I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: Spouses and Caregivers => Topic started by: Hephs-little-lady on August 18, 2006, 06:53:09 AM
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OK, I'm finding Heph being in hospital really tough and even though he's only been gone since the middle of the night I really miss him. The problem is, I don't want to visit him at the hospital. Is this normal/OK, has anyone else experienced this? All the other times he's been in, I would sit there 24/7 if they would let me but this time the thought of going makes me cry. :'(
I've spoken to him on the phone and he say's this is OK, but is it?
Do you think it is just a selfish reaction?
:-\
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I really don't know what to say except that I can understand how someone could get to the point where they just can't handle one more thing right now. It's wonderful that Heph has the wisdom and strength to not push you to do what you can't do right now. Thank goodness you can talk on the phone. Maybe if you mentally "take the day off", by tomorrow you'll be ready to do battle again. My thoughts are with you and I hope he's home again soon.
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I think when someone is in and out of the hospital all the time (don't know how frequently Heph goes, but Joe probably goes once every few months for SOMEthing) it gets tiring. It gets depressing. Plus seeing someone you love in that situation is hard, no matter how frequently they are there. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just make yourself go to support and comfort your husband, and do something to treat and comfort yourself when you leave.
We need a 'hug' smiley. I feel like you need one. :)
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Thanks Sara,
I did pop in last night just for an hour, I'm glad I did too, Heph really needed some TLC.
I think when someone is in and out of the hospital all the time (don't know how frequently Heph goes, but Joe probably goes once every few months for SOMEthing) it gets tiring. It gets depressing. Plus seeing someone you love in that situation is hard, no matter how frequently they are there. Don't be too hard on yourself.
All too true!
Last year, Heph was in at least eight times between June and January, (they are the times I can remember) most times for a couple of weeks at a time. I think the problem was that he hadn't needed to go in since we changed to PD in march, and I was freakin out that this was going to be the start of PD going wrong and practically living in hospital for another year. Not going to happen though. ;)
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I have never been able to relate to the other side of the coin so I won't pretend to but when I was in the hospital last summer a friend of mine said he would NEVER visit me there because it is associated in his mind as I am gonna die and I thought, "What? I am not that sick! I will be fine! Just come and visit me! Don't you know how boring it gets? I can't just go visit YOU!". Not a nice thought but to him it was a very serious issue so he never came. This was my friend Chris. I don't know how hospitals seem to you. Just keep positive thoughts and surround yourself with something positive for your own peace of mind. If you are always caring for someone else sometimes you forget to care for yourself.
(http://www.abxzone.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
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I ran out a few times on my husband when he was in the hospital and rehab. When the water gets to deep, you have to get out and breathe. It was okay with him. I would go see him for an hour or so then go home and deal with the issues I was feeling or just go home and sleep. I am sure Heph understands. He probably wants you to do what is best for you. I DO understand what you re going through. Take care of you, then you can take care of him.
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Hi H.L.L. I like Blacks advice of taking some time off mentally. Stay home, unpack and do things around the house, that way, when Heph comes home, you can be ready to give him all the TLC he needs (too cute):) At least you are able to talk to him on the phone and he is ok with you not going to visit him and i am sure he knows there is lots for you to do so sit down for a sec, get a drink and relax, gather your thoughts and then do what'cha gots'ta do ;) Good Luck, thinking of both of you.....
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Hey there,
Thanks for all the great advice, I've been a visiting today, but just stayed a little while and then came home. It feels better than thinking I have to stay for the whole of visiting hours which can be very daunting and depressing. This morning I attacked the unpacking and house work like a tornado so that when I came home I wouldn't feel as though I needed to do anything. And it worked! ;D
I think the break is doing me good too, a chance to really get a handle on life especially as so many things have been changing very quickly recently and we never know what is coming around the corner to meet us next! :o
So this evening, it's a long, hot soak in the tub followed by a bottle of wine and maybe a nice chick flick!
P.S - Angieskidney, I love that hug smilie.
;)
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Winecooler and a chick flick. Right on! Have one for me! I am over the fluid allotment today already!
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(http://www.abxzone.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
Never seen that one -- way too cute -- I LOVE it!!
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OK, I'm finding Heph being in hospital really tough and even though he's only been gone since the middle of the night I really miss him. The problem is, I don't want to visit him at the hospital. Is this normal/OK, has anyone else experienced this? All the other times he's been in, I would sit there 24/7 if they would let me but this time the thought of going makes me cry. :'(
I've spoken to him on the phone and he say's this is OK, but is it?
Do you think it is just a selfish reaction?
:-\
Not at all. My husband never visits me when Iīm in the hospital. He wonīt even take me - I drive myself or take a cab. Iīve been in the hospital 10 times in two years. He says he doesnīt like hospitals. Itīs okay, I guess. Everyone has the right to his own opinion and feelings.
