I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Centers => Dialysis: Workers => Topic started by: geoffcamp on September 19, 2006, 05:26:51 AM
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What do you think of patients associating socially with tech or nurses? Even dating. I happen to have some experience in this as I have dated one of my techs and go out socially with a few of the staff members. The centers rules are clear that this is not suppose to happen. But I spend so much time with these people and have developed relationships with them not unlike those of co-workers. I don't see anything wrong with going out with them or even dating as long as everyone is adult about it and it does not affect the treatment you receive. Any thoughts?
Geoff
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I dont think it should be any of the "centers" business who their employees choose to date. Love is strange, it can be found anywhere at anytime, i say go for it and just have fun but just remember, if it ends up turning into a wedding, we better be invited darnit :beer1; Good Luck to you and the lucky lady who gets to date you ;) and as Bajanne always says, Keep on Keepin' on..... (i just love that saying) ::)
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That would never happen at my dialysis unit. I know that because they won't even let me volunteer for them :( I was actually told by my dialysis social worker that they doctors and rest of the dialysis staff would not like to have a patient as their co-worker. This was when I inquired about volunteering to visit and talk to dialysis patients when I was still on PD. ... oh well ..
I have noticed a huge rift where they do not see patients on the same level as other human beings :( Hell they don't even seem to respect me most of the time :(
I saw if you are able to "hang out" then that is good! At least YOUR unit respects you and sees you as a human being! :thumbup;
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I think patient/tech dating is fairly common. I've heard of it before but never saw any of that in my old unit. Patients and caregivers tend to have alot in common and tend to spend alot of time around each other so yes it happens. As in any other business relationship personal considerations can't be allowed to influence the quality of treatment of one patient over another. In a dialysis setting it is important that people feel there is no favoritism happening. Other than that why not just let people be people and do as they please personally? Years ago at work I dated a young lady who is now my wife. We kept things very quiet and I'm sure no one knew what was happening until we announced our engagement. I even yelled at her once or twice in front of others just to be sure that nothing could be detected. I'm glad she didn't burst out laughing. Anyway that was 20 years ago, now she is the boss.
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For RN's, dating patients would be considered an ethical violation of the nurse practice act and also considered a 'boundary violation'. Definitely not part of a professional nurse/patient relationship. These actions can lead to consequences as great as losing your license to practice nursing.
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I think patient/tech dating is fairly common. I've heard of it before but never saw any of that in my old unit. Patients and caregivers tend to have alot in common and tend to spend alot of time around each other so yes it happens. As in any other business relationship personal considerations can't be allowed to influence the quality of treatment of one patient over another. In a dialysis setting it is important that people feel there is no favoritism happening. Other than that why not just let people be people and do as they please personally? Years ago at work I dated a young lady who is now my wife. We kept things very quiet and I'm sure no one knew what was happening until we announced our engagement. I even yelled at her once or twice in front of others just to be sure that nothing could be detected. I'm glad she didn't burst out laughing. Anyway that was 20 years ago, now she is the boss.
Same here, I married my co-worker. I was the store manager and she was the photo clerk. Eventually my boss sat me down and said someone is going to have to be transferred. You or her, I wanted a new store to manage so I left to manage a different store. I ended up quiting the job a little while after that. However I am still with (married) that "photo clerk" who by the way moved on to bigger and better things. In fact when we worked together I would say I was more strict with her than other employees, because I didn't want to arouse suspicions.
At my old center I found that the employees tried to keep their distance and not become to friendly, I later learned that they are told by Davita not to get "attached" to a patient or get to close because it will affect them emotionally if a patient they really like dies.
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Epoman is right. That is why they shift the techs around so you never get the same one twice. You still have your favorites, but you don't get a very strong bond as if you would having them everyday.
As for dating them. I have a hangup with me being ill and them being healthy. I may go out with another patient, but not a tech or nurse.
