life I ever have) so I find people to talk to.  I giggle in the chair a lot and the techs help me readjust from time to time.  Most people sleep, but I can't.

Hey, I was real sleepy the first few days.  Know what I did when I got home and my days off?  I slept.  It was nice.  Hey, people will bring you food.  Keep it even though you are hungry.  Appetite will come back.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 19, 2009, 07:21:57 PM
dw Thanks a lot... I know that i will be okay but if you guys don't hear from me don't worry i will try to log in as soon as i can
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Wenchie58 on May 19, 2009, 07:25:15 PM
We will worry, but if you need rest...REST. We have patience and understanding.  Good Luck!
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Pam on May 19, 2009, 08:30:56 PM
Tinah I was in your shoes 3 wks ago. The first day I was petrified! But you know there were so many people I had to talk to it was over before I knew it. My husband sits in the wating room the entire time. He won't leave. They do not allow visiters.
They gave me a script for lidocaine and I have a c0-pay. I can't feel the sticks just a little preasure and I don't look.
Tomorrow they are going up a needle size and increasing the speed so I'm a little nervous about that. If you can keep a good attitude that will help. I look around and a lot of the people in the center are in much worse shape than I am. I already feel better. My  appetite  is back and I have the enery to do a lot more things.
Pam
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: st789 on May 19, 2009, 09:22:20 PM
Yeap, questions can be hard to come by when u. r. overwhelm with what is going on.

Take a good care of yourself.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: pelagia on May 19, 2009, 11:21:56 PM
If you start feeling a little afraid, just close your eyes and think of your IHD family!  :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: breezysummerday on May 19, 2009, 11:44:19 PM
         

                      :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Hanify on May 20, 2009, 02:13:09 AM
And don't be afraid to pm people who are going through what you are.  We're all here to support you.  It will really help to talk to peopl who are walking the walk as it were.  Good luck.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: twirl on May 20, 2009, 03:16:25 AM
I wish I knew where this is located -
you should read Rerun's first experience with dialysis -
it is a treasure -
you will laugh and cry at the same time -

SLUFF - IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE FIND WHERE RERUN POSTS ABOUT HER FIRST DIALYSIS
         - I KNOW THE MEMBERS HERE WOULD APPRECIATE IT AND THANKS
DEAR SWEET SLUFF - PLEASE POST THE WAY TO GET TO THE SITE HERE
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: keith on May 20, 2009, 04:24:16 AM
its scary 4us all when we 1st start. but u have a great big family dats here 4 u ne time :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 20, 2009, 05:12:12 AM
Thanks again everyone My family doesn't understand and they are having a hard time with this. I am the youngest of 6 children and both my parents have passed away so they all feel like "Why me" they don't know what to expect. I am trying to be strong for them and tell them it will be fine. I told them about IHD and told them that if they had questions to ask.. 
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: keith on May 20, 2009, 05:40:40 AM
u have da support of everybody on ihd we all kno how u feel  :grouphug; n if u need s shoulder 2 :'( we are here n if u jus need 2 :rant; we r here
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Bajanne on May 20, 2009, 08:27:02 AM
Girl, as many of the others have said, I was where you are now.  One of the things that got me through was my new IHD family.  Epoman and the others really prepared me for what was coming and helped me through.  You know that we are with you all the way.  :grouphug;
Things are almost never are terrible as we feel they will be.  You will make it through this as well.  Some day you will be encouraging some other scared and confused IHD newbie!

They gave me the EMLA cream, but I used to forget it until just before I was leaving home and that was too late, since it should be on about an hour before.
I used to get Lidocaine, but after a time I got tired of the stings and preferred to have one sharp pain that would cease after a time.

Let us know how you are doing. :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 20, 2009, 08:40:41 AM
Thanks keith and bajanne   I was told that after the first day i will be really tired and I probably not feeling well. Since I am not sure what to expect I will take my Laptop with me and try to log in when I get to my sisters house. They said that I couldn't drive myself the first few times. So I will have my sister pick me up and I will go stay with her for the evening. I hope that I do well I really do...  i hope to be as supportive and kind when a newbie asks how it will feel in a few months.  Thanks again Everyone your hungs and well wishes helped me make it through this far...  :grouphug;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: BobN on May 20, 2009, 10:47:20 AM
Tinah, just happened to check in from work.

Echoing what many others have said, the anticipationof your first treatment is worse than the actual treatment.

I've found that the key to making the treatment time go by fast is to keep busy.

(No, not with plotting revenge on the person who just stuck you with those gigantic needles, although you can come up with some pretty creative ideas with all that free time!)

My two favorite pastimes are reading and...here's an unusual one...sodoku puzzles.

The more difficult ones can take some time, and you're so focused on the puzzle, that before you know it, a chunk of time has been taken up.

