I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Off-Topic => Off-Topic: Talk about anything you want. => Topic started by: kellyt on September 21, 2008, 04:49:57 PM
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My fake plants died because I stopped pretending to water them.
- Mitch Hedberg
You should never see a sign that says "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order". It should say "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience".
- Mitch Hedberg
Do you suppose there has ever been a documented case of "nice Tourettes"? "NICE HAT!!!!"
- Bill Burr
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"Chucky Cheese... you don't need no Chucky Cheese... you wanna see a mouse? Pull out the refrigerator"
George Lopez
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Donnia, why aren't you watching the Cowboys?
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Carlin's entire "stuff" routine.
Maybe that's just on my mind because I'm packing to move!
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"I need more stuff!" Yes, he's good!
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I love anything that George Lopez does.... I cant think of anymore lines cause I am watching the Cowboys right now.... :flower;
Kelly... I'm watching and posting at the same time :2thumbsup;
I never miss a Cowboys game! :flower;
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Mitch Hedberg, from new CD "Do You Believe In Gosh"
I have a bunch of vest, but if I had no arms, I would have a bunch of jackets
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"Rice is good when you want to eat a million of something."
- Mitch Hedberg
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“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.”
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
My friend had a burrito. The next day he said, “That burrito did not agree with me.” I was like, “Was the disagreement over whether or not you’d have diarrhea? Let me guess who won.” “I tried to reason with it, I insisted, you know. I was like, ‘I wanna go outside, I like these pants, but the burrito had his way.’”
“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like ‘Huh? What the hell is this?’, but if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like ‘This is nice!.’”
Dimitri Martin
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oops, I read this post too fast
thought it said famous Canadian quotes
Kimcanada famous quote:
I WIN I WIN I WIN
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HAHAHAH
I found it Twirl!!!!
I WIN!!!! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
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“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that’s when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.”
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
My friend had a burrito. The next day he said, “That burrito did not agree with me.” I was like, “Was the disagreement over whether or not you’d have diarrhea? Let me guess who won.” “I tried to reason with it, I insisted, you know. I was like, ‘I wanna go outside, I like these pants, but the burrito had his way.’”
“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like ‘Huh? What the hell is this?’, but if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like ‘This is nice!.’”
Dimitri Martin
I googled Dimitri Martin and watched a short clip of him performing for Comedy Central. He is really funny! Thanks for sharing!
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Kimcanada
you win the cutest dog holding an onion contest
that is enough
I win
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Carlin's entire "stuff" routine.
Maybe that's just on my mind because I'm packing to move!
Oh one of my favs! Here it is www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac
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"From now on I'm choosing the elevator over the stairs. Recently I was at the mall. I was going up the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half!!!"
- I can't remember who the comedian is...
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i'm so sorry,but i couldn;t help myself, that amputee one.OMG,OMG,OMG, .
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I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my hands.
Stephen Wright
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One of my all-time favorite movie lines is from Hot Shots Part 2.
I will kill you until you are dead!
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women may be able to fake orgasms.but men can fake whole relationships.
jimmy shubert
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"I saw a sheet on the floor and thought it was a ghost who passed out, so I kicked it!"
Mitch Hedberg