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I am on a night shift. The Techs are usually shifted around a lot to cover nights. So I have had a chance to meet most of the Techs in my center. Most are young women and few men. I always try to sleep on dialysis so I not sure how I started really getting to know them, but eventually I would start to text message back and forth (during my awake periods). I don't even remember how I got their phone numbers. Then we were texting during the day too and then was invited to out with a couple of the techs one night and that is how I got to know them. It is definitely interesting seeing their perspective on center issues and patients. My center seems to have a un-ending gossip and rumor mill... about patients and staff. So I get to hear a lot of what goes on behind the scenes (funny stuff sometimes and not so funny other times). My center also just made the big switch from RCG to Fresenious. This has changed things a lot! But I like most of the people at my center and enjoy spending time with a few people in particular. I think it is sad that we have to keep it quiet and not let any of the bosses hear about for fear of a tech loosing their job. I mean it is nice to have someone who knows a little about you (seen you sick and puking and sees you feeling good) to go out with and see a movie or have diner and a beer with.
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what about the ones that teach buttonhole. You have the same nurse then for 2 weeks right? Anyway, it does make sense. Also I understand what Rerun is saying about not wanting to date medical staff. I have dated another "renal patient" before and they understand what you are going through. Another ex-boyfriend of mine had health issues in the past so I felt he could understand me and now with Sandman the same thing. He has had a lot of health issues and diet restrictions which gives him the insight I find it very useful in any man having to deal with me and my health :P
But I could never date any medical staff. Not with how they are in my city. There is a huge division line between staff and patients here.
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I'm all for it. i was the joker of the unit after i acted like a gotta dam fool when i first started.this one day i was talking about this tech's butt and she heard me .she made a smart remark as did i and then i started talking to her everyday, and the rest is history we got married on May 3,2003 and i have never had more reason to live and try to educate people about my condition. :2thumbsup; :2thumbsup;
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I dont see anything really wrong with it as long as everyone is mature about it. However it could mean losing your job and possible de-registration. I wouldnt want to risk that. Good thing Im already in a relationship! I get along well with everyone and the training unit, they treat you like a friend, and are not distant at all. I like that approach as it makes me feel safe and that they really do care about how your going.
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What do you think of patients associating socially with tech or nurses? Even dating.
Well, it all depends really. If your just socializing with your nurses, techs or doctors in a generally friendly manner, then that is absolutely acceptable. Nothing wrong with that at all. But if your socializing with the above, with the intent on courtship, then this could become a conflict of interest. Think about that for a second. Say your dating the same physician that cares for your medical needs while he/she is attending to other patients in the same place of practice. Your physician would most likely give you more personal treatment where as the other patients would then be lacking treatment. This would then be unethical practice to say the least.
But to date someone who is a nurse, tech or doctor and who is someone you see only on a personal basis, ( other then your regular medical treatment ) then that is fine. I feel that as long as it does not interfear with their duties, then there would be nothing wrong with that.
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When I first started dialysis we had a great charge nurse who scheduled a trip for any patients and workers
who wanted to go via bus to a casino. It was a pretty fun trip.
Also several years ago, a dialysis administrater/charge nurse (different from above) who fell for a male patient.
She ended up leaving the unit to work elsewhere, he received her kidney. They are still together.
Right now we have a patient who has a crush on a tech. (tech not interested). When you spend so much time with people
love can happen.
Dialysis units sometimes have "discussion meetings" about patients, so that is one reason that dialysis romance is looked down upon
or having a patient work at the same unit. They wouldn't want you to hear them talk about you. :bandance;
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Staff is basically told not to get personally involved such as hanging out outside the clinic setting or dating because they want everyone one of the patients to be treated in the same fair manner. It is viewed that if you hang out with or date a patient that you will treat them better and do things for them that you would not otherwise do for a patient. Now mind you I believe that this still happens anyway regardless of if they are hanging out together or not. After having spent sooooo much time together you tend to get to know a person and there is nothing that can stop that short of pretending not to be able to talk or something. I guess I can understand their reasoning, but it's just a little far fetched.
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Interesting topic!
I think if you spend (in my case) 5 hours x 3/week with the same sort of people (obviously shifts change so not the same set of people is on one day to the next, but in a week you'd always see all the regular staff) then you're going to form relationships with them, and they with you. Social ones definitely. Some of these folks may spend more time looking after patients than perhaps get quality time (in a day) with their own families.
I don't know about romance though. I'm in a hospital unit and the whole ethical thing is very important and I wouldn't want to go there and I am sure none of the staff would anyway. As it happens they're all married anyway so that's no issue.