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(http://www.abxzone.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
Never seen that one -- way too cute -- I LOVE it!!
I agree! How can we put the smiley hug on this site? We all need hugs from time to time. Epoman -please help :-*.
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I am totally opposite, i cant stand to be away from my hubby. One night he even squeezed in the bed with me and spent the night, although it was uncomfortable, the thought of him with me was comforting (i am spoiled like that) :)
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(http://www.abxzone.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
Never seen that one -- way too cute -- I LOVE it!!
I agree! How can we put the smiley hug on this site? We all need hugs from time to time. Epoman -please help :-*.
He should be able to as I don't think it is an exclusive of the forums I got it from ;)
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I am totally opposite, i cant stand to be away from my hubby. One night he even squeezed in the bed with me and spent the night, although it was uncomfortable, the thought of him with me was comforting (i am spoiled like that) :)
Heph and I tried this last year when he was first diagnosed but they told me, first of all, get off the bed, there is a risk of cross infection?????????????? We were like duh, we're married! ;) Then I was told visiting time is over, go home!!!!!
They are more like prison guards than nurses!!! >:D
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OK, I'm finding Heph being in hospital really tough and even though he's only been gone since the middle of the night I really miss him. The problem is, I don't want to visit him at the hospital. Is this normal/OK, has anyone else experienced this? All the other times he's been in, I would sit there 24/7 if they would let me but this time the thought of going makes me cry. :'(
I've spoken to him on the phone and he say's this is OK, but is it?
Do you think it is just a selfish reaction?
:-\
I am in the same boat as you. In the beginning I would camp out at the hospital with him. But now I just can't do it. It's exhausting. Both physically and mentally. I try to spend at least a couple of hours a day, but with a full time job, 3 middle schoolers and a house to take care of, those couple of hours are really cutting me short of sleep. :-\
Hubby completely understands that I can't be there all the time, but I know that if I were in his shoes I would be upset if he wasn't up there with me. I guess I'm just selfish that way. The times that I am able to go up without the kids I have crawled up in his bed and watched TV with him. So, that helps. But it's still hard being away from him for so long.
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:bump;
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Since I'm in the hospital alot I can say how I feel about this.... I personally like visitors, and I find it rude and offending if my family don't come to visit at least once.
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*knocks on wood* i havent been in the hospital in awhile but when i was in the hospital, there were days when i wanted visitors and days i didnt (especially after dialyzing), if it was family, i wouldn't mind cuz i could fall asleep and i know they wouldnt care, but if it were friends, i would have to force myself to stay awake and pretend to be happy. ::)
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I liked having visitors, but I miss a lot of them who come to see me because I am off at dialysis or at a test.
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If you were closer I would visit you. :P
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Thank you. My daughter is in Milwaukee at MSOE. You could go say hi for me. She is crazy like me.
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Thank you. My daughter is in Milwaukee at MSOE. You could go say hi for me. She is crazy like me.
How long will she be attending MSOE?
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She is a sophmore now halfway through the second year. Two to three more years depending on course work.
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I never can understand when my friends don't come visit me. If they were in the hospital and when some of them are, i am always there with them during some of the visiting hours Nothing passes time better than having a friend come and have a chat or play a board game or watch a movie with me. When i first was diagnosed with Goodpastures, i was in the hospital for almost two months. There was a chance that i was not going to make it. Some of my firends were great and visited when they could, took me outside for fresh air, brought me books, movies..etc. I t made the stay bearable. Other friends said they would rather remember me well. What a crock of POOP. I can;t imagine knowing a friend of mine might die and not going to visit them. Even my own sister came once in two months. She worked right next to the hospital. I find it very frustrating. Aren't friends supposed to be there for the good times and the bad? ??? ??? ???
ILOVEFLUID
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I have spent a lot of time is hospitals between my husband and Jenna. It was harder to spend time with hubby when he had his surgeries because I had 4 little kids at home. And he wanted me to stay for hours and hours. Sometimes I would get a babysitter and stay for long periods with him, getting ice, smoothing things over with the nurses (he is one of those difficult patients) or just sitting in the dark while he rested. It was very hard for me but I did as much as I could. I think he felt it wasn't enough and he was upset that I wasn't there all the time, but you have to do your best. With Jenna's hospitalizations I have stayed everytime, slept in her room and only left when I had someone to give me a break. It opened my eyes as to why my husband needed me there in the past. It's overwhelming, you feel tired and confused sometimes (and mistakes are made), you can't or won't ring the nurses for every little thing, it's boring and lonely and sometimes scary. If you're in pain or the IV messes up or they try to take you away for a xray that doesn't make sense, you need an advocate with you, pushing to get things done. I don't know why someone wouldn't give you some of their time, especially when you are in the hospital for 2 months! You really get to see who your friends are! I know it's harder for some people than others, and I don't think most people realize how tough it is for the patient. I didn't.