Just be aware that there is one danger.  The puzzle books can cause harm if you throw them across the room. :)

Keep your chin up sweetheart.  We'll all be thinking about you.

If you can find a reason to laugh, or even smile - do it.  I guarantee you'll feel better.

Take care and let us know how you do.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 20, 2009, 01:32:35 PM
Hi Tinah, I just go home from my 8th  session at Davita.  You may be tired after the first  few sessions but you won't be totally out of it.  I was able to drive myself from the beginning.  Its best if you don't have to but you probably could if necessary.  Probably you'll  sleep after the first session and all the way up to the second one.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Hanify on May 20, 2009, 03:08:35 PM


My two favorite pastimes are reading and...here's an unusual one...sodoku puzzles.



Sudoku!!  I can't do them now - let alone when I was first doing dialysis ha ha.  I really could only handle an ipod.  Too tired for anything else at first.  Will be thinking of you Friday.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: paris on May 20, 2009, 03:12:39 PM
Tinah,  Sometimes I just want someone to say that I am valid in my nervousness.  Anytime we do something new, we are a little anxious. Tomorrow is my first IVIG infusion, then next week Rituxin.   I have had iron infusions, so I know what to expect. But, until I get through tomorrow, I will be a little nervous.   Once you get throught the first day, you at least will know what to expect and how you feel.  You know you will be in my thoughts all day Friday and I will be looking for your posts.  Wenchie is right, we will worry, because we love you    :grouphug;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 20, 2009, 06:44:06 PM
I have better today with all i have been reading. I am not sure how i will feel tomorrow befor the test but we will see... Thanks again Everyone for rverything..  :grouphug;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: twirl on May 21, 2009, 05:12:59 AM
you will make us proud
I know you will -
you can do it
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 21, 2009, 07:01:40 AM
I will do my best....
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: ODAT on May 21, 2009, 07:14:05 AM
Hi Tinah, my mom is 76 and went in for knee replacement. Two days later at 11:00am, we were told she needed to start dialysis at 1:00pm that day. We knew it might happen but the anxiety is still there. She's had her graft for over 6 months. She said after her first treatment that it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be.

Now she is doing so well mentally and physically. Looking forward to her continued improvement.

Hugs for you   :cuddle;
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 21, 2009, 01:48:55 PM
 :cuddle; Thank you ODAT... I really appreciate the support... I will try to log in if not I will make a phone call and let you guys know how it went... I will try my best to keep my chin up.  Thanks Guys. I am heading home now.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: hurlock1 on May 21, 2009, 08:51:52 PM
I was so afraid of dialysis that I thought that my life was over. I thought that there would be smells that I couldn't stand. I was wondering whether I would be able to stand sitting in my chair for 5 hr. I was afraid of the people in the other chairs. I thought that the neph was in cahoots with the centers and it was some kind of scam. and a million other paranoia that I could manufacture. But now after a year on dialysis, I go and sit in my chair and watch movies, write one fingered on the I Hate dialysis blog, or whatever, sometimes I just listen to my mp3 player and watch the people, and watch the caregivers zip around and I appreciate the skills that dialysis techs and nurses have. Don't be afraid. It's just dialysis. It's not entirely unpleasant. You gotta do what you gotta do. It's alright. Keep the faith. It's your choice as to whether you hate it or tolerate it. I tell my grandchildren when they're throwing a fit, "Well, you know you gotta get over it sometime, why not get over it now?" It works about half the time. Just don't be afraid until you've got something to be afraid of.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: kitkatz on May 22, 2009, 03:46:35 PM
Twirlie, Here is Rerun's descriptions of her first few days on dialysis. I am charging you a dollar for a research fee.  :rofl;

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=174.msg799#msg799
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: dwcrawford on May 22, 2009, 05:40:32 PM
Tinah is home from dialysis.  It wasn't as bad as she  had imagined.  She won't log on tonight because (of course) she just wants to eat and go to sleep.  The needles hurt.  She is staying at her sister's house tonight.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: kitkatz on May 23, 2009, 11:37:33 AM
Welcome to the Ihatedialysis way of life Tinah!   Good to know things went well your first time there. Rest for the weekend and do things you want to do.
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 23, 2009, 11:47:38 AM
Thanks KK I appreciate it. I actually feel pretty good bwsides the Headache and stomach issues. But feel really good hope i keep feeling this way
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: twirl on May 23, 2009, 12:14:12 PM
I will send you a dollar   :rofl;   plus 9 cents for tax
 :thumbup;
and thanks again

Tinah  --- please read it     it is priceless
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: Tinah1968 on May 23, 2009, 12:25:16 PM
 :rofl; :rofl; :clap; :clap;

I will send you a dollar too.. GREAT POST
Title: Re: I'm scared and confused
Post by: kitkatz on May 23, 2009, 07:53:21 PM
Awesome. A get rich quick scheme on IHD.com.  :rofl; :rofl;