Indeed one of the crazy patients the other day was asking just about any woman that would enter the unit if they'd marry him.. hmm bit of a worry!! lol
I really like the social aspect though and I think there's NOTHING wrong with it. Sometimes I have met nurses (by accident) when going shopping or whatever which is kind of funny. I've also promised I am taking the lot of them out to lunch WHEN I get a successful transplant. It's an ongoing promise and we always talk about it LOL.
haha I even had a couple of nurses help me get a birthday pressie to a (young female ;) ) patient who was moved to a different unit. That was way cool and the girl loved her surprise.. and we keep in touch and she's visited me from time to time when she's at the hospital. Very sweet (and before you ask.. she's got a boyfriend :( lol)
As a last point everyone's treated equal but you definitely know the staff have those they like and those they really don't want to deal with (like difficult patients). We only have a couple of them though. I hope I am one of the liked ones.. I think I am since they all greet me and usually stop for a chat or whatever.
It's a pretty small unit and we all get on pretty well which really helps the whole process.
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When Rob was in center, he loved it there. He had great relationships with all the nurses and techs. Heck, he still visits there every now and then. One of the techs who he liked the most is a neighbor of ours, he lives about 10 houses down from us. We have even had to call him when Rob couldn't needle himself. The Charge Nurse for the center was the only one Rob disliked, she was by the book all the time.
If you find you and a nurse/tech want to date, go for it! I think it's an awesome idea as long as it's not weird if things don't work out. :2thumbsup;
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It would have been no problem at my unit.
Woof Woof!!
hhahahahahahah
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Would a tech or a nurse be more understand or compassion to us patients; therefore, they could play both roles. A soul mate and care giver.
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Would a tech or a nurse be more understand or compassion to us patients; therefore, they could play both roles. A soul mate and care giver.
When something like this happens in a clinic setting either the patient or staff member has to transfer to another clinic. I have seen it happen where a nurse and a patient fell in love and when they married she started to Home Hemo for him. She would work at the clinic all day then hook him up when she got home.
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I'm just glad all the nurses and techs were all waaaaay older than Wade!
Although, there was one cute, young, kind of punky nurse when he was in the hospital in July. You can bet I was there as much as i could be (not like i wouldnt, or anything, anyway)!
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I've been talking a lot to one of our cute neckish tech's and the rest of the staff has encouraged me to ask her out so it doesn't seem like it would be a problem. i haven't yet because I'm still dealing with some personal image issues due to how Dialysis affects my body. If I get up the courage I'll let you know.
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I don't think patient/tech dating is a good idea. But I do find myself being very friendly with the entire center staff. They all are friendly and treat me very well. I can't see myself going over to their homes for a visit, but I like saying hi to all of them. It feels like "family" just like when I was working. I liked all my co-workers and we allways backed each other up. I feel just as comfortable with the staff at my Dialysis Center. l
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At my center when I was on PD and Hemo , I felt like part of the family . I never thought of dating any of them , but
was asked to get togethers occasionally that I chose not to attend .
I was asked by many staff members to speak to newer patients , To help explain PD and at Christmas I was the Santa Claus
for the patients . ( I am a professionally trained Claus)
Most times I was asked by new patients if the needles would hurt when the we started. Of course as a patient I could
say , Yes , It hurts like heck , they are sharp and most of the Techs inserted then like lightening , They never hit the
same spot twice . I was involved in a lot of training with the nurses ,and it worked out good for all.
Katonsdad
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I know I am commenting on older posts but they are such good topics I cant resist!
I have first hand experience with this and I think it depends on the person/situation
I know of a situation where a nurse who was very friendly with all the patients in the unit was accused of being in love with a patient (at least he thought so) and out of nowhere bought her a ring and proposed to her (she's married mind you) and had a total breakdown when she looked at him like he was crazy - it was sad. I have dated techs and if done between mature people I don't think it is an issue but most did not treat me and one transferred not to end up getting me by chance. I dreaded a bad breakup though and then having to have them cannulate you afterwards NO Thankyou! I can see it now "I am sorry I set you for 50 kilos instead of 5".
I think the clinic I am at now switched me from a tech because we were too friendly we laughed a lot and spent a lot of time together talking about the unit and the people in it. They took me from her and she trys to come and see me but we are far apart. She has to watch when I am getting off and try to time it so she will run into me at the scale it is ridiculous!
