I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Introduction => Introduce Yourself => Topic started by: KATIEJAYNE2003 on September 22, 2008, 01:35:37 AM
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Hi to all fellow dialysis haters out there, im 25 years old, and have been on dialysis for a year (for the second time) some might say it was my fault, i abused my transplant in my teens, and always knew it wouldnt last forever. still 13 years isnt so bad. i think the reason why i hate it so much is because i could have stopped it, i know that i dont need to be in this position right now, and i know if i had listened to my doctors, then i wouldnt be. it affects my life and the lives of those closest to me like you woulnt belive.i feel like a burden as i have to rely on other people for me to stay well, and i take my depression and anger out on those who care most, mainly because i can. anyhow, does anybody else feel this way?? :grouphug;
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Welcome to our community! We are glad that you found us. Please don't beat yourself too much. How many of us are innocent where taking care of ourselves properly is concerned? If I had been careful with my diabetes and hypertension, I would not have had kidney failure. All I know, is that thought I hate dialysis, I am grateful that it is there to help me continue my life. You will find that this site (now officially a family :grouphug; ) is a tremendous place for information, support, venting, and lots of fun.
Our founder Epoman would have been very proud of you, cannulating yourself. I admire all those who can do that. I couldn't. Please keep posting; I can see you will be a very interesting addition to our family. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Bajanne, Moderator
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Welcome KatieJayne. Glad you found us and do hope that you'll not dwell in the past too negatively for too long. We all make mistakes which is fine as long as we learn from them and it sounds as if you are pretty clear on that. Post often with questions or tips or anything you want to say.
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Welcome to the group. I gotta admit I may be the only person here who doesn't hate her dialysis, but then again I do PD, which leaves me a lot more free than hemo. Try not to beat yourself up about what happened in the past. Just move forward with your life. Come back and post often.
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I think most of us have to deal with depression and anger and Post-traumatic stress. Ask to see a counselor, you need help with it. Welcome, and keep posting.
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I am sure there is a component of "self" in every case of ESRD. THat is, everyone of us could look back and figure, "if only I had or hadn't done such and such" maybe things would have been different. In my case, perhaps if I hadn't been exposed to chemicals and bacteria in Viet Nam, maybe...
But when it all comes down to it, we are where we are by some set of circumstances and we have to deal with the "here and now". Don't beat yourself up, you need the energy for other things.
You are not alone. Welcome to the group.
-Devon
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:welcomesign; KatieJayne. We are a great group. full of information and support. Glad you found us. :grouphug;
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Welcome KatieJayne, good to have you aboard.
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Katiejane, welcome to IHD. You will be a great testimony to those just getting a transplant. Your experience will help others. I hope you get a second chance. Thank you for joining.
:welcomesign;
Next time you feel angry come here to vent. It will make your family life a lot easier! AND we understand!
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:waving; Katiejayne, I am a caregiver here for my mom who is 76 and still predialysis. I am so sorry you've had to deal with kidney disease at such a young age. My mom sometimes cries to me and worries that she is a burden to us kids. I tell her she is definitely NOT a burden and we are glad we are there for her! Give lots of hugs - it will make you all feel better!
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Hi KatieJayne, We are so glad you joined us. One of the great things about this site, is that we learn from each other. You experience with your transplant may be the very thing someone needs to hear so they know how important it is to take care of yourself. I am really sorry things have not gone well, and you are back on dialysis. You were very young dealing with kidney failure and all that goes with a transplant. Teen years are hard enough without adding a life-altering kidney failure diagnosis. You were young and maybe messed up. That is what teens do. Now, you move forward and learn from your experiences. There are many days when it is hard not to feel like a burdon, but I am sure those who love you don't feel that way. This is a great place to vent, yell, scream, cry, confess, and then to laugh. This group is very caring and really support each other. We share our fears and our joys. I hope you find this a safe place to be. You are among friends :grouphug;
Paris,moderator
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:welcomesign;
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Welcome to IHD we are glad you signed up
Boxman, Moderator
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:waving;
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Welcome! I feel the same way you do. Im 29 years of age and go through the same actions and emotions as you do. Im sure a lot of us do here. I am new to the site but it has helped me a great deal in the short time I have been here. Im glad you joined. :welcomesign;
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gidday KJ
welcome aboard the IHD train to where ever you'd like to go.
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Hi Guys, thanks so much for your replies, it really does help knowing that im not the only one out there that feels the way i do, I do get really angry a lot of the time, and ive had a very loving relationship break down because of the illness which makes me resent it, and its treatment even more. I had to be persuaded to actually go back on to dialysis in the first place as i thought i would be better off not here that going through the misery of daily dialysis. I did finally agree, but due to various problems with my dialysis (latest being that my fistula isnt working properly) it is a constant uphill struggle. There are many days where I dont feel I can cope, and for the benefit of everyone around me I feel sometimes that they would be better off if i was no longer here. Im quite lucky that i still work, but only because i dont want this thing to take any more control oevr my life than it already has, i feel i have major control issues, which, ive been told is very common in patients with Kidney Failure - Guess we are a weird breed then lol. One thing i would like to know is why me? I know it sounds like a really dumb ass question to be asking but, there is no history of kidney disease anywhere in my family - like even going back hundereds and hundereds of years. I had dysplastic Kidneys? is anyone elses ESRF caused by this, if so what is it and why does it happen, in my fight to gain control over my illness i really think it would help if i knew the whys and whens
Thanks again for listening - you understand better than anybody xxxx
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Welcome Katie!!!
Yes, it is a constant struggle for all of us and it has its ups and downs that's for sure.
Regarding your failed transplant - 13 years is a pretty good effort!!! Perhaps sometime when you feel ready it may be educational for those of us waiting for, or with transplants, to hear how you "abused" your transplant - as a guide as to what not to do? I think if you realise that you didn't follow doctors instructions and this may have lead to your transplant failing before its time there's definitely a lesson there for all of us.
Of course we were also all teenagers (well OK, some still are... or want to be!!) once so can understand what you're talking about there also!! :)
Hopefully you can find some comfort in the support and understanding of people here - and sharing your story, trials and tribulations!
:welcomesign; :cuddle; :grouphug;
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Hi all, ive posted a short story on General Discussion page - headed How I got ESRF for the 2nd time, in this ive explained exactly what happened and how i abused my kindey, any questions feel free to ask
enjoy reading xxx
katie
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:welcomesign; The great thing about this site is that it can make you laugh...many of the posts will bring a smile to your face when you need it the most!
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Hey Kaitiejayne ..i felt the same way you felt about not being here anymore yesterday. I had a very violent and emotional day. Its very hard to cope with it..I feel like you as well..sad,like a burden, angry, ect...Im always here if you want to talk. Take care..
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:welcomesign;
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Hey there kaitiejayne and welcome to IHD,
Never look back hun..we all at one point or another in our lives could dwell on mistakes we have made in our lives, whether or not it is health related, relationships, or our financial status. I have made many myself. I sometimes don't follow my Doctors orders until there is a crisis, kinda dumb but I think many of us to be honest have done the same thing. One of the best decisions you have made was joining this site because most everyone here understands exactly where you are coming from and you will receive support, and make friends along the way. Post all you want and ask questions.
Sluff/Admin