I have had techs with boundary issues - I had one who told me she was going to get three needles two for my arm and one for my penis! I don't know what her problem was but I did not want to find out and asked not to have her again. She was really young and attractive and a lot of patients hit on her so I think she might have thought I was going to ignore it but I don't play that way. :urcrazy;
Maturity and common sense is key for it to work :thumbup;
CW
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Here in my Health Region, we can't even have coffee with any of the staff. Nothing. That all came about when one nurse in Calgary decided to date pretty much every new male patient that came along. The last twice she was going to give them kidneys. Realistically it was best for both that she didn't match. The last guy she dated was with myself when I did home training. He was so infactuated with her it was terrible. Once he did get his transplant, she dumped him too. Unfortunately it didn't stop him from showing up at her house, basically stalking her, until she had to get a restraining order. After that all the rules were changed and you can't be friends with any of the staff outside the unit. I believe it is for the best.
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This may not apply, since I've now had a transplant, but it's sort of relevant, anyway. I had the cell phone number of one of my PD nurses because she was the only one who knew anything about the cycler, and she bounced between about three or four different clinics. I went back to my clinic to visit and drop off some supplies about two weeks after my transplant, and she told me to call her, since I have her cell phone number. Due to moving a lot and my health problems, I don't have many friends, so I probably will call her once I'm able to go out in public again and see if she wants to grab lunch sometime...we only work about ten miles apart, anyway.
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I have a boyfriend (soon-to-be-fiance), but even if I were single, I wouldn't want to date anyone I met at dialysis, patient OR tech, seeing thqat most of the male patients at my center are between 60-90 years old plus I wouldn't want to restrict myself to another patient (I may have CRF and on the transplant list, but how dare anyone tell me that my dating choices are limited to only people I know from that hellhole, I am 30 years old, not 16 and I have a right to date who I want), and I would not date a tech because most of the techs at my center enjoy lording it over me that I'm the one in the chair, not them :bow; and that I'd better get used to it and be grateful for it too, because they "don't have to dialyze me" .(Ummm, excuse me, but if my insurance is paying your conceited ass and I'm not violent or abusive, you do have to, sorry to burst your bubble.)
In closing, most of the patients at my center are older than dirt and the techs are assholes (all but like 3-4), Why would I want my romantic choices to be reduced to dating an old man or a jerk, just because I'm on dialysis? Healthy people have standards and it is no different for me, sorry to those who feel I'm a burden on people who "don't understand". I have to go to that dump two days a week, I certainly don't want to bring it home with me.
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In an earlier post someone said that they felt like family with their unit. I totally am with that view. I see those guys and it IS like family and I *know* they care about the patients - specially those of us who are regular in the unit (it is a hospital unit so we see many transient patients or those starting out before being moved etc but we do have a core group of regular patients). For instance just this last week one of "our" patients is returning to the UK for various reasons... she had a garage sale at her place and a NUMBER of the staff went and bought things to help her out. Her final session was on Saturday we all went and had photos with her and the staff were giving her hugs and kisses and exchanging email and snail mail addresses etc - DO keep in touch. I was joking with one of the girls (staff) that I'd come back when I got my transplant and bring them coffee and crossaints etc and she said "no way! We'll all meet at the pub!" and I know she meant it it wasn't just a flippant comment. Or the other day one of the male nurse/managers who is a bit of a geek was asking me for some suggestions about some computer problems he was having and wanted to spend some time discussing it with me. I liked that.
I don't know about dating them but definitely there IS social interaction. When you think about it - specially for in centre hemo where you are there for > 15 hours a week some of those nurses see US more than some of their families... so you do talk and get close on one level or another.
I know if I got a transplant tonight and by some miracle never had to go back to that unit as a patient again I will NEVER forget some of those nurses and how good they have been to me. They're not just the people who help to keep my life going but I really do consider some of them friends who I do care about... and while they don't want to be seen to have favourites I think they definitely consider some of us in a friendly way and care too.
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one tech where I go has been over to swim
he has a major crush on Missy
he is coming over next weekend for a BBQ and swimming for Allen's graduation
he may bring another tech he is dating
I do not know if it is against any rules but he is a really great kid
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I'll soon be 60 years old and I don't consider myself "older then dirt". All the nurses in my center are married or I might consider it.
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I have a great relationship with all my nurses. I'm such a terrible flirt. I've never hung out with any of them outside of dialysis. One of my favorite nurses last day was yesterday and we exchanged phone #'s and emails and monday we are going out to eat brunch after my treatment. I don't see any problem with patients and staff hanging out or dating. But all the staff at my unit are female so no problem with me wanting to date any of them. ;)
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I don't think patient/tech dating is a good idea. But I do find myself being very friendly with the entire center staff. They all are friendly and treat me very well. I can't see myself going over to their homes for a visit, but I like saying hi to all of them. It feels like "family" just like when I was working. I liked all my co-workers and we allways backed each other up. I feel just as comfortable with the staff at my Dialysis Center. l
I know my view is different from most of the other posts i've read but i agree with Jannie. I was very friendly with the staff at the center but don't think it is appropriate to date a nurse or tech. I think there is an eithical part to it as well. I talked to the staff all the time and we became friends but a tech at the center had actually told me one day that patients and staff aren't suppose to intereact outside of the unit. My unit actually had rules regarding dating between pts and staff. I can understand how a deeper relationship can occur seeing as you spen 5 hours 3xs a week there but i feel like it crosses a line. Does that make sense.
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I agree with you Claudia as I feel that boundaries are very important when it comes to any kind of primarily professional relationship. The biggest issues for me would be how to address things if you were "friends" but had complaints. Sticky, tricky. As for dating, I feel that human nature being what it is, a relationship could start to grow and if the two people involved wanted to really pursue it then someone (either patient or staff member) should change location to avoid potential problems. Going in to dialyze and being stuck with an ex sounds like my idea of icky, sticky and far too tricky.
When I worked as a social worker the issue of outside of work invitations was quite common but I felt it was part of my job to speak directly and clearly with clients about the differences between a friendship and friendliness. I was often required to challenge people about things they were doing and try to help them find ways of doing them differently. Support and challenge in a boundaried context. This is not how I am with my friends. Adolescents often developed crushes on their workers and would have to be clearly told that a relationship would NEVER be in the cards. Some took it hard for a while but real counseling work just isn't possible with a subtext of flirting, trying to impress and putting one's best foot forward.
I would have no problem dating a doctor, nurse, tech, student, etc but not if I were in a professional relationship with them. I also think that it is the professional's job to maintain boundaries with extreme sensitivity as they are the ones with the upper hand in a sense. Patients, students, clients are in the more vulnerable position and I see boundaries as an important way of protecting them.
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But think of the advantages. If I was dating a hemo nurse I could be on home dialysis with a trained professional to help me. Then there would be no nurse/patient relationship because I wouldn't be in the center any more. It sounds like a plan to me.
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Absolutely a good plan Flip. So when do you start trolling the other centers in your area for a nurse who wants to do one more run when she gets home? But wait, you're gonna sweep her off her feet and she'll never have to work again right. I'm thinking about scouting around for a hunky neph who wants to meet all my needs and get those advantages for me too. :rofl;
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I WISH there was a hot nurse for me to date!!! When I was still on hemo, all of my nurses were female and absolutely AWESOME!!!! I got sick when I was still in college and on my 21st birthday, I went in for dialysis on the late shift.... Then AFTERWARDS, when they had closed down for the night, the NURSES and TECHS were the FIRST ones to by me my first legal drink!!!! It was GREAT!!!! Nothing like having a cold one with my medical staff....the best part of it all was that if anything happened to me while I was drinking, I had a staff of nurses surrounding me who knew my whole medical history....they'd know how to take care of me!!!! :-)
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Hmm so I want to know if Stacey with an E ever asked out the cute tech :)
Interestingly the other day I was talking about the ever fantastical "life post dialysis" with some of the nurses at the unit... as in what I would do after a transplant and all that... well I was saying yeah for sure I'll come back and visit you guys (I live so close etc) and one of the younger (female) nurses said to me "Oh no you can't come back and see us here" - and I thought she was going on about if I'm not a patient I'm not allowed blah blah.. but she went on to say "You can come to the pub with us and have a drink!" which I thought was very cute. I don't think she was flirting either... hmm... or was she? LOL... nah....
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One of Rob's tech from in-center lives on the same street as us and now our kids are good friends and go to the same school.
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RichardMel----- sound like flirting to me :clap;
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Go for it, Rich. She could be your ticket to home hemo :cuddle;
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lol @ home hemo ticket!
Nah I just couldn't see it... I mean it would be too weird to date someone like that... maybe after I was a patient for sure.. but no way WHILE I was one.. Imagine if things went sour... and it would be so difficult for them I imagine... because they have a pastoral relationship with you...
The same nurse the other day said to me, because she had a "fight" with another nurse to look after me (which was funny).. anyway she said "You are a favourite!" which was really nice. I was so chuffed (and no, she wasn't flirting.. and even if she was she's not my type :) ) but she's so lovely.
Besides we couldn't date... I have a cat and she has a pet bird......
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you could date
leave your pets at home :rofl;
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Epoman is right. That is why they shift the techs around so you never get the same one twice. You still have your favorites, but you don't get a very strong bond as if you would having them everyday.
As for dating them. I have a hangup with me being ill and them being healthy. I may go out with another patient, but not a tech or nurse.
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there is one tech who we have traded pictures of our children and she gave me a nice Christmas present
- I always bring in things for her daughter and she calls me mom - I do not let her call anyone else at D mom b/c I am her D mom ::) -
I know all about her love life and her struggles ( she is an unwed mom) and I encourage her to stay in college to be a nurse - In short, I love her and she make D better--- but they are not allowing her to be my tech much-- they think we are getting close---OMG-getting close to someone you see more than most of your family - we laugh and joke the whole time she is my tech--- and there is a boy tech who is in love with Missy - he has been over to my house to swim and he told me not to say anything - he could get fired---?-- I helped him write essay questions for a college class he was taking---- these are both mother type relationships-- which I enjoy -
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It is been implied at my clinic that dating the staff is frowned upon by the clinic manager and the social workers. Apparently there have been some stalking issues by some of our more questionable patients.
It's too bad too because we have a number of attractive women who work at my clinic who are fun to talk to.
The crazies always ruin it for everyone else.
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I have been married 12 years, so it's not going to happen, but there are two I would have asked out on dates had I not been married. I would have switched units in order to date them.
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I think the "don't get too close" idea goes both ways also.. I mean the staff can get attatched to patients too and I am sure the powers that be both don't want there to be seen to be any favourtism shown or even a close friendship forming and then if something happens to the patient (leaves, passes away, etc) then the worker suffers emotionally because they became too close.
I think Dialysis is such a gray area for this sort of thing. Yes, nurses have to stay detatched, but Dialysis is an ongoing treatment situation where you see the same people potentially for years! It's not like someone comes in hospital stays a few days, maybe a few weeks if it's serious... I know I have friendship bonds with half the staff in my unit and I've only been there 2.25 years. Some others much longer. Some staff got together and gave me a birthday card last week which really touched me and another said she had a gift for me (but she keeps forgetting it lol!) and you can just tell by the way they interact with you that they do care and that you are almost like extended family.
Of course the other side to this is when, as usual, the minority screws things up.. I was told the other day that another regular patient (who, oddly enough, is quite friendly towards me) complained because he thought I would walk in and be put straight on, when he would show up way early (much earlier than he was supposed to) and would have to wait. Despite the obvious thing that if you come earlier than you're supposed to the chances of there being an available chair are less..somehow this guy got it in his mind that I was being treated better than him (never mind that I've had to wait my fair share of times... and that's life on dialysis).. so blah. So yesterday I think I suffered for that as I was in very early because I was seeing my neph. I asked them when I should come back and they told me oh that chair will be available at 12:30 - that will be the first one. So I came around 12:20.. and guess what? Patient X had been on for 20 minutes already.....
oh well.. I still love the staff and am not going to sweat stuff like that. I have to do 5 hours I'm not going to worry if I have to wait 10-15 minutes to start....
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I have been in dialysis for almost two years "October makes two" I have seen nurses,techs, etc come and go. there was one who I thought was really pretty and I tried to be friendly to her, heck I am friendly to everyone in the clinic. I would think I have there respect because I alway seem to make a good impression. well back to the lady, "geez she pretty" she is so pretty to me I would look forward to treatment just to see her walk by. I had never really spoken to her and she would randomly stop and speak to me and me only during treatments. I had got the impression that she likes me too. But when I tried to ask her out she would say yeah but it would never happen but I still tried to be friendly to her. After a while she started mentioning about her boyfriend that is an osha inspector. I was like wow I cant compete against that. Long story short one of the other nurses told me that she would never date me because I'm a patient, but he put it more that I'm the bottom of the barrel of guys she could choose from....also because I'm a patient. I am a pretty confident guy and would go against the grain to be successful. I didn't believe it until one day I tried to talk to her and she brushed me off really bad like it was illegal for me to say hello to her. right after that she tried to converse with me. I felt really uncomfortable talking to her. even though I got turned down so many times before the last time made a big impact. Now I got the impression that she is nice to me as part of the job and now I try to space myself away from her. i would still speak to her if she speaks first but after that one time I still feel uncomfortable and I try to move around away from her.
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I think in your situation it absolutely would be uncomfortable/unethical for her to date you even if she didn't have a bf - because it's her job to care for you(and others) she might feel that there might be accusations of unfair treatment of others (or rather, biased towards the person she was dating) and all that kind of thing. Sort of a conflict of interest thing. To me the mentioning of the boyfriend stuff was her message to you to back off (she may or may not actually have a boyfriend) - but doing it in a way that doesn't (in theory) hurt you - as in "I've got a boyfriend so I am not going to date anyone else" rather than "I'm not going to date YOU!"
I'd say her "hot and cold" attitude recently stems from a bit of being uncomfortable about the situation - she knows you like her and she has to remain professional, but she doesn't want to be rude. Perhaps she even does genuinely like you as a patient and enjoys that part of it, so is trying to find a happy medium that works for her but isn't one where she feels uncomfortable or that she's doing anything inappropriate or perhaps something that may lead you on.
I'd say you've found a good balance here - if she talks to you then talk back and be friendly (otherwise it's rude). That seems fair I think.
Now, if she quits your unit and dumps that boyfriend....... well then it's action stations!!! >:D :rofl;
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I'm friendly with a lot of the workers there and there is one tech , whose my age and is pretty cute. We are on each others facebook. I don't see a big deal with this as long as it stays FRIENDLY. He's a nice guy and we seem to get along well.
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i have little problem with this. here are to nurses at my center that I have been out to dinner with. (we are all female, no dating involved) and one of them actually got written up for socializing with a patient. really, whose business is it who I go to dinner with? it's not like i get any special treatment from this person, I'm still the last one o the machine, because that is my time, and the needles hurt just as much. She didn't pay for my dinner and I didn't pay for hers. I think its totally unfair of her supervisor to make a big deal of this. so now, we just don't mention it in center, we meet secretly for our food!
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i have little problem with this. here are to nurses at my center that I have been out to dinner with. (we are all female, no dating involved) and one of them actually got written up for socializing with a patient. really, whose business is it who I go to dinner with? it's not like i get any special treatment from this person, I'm still the last one o the machine, because that is my time, and the needles hurt just as much. She didn't pay for my dinner and I didn't pay for hers. I think its totally unfair of her supervisor to make a big deal of this. so now, we just don't mention it in center, we meet secretly for our food!
I think it's great you get on so well with some of your nurses - and going out would be fun. :2thumbsup;
I think the issue though is that it's as much about perception as reality. Let's say someone ELSE knows you're going out for a meal with nurse X. They might then think you WOULD get special treatment (even though you don't) and could cause headaches. The other issue is I think that there does need to be some kind of ethical line because they are care givers - sort of like teachers and students in a school. It's a really difficult one when we're all adults and specially when everyone gets on well it can be difficult.
I've not gone out with any of my nurses(I mean on a social level, no dating!!!) because while they're happy to share food and drink at the unit (we've done NYE celebration after all the other patients have gone and I had some french bubbly :) ) I think doing something social might be a bit too much.
Having said that the minute I am NOT a patient we've all agreed that I'm taking them out to lunch at my favourite restaurant :) :rofl;
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Not a problem for me at our unit .They are all female , ugly and miserable ! :rofl;
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yeah I understand where Richard comes from. My thing is that I see these people like every other day. I use to be really quiet and they all use to wonder about me cause I would tend to myself and just get treatment and go home. They had admitted to me that they were scared of me cause I was so quiet. It click in my head to start talking to these people because since these people tended to my treatment I wanted to see who were the best people to deal with cause I have seen my share of slackers I need to avoid for anything to do with treatment(I think everyone would agree with that). As I started talking to them I got to know them on a professional basis and plus doing time in treatment is so boring I started conversating with everyone patients and staff. my relationship evolved from a professional to personal to the point where I would hang out with a few of them, feed me lunch during treatment, even got cool with the owner of the clinic. I have gained everyone's respect. Back to the young lady she is not on the floor. She is an office person. One day she came to my section and started talking to me and I was like wow what did I do to get her attention because the main walkway is on the opposite of the floor and I'm in the corner tuck way on the other side and to the back. At first I was like I just be friendly and speak but she would randomly come by more often and talk to me passing up the 30 other patients around me on the floor and not even say hi to any of them. I got the impression she like me too. cause I cant just walk up to her say hi. I'm plug up....LOL!!!!
Long story short now I'm at the point to where I would talk to her if she talks to me first. I just try to be respectful but after her brushing me off I feel pretty uncomfortable talking to her. I have accepted the idea that trying to pursue something with her is not going to happen, but that little conversation with her here and there makes me feel like there sometimes, maybe, my spidey senses tell me I should keep on trying. Maybe I dreaming that unattainable dream. I just recently came with my own personal life's theory "The harder I try to live a normal life, the more I learned that I am disabled". In regards to that just the impact of having esrd and going through dialysis is alot to inhale but to trying to live a normal life from dating, socializing, anything and everything we have to prepare twice as hard or even more to make steps forward in life.
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yeah I understand where Richard comes from. My thing is that I see these people like every other day. I use to be really quiet and they all use to wonder about me cause I would tend to myself and just get treatment and go home. They had admitted to me that they were scared of me cause I was so quiet. It click in my head to start talking to these people because since these people tended to my treatment I wanted to see who were the best people to deal with cause I have seen my share of slackers I need to avoid for anything to do with treatment(I think everyone would agree with that). As I started talking to them I got to know them on a professional basis and plus doing time in treatment is so boring I started conversating with everyone patients and staff. my relationship evolved from a professional to personal to the point where I would hang out with a few of them, feed me lunch during treatment, even got cool with the owner of the clinic. I have gained everyone's respect. Back to the young lady she is not on the floor. She is an office person. One day she came to my section and started talking to me and I was like wow what did I do to get her attention because the main walkway is on the opposite of the floor and I'm in the corner tuck way on the other side and to the back. At first I was like I just be friendly and speak but she would randomly come by more often and talk to me passing up the 30 other patients around me on the floor and not even say hi to any of them. I got the impression she like me too. cause I cant just walk up to her say hi. I'm plug up....LOL!!!!
OK this is cool. First thing - I think it's important to interact with the staff in your unit. As you say we see them many hours per week - I think some of the staff doing 12 hour shifts etc see US in a week more than their own families(sometimes!) and that's pretty scary.. but clearly this is an area where more than most others there's a real sense of community and even at times family - often these "relationships" will go on for years as we all have treatment for so long so clearly you get to know them and care about (some of) them and vice-versa. I am certain a lot of the nurses in my unit like me and actually care what happens to me (outside of their direct influence) - they often come to me and mention how they can't wait for me to get a transplant and all that - and it's definitely said in a way as though they want it for me - not that they want to get rid of me!!! :) It is much easier to get on with the staff when you know them and they know you absolutely.
As for the girl - that's a bit different to how I read your last post... yes, it seems clearly she had(has?) a bit of a special interest in you - and absolutely since she wasn't a nurse then sure there's no issue there that I can see - since she's not related to your direct treatment I wouldn't see any kind of issue with you two going out.......
Long story short now I'm at the point to where I would talk to her if she talks to me first. I just try to be respectful but after her brushing me off I feel pretty uncomfortable talking to her. I have accepted the idea that trying to pursue something with her is not going to happen, but that little conversation with her here and there makes me feel like there sometimes, maybe, my spidey senses tell me I should keep on trying. Maybe I dreaming that unattainable dream. I just recently came with my own personal life's theory "The harder I try to live a normal life, the more I learned that I am disabled". In regards to that just the impact of having esrd and going through dialysis is alot to inhale but to trying to live a normal life from dating, socializing, anything and everything we have to prepare twice as hard or even more to make steps forward in life.
As I wrote earlier I think this is sensible given her going a bit hot and cold on you and mentioning the boyfriend. There could be any number of reasons - the simplest of which is that she started chatting to you and was single, and since got together with someone. There's no real way to know without directly asking her (and even then the answer may or may not be accurate). So, follow your instincts about it. I think what you're doing now sounds fine to me. I hope it works out OK for you one way or the other. It's no fun thinking you have a shot then getting hurt.
Hang in there!